


Lost In A Moment

by Kat (Kat1995)



Category: Dark Angel
Genre: Explicit Language, F/M, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Series, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-24
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2017-12-30 08:01:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 132,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1016127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kat1995/pseuds/Kat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three and a half years after the Jam Pony incident, Max and Alec are mated and dealing with a transgenic serial rapist targeting their own kind. When Max is taken, how will they deal with the fallout...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Rating: NC-17 for coarse language, sexual content and extreme violence pertaining to rape and torture.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters that appeared in the TV show Dark Angel. I am ignoring the runes in this story.
> 
> Author's Note: Unless otherwise noted, during all of Max's memory cut scenes, her current thoughts/feelings/actions will appear in normal font. The actual memories will be indented italics. Wherever possible, I've tried to group dialogue and such from the memory together in easily readable segments. However, most of her thoughts and monologues should be read as happening at the same time overtop of the memory segments (which would be happening in the background). 
> 
> Author’s Note: I am neither a doctor nor a nurse, so please excuse any medical inaccuracies contained herein. I've researched as best I can with the time I have available... The picture in Chapter 1 comes from the movie 'The Killer Inside Me'.
> 
> Author's Note: The negative self-image/self-blaming behaviors that Max/452 will be exhibiting are a direct result of the abuse they have suffered. My narrative is not meant as an opinion on their true character, or of rape victims in general, only as a window on how they tend to view themselves after such a life-altering experience.
> 
> With Special Thanks to Vilnolin for her gorgeous cover art!

## 

## Chapter 1

### Present – 2025Jan11 – Saturday - Approximately 00:15 am

OC wandered restlessly about her apartment, picking up items at random and fiddling with them distractedly before setting them back down again in almost the same spot and moving on.  Her gaze drawn time and time again to the clock ticking noisily on the wall and her just as distressingly silent phone.  Lines of worry creasing her brow, she paused in the doorway to Max’s old bedroom, her eyes rapidly glazing over with tears as she glanced around the hauntingly vacant interior.

 

Hearing a light tap at the door, she ran to answer it, dread and hope soaring to life inside her.  Only to be replaced with disappointment as she found Alec standing alone on the other side, her Boo nowhere to be seen.  “Still nothin’?”

 

When he shook his head weakly, obviously straining to maintain his composure as his own bloodshot and suspiciously watery eyes suddenly glanced off of hers to peer up at the ceiling; Cindy sighed heavily and pulled him inside and into her arms.  Hugging him close and gently rubbing his back, she attempted to provide some semblance of comfort for them both; murmuring soothingly as he gradually returned her embrace, his arms tightening around her waist as he finally sank his head into her shoulder and breathed raggedly for several long minutes.  

 

Coming back to herself as she noticed one of her neighbors gawking in at them as he staggered drunkenly toward his apartment, she pushed the door shut on him and guided Alec toward the couch, “Come on over here n’ sit Suga’, ‘fore you fall down.”  She eyed him critically as she took a seat, taking in his rumpled clothing, disheveled hair, and pale unshaven face.  “You ain’t done a damn thing for yo’self since she was taken, have you.”

 

He slowly slumped down in the cushions beside her and shook his head, struggling to remain focused and semi-rational, even though he hadn’t slept in five agonizingly long days.  "Can’t.  Just the thought of trying to eat or sleep right now?  When I know what she’s going through?  Makes me sick.  I...  I just..." 

 

His voice trailing off huskily, he buried his head in his hands, completely distraught as he thought about his missing mate.  "It’s hard to believe any of this is even happening, Cin.  After the shit storm we’ve faced the last three and a half years, what with battling the Familiars and the government, not to mention all the infighting between the different factions in TC, and some of the people we’ve lost – Mole and Sam…  Logan…”  He shook his head sadly as he remembered how hard his death had hit Max.  How long it had taken her to pick herself up and start living again.  To open her eyes and notice him waiting for her.

 

“Everything was finally settled, you know.  I actually thought that we could just relax and finally be happy for a change.  Just live our lives in peace.”  He raised his head and looked over at her, his gaze tortured.  “We haven’t even really been together that long.  Only managed to get our shit together enough to officially mate a couple months ago…  So why the hell did this have to happen?  Haven’t we been through enough already?”

 

Sighing sadly, she murmured, “You’d think so, boo.”

 

“Hell, Josh only left her alone in our apartment for maybe 5 minutes that morning.  Went to go grab them some breakfast from the mess, since she wasn’t feeling up to walking over there."

 

"Wasn’t feelin' up to it?"  She raised an eyebrow at him curiously, obviously puzzled by this new tidbit of information.

 

"She's been exhausted and feeling sick off and on the past few weeks."  Unable to sit still any longer, he got up and started pacing the room, pulling out his cell phone and checking it, before pocketing it once more.  "I wasn’t quite sure what was going on with her - figured it was probably just stress what with this latest crap we've been dealing with - but she must've had some idea.  Cause she got up early that morning and took off into the bathroom while I was still in bed.  Took her forever to come out, but when she did…  God OC, the look on her face…  I’ve never seen her so excited… so happy…  She was damn-near glowing."

 

“Oh Lordy.”  OC whispered, suddenly clueing in.  “She’s pregnant, ain’t she.”  

 

"Yeah, she is.”  He stopped and stared up at the ceiling, lost in thought for a moment, his face screwing up with pain.  “Or… maybe was, is more likely now…  Cause I don’t see how she could possibly still be after...”  He sighed and scrubbed a hand over his eyes to try to banish the fresh moisture plaguing them, before slowly meeting her gaze. 

 

“When she told me though?  I couldn’t stop smiling.  Just wanted to stay home with her and celebrate, you know?  But she knew there were a few things I needed to do at Command, especially since she wasn’t goin’ in, so she told me to go, that she'd call Josh over to stay with her and she'd be fine.  We'd celebrate when I got home, she said."  He choked on the word, swallowing hard around the lump in his throat.  "Some celebration that turned out to be."

 

"How'd this prick even get to her boo?" She asked carefully.  "You guys were being so damn cautious - least that's the impression I got last time Max hit me up.  She was spooked somethin' fierce after havin' to get the 411 from the others on what went down.  So she wouldn'ta been takin' any chances, 'specially bein' pregnant an' all.  So how did he…”  She faltered, not really wanting to finish the sentence as Alec's face twisted horribly.

 

"Consensus is the rooftop ventilation system, since there wasn't any sign of forced entry and nobody saw even a hint of anybody hanging around who wasn't supposed to be there.  This is the first time he's ever grabbed someone from their own home - probably _because_ we were being so cautious and he couldn't get to her any other way - so we both figured she'd be safe enough there.  Bastard left a note pinned to the bathrobe she’d been wearing though, so I'd know he had her.  Josh found it when he got back and came running to get me; and we locked that building down tighter than a drum.  Searched every nook and cranny with a fine toothed comb.  Several times over.  But it was already way too late by that point,” he spit out bitterly.

 

“Only thing we really know for sure right now is that he’s transgenic.  One of us.  But how the hell could he do this, Cin?  And why can't we figure out who he is?  This is the fifth time now in as many weeks that he’s taken one of our women and…”

 

His voice broke and he had to take a moment to clear his throat before continuing hoarsely, “He’s raped and tortured all of them, almost beyond recognition… they’re an absolute wreck by the time he’s through with them and sets them free.  Surely a guy this sick would be easy to spot…"

 

OC stared at him, not quite sure how to answer.  "Not always, Boo.  Unfortunately there're a lot of sickos out there an' most of 'em seem to know 'xactly how to hide it from normal folk.  Just cause you guys are transgenic, don't make you perfect."

 

"I know, it's just...  Shit!"  He wheeled around and raked his hands through his hair as he resumed pacing and then checked his phone again compulsively.  "I feel so damned helpless and it's driving me crazy.  I'm not used to having to sit around and wait.  I wish I could _do_ something.  I need to get her back.  I’d give damn near anything right now, just to be able to hold her."

 

His voice dropping to a pained whisper, he admitted, "The sick bastard’s rubbing my nose in it too.  Been taping the whole thing and sending me clips every night.  Taunting her with it while he’s...”  He broke off, unable to give voice to the horrific reality, several tears finally slipping free from his control and trailing down his cheek.  “And it’s not like I want to watch, but I can't seem to stop myself either.  At least this way I can see that she's still alive, even though it's been killing me seeing her like that, with how much pain she’s in…"

 

"I swear to God I'm gonna tear this prick apart with my bare hands when I finally catch him.  And I will, if it's the last thing I ever do."  His hands clenched repeatedly at his sides as he let out a low growl of despair and frustration.

 

Cindy stood up in front of him as he went to stalk past again and grabbed both his hands, squeezing them tight to catch his attention.  "Easy boo.  You gotta try ‘n hold it together, a’ight?”  She stared up into his eyes, silently offering her unwavering support.  “Ain’t gonna do Max a lick o’ good, if you’re a basket case when she manages to make it back, ‘cause ya know she's gonna need you somethin' fierce to try an’ get through this."

 

He took a few deep breaths to try and calm down, then nodded determinedly.  "Yeah.  You’re right.  And she should've been released a couple hours ago if he's staying true to form.  That’s why I came over here, ‘cause I’m guessing your place is gonna feel a hell of a lot safer to her than TC or our apartment right now.  Given the givens." 

 

He sighed and pulled his hands free; grabbing his cell phone and checking it again to make sure it was set on its loudest ring tone.  "A couple of my old unit mates offered to come with me to stand watch outside.  And everyone in TC is on the lookout too.  As soon as someone spots her, they're supposed to call me so…”  He broke off as his cell phone rang and flipped it open quickly.

 

"Go for Alec."  He bit out.

 

"Max is here.  Took us a minute to identify her, but she's on her way up there.  Retha's right behind her with the med kit."

 

"She's here?"  Snapping the phone shut, he hurried toward the door, opening it and stepping out into the hall, then pacing impatiently as he noticed the elevator was already on its way up.  A muted dinging finally announcing its arrival.

 

As the door slid open, she hobbled slowly into view, her left arm hanging limply at her side, obviously dislocated or broken, while her right was wrapped protectively around her abdomen.  Her hands were buried inside the bloodstained cuffs of the oversized grey hoodie that engulfed her slender frame, and only the tips of her bare toes could be seen peeking out from the bottoms of the frayed navy pajama pants that hung loosely from her hips.  Hood raised and head bowed, the rest of her body remained hidden from view as she completely ignored their relieved cries and limped past them toward the apartment, making straight for the bathroom with Retha following several feet behind sporting a black eye and split lip, and looking extremely worried as she waved them off. 

 

Trailing anxiously after her, they hovered uncertainly in the doorway and watched as she stopped and swayed in front of the sink, slowly reaching up to push the hood back with a trembling hand, fresh blood dripping from her raw fingertips as they emerged from their hiding place, several of the nails missing.  Her bruised and battered face appearing next, completely drained of emotion, her right eye swollen completely shut while her left was barely able to open.  Blood oozing slowly from her broken nose, the large gashes slicing across her left cheekbone and forehead, and along the edges of her cracked and split lips.  Her matted hair hanging lankly about her face. 

 

“Oh Sugar.”  OC murmured, barely able to speak, and pushed her way into the room.  Then hesitated and took a cautious step back when she heard a low eerily menacing growl and Alec quickly warned, “Don’t go any closer or try to touch her yet.  She’s so far gone right now, she'll be operating on raw instinct.  And until she recognizes that she’s truly safe, anybody that gets too close is going to be considered a threat and dealt with accordingly." 

 

Gesturing at her own face, Retha confirmed, "He's right.  She damn near took my head off when I tried to help her on the elevator.” 

 

Lost back in her own world now that everyone had backed off, she slid open the mirrored door on the medicine cabinet and pulled out her emergency stash of tryptophan, struggling one-handed with the lid for a moment, before bracing the bottle between her hip and the sink and prying it off.  Pouring more than half a dozen pills into the cup on the ledge and filling it with a bit of water; she tossed it back and swallowed them, then grabbed her old toothbrush and began brushing her teeth meticulously.

 

After spitting out all the bloodstained toothpaste and rinsing her mouth, she tilted her head to the side and peered at her reflection in the mirror for over a minute, finally dropping her toothbrush back in its holder.  Raising her right hand, she trailed her fingers gingerly along the bridge of her nose until she found the misaligned piece of bone and jerked it back into place, then blotted the resulting increased flow of blood on her sleeve.

 

 

_FLASH_

_…cruel fingers digging through her hair and scraping over her scalp…_

_forcing her face down into the bile and water she’d thrown up and rubbing it in it…_

_using her hair to sop up the excess mess and then shoving it into her mouth as a gag…_

 

 

Flinching visibly and giving a low whimper as she eyed the matted clumps, she closed her left eye for a moment and sucked in a ragged breath of air, then reached back up into the medicine cabinet, pulling out a pair of long, sharp scissors.  Oblivious to the worried gasps and cries from her concerned spectators, she started hacking at her hair, the snip of the blades loud in the now otherwise silent room as she cut it off to just below her ears, letting the snarled strands fall to the floor in disarray. 

 

Seemingly satisfied by the results of her impromptu haircut, she dropped the scissors in the sink and turned toward the shower, awkwardly attempting to get undressed one-handedly.  Unfortunately, her dislocated arm kept getting in the way, and she shuffled closer to the wall with a low huff of displeasure.  Carefully maneuvering the limb up into position, she suddenly jerked forward hard and fast, slamming her shoulder into the wall and popping the joint back into its socket, with barely any complaint. 

 

After rotating it cautiously a few times to make sure it was properly in place, she slowly and painstakingly began shedding the ragtag clothing she’d acquired on her way there, baring a mass of horrific cuts, bruises, bite marks and welts.  Her back and buttocks flayed raw with a few pieces of loose skin hanging in strips, drawing cries of horror from Cindy.  The flesh around her wrists and ankles in similar condition, scraped and abraded beyond the epidermis, obvious victims to whatever restraints had been holding her.  Blood, both fresh and dried, coated practically every inch of her body.

 

Stepping carefully into the shower, she turned on the water and immersed herself in it, her face tilting up directly into the spray, her hand trembling as she kept turning the knob, adjusting the temperature hotter and hotter, until the room filled with steam and the handle refused to go any farther.  The water around her feet forming a pinkish-red puddle as her blood ran freely.  After several minutes and several convulsive shudders, she finally grabbed the shampoo bottle and poured a very generous amount onto the remnants of her hair, scrubbing roughly as she worked up a lather with her one good hand.

 

"Max?"  "Sweetie?"  "Boo?" Alec and OC tried unsuccessfully to get her attention several times, then looked to Retha, unsure as to how to proceed, as Max remained completely unresponsive, seeming almost comatose. 

 

"Why won't she answer us?"  Alec's voice was rough, filled with fear as he watched his mate meticulously washing herself, apparently oblivious to their presence.

 

Retha looked at him and sighed.  "She's shell-shocked for one thing.  Most likely in the beginning throes of PTSD, and no doubt trying to distance herself from what happened.  Trying to revert back into soldier mode.  It's a coping mechanism most of them seem to be using, some more successfully than others."

 

Sighing, she added, "Let me try something.  It worked with Sara last week."  Turning to Max, she cleared her throat and then harshly addressed her, "X5-452.  Status report."

 

Blinking heavily, she slowly turned her head toward them, her face still a blank mask as she continued to harshly scrub her body.  "Unit severely injured, ma'am.  Initial self-assessment indicates a probable concussion, broken nose, dislocated left shoulder, broken left wrist, at least four broken ribs, strained throat ligatures, wrenched left knee and sprained right ankle.  The skin on my back and both my wrists and ankles has sustained extensive deep tissue damage, and I received a wide variety of cuts, abrasions and bruises from the beatings inflicted upon me.  In addition, I have three severe bite wounds with resulting loss of tissue, which appear to be infected.”

 

After hoarsely stumbling through her list, she blinked again, appearing lost for a moment as she paused to take a breath, then continued in an even more subdued manner.  “I was also vaginally and anally assaulted… numerous times.  I took the liberty of ceasing count after 16 as I felt the detailed information had lost all relevance ma'am.  However, I will require stitches to repair some of the tearing and other damage I sustained in those areas." 

 

She shuddered and took another fortifying breath.  "But on a more positive note, my primary mission objective appears to have been completed successfully at this time."

 

Reeling emotionally from her dispassionate description of her injuries, and unsure of what exactly she meant by the last, Alec asked hesitantly, "What objective?"

 

Turning slightly to face him head on, her blank mask dropped as she peered hard at him through the mess that was her left eye, visibly startled as she finally recognized his presence, “494?”  Looking wary, and slightly fearful as her whole body tensed up, she whispered, “I wasn’t sure if you’d be here.  If you’d stay…”  Her voice trailed off as her lower lip trembled.

 

“Of course I’m here.”  He smiled as reassuringly as he could at her, unnerved by her use of his designation.  “You’re my mate.  Where else would I be but by your side?”

 

Worried, she murmured, “Some of the others… their mates left them.  Didn't want them after…” 

 

“It’ll never happen.”  He cut her off and shook his head decisively.  “I’ll never leave you.  Not in a million years.  So don’t even think about it.”

 

Her relief was palpable, the stiff tension written in every line of her battered body easing somewhat as she slowly nodded at him, appearing to accept his words with only a bit of hesitation. 

 

Suddenly remembering his question, she rested her right hand on her abdomen, her voice firming up again as she let her training take over once more.  "You asked about my primary objective?”

 

When he nodded, “It was to ensure the continuation of my pregnancy at any and all costs.  And at this point, I believe the fetus is still currently viable."  An almost proud look crossed her face for a moment, and then vanished just as quickly as she glanced over at Retha.  "But I would like to undergo testing to confirm that status ASAP.”

 

Retha nodded quickly, “I can do that.  I’ve got the necessary supplies with me, since Alec warned me about it.”

 

“Thank you, ma’am.”  452 seemed satisfied with her response for a moment, and then frowned, looking nervous and unsure as she hesitantly directed her next comment toward 494, “Unfortunately, I’m unsure as to the success of my secondary objective."

 

"That being?"

 

"To protect the civilian from being raped."

 

Overwhelmed by the possibility of an ordinary being involved now too, Alec swore under his breath, "Shit.  Who is she and what’s her current status?  I’ll need to get somebody to try and find her.  Ensure she's taken care of and try to provide some damage control."

 

“It’s Max.  And I’m not sure if that will be possible.”  Oblivious to the shocked looks now being directed her way, 452 looked confused, her right hand coming up to rub shakily at the dark bruises marring her forehead for almost a full minute.  Finally she stated reluctantly, "I'm unable to determine her exact location and status at this time.  She appears to be M.I.A.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers and authors notes.

## Chapter 2

### Day 1 – 2025Jan06 – Monday - Approximately 12:30 pm...

 

Max awoke with a start, feeling slightly disoriented and panic-stricken for some strange reason.  Carefully controlling her breathing and listening to her surroundings, she tried to determine if she was in any immediate danger.  Unable to detect any presence close by other than her own though, she opened her eyes warily and then stared up at the gorgeous sunny blue sky above her. 

 

"What the..."  A puzzled frown creased her brow as she watched tiny wisps of cloud drift by far overhead, the image making no sense whatsoever when last she remembered, she'd been at home in her apartment with Joshua.  "Where the hell am I?” she whispered.

 

Sitting up slowly, she glanced around her in confusion, feeling the crisp ocean breeze tugging playfully at her hair.  The fine grains of warm sand beneath her shifting and sliding in between her toes and fingers as she lifted a handful of it up and let it sift back down to the beach.  Rising to her feet and pulling her robe tighter around her, she turned around in a full circle, searching systematically for any sign of life.  “Is anybody there?  Joshua?  Alec?” she called out a bit louder, her voice carrying out across the low-slung dunes, broken only by the cries of the seagulls diving and wheeling overhead.

 

She began walking down toward the shore, still looking around curiously as the place seemed somewhat familiar, and watching as the sunshine sparkled and danced along the waves for as far out as she could see, drawing a small contented smile to her lips.  The gentle rushing sounds of the water all around her soothing her and helping to relieve some of her uneasiness.  Giving a slight shriek as the bracingly cold water of the surf rushed up to tickle her toes, she spun around in a circle once more, then sucked in a breath as a distant memory finally twigged her to her location.

 

“I went swimming here as a kid, six months or so after the escape, when I was making my way to LA,” she murmured to herself.  “First time I ever saw the ocean up close.”  Looking around again at her very peaceful surroundings, she shook her head wonderingly then muttered, “But what the hell am I doing here now?  And how did I even get here?”  A bit too unsettled to stay put, she started walking back up the way she'd came, knowing now that the highway was only a short distance away and hopefully she'd find her Ninja along with it. 

 

As she drew closer to the road, a strange fog-like mist crept in around the edges of her vision and obscured the pavement from view, throwing her slightly off-kilter as it blew in out of nowhere.  Frowning, she slowed down and strained to see further ahead, as she thought she could see something moving.  A tall and vaguely man-shaped shadow appearing briefly before dissipating back into the mist.

 

“Hello?  Is someone there?” she called out, more insistently this time and even louder than before.  Shivering and tensing up as the sky darkened rapidly and the wind grew cold around her, she wrapped her arms around herself; the thin silk chemise and matching mid-thigh robe she was wearing providing little in the way of protection from the elements.  The cries of the seagulls becoming louder and more piercing, sounding more and more like screams as the mist suddenly swirled up around her and swallowed her whole.

 

Unnerved, she crouched defensively.  Low, menacing laughter rang out from far off in the distance, seeming to come from nowhere and everywhere all at once, filling her with dread as she spun around in circles, trying to take everything in.  Unable to pinpoint exactly where the sound was coming from, only knowing instinctively that she wanted to be nowhere near it, she began to run, almost hyperventilating as sheer terror started to take hold. 

 

And just as quickly as it had come, the mist evaporated, revealing a stark white hallway with tons of shadowy archways seeming to go on into infinity.  “What the hell!” she gasped.  Slowing to a stop, and more than a bit freaked out now, she turned around and stared at the similar row of arches stretching far out behind her, little wisps of the weird mist swirling gently around each opening. 

 

“What _is_ this place and why am I here?”  Carefully stretching a hand out to touch the nearest wall, she was slightly reassured when it stayed solid beneath her fingers.  “Alright.  Don’t panic.  You can figure this out if you just calm down.  So just breathe Max.”  Striving to take her own advice, she leaned against the wall and bent to put her head down between her knees, taking slow easy breaths until she got herself under control.

 

Standing back up again and straightening her shoulders with determination, she took a few steps down the hall and eased closer to the nearest archway to try to see through it.  When that got her nowhere, she tentatively put her hand out to probe the white mist.  Biting back a scream as she felt herself being tugged forward by some unseen force, she forced herself to push through it until she emerged on the other side… 

 

 

### Present – 2025Jan11 – Saturday - Approximately 01:00 am

 

A full minute or two of stunned silence passed, then “Max is M.I.A?  How is that even possible?” Alec muttered hoarsely to the room at large, completely at a loss, his eyes wide and bewildered.  His thoughts almost manic as they flew to his not-quite-sane dead twin and the all-too-disturbing possibility that his mate may have suffered some sort of similar mental break.

 

"I'm not sure, but we can try and figure that out later."  Retha answered just as quietly.  With a nod of her head, she directed their attention back to 452, who had zoned out again by this point and resumed scrubbing at her already clean and overly-abused body.  "Right now, she needs our immediate care, regardless of who she thinks she is." 

 

Speaking louder, she addressed her patient once more.  "452, it's time to get out of there now so I can start treating your wounds." 

 

"No!" 452 blurted out in instinctive protest and then, upon realizing what she'd done, cringed back against the side wall of the tub, looking absolutely terror-stricken at her small display of defiance. 

 

 

**_FLASH – 2025Jan06 – Monday - Approximately 12:30 pm (rape and torture scene)_ **

> _"No!"  She screamed, struggling desperately despite the heavy manacles and chains weighing down her limbs; kicking out backwards at her assailant with all her might and barely missing his jutting erection as he shoved her head first over one of his torture racks.  Seizing a fistful of hair, he slammed her face down viciously on the cold steel, breaking her nose and making her see stars, then grabbed at her arms and legs while she was still halfway dazed, shackling her down into a bent over spread-eagle pose as her face and breasts slipped into the crudely formed holes awaiting them._
> 
> _"You're gonna pay for that, you stupid little cunt," his mechanically-altered voice promised as he walked over to the far wall and scrutinized his wide selection of goodies while she looked on in stunned horror.  After picking out a tube of lube, he let his fingers stroke lovingly over several wicked looking items, finally settling on a cat o' nine tails.  "Now this little baby oughta help teach you your proper place."  Stalking back toward her with a lurid grin, he trailed the triple knotted cords over her flesh, letting the anticipation and fear build until he could smell it radiating from her in waves._
> 
> _Laughing, low and menacingly when she swore at him and tugged even more frantically at her bonds, he smacked the thick handle across her ass in warning and forced his way in between her thighs, spreading her ass cheeks and opening her up fully to him.  "Not quite so high and mighty now, are we Queen Bitch?  Stark naked and ass up in the air, just begging for a damn good pounding from a real man.  Not like that useless pussy of a mate you got, letting you rule the roost like some fucking princess."_
> 
> _As he spoke, he shoved the tube up against her tightly puckered anus, forcing her open with his fingers and squeezing some lube in to help ease his passage and enhance his own pleasure.  He deliberately took his time closing the lid and putting it away in a pocket of his leather chaps, having way too much fun watching her squirm and curse at him like a sailor; striking her ass in punishment for each and every obscenity, his cock twitching and growing harder with every blow._
> 
> _When he couldn't stand the anticipation any more, he lined himself up and thrust in brutally, burying himself to the hilt in one swift stroke despite the strong resistance he encountered.  Cracking the cat down across her back almost simultaneously, he grunted with satisfaction as it made her involuntarily clench around him._
> 
> _Pain speared through her so suddenly and so viciously, it stole her breath, burning along every single nerve ending; white spots filling her vision as she almost passed out.  And then she wished she had.  A long piercing scream ripping from her throat in impotent rage and anguish as he pulled all the way back out, waited a moment, and then did it all over again.  And again.  Her hands clenching so tightly into fists that her nails bit deep into her palms with each and every blow, blood dripping and splattering down to the floor as she wrenched her arms and legs futilely against the restraints..._

 

 

Giving a guttural moan of agony as she resurfaced, she jerked back even further and whispered pitifully in a naked appeal for mercy, "P-p-please not yet?  Can't stand it...  Feel so dirty..."  A tear slipped down her cheek only to be followed swiftly by another and another as she broke down completely, the horrifying flashback much too vivid to handle now when she was supposed to be safe.  Sliding down along the tiles, she collapsed in a heap under the spray, curling in on herself defensively and covering her head as she started to sob, rocking back and forth like a small child.

 

Alec's heart broke as a fresh wave of tears fell down his own cheeks.  Wanting nothing more than to just crawl in there and comfort her, to curl up with her and bawl himself for that matter, he forced himself to stay put.  Too afraid of how negatively she might react to him in this extremely fragile state, especially since she apparently wasn't even Max at the moment.  He couldn't even be sure she considered him her mate. 

 

His voice husky and filled with sorrow, he managed to murmur, "You take as much time in there as you need sweetie." 

 

Seeing his dilemma and feeling it too, but figuring that of the three she had the best chance of being positively received, Cindy gingerly stepped forward, slowly easing closer in as non-threatening a manner as she could.  "Boo?  It's Original Cindy.  I'm gonna come over there now.  A’ight?"  Trying to keep her voice as soothing as possible, despite the tears clogging her own throat, she continued to speak quietly to her as she approached, similar to how one would treat a wounded animal, which felt way too close to reality for her own peace of mind. 

 

Not receiving any kind of response, she stepped cautiously into the tub behind her best friend, hovering over her as she tried to decide where it might actually be safe to touch her, without causing any more pain or possibly upsetting her even further.  Reaching down, she ran her hand carefully over her rough shorn locks of hair, combing her fingers gently through them and stroking her head lightly.  "Shhh boo.  You're safe now, 'kay?  It's gonna be a'ight.  We're here for you suga' an' anything you need, we gonna make sure you get it."

 

Slowly easing down on to her knees when she wasn't shoved away or warned off, OC kept crooning softly to her, the tight knot in her chest easing somewhat as her friend gradually turned and leaned into her, burying her face in her shoulder and shaking uncontrollably as she continued to cry.  "That's it boo.  Just let Original Cindy take care of you.  We're gonna get you through this.  It's gonna be okay, you hear?" 

 

“No!”  With a low gasp of pain, 452 suddenly reared back from her as if struck and placed her hands low over her stomach, hunching over and wailing, "Not now.  I'm not losing you, not after everything I had to go through."  Face blanking over as she attempted to ward off this latest blow, she withdrew mentally; turning off every single thought and emotion in an attempt to relax her body enough to stop the cramps rippling through her abdomen.  Her entire being focused on the baby she was carrying. 

 

So focused in fact, that she didn't even notice or care when OC and Retha hauled her up out of the tub and wrapped her carefully in a towel.  And when she remained hunched over and swayed unsteadily, unwilling to take even a single step, she was also oblivious to a white-faced Alec swooping in to carry her to her old bedroom, holding her gently and taking the opportunity to nuzzle his nose through her hair, taking in her scent and giving her his own while she was out of it enough to allow it.    

 

When the cramps finally started to subside, offering her some degree of respite and hope, she returned to awareness only to find herself settling on her right side on a bed.  Panicking when she felt strong male arms wrapped around her from behind, she started to struggle, a low whimper of distress escaping her lips involuntarily.

 

Alec instantly let go and rushed to pull back as the rank stench of fear swarmed his nostrils, murmuring swiftly and soothingly, "Shhh, sweetheart.  It's just me.  Just Alec - 494.  Retha wanted to get you out of that tub and lying down as quickly as possible, so we couldn't wait for you to do it yourself.  I carried you in here, that's all.  So just relax baby.  You're alright.  It was just me," he repeated shakily and shoved a hand roughly back through his hair when she continued to try and drag herself away from him, his eyes haunted.

 

"Take a look 'round sugar.  You're in your old room now and you're safe."  OC joined in from her position on the bed in front of her, carefully taking hold of her right hand to avoid the raw flesh, and stroking the back of it in an attempt to reassure her.  "Easy boo.  Ain't nobody here gonna hurt you.  Only people that love you." 

 

Struggling to open her eyes to see for herself, 452 peered frantically around her and fought to catch her breath, eventually nodding after verifying the information and realizing how badly she'd overreacted. "Sorry," she whispered quietly, ducking her head down in shame.

 

Alec sighed sadly at the submissiveness she was showing, so unlike her normal fire.  "You don't have anything to be sorry for sweetie.  After what you've been through, it's only natural for you to react this way.  I'm just sorry I scared you.  That's the last thing I ever wanna do."

 

Retha hurried into the bedroom carrying her large bag of medical supplies, having heard the commotion from the other room.  Setting it down by the foot of the bed and continuing to rifle through it, she started taking out some of the things she would need and handed one item off to Alec.  "Could you do me a favor and fill this up with some ice?  If we can take down some of the facial swelling so she can see better, it might help put her more at ease." 

 

Looking over at Cindy, she added, "And could you maybe grab a blanket and sheet or two for her?  Something you don't mind getting stained."

 

Only too glad to be able to do something useful at this point, they both rushed off to do her bidding, OC only having to go as far as the closet where some of Max's spare bedding and clothing had been stored for rainy day use.

 

Pulling out a portable ultrasound machine, Retha started setting it up and advised, "I figured we'd do a scan on you first to check on the baby, before I start patching you up.  That way you can maybe relax a bit more, hmm?"

 

When 452 nodded in agreement obviously needing the reassurance, Retha asked her, "Do you think you might be able to manage to lie on your back for a few minutes while I scan you?  It'll make it easier to capture a clear image..."

 

"Hold up, boo.  Let Original Cindy put down somethin' softer for you to lie on if you're gonna do that.  Don't know how clean that old mattress is neither."  Moving quickly, she spread out a fitted flannel sheet behind her, leaving the rest of the fabric bunched up in the center along the edge of her body.  Then she draped the matching flat over her lower half and removed the towel from her chest to put a warm blanket on in its stead. 

 

Closing her eyes in shock when she inadvertently got a close up glimpse of two raw gaping bite wounds - one just above a nasty burn on her right nipple and the other on the side of her neck where she'd once proudly displayed Alec's mark to her - OC barely held back a sob and turned away to wipe the tears from her cheeks, struggling to pull herself together for her friend's sake.  Fierce anger at the fiend that had defiled her making her shake and curse under her breath.

 

Taking in a deep breath in preparation for the painful move as she felt Retha slip a large sterile non-stick pad along her back, 452 braced her ribs and started to ease over once the sheet was behind her, barely holding in a hiss of agony; shutting her eyes and biting her lips to hold in any further cries or tears.  Not quite sure which hurt worse at the moment, her broken ribs and wrist, or her raw back and ass.  Breathing harshly through her nose, she mentally counted to nearly 60 before she finally felt herself settle fully on her back. 

 

Under control once more, Cindy forced herself to walk back around to the far side and finish making the bed, carefully pulling the excess fabric out from under her boo.  Her eyes lingering heavily on her pale swollen face and the deep wounds that would no doubt leave scars.  Both emotional and physical.

 

Gradually opening her left eye as the pain eased off to a slightly more bearable level with her lack of movement, 452 discovered her mate hovering anxiously nearby with an ice pack in hand, his eyes watching her carefully for even a hint of distress.  A sharp intake of breath her only perceptible response as their gazes locked on each other, wariness and uncertainty consuming them both.  His nostrils flaring as he scented the air for additional cues. 

 

Sensing the rising tension, Cindy and Retha glanced at each other and held their breath, collectively easing back to give them a moment of semi-privacy.  Hoping against hope that the pair could manage to reconnect on some level.

 

Desperately needing a distraction from the pain and apprehension eating away at her, 452 focused in on his conspicuously disheveled appearance, only noticing it now for the first time.  Staring curiously at the thick stubble coating his jaw and the tear stains and dark circles shadowing his bloodshot eyes, she let her gaze wander over him for over a minute, just absorbing his pervasive fear and concern and love for her.  Nodding almost imperceptibly, she finally gave him permission to approach. 

 

Alec bit his lower lip in consternation and stepped closer, his right hand shaking as he reached out and gingerly placed the pack over her right eye and forehead.  Stroking his fingers ever so lightly over her hair and cupping the left side of her head in his palm, he cautiously crouched down beside the bed, his eyes wide and wild, looking as if he couldn't quite believe she'd allow it. 

 

Slowly turning her face into his hand, she breathed in deeply through her nose, taking in his familiar comforting scent and letting it wash over her; her left eye involuntarily closing in response as she nuzzled closer, rubbing the essence of him into her skin.  The tightly-wound ball of fear in the pit of her stomach unraveling ever so slightly, allowing her to breathe a tiny bit easier as she inhaled deeply once more.  The intrinsic refrain of 'Mate, Love, Protection' given off by his scent imbuing her with a sense of security she hadn't felt in what seemed like forever now.

 

Sighing in welcome relief, she looked back up at him, mustering up a broken smile as her shimmery gaze played over his face again.  "I'm really glad you're here," she finally croaked out, her right hand trembling as she reached up and tentatively covered his, consciously looking for reassurance.  "Stay with me?  Please?" 

 

Startled, Alec's eyes widened even further as he registered the minute improvements in her scent and body language, and then he smiled tenderly at her and nodded.  "Always, baby.  I'll never wanna be anywhere else." Settling down more comfortably on his knees, he turned his hand under hers, allowing her to link their fingers together.

 

Retha cleared her throat quietly and approached them once she felt the moment had passed, sitting down on the bed beside her and resting the handheld unit in her lap.  "Alright then. The ultrasound’s calibrated and set, so let's have a look, shall we?"  Reaching over and carefully adjusting the sheet and blanket to expose 452's amazingly only slightly bruised lower abdomen, she squirted some gel on it and swirled the transducer through it to help spread it around.  Getting down to work, she started searching methodically.

 

Tensions rising again as a few minutes passed with no sign of life, Retha pressed deeper and tried again until the faint whooshing sound of an extremely rapid heartbeat suddenly filled the taut silence, causing everyone to sigh with relief and crowd in closer for a view of the small screen.  OC coming back over to sit on the opposite side of the bed. 

 

Retha muttered almost to herself, "There you are, you sneaky little sucker.  Now is really _not_ the time to be playing escape and evade, you know.  Everyone's worried enough here as is."  Raising her voice a bit more, she looked at 452 and confirmed, "You are most definitely still pregnant."

 

Carefully checking the statistics displaying on screen, and watching the baby's movements, she finally announced with a slight frown, "The heart rate's a little fast for my liking, even for us.  Most likely because this little one is reacting to your pain and stress levels.  You can see from the jerky, occasionally frantic movements it's making, the baby’s in a bit of distress.  But as long as you can manage to calm down and stay relaxed, everything should hopefully be fine.  You're going to need to take it as easy as you possibly can for a while though, as hard as we all know that’s going to be."

 

Retha turned the monitor to give them both a better view, then asked, "Have you noticed any other cramping before this, 452?"

 

Grimacing as she thought about it, she finally shook her head uncertainly and murmured, "I can't really be sure.  There was so much pain, that after a while I couldn't even tell _where_ it was coming from anymore.  It was so overwhelming and all-consuming, I just shut down.  Tried to block it all out." 

 

Sniffling a bit and distracted by the image on the monitor, she tilted her head to get a better view, just watching the baby move.  A heartfelt, “Thank God you’re okay,” slipping quietly and almost unconsciously past her lips.

 

Nodding understandingly, Retha braced herself and then mentioned as kindly as she could, “I know this is the absolutelast thing you’re going to want right now, but I need to do a pelvic exam on you.”  When 452’s face shuttered over immediately, she explained, “I’m really sorry, but it’s better to do it now since you’re already in a good position for it.  I don’t want you to have to move any more than you absolutely have to, what with the shape you’re in currently.”

 

Her voice coaxing now, she continued, “I promise I’ll be as gentle and quick as I possibly can, but I have to check your cervix for any signs of tearing or bleeding that could signify danger for the baby, and try to repair any internal damage while I’m at it.”  Not wanting to proceed without her consent, she asked, “Is that alright with you 452?” 

 

Gulping loudly, her fingers squeezing convulsively into Alec’s loose grip, she closed her eyes and nodded tightly, her chest constricting with fresh anxiety.

 

Frowning as she saw how much she was tensing up again, seeming almost on the verge of hyperventilating, Retha turned off the ultrasound and set it aside, then pulled her bag closer and looked through it, coming back up with a syringe and a bottle of liquid.  “Would you like me to give you a mild sedative first?  Something to help you relax and ease some of the pain?” 

 

Seeing her face cloud over in protest and accurately guessing why, Retha continued, “I specifically researched it and picked some up for you just in case it might be necessary, and I promise, it _won't_ hurt the baby.  In fact, it should do him or her a world of good; help ease some of the distress it’s feeling too.”

 

452 bit at her lower lip as she thought about it, still a bit concerned; then looked over at her mate anxiously for his opinion.

 

“I think you should just go ahead and do it sweetie.”  Alec smiled encouragingly.  “You need this.  You _both_ do.  All this stress certainly isn’t doing either of you any good.  But it's completely up to you.  It's your body.  Your decision.  And I'll support you either way, no matter what you decide."

 

Extremely grateful just to be given a choice, 452 turned her head back toward Retha and slowly held out her arm with a small nod of agreement. "Okay."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimer and author notes.

## Chapter 3

### Day 1 – 2025Jan06 – Monday - Approximately 1:00 pm…

 

Max strode blindly through the mist, striving to remain calm, and suddenly found herself standing just inside the doorway of Alec’s old TC apartment; the mist gone again like it had never been.  Blinking rapidly, she did a double take when she saw herself pacing agitatedly in front of the slightly frosty living room windows, looking nervous as all hell.  “What on earth…”  Even more confused now, she backed up against the door behind her, leaning against it for support as she took in the scene.  Her mind automatically filling in some of the extraneous details from her familiarity with both the location and the people present.

 

> **_2022Feb02 – Wednesday - Approximately 04:30 am_ **
> 
>  
> 
> _Alec groaned and stumbled wearily out of his bedroom in a hastily donned pair of grey sweats, scrubbing a hand over his face and scratching absently at his bare chest with the other as he made for the kitchen. Grabbing a bag of carefully hoarded coffee grounds from the freezer, he began brewing just enough for two cups, barely suppressing a yawn as he raised an eyebrow at her in irritation.  “Alright, so exactly what the hell is so important that you had to bang on my door and drag me out of bed at…” glancing down at his watch, he frowned, “…4:30 in the frickin’ morning to discuss it?  Couldn’t it wait a few more hours?”_
> 
> _“Umm… well…  It’s kind of important.  And private."  Continuing to pace for a minute or two, Max finally stopped and stared out his window into the dark, fumbling for words.  "You see, it's like this...  I...  uhh...  I have a bit of a problem..."_
> 
> _She faltered, not exactly sure how to ask for the huge favor she needed from him, no matter how friendly they'd gotten lately; common goals and common enemies bridging the remaining gap between them as nothing else could.  Sighing loudly, she tried again.  "There's something I...  I need to ask you… and I…"_
> 
> _"Oh come on Max.”  Groaning again, Alec checked the pot and started pouring the coffee, “Just spit it out already.  Please?  I'd like to try and get at_ least _another hour or so of sleep before we have to go in to HQ."_
> 
> _"Ugh!”  Whirling around as she lost her nerve, his surly attitude a bit too much to take in the current state she was in, she made a beeline for the door, muttering wildly, “You know what?  Never mind.  I’m sorry I disturbed you.  This was a crazy idea to begin with, so just forget I was ever here and go back to bed.”_
> 
> _“Whoa, whoa, whoa.”  Hurriedly putting down the mugs he’d just filled, as he finally registered how huge this obviously was to her, he rushed over to the door to intercept her, stopping just in front of her and putting his hands on her upper arms.  “Relax Max.  I'm sorry I was so grumpy; I'm just tired is all.  But come on over here and sit, and we'll talk.  Alright?”_

 

 

Recognizing the conversation from an incident that had occurred almost three years ago now, Max’s brow furrowed as Alec calmed her doppelganger down enough to lead her over toward his couch, pausing to pick up their mugs of coffee along the way.  Neither of them appearing to take any notice at all of her presence in the room.  

 

"Am I dreaming?" she murmured to herself.  The… dream?... memory?... having a somewhat surreal quality, almost as if she were viewing the events through someone else’s eyes, with the unexpected bonus of a slightly more impartial viewpoint. 

 

 

> _Handing her her mug and taking a quick drink from his own, Alec twisted around on the couch to face her, ducking his head down to try and catch her gaze; since she was studiously avoiding his eyes, much preferring to examine the cushion between them instead.  "So what is it Max?  What’s wrong?  You know you can tell me anything."_
> 
> _"I thought I could too, before I got here.  But this?"  Her face flushed red as she avoided his eyes again and took a sip of her coffee, then stared down into the mug like it held the secrets of the universe.  "It's embarrassing Alec.  And if I’d have been able to think of_ any _other options or solutions at all, I wouldn't even be here."_
> 
> _"Yeah.  I kinda got that impression from the way you just tried to hightail it out of here, almost as if the hounds of hell were nipping at your heels or something.  And I really didn’t think I was_ that _scary."  Raising an eyebrow at her and grinning a bit, he tried to pull an answering smile from her lips._

As she tried to puzzle through her situation, she wondered aloud, "Somehow I don’t think so.  This feels too real to be a dream.  And usually I can wake myself up easily enough, not to mention the fact that it’s rare for me to sleep long enough to have a long convoluted one like this.  So that’s probably out.”  She frowned.  “Of course, I suppose something bad could've happened to me.  Hurt me enough to maybe knock me out or something?  That might explain what's happening to me but…”  

 

Her face paling slightly as she had another thought, she muttered, “Maybe I'm dead and just don’t know it yet.  That hallway could be some form of limbo or something…"  Reaching out quickly to reassure herself, she felt her own arms and then touched the kitchen counter and some of the items on top of it.

 

She shook her head in confusion, "But I don't think that's it either.  I still feel solid and so does everything else around me for that matter.  And from what I've heard, I think ghosts are supposed to be able to walk through walls and weird shit like that."

 

"So that pretty much leaves me with the hurt/unconscious theory.  Which means I’m probably stuck inside my head somewhere.  But if that’s true, how do I get back out?  And what the hell happened to cause it in the first place?" Truly mystified, but not feeling particularly inclined to delve too deeply into it just yet, her instincts shying her away from tackling that potential bombshell, she decided to check out her surroundings a bit further instead.

 

Stepping away from the door, she moved over toward Alec's bedroom, slowly drawing closer to the couple and looking around her curiously.  She paused to wave her hands in front of both of them, just for good measure, but still got no reaction even though she was only wearing lingerie.  Peeking into his bedroom for a moment, she had to snicker when she noticed his clothes strewn out all over the floor.  "Some things never change."

 

 

> _When that failed, he gave up and grew serious again, putting down his coffee and focusing his attention on her, "Look Max.  I know we've had our share of differences over the time we've known each other."_
> 
> _"That's putting it mildly," she snorted and then took another drink._
> 
> _"But whatever else you may think?"  He caught her gaze and held it.  "I_ am _your friend_ and _your second, and you have to know that I will stick by you and have your back with whatever this is.  Just like I’ve taken your side against the factions wrestling for control over TC._ Despite _the fact that one of them is being led by my old CO,_ and _the inordinate amount of pressure he’s been putting on me to come over to the dark side and join him."  He smirked slightly at the reference to the old sci-fi flick they’d watched several months back.  Before the shit had really started to hit the fan._

Her eyes naturally drawn back to her future mate, she watched him closely with fresh eyes, finding it all too easy now to make out the true affection and concern for her he held banked behind his eyes.  Something that had completely escaped her notice when this had originally happened.  "Of course, maybe I just wasn’t willing to see it back then either, since I was still newly broken up with Logan at the time," she murmured to herself.  "I wonder what else I've missed though..."

 

 

> _"So just tell me what the problem is already.  Maybe I can think of something you haven't."  His face as open and appealing as he could make it, he stared her down, waiting patiently._
> 
> _Sighing heavily, she put down her cup and chewed on her bottom lip for minute, then said, "You've got to promise me you won't laugh.  Or crack any stupid jokes about this either.  'Cause I will kick your ass for it."_
> 
> _With only a slight glint in his eyes, he pursed his lips for a moment, seeming to debate the merits of what he was about to do.  Then crossing his fingers over his chest and holding them up in a boy scout salute, he vowed with a completely straight face, "I swear to God I will not laugh or crack any stupid jokes about this."_
> 
> _“Idiot.”  Rolling her eyes at his slight dig and shoving lightly at his shoulder, she couldn’t help but grin, despite her best efforts. "Fine, be that way.  But consider yourself warned.”  She pointed her finger at him in emphasis and then got back up, beginning to pace once more.  “So here goes.  My problem is...” deciding it was best to just spit it out, she finished in a rush, "I’m due to go into heat soon.  Like really soon.  Probably within the next day or two.”_
> 
> _Alec’s eyes widened noticeably, as that was the last thing he’d been expecting her to say.  “O-kay.”_
> 
> _“And, well, obviously the timing sucks,” she huffed.  “With all the infighting running rampant through TC over the past three months, I can’t afford to do like I normally would and just go to Cindy’s to lock myself away for a few days until the urge passes.  Things would go to absolute shit around here.  ‘Cause sure as hell,_ somebody _would try and take advantage of my absence.  Even with you here holding the fort.”_
> 
> _“No argument there."  As precarious as their control was at the moment, it wouldn’t be wise to give their opposition any further ammunition to use against her.  He knew, only too well after all, the sly and positively snide backstabbing and posturing that would start up the moment she appeared to run off; quite a few of their people still viewing her as a traitor for deserting in '09.  Not to mention for having an ordinary as a boyfriend, which had contributed greatly to her decision to finally break things off with Logan for good just over six weeks ago.  Their long distance relationship slowly fizzling out anyway due to the virus and the huge demand running TC was placing on her._
> 
> _Wheeling around and waving a hand toward his TV in emphasis, she muttered angrily, “And with the way my picture is still being plastered all over the news as one of the faces of the ‘Transgenic Menace’, it's pretty much impossible for me to go outside the gates anymore without getting recognized.  So I certainly can’t pick up some guy off the street to work this out with quickly either.  It’d be too dangerous.  I’d be liable to wind up getting lynched!”_
> 
> _His eyes darkening at the thought, Alec shook his head vehemently.  “Yeah.  That’s definitely out.”_
> 
> _Barely even sparing him a glance, she agreed, “I know!  And hooking up with some random X here in TC?  With all the power plays going on? That’s a whole other recipe for disaster.”  She shook her head authoritatively as she stopped in her tracks and faced him.  “I don’t want to have deal with somebody thinking that they have some sort of claim on me, or feeling like they can start telling me and the rest of TC what to do all of a sudden, just because I slept with them once!”_
> 
> _Alec barely managed to nod, as he started to get an idea of where she was going with this and why she’d come to talk to him about it.  Not quite daring to hope that she might_ actually _ask him.  But sure enough…_
> 
> _“The only thing I can think of, to maybe manage to get through this with a minimum of fuss, is that…”  Taking a deep breath and turning slightly away from him as her cheeks reddened again, she murmured hesitantly, “maybe…_ you _might consider helping me out through this.”_
> 
> _When silence reigned and she felt him just staring at her, she gulped nervously and rushed to explain.  “And I realize this could end up making things kind of weird between us, at least for a little while, but you_ are _my friend and I_ do _trust you.  You’re the only one I could think of, that I could actually consider doing this with.  And you’re certainly no stranger to one night stands, so you wouldn’t be looking to make this into something it’s not.  It'd just be sex, pure and simple.  A temporary 'friends with benefits' type dealio.”_

 

 

Max gasped as she saw the hurt in his eyes, almost immediately veiled from sight, and leaned back against the wall just outside his room, stunned as she realized how much she'd hurt him back then without even noticing or intending to.  

 

 

> _"So you’d like_ me _to 'take care of you' during your heat," he euphemized cautiously._
> 
> _Nodding, and beginning to wonder what the hell she'd do if he said no, as seemed halfway likely now, Max swallowed what was left of her pride and acknowledged, "Yeah, I’d prefer it be you.  If you wouldn't mind?"_
> 
> _Reaching out for his coffee, Alec raised it to his lips and took a large gulp as a stall tactic, needing a moment to get his thoughts in order.  He couldn’t help but stare at her though, beautifully flushed as her teeth worried at her lower lip.  She wouldn't quite meet his gaze, her eyes instead glancing over his body and lingering slightly over his chest and shoulders.  Fascinated by that little tidbit, he realized that really, with the way he was starting to feel about her?  It wasn't that hard of a decision to make._
> 
> _“Yeah.”  He nodded slowly, careful to keep his voice and expression neutral.  "I think I could do that for you."_
> 
> _“Thanks.”  Feeling a bit awkward now and not quite sure of what else to say, she nodded gratefully and stood up, walking quickly toward the door.  “I guess I’ll let you get back to sleep then.  See you later.”_

Sighing, Max looked around the room wistfully; figuring that she was probably due to get sent back to that pristine white hallway and wishing that she could have visited here one night later instead.  It certainly would’ve been more interesting, not to mention a hell of a lot more fun.  The memory of how incredibly he'd blown her mind that night, showing her beyond a shadow of a doubt exactly how much better sex could be with one of her own kind, still extremely gratifying to this day.  

 

And when the mist almost immediately began to swirl up around her, as if on cue, she was more than prepared for it.  But she barely even had time to move before it resolved itself and she found herself back in the exact same position.  Only this time there was nobody on the couch...

 

**_2022Feb02 – Wednesday - 11:30 pm_ **

> _Max sailed through his unlocked door, not even bothering to knock; too intent on being able to properly scratch her itch to worry about silly little things like social niceties.  Striding determinedly through his darkened apartment she headed straight for his bedroom, hearing the slight hitch in his breathing as he sensed her presence._
> 
> _Alec sat up quickly from where he'd been starting to doze off, instantly on alert.  His glowing green orbs roving over her as she approached his doorway, fixating on the perspiration beading her skin and the dark hungry stare she was damn near eating him up with as she crossed her arms over her body and pulled her shirt and tank top up over her head, tossing them aside without even a second glance.  Her bare breasts swaying and gleaming in the moonlight as she strutted toward him, supremely confident in her own appeal._

 

 

Smiling to herself as she recognized the feverish glint in her eyes, Max turned to go into his bedroom too, excited that she was actually going to be able to watch them be together.  The extremely active and healthy sex life they enjoyed never failing to get her engine revving.  

 

She didn't quite get out of the doorway fast enough though and her double passed right through her; sudden red hot desire flaring up and burning brightly through her own body with the brief connection, taking her completely by surprise.  Stumbling in the last few steps and steadying herself on the wall, she tried to catch her breath, but couldn't quite manage.

 

 

> _Gulping hard, his voice low and husky as he took in the magnificently uninhibited goddess before him, he murmured, "Guess you were right about your heat coming soon."_
> 
> _"Mmm."  Standing at the foot of his bed now, Max licked her lips in anticipation as she eyed his half-naked form, much too preoccupied with the obvious tenting of the blanket at his waist to really be bothered with what he was saying; an utterly feminine smile of satisfaction settling on her face.  Longing coursing through her at the thought of the sheer unadulterated pleasure she was about to experience, something she hadn't allowed herself to indulge in for far too long.  The knowledge that she could afford to completely let go and just enjoy herself with him, without guilt or restraint or worry weighing her down, only enticing her more._
> 
> _Alec understood after all, as only another transgenic could, the hunger firing up through her core.  The hedonistic desire to touch and be touched, to taste and smell and just_ feel _on a level that was near indescribable.  An immense sensual and sexual appetite yearning to be fed.  And fed well.  The heady scents of testosterone and purely male X5 musk he was now dropping absolutely intoxicating to her; the answering rush of her own hormones and pheromones spiking through her and reawakening long-buried instincts and desires._
> 
> _Her hands sliding provocatively up over her body, she put on a show for him; decadently pausing to play with her own tits, loving the luscious weight of them filling her palms and the soft silky feel of her own heated skin.  Stroking and tugging at her already erect nipples and tweaking them between her fingers, she gave Alec a wicked grin when he swore softy at her, his eyes glittering wildly with desire._
> 
> _"Damn sweetheart.  Much as I love watching, think I’d prefer to take care of that for you.  So why don’t you finish undressing and come on over here."  His huskily drawled suggestion slid over her senses like a physical touch._
> 
> _Nodding with a playful smirk and dropping her hands to the waistband of her pants, she pushed them down slowly over her hips, enjoying the feel of his heated gaze focused intently on her, and only her. Bending over and wiggling her hips as she tugged them all the way off with her footwear, she shivered when she heard a deep growl escape the back of his throat; the provocative little lacy red thong she was barely wearing the most likely instigator._
> 
> _Max grinned seductively as she straightened back up, grabbing hold of his blanket and giving it a hard tug all the way toward her, baring him completely; then oozed onto his bed and started crawling her way up over him.  Grazing her nipples along his thighs and stroking her fingers up over his tight abs, she pushed him back down onto the pillows, all too eager to get this party started._
> 
> _Licking her lips again at the absolutely mouthwatering male specimen he made laid out beneath her, she barely even hesitated, licking him hotly from base to tip and twirling her tongue around the head of his cock, catching the drop of pre-cum leaking from him and savoring his taste as it burst over her tongue.  Staring up into his eyes, she explored him thoroughly, nuzzling and nipping and licking every single inch of him; driving him wild when she finally took him into her mouth._
> 
> _"Fuck me."  Alec swore as he damn near swallowed his tongue, the vision she made as she sucked greedily at his cock like a succubus, almost doing him in.  The realization that this was Max, here in his bed and so obviously into him - even if it was heat induced - throwing him for a loop.  His shaking hands combing through her hair and caressing her barcode as her hot little fingers returned the favor and fondled his balls, stroking intimately over them and the sensitive flesh behind them._
> 
> _Captivated by the choked off moans and muttered obscenities she was wringing from him, and getting off on watching him watch her, she eased back to test his reaction.  Thrilled with the power she was able to wield so easily as he growled throatily in protest, his hands tightening and tugging at her hair in an attempt to hold her in place._
> 
> _Nipping her way carefully around the head of his cock with a wicked grin, she flicked her tongue back and forth over his slit several times before slowly and deliberately deep-throating him, stroking him with her tongue the entire way down until her lower lip caressed his balls, and he grunted with pleasure.  Loving the taste of him, the scent of him, the feel of him so hot and heavy on her tongue.  His dark green eyes stormy and hungry as they met her own; pleasure soaring between them and feeding off the other._

 

 

Max moaned as she could actually _feel_ him sliding over her tongue and down the back of her throat; that, in combination with the teasing phantom sensation of his fingers on her barcode, making a rush of heat flood between her own thighs.  Shakily moving forward and dropping down into the chair beside his bed, she licked her lips, her eyes glued to the erotic scene playing out in front of her as she re-experienced every single touch and emotion, completely in tune with her double.  Her hands rising up to cup her own breasts through her silk chemise as she leaned back and let herself get carried away.

 

 

> _Wanting to see him lose control, she pulled back up again and deliberately blew her breath out over his slick and highly sensitive erection, drawing a groan and a shiver from him, and then started all over again.  Swirling her tongue around him tirelessly, she flicked his head with it at the apex of her movements, until finally she felt his hands tighten in her hair as he warned thickly, “Jesus, I’m gonna cum, Max.”_
> 
> _Desperate for it now, eager to taste him, wanting to feel him coat the back of her throat, she plunged back down over him and purred.  Smiling triumphantly around him when she felt him let go, his strangled shout of her name making a little shiver of delight run down her spine as she swallowed every drop he gave her._
> 
> _Releasing him from her mouth with a satisfying little slurp, she slid the rest of the way up over his body; capturing his lips and licking her way into his mouth, letting him taste himself on her tongue._
> 
> _Alec dug a hand into her hair and returned her kiss with interest, his own tongue dueling hotly with hers as neither backed down; the eroticism of her wanton and enthusiastic response to him a heady aphrodisiac.  Rolling her under him, he stroked a hand up over her chest and captured a breast in his palm, his thumb brushing repeatedly over the nipple while he slid a thigh between hers and pressed intimately against her mound, coaxing a sexy drawn out moan from her._
> 
> _Max ran her hands over his tightly muscled arms, fervently checking out the breadth of his shoulders and chest, and dragging her fingernails down over his back hard enough to leave marks.  Clenching his ass with her fingers, she pulled him in closer, arching and rubbing up against his leg and hip to try and get a better friction._

 

 

"Oh God."  Max shivered as she felt his hand join hers at her breast and pulled the silk down to expose herself fully, arching her back with a gasp as she suddenly felt his hot moist lips sliding down over her body, the heat and pressure of him a welcome tease between her thighs.

 

 

> _Keen to explore her, as he wasn't sure when he might ever get a chance like this again, Alec trailed his lips over her neck and collarbone, sucking and licking at the perspiration dotting her skin, capturing her taste and memorizing it as he nuzzled his way down toward her breasts.  His mouth hot and wet as he sucked an eager nipple in, his tongue flicking over her and teasing the areola.  His teeth joining in her torment and nipping lightly at her flesh while his hand molded and caressed the firm satiny globe of her other breast._
> 
> _Her fingers came back up to tangle in his hair, combing through the silky locks as she continued to moan and arch up into him.  Her thighs spreading invitingly, one leg curling up and around his hips and drawing him in closer, even as she started pushing him down her body, impatient to have his attention where she really wanted it._
> 
> _Sliding his lips over her flesh with a grin as he took her not so subtle hint, he licked a slow and tantalizing trail down over her abdomen, pausing to dip his tongue playfully into the hollow of her belly button._
> 
> _"Aww c'mon Alec.  I took care of you, didn't I?” Max whined, shifting restlessly against him and lifting her hips up suggestively. "So why don't you give me a break already and show me what you can really do with that wicked little tongue of yours!"_
> 
> _Smirking up at her from where he was tracing little whorls around her stomach with said tongue, Alec murmured, "Just trying to make sure you enjoy this."  He shook his head a bit sheepishly as he thought about it.  "Course, it’s not like you really need any extra help right now, huh."_
> 
> _"No shit Sherlock," she groaned, exasperated._
> 
> _He moved further down only to suck and nip at the sensitive skin between her hips and inner thighs instead, leaving little hickeys in his wake; unable to resist the urge to mark her as his, even if only temporarily.  Glancing up again, as he felt her fingers tighten in his hair, he noted her increasing lack of patience and figured he'd better humor her before she got violent.  Inhaling deeply to take in her scent, he ran his nose lightly over the lace of her thong, causing her to arch up with a gasped, “Fuck!” when he nuzzled at her clit._
> 
> _“Tsk, tsk.  Such language!  I’m shocked.”  Alec chuckled at her frustrated growl and then trailed his fingers underneath the damp material, pleased to find her dripping wet for him._
> 
> _Tugging loose the little bows adorning her hipbones, he peeled the scrap of lace away from her and flung it over his shoulder; making himself at home between her thighs as his fingertips brushed over her and opened her up to his gaze.  Luscious pink lips glistening with her own juices greeting him.  Drawing some of her slick dew up over her clit with his thumb, he stroked her firmly and leaned in to give her a nice solid lick up and into her heat._
> 
> _"Yes!  Just like that!"  Her fingers clenched in his hair, a strangled stuttering gasp of some exotic combination of his name and something obscene breaking free from her lips as he did it again; and she arched up wildly into him, her thighs dropping open even wider in brazen encouragement._
> 
> _Bracing his left arm around a leg and over her abdomen to help hold her still, Alec began to tease her.  Giving her light little brushes with his fingers and tongue, he began to whisper hotly to her, telling her in gloriously explicit detail exactly how amazing she tasted and how fucking incredible she felt, and how absolutely gorgeous she looked spread open for him like this.  Running his middle finger up deep inside her with the comments and toying with the sensitive spongy area at the top of her vagina, he brought her closer and closer to the edge, only to pull back and slow right down again._

 

 

Panting now at the sensations building within her, Max spread her own legs wide and slid a hand down over her abdomen and under her silk panties, her fingers delving unashamedly into her own velvety depths.  Matching her caresses up to his, she started playing with herself, losing herself in the wonder and beauty of it all.  The joy of being with her mate, even if only by vicarious proxy, helping to diminish some of the dark foreboding creeping in on her.

 

 

> _She finally gave up trying to direct him, realizing he wasn't going to follow along passively in any event.  And too caught up in the sheer pleasure he was giving her to really give a damn anymore either.  One hand moving up from his hair to play with her nipples, twisting and teasing the taut peaks as she moaned almost incessantly.  Begging him for sweet blessed relief when the empty ache inside her threatened to overtake her and swallow her whole, turning her into a quivering mess of need._
> 
> _Finally taking pity on her, Alec grunted and stepped up his efforts, his thumb gliding with just the right amount of pressure along the most sensitive areas of her labia and clit, while his tongue thrust deep inside her and lapped at her in time with the frantic little rocking motions her hips were trying to make._
> 
> _Spinning wildly out over the edge, Max cried out with pleasure, her head arching back into the pillows as her hands dropped to clench tightly in his sheets, her nails threatening to shred straight through the worn fabric._
> 
> _Looking up at her as he licked her juices from his lips, Alec grinned, filled with satisfaction as he watched her first orgasm tear through her like wildfire.  Her eyes damn near rolling back in her head as one trembling hand came up to her mouth; her teeth biting down on her index finger and along the fleshy part of her hand in a vain attempt to muffle all the sexy little sounds she was making.  Her limbs twitching shakily through the aftershocks as she fought to catch her breath._
> 
>  

 

Max eased off a bit with her own fingers, just teasing herself now as she tried to prolong the moment, knowing there was still more to come.  Feeling the ripples of pleasure echoing along her nerve endings and watching the sexy gleam in her mate’s eyes as he slowly made his way back up over her body.

 

 

> _Sliding leisurely back up over her, Alec pressed hot lingering kisses along her abdomen and ribcage, hearing her sigh contentedly as she stretched out, all loose limbed and pliant now that he’d taken the edge off for her, at least for the time being.  Sprawling out beside her and reaching out to the bedside table, he rifled through the drawer and came up with a box of condoms, ripping open a packet and donning one, already hard for her again._
> 
> _Rolling back into her and resting his weight on his side, he admired the succulent bounty of her breasts, his touch firm but gentle as he gathered a satiny globe in his free hand and fondled her.  He took his time, exploring her as thoroughly as he'd wanted to earlier.  Bending his head to her, he laid a damp trail of kisses across the flesh of her breastbone, slowly climbing up and around one of her peaks, flicking his tongue out over the nipple and then suckling at it; using every trick he'd learned over the years to try and please her._
> 
> _“Oh hell yeah,” she purred dreamily, arching up into the warmth and magic of his mouth and hand, “feels sooo good.”  Her right leg slid up and around him, her foot rubbing lazily over the back of his calf as her fingers threaded through his silky hair and stroked over his barcode, drawing him ever closer._
> 
> _The pure mind-blowing rush of full skin on skin contact - wanted and needed for so long but avoided out of necessity - making her feel positively giddy, almost high, as she soaked him in.  His highly-skilled and sensitive touch, the heat of his body pressing so intimately against hers, and the sense of familiarity and kinship she felt with him, all building her up higher and higher until she felt like she was soaring, leaving everything else behind._
> 
> _Losing himself in her, in the wonder of actually being with her like this, Alec slid in between her legs and braced himself up on his elbows, stroking his cock through her moist heat as he moved to worship her other breast.  Feeling a rush of additional moisture greet him warmly as he brushed lightly and repeatedly over her clit; wringing fresh husky moans from her throat as she eagerly opened up to him, wrapping her legs around his waist and writhing against him._
> 
> _“God, I love how fuckin' wet you are for me,” he murmured into her skin.  Brushing up against her again, he teased along her entrance, bringing his head up to look into her eyes as he slid into her, taking his time and pressing in deeply, inexorably; his possession of her both devastating and awe-inspiring as he sunk snugly into her molten core, stretching her and filling her up completely.  His eyes darkening and glinting with sinful intent as he held still for several moments to allow her to adjust to him, then leaned in to capture her lips in a hot wet kiss._
> 
> _Max moaned, overwhelmed by the sheer intensity of his penetration, feeling every heated inch of him pulsing within her as he shamelessly took up residence, making himself right at home.  Being with him like this suddenly seeming like too much - too soon, too intimate, and way too damned close for her own personal level of comfort - but it also felt way too damned good to even_ think _about stopping.  Pressing herself up into him, she darted her tongue out to dance with his as he pulled his hips all the way back and then entered her again, forcefully this time, stealing her breath on a gasp from her lips._
> 
> _In the mood to play now, as she’d seen to it that he was in no particular rush to get off again anytime soon, Alec pulled his head back to watch her, beginning to vary the depth and strength of his thrusts according to the reactions playing out across her face.  At times soft and slow and sweet, relaxed and yet utterly relentless in his control, alternating with hard and fast and then deep as he snapped his hips like a piston, hitting every single sweet spot inside her and showing her new ones that she'd never known existed.  The heady blend of his movements all melding together and taking her over until all that remained was him._

 

 

Unable to resist the urge any longer, Max let her fingers fly.  One hand caressing and tweaking her nipples while the other stroked determinedly through the hot slippery flesh at her core; her fingers gliding easily in lengthy passes, in and out and circling around to gently stimulate her most sensitive nub, until she finally found the release she’d been craving.  “Oh God yes!”  

 

She shivered as the tension slowly drained from her body, relaxing back into the chair with a sigh as she caught her breath, content now to just lie back and enjoy the rest of the show as it played out in front of her.

 

 

> _Max clung to his sweat-slick shoulders, panting for breath, trying desperately to hold on to something._ Anything. _Her sanity a thing of the past as he plumbed her depths with the utmost care, making love to her mind, body and soul; seeming to know exactly what she wanted and needed before she even knew.  His dark green eyes flashing with unadulterated desire as they gazed deeply into hers and held her focus.  His lips hot and moist as they deposited frequent and lingering kisses that bled through her skin and down into her soul, speaking to some long forgotten and deeply buried part of her and coaxing her to come out and play._
> 
> _The knowledge that she would never again be able to view sex in quite the same light, that he was effectively ruining her for almost every other man but him, while vaguely registering, not really mattering now in the slightest.  Every time before paling in comparison to the beauty and wonder of this; not one of her previous heat encounters ever caring enough about her to devote this much time and attention to fulfilling her needs._
> 
> _Licking her lips, she looked up at him dazedly, her eyes glazed over with naked lust.  "Jesus Alec, you’re killing me," she mumbled.  "Can't take it...  Too much..."_
> 
> _Nodding with a wicked knowing grin, he gathered her legs up over his arms and spread her wide open, picking up his pace and directing his thrusts where they would do her the most good.  Only having to give a couple of grinding strokes down along her pubic bone before she was falling apart in his arms, her nails clamping into his shoulders and breaking the skin as her folds clenched around him.  Tears of ecstasy rolling down her cheeks as she sobbed out her release._
> 
> _Settling and just holding still inside her, he gave her a few moments to calm down, leaning down to kiss the tears from her face and murmuring, "That's it.  Just relax and let me take you where you need to go sweetheart."  Biting back a groan of pleasure as she shuddered and tightened around him again, he promised huskily, "We've got all night and I intend to make the most of it for you."_
> 
> _Blinking up at him owlishly as she gradually recovered and realized he was still rock hard inside of her, and showing no signs of wanting or needing to stop anytime soon, Max's eyes widened incredulously.  “Damn.”_
> 
> _He smirked and wiggled his eyebrows at her mischievously, "Ah yes.  Gotta love X5 stamina.  It's a wonderful thing."_
> 
> _"I'll say," she confirmed with a slow answering grin, wriggling her legs until he released them, then shoving up off the bed and rolling them over so that she was on top, looking to reestablish some sort of control over the situation.  "Though that blow job I gave you earlier no doubt helped too."   Pushing herself up fully off his chest, she sat up and stretched luxuriously, combing her hands through her hair to help get it out of her face._
> 
> _He shrugged easily, not minding the new view from his back at all._
> 
> _Loving the feel of his thick cock buried so deep within her, filling her up so perfectly, she arched her back with a low moan of pleasure.  His attention drawn back down to her gorgeous tits, Alec slid his hands up over her ribcage and brushed his thumbs over her nipples, cupping her in his palms and stroking her soft damp flesh, his fingers tracing delicately over her, causing her to shiver.  That small spark all it took to reignite the banked fire smoldering between her thighs._
> 
> _Balancing her weight upon her knees, she lifted herself up until he almost left her and then sank back down on him again, slowly settling into a deliberate and unhurried rhythm, all moist heat and fluid movement, her hips undulating sexily as she began riding him in earnest.  Gazing down at him seductively, she caught his right hand and tugged it up to her lips, slowly sucking his middle finger into her mouth and swirling her tongue around it, gathering the taste of herself from his skin and then nipping at it with a wicked gleam in her eyes._
> 
> _His gaze darkening with lust, he slid it out of her mouth and grazed it down over her chest to her clit, stroking gently along her sensitive bundle of nerves and making her gasp.  His other hand coming down to grasp her hip and help move her on him._
> 
> _Closing her eyes in concentration, Max leaned back even farther to increase the angle of their joining and give him better access, bracing her hands back on his thighs for support as she surrendered herself over to the incredibly pleasurable sensations zinging through her.  Taking her time and truly feeling every subtle glide of his skin against hers, simply enjoying the uncomplicated bliss of touch.  Gradually picking up her pace to move harder and faster, and grinding down on him as the pressure began to build under her skin, gasping and moaning as she started to seriously pursue their release._
> 
> _Hovering on the edge as the fluttering inside her rose to a fever pitch, she growled with frustration as she couldn't quite bring herself over, no matter how hard she tried.  No matter how damn close she thought she was._
> 
> _"Here."  Not waiting for a response, Alec pushed her off of him, to her extreme displeasure.  Glaring at him, and completely unimpressed with the sexy fucking smirk on his face as he pushed up and knelt beside her, she started to protest, “Alec!  What the he-"  Only to bite it off with a squeak of shock as without any warning, he flipped her over on to her hands and knees in front of him, lining himself up and sliding back in with a feral grunt of possession._
> 
> _Leaning over her and forcing her to remain still through the sheer muscle mass of his own body as she instinctively tried to buck him off, he brushed her hair away from her neck and nuzzled at her ear, muttering seductively, “Trust me Max.  This position'll work better for you...  Something to do with our animal instincts rising up during heat…”_
> 
> _Biting carefully at the nape of her neck until he felt her body melt and become pliant under his, he slowly started moving again, threading his fingers through hers and bringing them up to grip onto the metal headboard frame in front of them.  Every move deliberate now, he thrust in and out of her, holding her still and letting her feel his strength; nipping and sucking at her neck and shoulders and proving his dominance as he ploughed into her repeatedly, letting her know in no uncertain terms that he was the one in charge right now._
> 
> _And no matter how much she might want to refute his claim?  She couldn't deny that something about the way he was acting was doing it for her, turning her on to no end.  The feel of his teeth on her neck more exciting and arousing than anything she could ever remember experiencing before, filling some deep-seated need she hadn't even realized she had.  The sensation sending shivers shooting up and down her spine.  "Oh God yeah!  More...  Please..." she panted._
> 
> _Alec nodded and grit his teeth as he continued to build her up, lengthening his strokes and pressing deeper and deeper until his balls slapped up against her clit, consciously adjusting his angle until she was shuddering and mewling out her pleasure every single time.  Each thrust nudging that soft spongy spot deep inside her core and slowly burning her up from the inside out._
> 
> _Breathless, Max bit down on her lower lip, trying desperately to restrain or at least muffle the stream of obscene encouragement spilling out of her.  But what he was doing to her felt sooo damn good, there was just no way she could stop herself.  Dropping her head down between her shoulders and whimpering, not even caring or realizing how submissive she looked or that she was now pleading with him to finish her off, she arched her spine and pressed back into him, giving herself over to him completely._
> 
> _Grunting as he felt his own release coming on strong, the ripples and squeezing of her cunt around him close to driving him mad, Alec pulled one hand free from hers and moved it around to pluck at her closest nipple, his teeth clamping down around her barcode as he thrust hard inside her, hurtling her headfirst over the edge._
> 
> _Screaming out his name uncontrollably, Max sobbed as she felt something let go inside her, her own fluids leaking down her inner thighs, making her think for a moment that something was seriously wrong until she realized what was happening.  But it was impossible to care as every nerve ending in her body lit up with way too many incredible sensations to even begin to describe them.  Pleasure as she'd never felt before overwhelming her, the electricity of the experience absolutely awe-inspiring._
> 
> _On some level, she vaguely registered his orgasm, as she felt him shudder and groan out his own satisfaction.  His teeth gradually loosing from her overly tender flesh; his breath rasping out over her damp skin as he gently kissed the bruises he'd left behind._
> 
> _Wrapping an arm around her waist to anchor her to him, Alec carefully pulled them back and rolled them down onto their sides, a jolt of purely male satisfaction coursing through him as he realized he'd actually made her ejaculate.  And while he'd read and heard about the potential for that kind of reaction from females, he'd never actually seen it happen himself.  Stroking one hand lightly over her abdomen, he murmured, "You alright now Max?"_
> 
> _"Mmm."  Floating along in a punch-drunk post-orgasmic haze, her heat well and truly broken, she barely managed to summon the strength to answer him.  Cuddling back into the security of his warm embrace, not even really aware she was doing it, she closed her eyes with a satisfied sigh and drifted off to sleep._

Groaning as the white mist immediately swirled up around her and obscured the room from view as her double lost consciousness, Max slowly got up and began walking, resigned to letting it take her where it may.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimer and author notes.

## Chapter 4

### Day 1 – 2025Jan06 – Monday - Approximately 4:00 pm…

 

Max emerged out of the mist and into the long white corridor with a heavy sigh, feeling cold and lonely without the feel of Alec’s arms wrapped around her.  And wishing she could’ve just stayed where she was, where she’d felt safe and warm and loved. 

 

She could still remember to this day how wonderful it had felt waking up in his arms early that next morning to lazy lingering kisses and gentle arousing caresses, his face burrowing into the crook of her neck as his hands had played over her body.  He’d frozen for a moment when he’d realized she was awake, and then tried to downplay the significance of it all.  Which had been more than fine with her, since she hadn’t been ready or able to face how _right_ the previous night had felt either. 

 

He’d quickly claimed a need – a duty really - to make sure that her heat was _completely_ taken care of before letting her leave.  'After all,' he'd said with a hint of his usual snark, 'it’d be pretty embarrassing if you had a relapse in the middle of HQ, and you don’t want _that_ happening now do you?'  She’d snorted at the lame excuse, but hadn't been able to resist the playful and utterly sexy promise in his eyes, barely mustering a token display of protest as she'd let him persuade her to have sex one more time.  Just to be safe of course.

 

And after, like an absolute idiot, she’d immediately insisted on returning things to status quo between them, throwing herself back into the demands of running their struggling little nation, and continuing to work with him strictly as per usual.  Unwilling to run the risk of potentially screwing up their slowly developing working partnership and friendship with sex - at least until her next heat came knocking.  She couldn't help but laugh as she recalled the look she’d put on his face that steamy afternoon nearly five months later.

 

His eyes had damn near bugged out of his head when he'd glanced up distractedly from his paperwork to find her slinking into his office looking all hot and bothered; one deceptively delicate hand caressing the taut caramel skin of her abdomen and dipping down to play beneath the waistband of her midrise denim shorts.  Pausing for a second to lock the door behind her, she’d swiftly proceeded to straddle his lap and rub up against him as she nipped at his earlobe and murmured seductively, 'You maybe _up_ for helpin’ a girl out again?' 

 

He would’ve had to have been a saint to refuse her - something he’d never once claimed to be.  And after christening his chair, one of the walls, _and_ his desk to her extreme satisfaction?  Well, after that it’d become an unspoken agreement that she’d come see him for ‘help’ whenever that time of year rolled around.  And it had worked for them.  For the most part anyway.

 

Forcibly pulling herself away from those thoughts, as they certainly weren't getting her anywhere, she looked up and down the long empty hallway with another sigh, unsure of what to do next.  “Should I just hang out here and hope to wake back up into the real world soon?" she wondered aloud as she continued walking along slowly.  "Assuming I’m just unconscious that is.  Or do I maybe need to wait to heal up from whatever injury might be causing this?”

 

Wrapping her arms around herself in an instinctive search for comfort as she considered all the angles, she absentmindedly began stroking the luxurious dark teal silk of the lingerie set Alec had given her for their one year 'anniversary' a few weeks back.  "Is there maybe some other reason I’m here?  Something important I’m missing that I need to see or remember before I can go home?” 

 

She frowned, beginning to get more than a little frustrated with the whole situation.  “Hell, I need to figure out how I wound up here in the first place, so I can tell what I’m actually dealing with here.” 

 

Leaning back against the nearest wall, she tried to remember exactly what she'd been doing before she woke up on that beach, carefully retracing her steps as best she could recall.  “Alright, so I know Joshua was hanging out with me in our apartment because Alec... he had to go down to HQ to take care of a few things.  And I was really excited about something… he’d promised to take me out somewhere nice tonight… to celebrate...”

 

“Oh my God!  Our baby!”  Gasping as she looked down at her still flat abdomen, and a bit shocked that she could have forgotten something so vitally important even considering her current circumstance, she dropped her hands down to rest there.  Brushing her fingers gently over the new life growing within her, a soft smile lit up her face as she remembered how it had come about. 

 

With the relative safety they'd finally managed to achieve, quite a few of their people had officially started pairing off and settling down over the past year and a half, which had naturally resulted in an ever-growing number of cute and cuddly little babies making their appearance as well.  And after Alec had convinced her to mate with him, she'd been bitten by the baby bug too.  The thought of finally having a proper family of her own that no one could take away from her, a wistful dream that had been lingering in the back of her mind for a long long time, never quite taking shape until now if only due to circumstance.

 

It had taken a little bit of coaxing on her part to talk Alec into it, as he hadn't been sure what kind of father he'd actually make, but he'd agreed to stop using condoms and let nature take its course.  And once he’d done that, well he'd _certainly_ gotten on board with the creative process, insisting on 'practicing' at every available opportunity, loving the sensation of being joined with her with absolutely nothing separating them.

 

But with how busy they'd been and all the stress they'd been under the past month, she hadn't even realized she was overdue for her heat.  At least not until yesterday, when it'd already been several days later than the longest cycle she'd ever had.  It'd been an easy enough matter after that though to grab a test kit from the med ward using the pretext of needing to pick up their supply list, and perhaps a bit harder to drum up the courage to actually take the damn thing with how nervous she was.  But she'd done it early that morning, sneaking off into the bathroom before Alec was properly awake. 

 

Seeing those two pink lines on the test strip had absolutely floored her.  She'd had to check the instructions and the results four times, with trembling hands, before she'd finally been able to believe the wonderful news. 

 

Smiling, she traced that thought farther.  She'd run out to tell Alec right away of course, damn near to vibrating out of her skin she was so keyed up.  And the look on his face had been priceless.  Sleepy bemusement had given way to pride and then a smirk of pure male cockiness that he'd managed to get her pregnant so soon.  Followed almost immediately after by a beatific grin as he'd pulled her down on top of him and kissed her senseless. 

 

It'd taken them a while to get out of bed what with the immediate 'celebration' he'd instigated, and then he'd ended up doting on her, asking her if she felt alright and offering to get things for her and help her to the bathroom.  Even grabbing her heavier fluffy bathrobe and slippers for her to put on, so she wouldn’t get cold.  She'd finally had to roll her eyes and laugh at him, setting him straight and insisting a bit heatedly that she hadn't become a complete invalid just because he’d knocked her up.  He'd thrown his head back and laughed at that, apologizing with a kiss and a smile.

 

Of course, it had kind of ruined the moment when she’d suddenly spun and raced toward the bathroom, only barely making it in time before losing the remains of her previous night’s dinner.  Shaky and pale when she’d finally finished heaving, and leaning heavily on him as he’d led her over to the bed, she’d decided to just stay home and rest for the day.  Which had led to their having a minor spat, when Alec had insisted that he’d stay home with her too so they could relax together and celebrate some more; that work could wait one flippin' day.  She'd kyboshed that idea right away of course, reminding him of the tasks they'd left unfinished from the day before.  In particular, the supply run that needed to be organized for urgently needed baby and medical supplies.  So they'd finally agreed to compromise on calling Joshua over to stay with her while he put in a half day.  Neither of them quite able to forget that it was Monday.

 

Sighing as she came full circle back to where she'd left off, she focused in on every detail she could recall, step by step.  "Okay.  So I remember Joshua arriving.  And Alec gave me a quick goodbye kiss before he left, after promising to be back as soon as he could.  Made me promise too that I'd stay safe and stay put."

 

Thinking further, she slowly murmured to herself, "And then I sat down with Josh and we talked for a while.  About a few of the new paintings he's working on, and about Shelly, because he was thinking about asking her out and wanted some advice."  She grinned, recalling the blush on his face when he'd admitted he really really liked her, but wasn't sure how to approach her.

 

"And I was so tired I was fighting back yawns and having to apologize every few minutes.  The pressure and constant vigilance I'd been operating under slowly but surely combining with everything else to wear me right down.  I was sure he was gonna be insulted, but he just smiled, patted me on the shoulder and told me not to worry.  Said he could smell the hormones that meant I was breeding.  And that it was natural for me to be tired with the way my body was working making the baby." 

 

She felt her cheeks heating up as she remembered how shocked and flustered she'd gotten.  She hadn't quite been comfortable with the idea of announcing their happy news just yet.  It'd felt wrong somehow to be publicly celebrating what with the widespread panic that was gaining momentum amongst their female population.  And with damned good reason.  She shuddered with dread, not particularly wanting to linger on the reason why.  It was too upsetting and had been haunting her for weeks now anyway.

 

Forcing herself to carry on, she continued her train of thought, "Alright, so we talked a while longer, after I made him promise to keep the news to himself, and then I started feeling hungry.  But there wasn't a hell of a lot in the apartment, since I'd been postponing picking up our rations until Alec or Josh could come with me.  And I knew I should eat while I could, before one of the random bouts of queasiness I'd been dealing with came back again to bite me in the ass.  But when I tried to get up and get dressed, I got so dizzy and lightheaded that I didn't want to risk making the trek over to the mess."

 

“So Josh offered to go grab us something.”  She smiled, remembering how solicitous he’d been, telling her to lie down on the couch and rest.  “I was so relieved that I wouldn’t have to go out, cause I didn’t think I’d be able to maintain the high mental alertness it would’ve required.  And it’d only take Josh a minute anyway to go grab something and come back.  But just to be safe, I had him double-check the locks on all the doors and windows before he left.  And I made sure I locked the door behind him.” 

 

“Then I went to go lie back down and... and then...”  She frowned as everything went black.  For the life of her she couldn't remember anything else after that until she'd woken up on that beach.  Putting a hand up and rubbing at the sudden headache developing between her eyes, she tried to concentrate and push past the pain.  But nothing was coming to her.

 

“So what could have possibly happened that I wouldn't have seen coming?  That could’ve happened so quickly?  Was there maybe a bomb?” 

 

Thinking about it a moment, she slowly shook her head.  “Not likely.  It wouldn’t have been trouble from the Government, not with the peace treaty in place.  And after the big blowout we had when we killed White and sent the few remaining Cult members packing with their tails between their legs, the Familiars aren’t likely candidates either.  They’re too busy running and watching their own backs now that they’ve been exposed.  And it’s not as if any of our local hate-mongerers are smart enough or stealthy enough to have smuggled a bomb this far inside our perimeter.  Not without being noticed.”

 

Her brow twisting, she sighed, “Maybe there was a gas leak or an explosion of some kind?”  But that seemed pretty farfetched too, and she knew it.  They'd spent quite a bit of time checking over all of their residential buildings and repairing any safety hazards before allowing anybody to move into them.  And there hadn't been any new construction in their area for a while so...

 

“What does that leave me with then?  What other danger or hazard could have hurt me enough to send me here?  What could possibly be bad enough to have trapped me in my own mind?  To force me to maybe escape this way?”  And as the ugly realization struck her, she felt her breath freeze in her lungs, her legs slowly giving way beneath her as she slid down the wall to the floor. 

 

"Oh god no...  Please no...  Not that...  Anything but that," she whispered despairingly as all the blood drained from her face.  

 

She didn't want to face it, felt like throwing up at the mere idea of that sick bastard getting his slimy hands on her and imposing that kind of complete and utter control over her.  She couldn't imagine anything more horrifying or terrifying than being raped and violated like that.  But the more she considered it, the more likely the possibility seemed.  It was the only thing she could think of that made any kind of sense in terms of her current state of limbo.  Especially since it was Monday.

 

“And how bad is it really,” she muttered shakily, “that I’d rather accept the thought of a massive explosion injuring God knows how many of our people, than deal with the prospect of being taken by that asshole.”  Dropping her head down onto her knees with a fraught moan and wrapping her arms tightly around them, she forced herself to confront her fear, letting the events of the past month flow over her.

 

> _It’d all started so quietly, so innocuously, that no one had even suspected what was happening at first.  It’d been December 9 th, just a typical wet and miserable wintery Monday, with quite a few people deciding to stay indoors to try and keep warm and avoid the partially frozen slush and snow clogging the streets... _
> 
> _Kaley, a feisty long-legged blonde X5 and chief of staff of their medical ward, had been the first to disappear.  Her mate had noticed first, coming into HQ that afternoon and asking if anyone had seen her.  They’d been supposed to meet for a late lunch after she finished dealing with a backlog of paperwork, but she hadn’t shown up, and when he’d checked with the ward, none of them had seen her all day.  They’d just assumed she’d decided to stay home what with the weather, since she hadn’t really needed to come in._
> 
> _After some gentle prodding, Rake had admitted that they’d had a bit of a blow out the night before, that he’d been jealous of some guys flirting with her lately, and that he'd proposed the lunch date idea to her as a last minute conciliatory gesture.  So it was entirely possible she’d decided to blow him off and go somewhere private to stew and mull things over.  And since it wasn’t all that unusual for the more independently natured X5s to take off on their own every once in a while anyway, no one had been too overly concerned.  At least not at first._
> 
> _But when night had fallen with absolutely no sign of her, Max had sent out word to their sentries and security patrols to keep their eyes peeled for her, concern growing for her missing colleague and friend.  And in the morning, she’d ordered a full-scale search of TC and their surrounding area, to no result.  With nothing more to go on, no sign of foul play or any clue as to where she might have gone, they’d been forced to wait and leave it at that, monitoring the news for any hint of related information._
> 
> _It’d been late Friday, almost early Saturday, before she’d finally been spotted by a sentry.  Max had been about to go home with Alec after debriefing one of their supply crews, when she’d gotten word that she was needed over at medical right away.  The positively grim faces that had greeted them had been disturbing to say the least, and after being told that Kaley’d been kidnapped, tortured and raped, and finally going in to see her herself, well, she’d understood why._
> 
> _Alec had been waiting patiently for her when she’d emerged from the exam room with Retha almost two hours later looking extremely pale and visibly distraught, and she’d given him a terse “Let's go,” before pulling him from the building.  The horror of what she’d seen and heard, too much to deal with on her own, and certainly not in public.  He’d followed her without protest no doubt sensing she was on the razor’s edge of control, wrapping an arm protectively around her and just walking silently until they reached the sanctuary of their apartment._
> 
> _Once inside though, he’d pulled her into his chest and simply held her as she began to shake and then sob; hot tears soaking through his t-shirt as she'd fisted her hands in it and pulled him even closer, needing the safety and comfort of his presence and his scent surrounding her.  After she’d managed to calm down a bit, she’d haltingly begun to share the information he needed to know, with as much detail as she could bear to tell him, her voice strained as she clung to him for support._
> 
> _He’d taken her to their bed then and just held her long into the night, listening to her and consoling her as best he could.  Brushing away fresh tears when she’d confessed that Rake had apparently shown up when they’d first brought Kaley in and immediately snubbed her and walked away, unable or perhaps just unwilling to tolerate the undisputable proof of another man being with her even though it’d hadn’t been by choice.  It had absolutely devastated the already broken woman._
> 
> _Of course, they hadn’t realized at that point what they were actually dealing with yet.  Had hoped and prayed that perhaps it was just some random one-shot deal, or maybe someone with an intensely personal grudge against Kaley.  But no._
> 
> _No, it hadn’t been anything near as simple as that.  It’d only been the beginning of something far more sinister and sadistic.  Deliberate and vindictive acts of physical and emotional violence obviously meant to intimidate and punish their women, and spread fear throughout their growing and blossoming little community._
> 
> _They’d begun to figure that out the following Monday when they’d shown up for breakfast at the mess and found it in a state of barely contained chaos as Jess, their fiery tempered little head cook, hadn’t shown up for work and was nowhere to be found.  Rumors and speculation about the red-haired X6's whereabouts starting to fly fast and furious among the anxious crowd.  And when she’d returned in a similar state 5 days later… the whisperings and mutterings of true fear had begun._
> 
> _Anna had become his third unfortunate victim; the buxom black-haired X5 beauty running their late night security detail with an iron fist, despite her otherwise soft heart.  She hadn't made it home after her shift that fateful Sunday night and her mate, Kevin, had been beside himself with worry the entire time she was missing.  So Max had dared to hope that he’d actually have the balls to stick by her, only to be sorely disappointed when Anna’d showed up outside the gates a few days after Christmas and he’d pulled the exact same shit as Rake had done.  He'd muttered some crap about instincts and fucking infidelity before stalking off with a pissed off glare._
> 
> _And then it had been Sara’s turn to run the gauntlet.  She'd only stepped out of their underground weapons cache for a moment to go to the bathroom and had promptly disappeared off the face of the planet.  A strong and sassy brunette with an infectious giggle and a real affinity for weapons, she ran the Armory together with her mate Kris.  Perfect complements for each other, the X5's seemed to feed off each other’s company, constantly joking around and finishing off each other’s sentences._
> 
> _Kris'd gone off the deep end at her disappearance.  Alec having to step in with two other men to forcibly restrain him and talk him down after he'd loaded up for bear, threatening to track down and kill the ‘motherfuckin’ son of a bitch’ that’d taken her, even though he had no idea who it was or where to start.  And upon Sara's return a few days ago, she'd been stunned and immensely relieved when he'd basically glued himself to her side, refusing point blank to leave her._

 

Max sighed and slowly lifted her head to stare blankly up at the ceiling, remembering how increasingly unsettled and afraid she'd become as the weeks had gone by.  For she personally knew and worked fairly closely with each of the women, albeit to varying degrees depending on their area of expertise.  Well on their way to becoming good friends, they often teased and joked with each other during committee meetings, and got together for the odd session of girl talk over coffee or drinks as well.  But out of their unofficial circle of eight, only Dana, Brandy, and Greta remained untouched now.

 

And as their leader and the head woman in charge, she'd been the one that had had to debrief them all afterward.  Had had to helplessly sit by and listen to them cry and sob as they'd struggled to describe the horrors done to them.  And as their friend, she'd felt like an absolute failure trying to console them.  For after the utter hell they’d been forced to endure, how on earth could she make _anything_ better for them?  What could _she_ possibly say or do to make a difference?

 

And seeing them so torn apart, so _fragile_ and so _broken_ , when each of them had been so strong-willed, so vibrant and full of life?  It had scared her to death.  Because she'd known, even if she hadn't wanted to admit it, that she likely had a huge ass target painted on her own back.  It was fairly obvious after all, from the victims he'd chosen so far, that the asswipe had a huge hard on for women in roles of authority.  And who else had more authority around here than her?

 

So even with how independent and confident she normally was, she'd instinctively started sticking closer to Alec and Joshua, something they’d both noticed and openly encouraged.  And she’d absolutely refused to go anywhere alone, or to ever be alone with any other man, unsure as to exactly whom she could trust.  Not even the men on their executive committee were above suspicion, which was starting to wear heavily on them all.  For it was hard to say who was behind the chilling series of rapes. 

 

The bastard was taking extreme pains to disguise himself from his victims, always wearing a full head mask to cover his hair and shadow his eyes, and using some sort of synthesizer to alter his voice, while black leather gloves kept his hands protected and safely hidden away too.  And he’d even gone so far as to constantly change the color of his pubic hair to avoid giving away his true hair color.    

 

But clearly he was transgenic, either X5 or X6, simply due to his size and speed and the strength he exhibited.  And obviously very clever too, as he'd been running circles around everyone trying to figure out who he was, seemingly with minimal effort.  They'd pretty much ruled out the possibility of him being mated, as it seemed highly unlikely that he’d be able to fool someone that close to him, or that any woman would willingly go along with the heinous acts he was committing.  But even if they excluded those, it still left them with nearly 100 single male suspects to weed through.

 

They had over a dozen people working strictly on finding him now: compiling lists of alibis, known hangouts, biographies and full histories, and tracking movements as much as possible during each of the disappearances.  But it was painstakingly detailed work and slow going at best.  And unless they caught some sort of a break, and soon, she was beginning to think they might not catch him at all.  It was hard to say after all, exactly how many targets he had in mind, or whether he might stop or leave TC altogether, choosing to wreak havoc somewhere else instead.

 

Running a trembling hand back through her hair, Max closed her eyes as she reflected on one of the main things preying on her now.  And that was Alec.  What his reaction would be to this, if she had in fact been taken, she could only guess.  But it wasn’t likely to be good.  In fact, the odds were stacked rather high that he’d abandon her too, since that’s what had happened with two of the three couples so far.  She wasn’t sure yet exactly why Kris had stayed with Sara.  Whether it’d been instinct related or just a matter of choice.  Or perhaps their love or level of commitment had been stronger than most.  

 

In any event, she couldn’t stand the thought of losing Alec.  Not now.  Not after everything they’d been through together and how much she’d come to rely on his staunch unwavering presence beside her.  He’d become her rock over the years, standing beside her through thick and thin.  Fierce, devoted and loving.  And if he didn’t or couldn’t stick by her through this?  “God, I don’t think I can face it on my own.  Not this.  Not if it’s true,” she murmured sadly, her eyes haunted.

 

“And what about the baby?”  Sliding her legs out in front of her and looking back down at her abdomen, she barely held back tears as she realized she’d probably lose it too.  The amount of damage sure to be done to her, quite likely enough to trigger a miscarriage.  “What’ll I have left then?  If I lose Alec, and I lose the baby, what then?”

 

### Present – 2025Jan11 – Saturday - Approximately 01:30 am...

 

Retha placed a final strip of tape over the IV she’d decided to administer as a precaution, mainly due to her patient’s pregnancy.  With that securely in place, she reached over and grabbed the syringe and sedative she’d taken out earlier, beginning to draw a large dose.

 

“Don’t suppose there’s any chance you could just knock me out for a while?”  452 asked wistfully, then chewed at her lower lip self-consciously at the fear exposed in her voice.  Her breath shuddering raggedly in her chest as she tried to control it and not aggravate her ribs.

 

“Not safely, no.  At least not for the baby.”  Retha sighed and stroked her right arm gently in an attempt to soothe her, then injected about a quarter of the dose directly into the IV port along her bicep, wanting to get it working right away.  “I really wish I could though.  I can only imagine how agonizing this must be for you.” 

 

They'd had the distinct misfortune of spending a fair bit of time together over the past several weeks, as a direct result of their dealings with the other victims, and it had drawn them closer.  Each relying on the other to help navigate through the emotional minefield they’d been thrust into.  But Ma-452 was now firmly entrenched on the wrong side of the fence, making it a real struggle for Retha to hold her own emotions in check as she assessed her.

 

Now that some of the initial shock was wearing off, 452's behavior was starting to become more and more erratic, seesawing back and forth between her original trained soldier-style repression and full-on emotional train wreck.  Broody and withdrawn one moment as she attempted to deny everything and shove it all aside, only to collapse and give way to an anxious and tearful mess as the harsh reality of her situation began to sink in and drag her down with it. 

 

She was currently channeling the latter as her arm fairly trembled in Retha's hands.  Her pulse fluttering madly in her throat in time with the rapid-fire beating of her heart, which was more than audible to both Retha’s _and_ Alec's enhanced hearing, given the worried look playing out across his features as he watched his mate's fretful movements.  With that and the viability of the pregnancy weighing on her mind, she’d already prepped a bag of tryptophan and piggybacked it onto the saline drip.  Because while the tremors were most likely being caused by nerves and stress, the last thing she needed was to suffer a seizure on top of everything else. 

 

Standing up calmly and keeping her movements fluid as she leaned in over the bed, Retha checked and adjusted the flow of the bags hanging from a nail in the wall, then injected the rest of the sedative in to mix and gradually release with the saline.  Mentally calculating its probable effectiveness given their metabolisms and the level of stress 452 was under; she decided to give her at least 15 minutes before even attempting to broach the internal exam again.  Her voice low and soothing, she suggested, “Why don't you shut your eyes for a few minutes and try to relax, hmm?  Give yourself and the baby a break.  You're safe now, and we’re all here looking out for you.  Nothing bad's gonna happen if you tune out for a little while.”

 

Seeming to consider the idea as she gazed around the room warily and then focused in on her mate hovering protectively beside her, 452 finally nodded slightly with another shuddering breath and slowly closed her left eye, her body still wired taut as a bowstring. 

 

Eyeing her ashen features once more with a frown and estimating how much blood she'd probably lost over the past week, Retha glanced over at Alec and caught his eye, asking quietly, "How are _you_ doing right now?"

 

"Alright."  Puzzled and a bit annoyed by the question, since there were so many other much more pressing concerns on his mind, he asked a bit shortly, even as he matched her volume out of deference to his mate, "Why?"

 

"Just trying to determine if you're in good enough shape to transfuse her since she could more than likely use a pint or two.  But frankly, you look like shit."

 

Cindy nodded in reluctant agreement, "Boy ain't slept or ate at all the past five days.  Admitted it hisself earlier."

 

"Yeah I figured as much."  Retha sighed as she laid the used syringe aside on the bedside table to dispose of later.

 

Already starting to push up his left sleeve, he frowned at them both and insisted just as quietly, "Just do it.  I'm fine."

 

"Un huh.  Sure you are."  Retha arched an eyebrow at him, letting him know she wasn't buying it.  "Who have you got on watch outside?  Any women who could come in and give her a bit?"

 

"No!"  452 looked absolutely stricken as she interrupted, her gaze suddenly wide and pleading as she choked out, "Please?  I... I really don't want anyone else to see me.  Not right now.  Not like this."  She shook her head frantically and sniffled, tears swimming in her open eye.

 

Regretfully ruling out that option, Retha nodded and leaned down to rub her arm again, unwilling to push her when she was so transparently fragile.  “Alright.  Whatever you say.  Just, try to calm down, okay?”

 

“I could do it..."  Cindy started to offer, her eyes dark with her own concern. 

 

Retha smiled at her, “Thanks, but unfortunately I have no way of making sure your blood is compatible.  And I'm not willing to take that kind of risk since this isn't exactly an emergency situation.  Plus - no offence - but she’d be much better off getting a boost of pure transgenic blood anyway, what with all the potent antibodies and such we’ve got going for us." 

 

She turned her gaze back toward Alec, slowly shaking her head and rolling her eyes at the determined set to his jaw, "Fine.  You win.  There’s a bottle of juice in the side pocket of my bag.  If you promise to drink that down and eat something, I’ll let you.  But if you pass out, it’s on your own head," she warned, pointing a finger at him.

 

Nodding before she’d even finished talking; he got up quickly and took off for the kitchen, coming back not even a minute later with a slightly overripe banana, a box of crackers, and one of the dining chairs to sit in.

 

Still shaking her head, she walked back around to the other side of the bed and dug out the bottle for him, then started setting them both up for the transfusion as he opened the crackers and juice and started munching obediently.  She had to smile though when he peeled open the banana and offered it to his mate first, coaxing her into taking a few small bites and giving her sips of the juice as well. 

 

Bending down and retrieving the ultrasound machine from its case on the floor once she was done, she placed it beside her on the bed.   “Tell you what.  Since you said you’ve probably got a few broken bones, how about I clean you up a bit and check on those first, make sure they’re set properly while we give that sedative some more time to kick into gear?” 

 

“Sounds good.”  452 nodded gratefully at the small and oh-so-welcome reprieve.  Beyond weary now and overwhelmed by the unrelenting pain and trauma of the past five days, she closed her eye again and tried to just breathe.  Focusing on drawing air in and out of her lungs as evenly as she could, she soaked in her mate’s scent and consciously attempted to relax for the baby's sake.  Wanting and needing nothing more at this moment than for this to all be over with already. 

 

And while she was peripherally aware of all the concerned glances being directed her way, she couldn’t summon up enough energy or will to even attempt to dispel them anymore.  For while she may have received all the training in the world as a kid to endure and never quit, to push through pretty much any pain or injury she might receive?  Even transgenics had their limits and she was running on fumes now.  It had taken damn near everything she had, all the enhanced stamina and almost every single shred of adrenaline and panic-fuelled energy, just to make it here to the relative safety of her old apartment after coming to in that dumpster, aching, naked and alone.  Thrown away like so much garbage.

 

Retha rifled through her bag again and dug out some more supplies and two deep plastic trays.  Turning to Cindy with a soft smile, she offered her one, “Could you please do me a favor and fill this up halfway with hot water, and maybe bring back a few towels too?”

 

Turning back to her patient and eyeing all the cuts, gouges, and raw abrasions enveloping her forearms, palms and fingertips, she quickly and efficiently set about cleaning those non-volatile areas first, irrigating them thoroughly and applying antiseptic and sterile dressings.  Then she turned the ultrasound back on to check her upper body for fractures, finally announcing quietly, “You’ve actually only got 3 cracked ribs that I can see, at least in front.  The others are probably just badly bruised.  But you are right about your left wrist.  You’ve got a clean break of your radius about 2 inches up that I’m going to have to splint.  Luckily it hasn’t started to set on its own yet, so I won’t have to dislodge it to reduce it.”

 

Not even bothering to open her eye, 452 gave a slow, barely discernible nod of her head in acknowledgement.  Her breathing much steadier, almost meditational now with the edge eased off of her panic; a good indication that the sedative was beginning to work its magic.

 

Carefully maneuvering the bone in her forearm into the correct position and double-checking it with the ultrasound once more, Retha directed, “Cindy, can you help hold her arm in place for me while I get this stuff ready?” 

 

When she leaned across her friend and gently took over, Retha opened up a prepackaged splint and set it in the tray of hot water to prepare it, soaking it and then squeezing it out in one of the towels to help remove all the excess water.  Placing one end of the long strip of material up against the inside of 452’s bandaged wrist and palm, she wound it all the way around the back of her elbow and along the outside length to the middle of the back of her hand, then started molding it to conform to the shape of her arm, stretching out the edges of the padded material over the fiberglass to help offer some protection as it gradually hardened.  Reaching out and grabbing an elastic tensor bandage, she proceeded to wrap the arm all the way up from her palm to her elbow to immobilize it.

 

Glancing quickly at her watch and then at Alec, she reached over and closed the clamp to end the transfusion.  When he started to protest, she waved him off authoritatively and removed the needle from his arm, pressing a small wad of cotton over the site and applying pressure.  "No.  You're starting to get pale and you've already given her enough to help tide her over until her system can rejuvenate itself.”  Giving him a significant look, she added a bit more quietly, “Plus I'm pretty sure she’ll feel a hell of a lot more secure with you actually awake by her side rather than on the verge of passing out."  When he nodded and lowered his head a bit sheepishly as he took over the pressure on his arm, she lifted the tube to allow the rest of the blood to flow into 452, then removed her needle as well.

 

Peeling the soiled gloves from her hands and tossing them into the nearby garbage can along with all the used packaging and supplies, she grabbed a clean pair and donned them.  The loud snap of the latex swiftly regaining her patient’s undivided and wary attention.  Smiling gently in apology, Retha calmly met her strained gaze and asked solicitously, “So, would you prefer to have everyone else step out now to give us some privacy for your exam or do you think you’d feel more comfortable with them staying put?”

 

Flushing bright red as she thought about it and the hellish amount of damage done below her waist, 452 sighed miserably, weighing the mortification she would feel at having them see her like that against the relief and comfort of not being left to face this all alone.  But it wasn't much of a contest with how vulnerable she was feeling.  Swallowing hard as she realized that her mate likely already had a pretty good idea of the condition she was in anyway, the idea of having him stay really didn't seem like that big a deal.  Especially since he was still standing by her of his own accord. 

 

But Cindy on the other hand…

 

Turning her head toward her best friend, her expression sad and heavy with pain and humiliation, she tried to warn her, explaining tentatively, “I...  It’s… pretty nasty OC...  I’m a real mess... down there.  So I'm not sure if you wanna stick around... but I wouldn't mind… if you feel up to staying with me?” 

 

Not even hesitating, she held her gaze and nodded reassuringly, reaching out to gently take her right hand.  "Don’t you worry.  If you want Original Cindy wit'cha boo, then that's where I'ma gonna be.  No doubt."

 

"How ‘bout me?"  Alec asked quietly after a moment, not wanting to presume too much and potentially alienate her.

 

"From..." 452's voice broke, and she had to clear her throat before continuing, "From what I understand... you've probably already seen..."  Her voice trailed off and became decidedly bitter as she managed to choke out, " _He_ told me he was sending you my 'greatest hits'..." 

 

Glancing over at him and seeing the certain grim knowledge in his expression, dashing one of her few remaining hopes, she closed her eye, her face falling as a fresh wave of shame and humiliation crashed over her.  A few tears leaking out to trickle helplessly down her burning cheeks as she tried unsuccessfully to bite back the sob rising in her throat to accompany them; feeling so unspeakably raw and out of her element, that she had absolutely no idea how to even _begin_ to handle any of it anymore. 

 

“Hey, shhh,” Alec said gently as he carefully brushed her tears away, his heart turning over in his chest at her obvious distress.  “You have _nothing_ to be ashamed of sweetheart.  You didn't ask for what happened to you.  This is _all_ on him and has absolutely no reflection on you.  None of this is your fault.” 

 

Unable to deal, the genuine compassion and tenderness in his voice only making it worse and threatening to tear her completely apart, she pulled back inside herself as much as she possibly could, trying desperately to make herself go numb again.  Wishing more than anything that she could somehow make it all go away and just _forget_ , even if only for a little while.  Just long enough to maybe give her a chance to try and piece herself back together again.  But without a tangible or credible threat to fend against, she couldn’t quite seem to manage anymore.  The sedative unfortunately serving to lower her natural defences as well.

 

Sighing as she remained fairly closed off and unresponsive despite her continued tears, Alec explained sadly, “And I can see that you’re really upset that I looked at that shit, and I am _so_ sorry I invaded your privacy like that, but I couldn’t help myself.  I needed to see that you were still alive.  Not knowing how you were was killing me.  And I was desperate to try and find some sort of clue, anything that might help me identify him or where he was holding you.”

 

He watched apprehensively as she took a couple of shaky breaths and then nodded tightly, whether in agreement with his reasoning or simply a desire to get this horrendous ordeal over with he couldn't tell, but she finally opened her eye and looked over at Retha.  “You can go ahead.  We’re good here.”

 

Glancing around at the sparsely appointed room, Retha turned to OC and asked softly, “Do you think you might be able to scrounge up a few pillows, and maybe a lamp to give me some better light to work with?”

 

“Sure thing.  Just a sec.”  OC nodded and took off for her own bedroom, returning quickly with the requested items.  Dropping the pillows off on the bed, she turned and plugged in her tall floor lamp, positioning it as close to the end of the bed as she could and angling it down over her friend’s lower half.  Then came back around to sit beside her, taking her right hand in support once more.

 

“Alright then," Retha murmured gently, "I need you to try and lift your knees up for me and then drop them out to your sides.  I can give you a hand moving them if you need it.  And while I know this is going to be near impossible, try to stay relaxed if you possibly can.  It’ll hurt less that way.”

 

452 hesitantly did as asked with a grimace, hating the fact that she actually did need the help.  She paused with her knees held up tightly together before slowly allowing them to open, feeling Retha and Cindy prop pillows up on either side for her to rest them on.

 

“Will you be comfortable enough like this?”  Retha asked, as she opened up a tube of sterile lubricant and applied a generous amount to the speculum.

 

“Yeah.”  452 bit at her trembling lower lip as a few more tears slipped down her cheeks, trying hard not to think about what was coming next as Retha slowly eased the sheet up to rest above her hips and moved down to perch between her legs.  Staring resolutely up at the ceiling, unable to find the courage to meet anyone's gaze, she tried not to cringe.  But she couldn't quite stop herself when she heard OC's hissed curse of outrage.

 

"Son of a fucking b-” Biting back the rest as she realized immediately that her reaction certainly wasn’t helping, Cindy gently squeezed her hand and rushed to reassure her.  “God.  I’m sorry boo.  Just wasn’t quite prepared is all.”

 

And while Alec had thought that he was, what with the clips he'd seen and his knowledge of how badly the previous victims had been hurt, he still barely managed to hold in his own dismay and rage at the grisly reality staring him in the face.  Trailing his eyes down over her lower half, he grimaced at the evidence of the sheer brutality she’d been subjected to.  Her hips, thighs, and entire crotch area hideously mottled with painful looking bruises in garish hues of purple and yellow and black and green, while bloody cuts, welts, and bite wounds marred nearly every inch of her inner thighs. 

 

And just to add insult to injury, her pubic hair had been almost entirely removed save for a few isolated strands; the area where it’d been, inflamed with angry blisters and crusty open burn sores that hinted strongly at how agonizingly that task had been accomplished.  Gritting his teeth, he fought to restrain the fierce anger snarling for release inside him, his hands clenching into fists at his sides as the scent of her anxiety and tears clogged his nostrils, nearly choking him. 

 

And Retha was unfortunately privy to even more injuries due to her rather unique perspective.  Inhaling shakily and blowing it back out as quietly as she could in an attempt to calm herself without alerting her patient, she finally touched the back of her hand carefully against the inside of 452's thigh to prepare her, then murmured soothingly, “Okay, I’m going to insert the speculum now and open it up so I can check you for internal injuries.  Are you ready?”

 

452 nodded tightly, struggling to contain the terrifying images threatening to overwhelm her as she felt the cold hard metal slide inside her and open with a burning sensation.  Her breath hitching as her face rapidly drained of all color, and she swallowed hard, fighting to hold down the bile as she squeezed Cindy's hand on a low moan of protest, shrinking back into the bed in a futile attempt to escape.

 

“Easy boo, just breathe, we're right here with you,” OC murmured, stroking the back of her friend’s hand gently.  “You’re gonna be a’ight.”

 

Leaning in further to offer his support as well, Alec carefully wrapped his right arm around the back of her head and cupped the side of her face in his hand, his fingers lightly brushing over her damp hair and cheek as he encouraged, “Just try and think about something else sweetheart, and it'll be over before you know it.”

 

"That's actually a good idea." Retha glanced back up at her momentarily as she carefully began her examination, "While I'm doing this, it might help distract you if you talked to us.” 

 

Feeling her flinch at the very idea, Alec hastened to reassure, “Not necessarily about what happened to you yet, but maybe you could tell us a bit more about your… relationship with Max and when you noticed she went missing?"  Eyeing her appraisingly, he asked, "Has that ever happened before?"

 

"No.  Never."  Looking a bit more comfortable with the idea of the semi-neutral topic, and utterly relieved at the prospect of a distraction, 452 shook her head slowly as she forced herself to concentrate strictly on the conversation at hand.  "We’ve always been together, for as far back as I can remember, working collectively as a unit.”

 

Talking almost to herself now, her face screwing up a bit in thought, she added, "Although, when 599 - Zack - decided we should name ourselves, it did change things a bit.  We sort of compartmentalized things between us.”

 

“How so?”  Alec asked curiously, holding her gaze as he tried to keep her attention focused above her waist.

 

“Well, I’ve always been more comfortable with the analytical and physical side of things, and I prefer a more regimented lifestyle.”  She paused for a moment and then shrugged slightly with her right shoulder as she declared, “So I guess you could say I’m the typical diehard soldier.  The strong silent type that does whatever needs doing no matter how tough or what the cost may be.” 

 

Alec nodded as he started to get a better grasp on the situation, "And Max?  If you’re the soldier, what's her role?"

 

“She took on everything else, but mainly dealing with the emotional side of things and getting along with people.  She’s always been more outgoing and spontaneous.  A real ‘fly by the seat of your pants’ 'do whatever you wanna do' kind of girl.”

 

“She’s been the one running the show for the most part, especially since escaping Manticore.  Although we’ve always filled in for each other’s weaknesses, taking up the slack whenever either of us faltered.  And whenever things have gotten really tough?  Like now, and back at Manticore, and with Ben?"  She met her mate's eyes briefly, seeing the dawning understanding there.  "She's always relied on me to help see her through." 

 

OC pursed her lips, looking particularly intrigued, "So do you have a name then too, like Max?"

 

Appearing utterly bewildered by the concept, 452 shook her head and answered with a slight frown, "No.  I've always just been 452 - a part of Max - so why would I need my own name?"  Feeling something moving inside her, carefully swabbing and probing at an extremely painful area, 452 suddenly stopped talking and drew in a shaky breath, squeezing Cindy's hand again involuntarily.

 

“Sorry about that."  Retha quickly apologized, "But you’ve got a pretty nasty tear in your vaginal wall that may've potentially eluded this bastard's usual cleansing ritual.  So I figured I'd take a sample just in case he left anything behind."  Removing the swab and sealing it in a vial, she looked up at her sympathetically and advised, "Looks like you're gonna need a fair bit of stitching.  For this and some of the other lesser tears.  Do you mind if I go ahead and start?"

 

Shaking her head no as she worried at her lower lip with her teeth, 452 waited a moment, then asked very hesitantly, as if she wasn't quite sure she wanted to hear the answer, "So... umm... what's the uhh… verdict down there?”  Her voice trembling and rising anxiously, she continued, “Is everything gonna be okay for the baby?  He... he used the…” her face twisted horribly and she barely managed to spit out, “the _pear_ on me.”   (Reference: [Choke pear (torture)](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choke_pear_\(torture\)) and [The Pear of Anguish](http://www.medievality.com/pear-of-anguish.html) )

 

Alec squeezed his eyes shut as he struggled to maintain his grip on his composure, his face going ashen and his stomach churning at the mere mention of the barbaric torture device and the knowledge of what it could do.  For in an attempt to get some kind of read on the bastard, he’d sat down and researched all the various weapons and methods he was employing, hoping to at least figure out where he’d obtained some of them and perhaps track him from that end.  It’d been extremely difficult for him, visualizing the deliberate and merciless use of that kind of shit on their women, especially considering the overall respect and affection he had for them in general, but knowing that this one in particular had actually been used on his mate? 

 

He clenched his left hand into a fist, digging his fingers into his palm in an effort to ground himself as he fought down the growl of pure fury rising in his chest, not wanting to scare her or upset her any further than she already was.  The thick scent of his anger rising up through the air, almost overpowering her distressed one, and providing him with a much needed wake up call.  Inhaling shakily and forcibly pulling himself back from the edge, he opened his eyes and made himself resume stroking her hair, despite the distinct trembling of his fingers, keeping his touch as light and gentle and unthreatening as he possibly could. 

 

“Yeah, I kind of figured that’s where these tears and puncture wounds came from.”  Retha murmured quietly in sad acknowledgement.  Reaching for a swaged surgical suture kit and a pair of needle holders, she raised a wary eye to glance up at Alec in silent warning before settling back to work.  “But it doesn’t look as if it was opened up very far, so luckily the damage isn’t too bad.  Certainly nowhere near as bad as what was done to Kaley.”

 

Cindy looked on in horror, almost turning green as she started to comprehend what they were so carefully skirting around.  Their reactions clueing her in to how gruesome the damage had the potential of being.  Reaching out in support with her left hand, she laid it on top of Alec’s arm, squeezing and rubbing it gently.  Nodding encouragingly at him when he looked up at her briefly in silent thanks, she returned her attention back down to her boo.

 

“I'd hoped not.” 452 whispered hoarsely as yet another tear escaped, her lips twisting into a grimace as she confessed, “But then I… I cooperated-” Her voice caught on a thick sob, and she sniffled and forced herself to continue, “I did what _he_ wanted, so he w-w-wouldn’t, and....  God!  I just couldn’t face losing the baby or w-winding up permanently damaged like that!”  The last sentence spoken so quickly and so desperately, and so obviously directed at her mate; an attempt at both an excuse and a veiled apology at the same time.  The guilt and self-disgust she felt clear as she closed her eye and hung her head away from him in shame.  The icepack sliding off her forehead to plop down over top his arm.  Tears cascading down her face as she breathed raggedly, struggling to contain the sobs threatening to rip free from her chest.

 

The knowledge struck Alec like a heavy blow, as he realized exactly what she was referring to, what she’d been forced to do in order to protect their baby, and herself over the longer term.  That last extended clip he’d received this morning making sick and perfect sense now, although it tore him apart just thinking about it. 

 

_I’m gonna make this motherfucker wish he’d never been created, and then I’m gonna cut his fucking cock off and stuff it down his throat.  Make_ him _eat the God-damned thing himself before I rip his bloody head off!_  He swore silently to himself; every protective instinct he had stirring to life inside him.  His rage a living breathing thing; his own hurt feelings and grief for her, and for them, starting to eat away at him as well.  But none of that mattered now.  He couldn't, wouldn't allow it to. 

 

Tamping it all down, he leaned in to press an extremely gentle kiss to her averted cheek, then murmured tenderly, "Oh God sweetie, please don’t do this to yourself.  You only did what you had to.  What was absolutely necessary to bring you both home safely.  Nothing more.  And I will _never_ fault you for that.  So don’t beat yourself up over what he made you do."

 

"But how c-c-can you even s-stand to look at me?  I _c-chose_ to do _that_ instead..." she wailed through her tears. "You h-h-had to have seen, h-he said he was s-sending it..."

 

Carefully turning her face back toward his, he choked back his own tears and answered, "Yes.  I did see, but it _doesn't_ matter.  And it certainly doesn't change how I feel about you either.  You wanna know what I _do_ see when I look at you?"

 

She shook her head apprehensively, still unable to look at him.

 

He sighed, and his voice rang with conviction when he spoke, "I see an amazingly courageous woman, one who had the sheer strength and determination to make one of the most difficult decisions imaginable.  One who put the safety and welfare of our unborn child above that of even her own emotional well-being.  And I love you even more because of it.  You are _so_ brave and _so_ beautiful to me sweetheart, and you _will_ get through this.  We both will.  Together.  Okay?"

 

Opening her bloodshot eyes slowly and blinking experimentally as her right cracked open gingerly through the remaining swelling, she looked up at him.  Seeing the love and understanding shining down on her from his own shimmering green orbs, she released Cindy's hand and leaned into him, burying her face in his shoulder and wrapping her arm tightly around his neck, gladly taking the comfort he was so freely offering.

 

"That's it sweetie," he murmured softly, pressing a light kiss into her hair and carefully resting his cheek against her as he let his own tears fall.  "Lean on me as much as you need to.  I love you and I'm here for you; however you need me to be.  Just don't shut me out.  That's all I ask."

 

After several long minutes, she sniffled and slowly pulled back from him a bit, swiping a shaky hand across her face in an attempt to get rid of the lingering tears and tear tracks.  Nodding gratefully at him with a soft watery smile as she attempted to gather herself, she finally turned her attention back to Retha, "So... how bad is it?"

 

Retha looked up and hastened to reassure them both, keeping her voice as even and soothing as she could as she proclaimed, “Thankfully, your cervix doesn’t appear to have taken any significant damage, which is great news.  The device must have been inserted slightly off center based on where this tear is.  And while you do have a lot of friction burns, puncture wounds, and minor tears to go along with the big one, those should all heal up pretty much on their own given maybe 6 weeks or so of recuperative time." 

 

"Aside from that though and some admittedly heavy bruising, everything else looks like it should hopefully be alright internally.  I don't think there'll be much, if any permanent damage to speak of, although you may find you have some issues with sensitivity later on depending on how much scar tissue there ends up being.  And we will have to monitor you closely when you get nearer to term, might have to consider a C-section to avoid any potential re-tearing during birth.  But all in all, it's good news so far.” 

 

Pausing for a moment to consider where she was at, she advised, "I've only got three more tears that need stitching internally and then we can move on to the rest of the exam.  And I'll know more then."

 

Sighing with relief and catching a matching expression on her mate's face out of the corner of her eye, 452 nodded slowly and returned her gaze to the ceiling, wincing and grimacing from time to time as she tried to ignore the poking and pinching sensations as the needle and thread continued to work their way through her most sensitive flesh.

 

Several minutes later, Retha smiled up at her as she finally finished the last stitch and gently eased the speculum from her body, then applied some lubricant to her index and middle fingers in preparation for the rest of the exam.  "Alright, the worst part's over with.  I just need to finish manually examining your internal organs."  Putting her left hand on 452's lower abdomen, she caught her eyes and gestured with her right to indicate what she was about to do, waiting for her telltale nod before continuing.  "Let me know immediately if any of this hurts."

 

As she carefully palpated both internally and externally, she continued speaking quietly, "Your cervix is a good size, shape and consistency.  Is it tender at all when I move it like this?"

 

452 frowned as she thought about it.  "A little, but it feels more like it's pulling on the stitches than anything else."

 

"That's good then."  Pressing down on her abdomen, Retha gently checked another area.  "From the size of your uterus and what I saw on the ultrasound earlier, I'd estimate your pregnancy at around 7 or 8 weeks, which is probably why we had a bit of trouble picking up the heartbeat since it's still early."  Eyeing her for any sign of increased pain, she asked, "No real tenderness there?"

 

"No."  452 shook her head, "Not really.  At least not any worse than it is without the pressure."

 

"How about here?"  Retha cautiously checked both sides of her abdomen.

 

Biting her lower lip, 452 shook her head no again.

 

"That's good.  _Really_ good."  Retha nodded happily, a small optimistic smile actually gracing her features as she met 452's gaze.  "Looks like your uterus, ovaries and tubes are in good order as well.  So you can relax." 

 

Gently pulling her hands back and out, she discarded the contaminated gloves and grabbed another fresh set.  "Now that that's over with, I'm gonna start taking care of the rest of your wounds down here, okay?"

 

452 nodded, starting to breathe evenly again in an attempt to mentally prepare herself, feeling sweat beading on her forehead and upper lip as the heat radiating out from the lamp began to envelope her, seeming stifling all of a sudden.  Frowning, she watched warily as Retha adjusted the direction of the light before bending down to work once more, the light flashing directly over her shoulders and into her eyes.

 

> _**FLASH – 2025Jan09 – Thursday - Approximately 02:00 am (torture scene)** _
> 
> _The lights above her were hot and blinding, shining directly into her sensitive eyes and giving her a massive headache.  But she didn’t dare close them, needing to see, needing to know at all times where he was, even though that was currently outside her field of vision._
> 
> _Cameras clicked and flashed and whirred all around her, capturing both stills and video from nearly every conceivable angle; preserving her abject humiliation for posterity and making her cringe.  Their high-pitched electronic whine grating on her nerves and combining with the steady drip of the faucet in the far corner to slowly drive her toward the brink of madness._
> 
> _The hard metal table beneath her had long since lost its almost soothing original coolness, and sweat pooled beneath her skin, stinging her raw back and aching wrists which were cuffed beneath her, making her arch up uncomfortably.  Trying to relieve some of the pressure off them, she squirmed restlessly against the thick leather straps restraining her forehead, throat, ribcage and hips.  Her legs almost completely numb now from being chained straight up in the air for so long, the tingling sensations having abated quite a while ago.  Although whether that was a good thing or not, she had yet to decide._
> 
> _Unwittingly, her mind drifted, wondering how long she’d been here.  The minutes and hours - days? - seeming to drag by interminably.  She knew she’d blacked out and been drugged several times already, for exactly how long though, it was hard to determine.  But even taking into account only the conscious spans she could remember, it felt as if she’d been here for weeks now._
> 
> _Taking a brief glance around her once more and noting that she was currently on her fifth rack out of the nine, she figured it was probably a safe bet to assume she was at least halfway through her captivity.  Although again, whether that was a good thing or not, she wasn’t quite sure.  From what she knew from the others, it meant that the actual rapes would hopefully become more infrequent now as he started winding down into the absolutely humiliating and purely torturous phase he seemed to get off on the most..._

 

Gasping quietly as she returned to alertness, she blinked hard several times as she looked away from the light, gradually focusing back in on her mate as he looked at her worriedly, seemingly waiting for a response.

 

She swallowed hard around the lump in her throat, and muttered, "Sorry.  What?"  

 

"I asked if you were alright."  His eyes tracked gently over her strained features.  "You drifted off for a minute there and from the look on your face it wasn't anywhere pleasant."

 

"No.  Not really.  But then none of this is…" she admitted hoarsely.  "I just need a distraction.  That's all."

 

Alec nodded slowly, not looking particularly convinced, but he let it go for now.  "Well, in that case, while I know it'll be hard," he paused and then asked quietly, "do you think you could maybe tell me a bit more about when you were taken?  Josh already told me everything he knew up until he left our place."

 

"Yeah.  I guess."  Taking a few deep breaths as she tried to regain control over herself, she nodded and unconsciously reverted into soldier debriefing mode.  A rather blank look taking over her face as she slowly started reporting, "Max saw him out and locked the door behind him, but she was so tired, and excited too thinking about the baby, that she wasn't really paying much attention to her surroundings.  And since Josh had just finished checking all the doors and windows, and she wasn’t planning on leaving the apartment, she wasn’t worried about it.  But something just didn't feel right to me.  Something was off.  So I took over." 

 

A puzzled frown crept over her battered face as she tried to remember exactly what it was that had alarmed her, and she shook her head in frustration.  "I don't even know what it was that was bothering me.  Something instinctive maybe.  But when I looked around, I couldn't really see anything out of place.  There were no strange noises or smells or anything.  So I headed back over to the couch to lie down and rest for a bit, since I was still feeling slightly dizzy.  And I was about to close my eyes, when I caught just the slightest hint of movement above me.  Up in the ductwork." 

 

She bit her bottom lip and took a shaky breath in through her nose, "I tried to move, to roll off and get away, but I wasn't quick enough.  I'd already been hit with a tranq dart.  Something really fast acting too because I started to drop off almost instantly.  The last thing I remember was hearing him _laugh_.  So smug and condescending, so god-damned superior!"  She shuddered at some of the images that sound brought to mind. 

 

Struggling to stay in the present, she breathed raggedly, her eyes darting madly about the room, searching for something, anything, to focus on, rather than the laughter resounding in her head.  Catching a hint of movement up in the far corner by the window, she zoomed in and watched as a spider crept out across its web toward one of its saved meals and sank its fangs into it, feasting voraciously.

 

> _**FLASH – 2025Jan09 – Thursday - Approximately 02:10 am (torture scene)** _
> 
> _Her attention immediately focused back on him as she heard him laugh and felt him drawing nearer, her eyes darting around frantically until she finally spotted him.  Her skin crawling as he slowly drew closer and closer, his gaze roving lecherously over her, scrutinizing every single inch of her body._
> 
> _Stepping right up beside her, he leaned down over her and licked the side of her neck and cheek, tasting her sweat and scenting her fear.  Then he pulled back slightly to inform her, "You do know, don't you, that your mate won't want you back.  Not after I'm done with you.”  His voice low and intimate, almost conversational, and completely at odds with his sinister intent._
> 
> _He stroked a leather-clad hand possessively over her left breast and then squeezed it hard, twisting the nipple painfully between his fingers and thumb and checking her face for a reaction.  When he got nothing from her, he leaned in again and pressed his masked face right up alongside hers, biting at her ear and then muttering, “It'll fucking kill 494 to know that I’ve been inside you and touched you.  To see firsthand what a good little cock slut you've become for me."_
> 
> _Already knowing how dangerous it was, not to mention how much more violent he got when she talked back or tried to resist him in any real fashion, she kept her mouth shut and forced herself to let it go, trying desperately with everything she had, to just ignore the bastard as much as she safely could.  For she couldn't risk angering him.  Not now.  This baby was too important, to both her sanity and Max's.  Losing it was not an option..._

Blinking rapidly as she tried to calm her breathing, 452 forced herself to look away from the web.  Desperate to push aside the other, much more painful memories swarming in on her, she tried to focus on her report. 

 

"Next thing I knew, I was somewhere else.  Somewhere cold and dark.  Not dark enough that I couldn't see though.  And not nearly dark enough that I couldn't figure out exactly where I had to be once I had a look around."  She shuddered at the memory, but gamely continued on. 

 

"The room was huge, with no windows and just a small grate in the metal door for a peephole, with a fluorescent bulb flickering through it from outside.  Felt like it was probably some sort of underground bunker or something as it was made up almost entirely of concrete.  And the ceiling was easily 10 feet high with imbedded lighting and all sorts of hooks and chains suspended from it.  There was an old dirty toilet and rusted metal sink in the corner furthest from the door, and several floor drains spread throughout the room.  And the air, God, it was so damp and musty.  It positively reeked in there... of blood and sweat and fear... and sex." Her throat worked convulsively and she barely managed to swallow down the bile rising thickly in her gut.  

 

"I was chained up and hanging from the ceiling in the center of the racks.  There were 9 of them, making a loose circle around me.  And on the far wall, by the door?"  She shuddered again as she thought about it, a small sob leaving her throat.  "I couldn't even identify half the disgusting crap hanging there.  Sex toys and whips and other devices; with spikes and chains and blades and... all sorts of sickening things I could only guess the uses of at the time."

 

She spoke haltingly now, almost heedless of her audience, as she fell back into the horror of the moment.  "I could feel Max freaking out and trying to take control again.  She knew what was going to happen and how bad it was likely to be.  And she completely lost her shit when she figured out she couldn't break free.  She couldn’t breathe, she was panicking so bad.  Especially when she heard _his_ creepy laughter echoing from down the hall.”  Her heart started pounding again involuntarily and her voice dropped to a distressed whisper, “She was _so_ _scared_.  I've never seen her that terrified before.  Not once.  Not ever.” 

 

“She kept yanking against the shackles with her wrists and ankles.  Like that was actually gonna help!  She already knew they were solid, made to restrain transgenic strength.  And with nothing available to pick the locks?  There was no way in hell we were getting out of there by ourselves.  And panicking like that, certainly wasn't helping.  All she was doing was hurting herself, and I could already feel a few cramps starting up, which freaked her out even further.  So I forced her back and tried to calm her down.  Told her I'd deal with it and protect her, just like I always have.” 

 

"She couldn't handle what was going to happen though.  All she could think about was how much it was going to change things.  Change her.  And how much she had to lose.”  She looked up at her mate, her eyes wide and haunted.  “You, and the baby, her dignity and self-respect - every single little thing that makes her Max - all ripped away in the span of a heartbeat.  And she couldn’t cope.  With any of it.”

 

Turning away from the intense sadness staring back at her, she looked up at the ceiling once more as tears flooded her eyes for the umpteenth time, trying desperately to regain control of herself.  Focusing in hard on the water stains marking the expanse above her, she tried to clear her mind, but swiftly lost the battle when she felt Retha’s fingers carefully probing and cleaning the burns covering her crotch.

 

> **_FLASH – 2025Jan09 – Thursday - Approximately 02:15 am (sexual torture scene)_ **
> 
> _Straightening up with a disappointed grunt at her lack of response, he walked back around the short table and stood between her legs again, running his hands roughly down the insides of her thighs.  Laughing cruelly when she shrank back from him infinitesimally, he crouched down between them and breathed out heavily over her now almost entirely hairless crotch, inspecting the rather primitive Brazilian wax job he'd given her earlier.  Deliberately scraping over the bright red burn patches and breaking open some of the blisters, he noted with pleasure that the beeswax had indeed been hot enough._
> 
> _Momentarily distracted from his original intention as he saw some of his cum still dripping out of her cunt, he shoved his fingers up inside her with a leering smile, collecting as much of it as he could.  Standing up again, he leaned over her and brought the dripping leather toward her mouth.  “Open wide slut, and don’t forget to smile pretty for the cameras, 'cause I think 494 will particularly enjoy this shot.”_
> 
> _Shaking her head frantically and clenching her teeth, she tried to keep him from opening her mouth.  Not even fazed, he rested all his weight on her chest, smirking as he felt something give beneath her.  Grabbing her jaw with his other hand, he pried it open and wiped his cum all over her lips and tongue.  Then he forced her mouth shut again, plugging her nose and cutting off her air supply until she was forced to swallow to breathe._

 

“Shit.”  She muttered thickly, as her stomach finally revolted completely, “I’m gonna be sick.” 

 

Reacting quickly, Alec reached for the garbage can and barely brought it up in time as she twisted her body to the side and lost the rather meager fare she’d forced down earlier.  When she was finished and collapsed weakly back on the bed with a moan, he put it back down and carefully wiped her face clean with the cuff of his sleeve.  “Better?”

 

"I s'pose."  She shrugged, then cursed under her breath at the pain that enveloped her again with the renewed movement of her back, a wave of dizziness sweeping over her as white dots filled her vision.  Raising a hand to her face, she covered her forehead and eyes, then whispered hoarsely to herself in a small pep talk, "Don't think about the pain.  Just concentrate on the baby and be grateful it’s alright, cause you really didn't wanna have to do it."

 

"Do what?"  Alec asked, something in her tone putting him on high alert.

 

"Huh?"  Jerking and peeking up at him warily as she realized she'd actually said it out loud, she covered her eyes again, looking extremely uncomfortable as she mumbled quickly, "It's nothing."

 

"No.  It's not nothing.  What didn't you want to do?"  He pressed, more urgently this time, as he sensed how important it was to know, reaching over to gently tug her hand down out of the way.

 

Sighing heavily, knowing he was too stubborn to let this go, she muttered, "Self-terminate."

 

"What!  Where would you even get an idea like that?"  Alec's hand tightened around hers in desperation, scared to death at the very thought of losing her permanently.

 

She almost shut down completely, but finally turned her head toward him and admitted, "From Max.  It was the last thing she told me - what she _ordered_ me to do - before I sent her away." 

 

Sensing all eyes on her now, even Retha's, she explained hesitantly, "She'd already seen what'd happened to the other women, how messed up they all were after.  All scared of their own shadows, and so unbelievably timid and submissive.  So she wasn't holding out much hope of keeping herself intact.  And with the rather dismal toll being taken on the mated pairs, she wasn't overly optimistic she was going to be able to hold on to you either."

 

"The only thing she could focus on, the only idea keeping her halfway sane, was the hope that maybe _, just_ _maybe,_ if she was extremely careful and didn't fight him; she might be able to get through it with the baby intact.  It was the only thing she felt she might have any sort of control over.  Something that nobody could take away from her." 

 

Heaving a soft sigh, she muttered lowly, "But I knew she'd never be able to do it.  She's got too much pride, too much spirit.  She'd never be able to restrain herself like that.  Not through five days of pure and utter hell." 

 

She shook her head, her eyes haunted as a tear slipped down her cheek, and she confessed just as quietly, "But I knew I could...  It'd be a hell of a struggle - would probably damn near kill me - but I could force myself to do it.  No matter how much the thought of giving in to him turned my stomach..." 

 

She stopped and bit her lower lip, dragging in a harsh breath before continuing, “And she knew it too.  She told me flat out, that if we lost the baby, she didn't want to go on.  Didn't think she'd have any reason to even try.  So she gave me a clear, direct order and left me in charge.  And I found her a nice happy memory in my head and shoved her in it, then slammed the door behind her.  It was the only thing I could think of, to maybe keep her safe..." 

 

Silence reigned for several minutes, as they all tried to digest what she'd revealed.  Retha finally shaking herself from her stupor and resuming where she'd left off, cleaning the cuts and bite marks on her inner thighs.

 

> **_FLASH – 2025Jan09 – Thursday - Approximately 02:25 am (sexual torture scene)_ **
> 
> _"Now, where was I?"  Straightening up again, he started nipping at the insides of her ankles, his bites gradually growing in strength and intensity and breaking the skin as he moved down her legs and got closer and closer to her crotch.  “Oh yeah, that's right.  I wanted to leave my mark behind.  Just to make sure 494 knows and remembers for the rest of his life that I've been here.  Hell, I’m gonna make it so no man will ever want you again.  They’ll be too disgusted and turned off the second they see you."_
> 
> _Fingering her roughly and stretching out her folds to expose her most private parts, he continued in an almost sing-song voice, “But where, oh where, should I leave it do you think?  Hmmm?”  When she didn’t answer and tried to inch away again, he moved in even closer and asked, “Maybe here?”  Clamping down hard on her clit, he scraped his teeth painfully over the bruised and tender nub, pulling away and laughing when she screamed, unable to help herself._
> 
> _“No.”  He shook his head as he seemed to think about it.  “I know exactly where it should be.  Somewhere he’ll always see it.  Always feel it.  Every time he even thinks about fucking you again, he’ll remember this.”  Grabbing hold of the left side of her labia, he stretched the flesh out toward him and slowly leaned in again.  Laughing harder, when she screamed even louder in terror and jerked frantically trying to get away, he took a big bite and clenched his teeth down, breaking the skin and continuing to clamp down and grind his teeth until the large chunk came loose in his mouth._
> 
> _Standing up slowly, he pulled it out from between his bloody lips and dangled it over her head, smiling wickedly as several drops of blood dripped down to join the tears streaming unchecked down her stark white cheeks.  She sobbed uncontrollably, her eyes huge with pain and shock and horror, growing even more so when he licked his lips and nodded almost to himself, his icy blue eyes glittering maliciously as they caught the light, "You know what?  I'm feeling extra generous today.  I think I might send this along as an additional present tonight instead of mounting it on my wall. Think your mate will like it?"_

 

Not even realizing that she’d been flinching and whimpering a panicked refrain of “no” and “please” and “stop” for the last few minutes as she gazed vacantly off into space, 452 suddenly shrunk back into the bed.  Her eyes wet with tears that wouldn't stop coming as she swiped frantically at her cheeks and batted wildly at anything that came near her.

 

"Crap!" Retha swore.  "Everyone back off.  She's gotta be having a flashback.  Just give her a minute.  Let her come out of it on her own, or you might set her off even worse." 

 

Forcibly sitting on his hands to restrain himself from reaching out to her, Alec clenched his teeth as he stared down at her, silently pleading with her to just wake up already, as her thrashing aggravated the wounds on her back, the scent of her blood cloying in his nostrils.

 

As if on cue, she gasped loudly for air, her face white as a sheet as she unexpectedly stuttered out, “B-b-blue.”

 

“What baby?” Alec asked, frowning uncertainly, completely lost as to what she might be talking about.

 

Taking a deep shuddering breath, she whimpered in terror, “ _He_ … he has blue eyes.”

 

Alec's eyes darkened at the first real clue they’d had to the bastard’s identity, and he asked tightly, “You’re sure?”

 

She nodded shakily, “P-p-positive.  I just s-saw... just remembered.  At one p-point... turned his head... and caught the light just right...”

 

"You're having flashbacks, aren't you?"  Retha asked sympathetically.  "Pretty vivid ones I'm guessing?"

 

452 nodded gingerly, sobbing, "I... it's l-l-like... _he's_ r-r-right h-here... and it's h-h-happening all o-over again... and I... I... I c-c-can't..."  Unable to continue, she closed her eyes and turned her head away, shuddering violently as she tried to catch her breath, tears falling unchecked down her cheeks.

 

OC leaned in close, stroking her hair back from her face in an effort to comfort her and murmuring soothingly, “That asshole’s not here boo.  It’s all in your head.  It's over now and you’re safe.  Alec and I are right here and no one’s _ever_ gonna hurt you like that again.  Not on Original Cindy's watch.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimer and author notes.

## Chapter 5

### Day 1 – 2025Jan06 – Monday - Approximately 6:00 pm...

 

"Okay, that's about enough," Max finally mumbled to herself.  "You can't just sit here forever."  Heaving a sigh of disgust as she realized she _had_ just spent the better part of two hours sitting there crying and feeling sorry for herself as she worked through everything, she raised her head and wiped away the tears still lingering on her cheeks, determined to get up off her ass and actually do something productive. 

 

"Hell, you don't even know for sure yet that you were taken.  There's no proof.  So get your head in the game and get on with it.  That's the only way you're ever gonna find any answers."  Pushing herself back up to her feet, she bit down hard on her bottom lip, the slight pain helping clear her head.  While she had no real way of knowing exactly what time it was, she could make an educated guess based on her body's internal clock.  And judging by the hunger gnawing at her belly and the amount of time she could semi-account for, it had to be drawing close to evening.  "Definitely not a dream then, no matter how much I might wish it was..." she muttered.

 

"Alright, so which way should I go?"  She looked around and sighed again, all the arches looking exactly the same, with no hint whatsoever as to what memory they might lead to.  "It seems to be completely random.  After all, I went from that beach back when I was 9, to Alec's apartment over 12 years later, all in the space of maybe 25 feet.  So obviously they aren't sorted chronologically."  She frowned, puzzled.  "But if they're not, then how the hell am I supposed to decide which ones to explore?  There are so many…"  Her voice trailed off in dismay, the span of her life to date branching out around her in an endless array of possibilities.

 

"So just pick one already," she groaned to herself impatiently, "and see where you end up.  What other choice do you really have?"  Walking stoically forward, she chose one at random, taking a deep bracing breath before crossing the threshold and entering the mist; emerging into her TC office seconds later…

 

_**2022Aug08 – Monday - Early Evening** _

 

> _Alec sighed heavily as Max stalked past him once more.  "Will you please sit down and try to relax?  Pacing like this isn't doing anybody any good, and I already told you I'll sneak out to Logan’s myself tonight once it gets dark enough.  Try and figure out where he's taken off to."_
> 
> _Eyeing her as she nodded distractedly as if in agreement but persisted in pacing, he continued, "You know he's bound to have gone into hiding after being exposed as Eyes Only.  Especially with all the pro-transgenic broadcasts he’s insisted on doing despite the heavy protests.  Odds are he just hasn't had a chance to call you yet to let you know what's what."_

 

Max moaned in anguish as she recognized the memory straight away, for it was one that still haunted her nightmares from time to time.  "Please no.  I don't wanna have to see this.  Not again."  Closing her eyes, she tried to will herself away, back to the white hallway or any other memory, hoping she could maybe jump to something else like she had with her heat.  But when she reopened her eyes, nothing had changed.

 

> _"Yeah, I know,” Max paused for a moment as she thought about it, then resumed her restless circuit of the cramped room with a slight groan.  “And you're probably right.  It's just... he's never disappeared like this without telling me before Alec.  Not for 3 days.  And I've even been in touch with Asha and she hasn't heard from him either."  She frowned, worrying at her bottom lip with her teeth.  "I don't like it.  I can't help but feel like something bad must've happened to him."_
> 
> _"And I get that, I do, but still…  You have got to calm down before someone else sees you like this.  It’ll completely ruin the new image we’ve been trying to cultivate for you.”  Pushing himself up off her lumpy old couch, he stood up in front of her and took hold of her upper arms, pulling her in closer and bracing her supportingly.  “Look, I've got Luke searching all available channels for us on the QT, and Logan hasn't been picked up by the military, the sector police, or the Familiars yet from what he’s been able to tell.  So don't borrow trouble.  He’ll turn up eventually.  It just may not be as soon as you’d like."_
> 
> _Hearing a crisp knock, Max sighed and took a small step back from him, mentally preparing herself for potentially hostile company as she turned her head toward the door.  Her "come in" sounding at least relatively normal, for which Alec was extremely grateful._
> 
> _Bran, a tall and supremely self-assured X5 male, opened the door and strode inside with a thinly-veiled aura of authority, followed closely by Trev, his black-haired blue-eyed and extremely power-hungry second in command.  The latter eyeballing their closeness with a cockily raised brow before asking with a hint of disdain, "Sorry, are we interrupting something?"_
> 
> _"Yes actually.”  Alec contemplated his former superiors for a moment, then smiled with a hint of snark, “But I suppose we can spare a minute or two for you guys."  Stepping casually away from Max, he deliberately leaned against her desk between her and the men and adopted his own commanding air; a mostly subconscious attempt to hold the ringleaders of their strongest opposing faction at bay._
> 
> _Max glanced back and forth between them and mentally rolled her eyes at the displays of testosterone, before choosing to address Alec's old CO, the least arrogant of the pair.  "What is it Bran?"_
> 
> _After a very slight pause, Bran nodded curtly at her and stated, “There’s a disturbance going on outside the main gate that I thought you might like to be made aware of.  An unusually large mob of protesters has formed and it appears as if they’re getting ready to lynch somebody.  I've already got some of my guys up on the rooftops keeping an eye on the situation, since the military can’t seem to be bothered to do anything about it."_
> 
> _“Shit.  Tell me it’s not one of our own?”  Max immediately turned to face him full on, her expression filled with dread._
> 
> _“No.  It’s definitely not a transgenic.”  He eyed her appraisingly for a moment, then continued reservedly, “but it does appear to be someone known to us.  The words ‘Tranny Lover’ are carved into his chest.”_
> 
> _Max closed her eyes momentarily, the bottom dropping out of her stomach as a wave of nausea swept over her.  Something inside her already knowing who it was going to be, and from Alec’s sudden stillness beside her, she figured he did too, but she forced herself to nod and ask politely, “Who is it?”_
> 
> _“It’s your condescending little cripple of an ordinary,” Trev sneered as he butted in, pure delight shining from his eyes, “bout fucking time too if you as-”_
> 
> _Alec pushed forward off the desk, about to lay into him, when Bran beat him to it._
> 
> _“There’s no call for that Trev.  Not with the situation being what it is.”  He gave his subordinate a hard pointed glare.  “I may not approve of the man either, but he’s going to die unless there's a miracle of some kind, and his last few days certainly haven’t been pleasant either from the looks of him.”_
> 
> _Max’s face drained of color, her tone quiet and deadly serious as she asked, "What do you mean?"_
> 
> _Bran sighed as he ran a hand back through his dirty-blond hair, visibly struggling as he seemed to be trying to decide how much detail to give her.  "Look, I'm sorry, but he's been beat up all to hell alright.”  Grimacing, he murmured, “They’ve stripped him naked, and from the look of some of the wounds…”  He trailed off and shook his head disgustedly, looking ill, and finally just stated, “Well, let's just say he looks to be in really rough shape both mentally and physically, and he’s not likely to last the night from the mood of that crowd.”_
> 
> _Max turned to Alec, her grip on her composure tenuous now at best, and tried to keep her voice even as she murmured huskily, “We’d better get over there.  Check it out.”  He nodded grimly, already on the same page._
> 
> _Bran shook his head though.  “No, look, why don’t you let me handle this for you.  I really don’t think you're gonna wanna see him like this.  And there’s not really all that much we can do in any event.  Not with the size of that lynch mob.  I just thought you should know what's going on, that's all.”_
> 
> _Max shook her head determinedly, “No, it’s best if we go down there and see for ourselves."_
> 
> _"Thanks for the offer though."  Alec stared curiously at his old CO for a moment, a bit surprised by his attempt at consideration, but appreciative all the same.  Then he focused his attention back on Max and took up a protective stance beside her as she moved toward the door._

 

Max didn't move a muscle to follow, not wanting any part of experiencing this again, but not appearing to have much say in the matter either.  The scenery blending and shifting around her automatically until she found herself on top of the highest building beside the main gates.  Looking down reluctantly, she was struck anew by the sheer size of the crowd gathered below around the huge bonfire of burning Xs.

 

> _She walked toward the highest vantage point by the main gates as if on autopilot, not particularly noticing anything around her as she tried to pull herself together for the horror she knew she was probably about to face.  Knowing that if she fell apart now, over an ordinary and in front of Bran and his crew no less, it would have dire consequences for her and Alec’s leadership.  Searching desperately within herself for the soldier she used to be, she felt a sudden surge of strength and calm flow through her.  Everything around her fading slightly into the background, as if she were walking through a haze, aware and yet comfortably numb at the same time._
> 
> _Suddenly finding herself up on top of the building as if by magic, Max blinked and slowly moved over toward the edge, barely feeling it as Alec took her right hand discretely and squeezed it, his body bracing supportively against hers from shoulder to hip as they both looked down._
> 
> _A soft gasp escaped her involuntarily when she finally spotted Logan in the midst of the chaos below.  His body mangled, and being held up solely by the strength of the brutes surrounding him.  Crude insults and obscene taunts, both against Eyes Only and them, being slung through the air in raucous chants and shouts.  And she could do little more than stare as she took it all in, thoroughly appalled by the depravity on display._
> 
> _Logan was covered in blood from all the nasty slurs cut into his flesh, and bruises painted his skin a sickening hue.  It looked as if someone had taken a baseball bat to him as his chest was partially caved in and his right arm appeared broken in at least two places.  His eyes wide and panicky, filled with pain as he gazed around at the vengeful mob, searching desperately for any sign of help or sympathy and finding none._
> 
> _She could see that the thick rope wrapped around his neck had already scraped his skin raw as it was tugged roughly down to one side drawing a fresh trail of blood.  And his legs._ Oh God! What they'd done to his legs!  _They were shattered, broken in so many places she couldn't even begin to count them.  And she railed internally at the unfairness of it all._ Why???  Why do this to him when he could barely even use them properly anymore!  When his only crime was trying to help others!

 

Max fought to breathe, dread rising up to choke her, temporarily ripping away her ability to function rationally.  She knew that this was only a memory, that her actions would have no effect on the already predetermined results, but a scream was torn from her throat nonetheless, loud and long and aching.  A vain attempt to warn herself, to try to stop the tragedy that was coming.  But it did no good.  No one paid her any heed despite her continued cries and pleas.

 

> _Squeezing Alec’s hand tightly and sucking in a shaky breath, she drew upon the reserve of cool strength steadily building within her, barely managing to restrain the scream of pure rage and anguish threatening to rip free from her throat.  For it was obvious, just looking at the sheer numbers in the crowd and the ever watchful and malevolent stares of the army guarding the perimeter fence, that there was no way in hell she could hope to save him.   Not without extreme bloodshed, and that's if they could make their way through to him in time.  Let alone if she could even convince any of the others to try to help her and Alec._
> 
> _She was about to turn and try anyway, even though she knew it'd be no use, when the matter was taken out of her hands.  What happens next, so sudden and so horrific, that it's hard to even grasp as the images flash through her brain, like snapshots frozen in time._
> 
> _The crowd jeering and gesturing angrily…_
> 
> _Someone tossing the end of the rope overtop of a light stanchion…_
> 
> _Logan's body being hauled up and over into the flames of the bonfire..._
> 
> _His bloodcurdling scream of terror and agony tearing through her, leaving her raw and bleeding inside…_
> 
> _Her hand moving swiftly, almost of its own accord, as if some other force were suddenly controlling it…_
> 
> _Releasing Alec’s hand and reaching behind him…_
> 
> _Pulling his ever present Glock from the small of his back…_
> 
> _His own hand reaching for it just a millisecond too late..._
> 
> _Her hand aiming and firing through the smoke and the flames…_
> 
> _The single shot hitting Logan squarely between the eyes..._
> 
> _His screams dying instantly as his body slumped in death..._
> 
> _The retort of the gun echoing loudly over and over again in her ears..._
> 
> _The crowd’s roars of approval turning to rabid shouts of rage as they slowly realize what’s happened..._
> 
> _When time finally resumes its normal flow, she can feel the gun warm and heavy in her outstretched hand, and she stares blankly at it when she's finally able to tear her eyes away from Logan's corpse hanging below.  The stench of his burning flesh rising up and tainting the air.  Stunned and sickened as she realizes what she's somehow done, she feels Alec reach out and gently take the gun from her hand, putting the safety back on and storing it back in the waistband of his pants.  His huskily whispered words of condolence and support lost in the clamor inside her head._
> 
> _Relying solely now on that blessed core of steely strength, she turns around and faces the silent and shocked transgenics watching her.  Meeting Bran's gaze with a spectacularly blank Manticore stare, she orders crisply, "Stay here and monitor the crowd until they disperse.  I'll either be in my office or my apartment if anyone needs me."_
> 
> _For a moment, there's a flare of something in his blue eyes, and she can't quite place it, can't deal with it right now in any event whatever it is, so she ignores it and heads for the stairs, desperate to find a quiet secluded space somewhere to crawl off into and lick her wounds.  To try to figure out what the hell just happened and how._
> 
> _And as she walks away in a daze, with Alec following closely behind her, she hears Trev mutter in what sounds like disgust and disappointment, "Shit, I really didn't think she had that in her."_
> 
> _Bran answering back with a decidedly strange undertone, "No.  Neither did I."_

 

Max wiped the remaining tears from her face, struggling to breathe as she forced herself back under control.  Staring curiously at Trev and Bran even as they disappeared into the rising mist, she realized that she'd forgotten all about the weird look and comments they'd given as she'd left.  Which really wasn't all that surprising she guessed, given how upset she'd been.  Especially since her nightmares had always left her screaming awake the instant Logan died, never taking her far enough to remind her.

 

Bran's look had contained so much though in only a fraction of an instant, that it was hard to categorize it all, even now.  The hint of anger at being commanded by her was understandable given their state of contention and competition.  And his disdain obvious and even expected since he had still considered her a traitor back then.  But there'd been something else in his gaze too, something almost... malicious, hinting at a greater fury and frustration that she couldn't quite explain or put her finger on.

 

As for their comments, well, she supposed they were understandable too.  They'd both been so eager after all to see her fail, that they'd probably been hoping to see her completely fall apart that day.  To prove once and for all that she didn't deserve the position and assume command of TC themselves.  And she really couldn't blame them for being surprised by her reaction, as she still didn't understand how she'd done that and stayed so calm about it afterward.  Even though it had ended up earning her a great deal of respect on all fronts.

 

Looking back, as she slowly walked through the mist and back into the hallway, she realized she probably could've handled that moment a bit better, but she'd barely been holding herself together as it was.  She'd needed to get out of the public eye before she broke down completely.  Which she'd proceeded to do spectacularly once Alec had finally gotten her alone in her apartment that night.

 

And he'd tried, oh how he'd tried to comfort her as she'd railed and bawled in his arms.  Apologized profusely for not beating her to it.  And told her over and over again that she'd done a good thing.  That she'd been merciful and saved Logan from any further pain and suffering.  That she wasn't a murderer. 

 

But it had been so hard to take.  Especially since to this day, she still couldn't remember actually pulling that trigger herself.  It seemed as if it were something that had happened to somebody else.  Or like something out of a dream.  Like someone else had taken control of her body for a moment and done it for her.  And she hadn't been sure if that made her feel worse or better.  The guilty feeling that it hadn't actually been her decision, that she hadn't consciously made that choice to spare him, making it that much harder to accept.

 

She'd donned a protective mask after that night, for quite a long time too, pulling back inside herself and devoting herself strictly to her work and TC.  Unwilling to expose herself to that kind of potential pain again.  Not laughing, not smiling.  Just existing.  Until Alec finally managed to drag her back out of her shell.

 

Max continued walking down the hall, preoccupied with her own thoughts.  That one day, while remaining etched horrifically in her memory, also becoming an integral turning point for her and the transgenic cause. 

 

Everyone had started treating her differently.  At first, it'd been a grudging respect from her fellow transgenics, which had gradually grown and expanded to others as time had gone by.  Especially when one of the media outlets had dared to broadcast the unedited footage they’d shot from that day, showing the positively rabid human crowd deliberately and heartlessly attempting to kill Eyes Only by burning him alive. 

 

It’d been a real eye opener however, when other angles had revealed her up on the rooftop with her people, in obvious distress before she'd pulled the trigger to end his suffering.  The disclosure by an ‘anonymous’ source at _New World Weekly_ , of her prior relationship with Logan, only highlighting and amplifying the emotional drama of the story.  The mercy killing, along with other gradually leaked details about their lives at Manticore, sparking intense national debates over multiple forums that had dragged on for over a year before eventually turning and surging in their favor.  Only a diehard hate-filled minority left trying to dispute the fact that perhaps they'd misjudged the transgenics.  That perhaps some of them might have souls after all.

 

And while she'd been grateful, relieved even to finally be given a fair shot by everyone at improving their lot in life, it had come at such a bitter price and been so hard-won that she'd felt defeated in any event.  And it'd shown, almost instantly after Logan’s death, at least to those that knew her best.

 

OC had reluctantly understood, when she'd called her the day after and explained that she needed to distance herself for a while.  If only for Original Cindy's own safety.  The thought of her potentially being picked up as ‘transgenic friendly’ and dealt with in a similar fashion, scaring Max to death and waking her up in cold sweats for months to come.

 

While Alec on the other hand...  Max shook her head wryly and couldn’t help but smile at the thought of him.  He could certainly be an obstinate bastard when he set his mind to it.  And boy had he ever. 

 

He'd let her be at first, after making sure that she knew he was there for her if she needed to talk or anything, recognizing how difficult a time she would have in dealing with Logan's death.  But after three months, where she'd remained withdrawn and pretty much monosyllabic, refusing to participate in anything other than work, work, and more work; he’d begun a targeted campaign to break down her walls.  Taunting and baiting and arguing with her, mainly in private; but absolutely refusing to back down in the face of her continued and willful indifference. 

 

And it had only gotten worse when she'd gone into heat a few weeks later.  She'd screwed up royally.  Even she could admit that now, but at the time it hadn't felt like she'd had much other choice.  The urge to go to him that evening, even though he'd been pestering her relentlessly for days on end, had been so strong it'd been damn near undeniable.  And it'd scared her to death.  She hadn't wanted to need him that badly.  Could _not_ accept it.  Especially when she'd still felt so guilty over Logan's death.  And add in the fact that she knew he’d make her feel so good that she'd basically forget her own name as well as everything else on the face of the planet?  Well, she hadn't felt like she deserved that kind of reprieve.  Had felt like she deserved to be punished, not rewarded.

 

So, stubborn to the end, she'd decided to just go out and grab one of her fellow Xs to sate herself with instead.  But she hadn't counted on being grabbed herself and dragged into a back alley by an extremely ardent and overzealous Trev.  His blue eyes blazing wildly as he'd caught her scent.  And she'd been so messed up, had wanted Alec so desperately by that point, that she hadn't really cared anymore who was taking her edge off if it couldn't be him.  Just wanting to get it over with as quickly as possible, so she could shut down again and go back to being semi-numb.

 

Luckily for her though, Alec had been out looking for her and had tracked her down.  Her heat pheromones pulling him in as strongly as they were pulling her to him.  She'd never seen Alec that pissed before.  He'd come blurring toward them positively snarling.  Snarling!  And had yanked a half-naked Trev from between her freshly bared thighs, throwing him across the alley and into a neighboring building, against which he'd swiftly proceeded to beat the ever-living shit out of him; growling "Mine" as he'd punched him repeatedly in the head and chest, not even noticing the blows he’d taken in return he'd been so livid.  He'd only stopped when she'd latched on to him and torn him away, giving in to her instincts and affirming, "Yours."

 

Neither of them had completely understood it yet back then, but with each successive heat they'd shared, they'd strengthened the bond they'd inadvertently created during that first heat together.  While not formally mating per se, the intermingling of their pheromones and his rough bites to her neck each time - even though they hadn't broken skin - had still been evocative enough to create a draw between them.  And he'd become increasingly protective and possessive of her as a result while his claim remained unsubstantiated. 

 

When she’d finally been able to call him on his behavior - much _much_ later, after he'd taken her back to his place and fucked her absolutely senseless all night long, making her beg him over and over again for release until they'd both collapsed, utterly sated and exhausted - he'd looked stunned and confused for a moment, before snarking lightly at her that it was probably a byproduct of their animal heritage.  A throwback to their instinctive desire to protect and care for a mate.  Even though they hadn't been that.  Not then anyway.

 

She'd freaked out at the mere suggestion.  Had stomped off in a huff and avoided him like the plague, refusing to speak to him about anything other than business for over a month and a half.  But he still hadn't let up though.  No.  He'd kept at her and kept at her for an additional three months until she’d finally snapped and completely lost her shit on him.  The final straw coming when he’d dragged her over to their makeshift gym for a late-night sparring session, taking all sorts of cheap potshots at her and insisting she was so out of shape that even an ordinary could wipe the floor with her.

 

> _**2023Apr19 - Wednesday - Approximately 00:30 am...** _
> 
> _Glaring at him, she screamed, "Just fuck the hell off and leave me alone already!"_
> 
> _Pleased as punch to finally get such a strong reaction out of her, Alec threw his head back and laughed - honest to God laughed! - before snorting in her face and daring, "Why don't you try to make me, sweetheart."_
> 
> _She was sure fire must’ve been shooting out of her eyes she was so mad, her face flushing with outrage at his mocking endearment so reminiscent of her heats, and then she tore into him, determined to give him what he'd been asking for for months now.  Finally having had more than enough.  The fight long and hard, as she threw everything she had at him and more.  But he just blocked her, over and over again, restraining himself to strictly defensive moves.  Which only made her madder._
> 
> _"Argh!"  She huffed in extreme agitation, blowing her breath out and tossing her hair back out of her sweaty face.  "You were the one that wanted to do this so badly.  So fight me goddamnit!"_
> 
> _Alec shook his head lightly and smirked as he ducked to avoid her next punch, barely even appearing winded. "Nah.  You obviously need to get this out of your system, but I really don't want to hurt you."_
> 
> _Totally exasperated, she complained, "Then what the fuck are you doing?  Why can't you just leave me be?"_
> 
> _“Because you need to wake up.”_
> 
> _“I am awake!” She insisted heatedly, kicking out at his legs._
> 
> _He arched his eyebrows at her in sheer disbelief as he sidestepped her.  "Oh really!  Well, then how the hell do you explain your last heat.  Hmmm?"  He held his index finger and thumb up a hair-breadth apart as he leaned back into her.  "You came this damn close to being fucked into the side of that building by Trev!  If I hadn't have found you when I did, you would've been screwed.  Literally as well as figuratively!  As is, you damn near caused a huge blowout with Bran's group, cause Trev sure as hell didn't take kindly to me beating the crap out of him to stop him."_
> 
> _"I was in heat, you moron."  She rolled her eyes with a huff, as if that explained everything._
> 
> _"That doesn't excuse your behavior Max and you know it.  Sure heat lowers your defenses, but it doesn't completely destroy them.  There's no way in hell you should've allowed that to happen, and certainly not with Trev of all people.  Not when you knew you already had a safe outlet."_
> 
> _"I didn't!"  She shouted._
> 
> _"What?"  Alec stared at her incredulous.  "You sure as hell did!  ME!"  He shouted right back at her._
> 
> _"NO!  You weren't safe." she blurted out, before she could help herself._
> 
> _He frowned, his whole face twisting in confusion.  "What the fuck are you talking about?"_
> 
> _"I..."  Not wanting to explain how vulnerable she'd felt at the thought of approaching him, how afraid she'd been of letting him in and taking the risk of losing him too, she swung at him instead while he was distracted, damn near taking his head off as it slammed to one side, blood spraying out around him._
> 
> _Licking at his split lip and spitting the excess blood to the floor as he turned his head back to face her, Alec raised an eyebrow and smirked.  “You’re gonna need to try a hell of a lot harder than that it you want to stop me Max.  So just explain it to me.  Make me understand.  Why wasn’t I safe?”_
> 
> _Max groaned and glared at him, “You just weren’t, okay!”_
> 
> _“Un un.  Not good enough.”  He shook his head determinedly.  "You knew I’d take really good care of you.  That I was more than willing to help you.”_
> 
> _"Yeah, and that was the problem."_
> 
> _"What?" His face screwed up even more._
> 
> _"Look, it doesn't matter why, okay?  Just forget about it and move on already.  Leave me alone."  Snapping her fist back, she took after him again, determined to make him back off for good, but no matter how many times she hit him or shoved him away, he just kept coming back for more._
> 
> _They danced and spun around the sparring mats for at least 10 more minutes, and she could see the frustration finally starting to well up in him too at her continued avoidance.  And it left her lips unbidden, "Why don't you just go ahead and hit me already!  I deserve it!"_
> 
> _His eyebrows raised, almost to his hairline, and she could see the realization strike him as he finally started to put the pieces together.  "No.  No you don't Max."_
> 
> _She swung wildly at him and missed; she was so desperate to push him away.  Couldn't take his caring and understanding right now.  "Yes I do!  Logan's dead because of me.  It's all my fault."_
> 
> _His eyes sad, he reaffirmed, "No it isn't Max.  Not by a long shot.  You only put him out of his misery.  It was that fucking ignorant mob that was responsible for his death."_
> 
> _"Yeah, you've told me that a million times, Alec.  But it doesn't change the fact that he'd still be alive if he'd never met me.  Never got involved or fell in love with me."  A tear slipped down her cheek and she swiped it away angrily.  "Everybody that I love or care about dies or gets hurt or leaves me somehow.  No matter what I do to try to stop it."_
> 
> _"Hell, we've been here almost two years now, and not ONE of my siblings has shown up in all that time.  They have to know I'm here, with my name and face having made the rounds on all the news wires, so why haven't they come?  Huh!  'Cause I only see three options: either they've been captured, are dead, or they just don't give a shit enough about me to come looking anymore.  Have realized I'm too dangerous and given me up as a lost cause."_
> 
> _Starting to really get wound up now, she snarled, "And no wonder really!  I mean, why would they want to have anything more to do with me?  Just look at what I did to Ben, my own brother.  I killed him!  Snapped his neck with my own two hands.”_
> 
> _Alec shook his head, refusing to let her take the fall on that one.  "You only did that to stop him from killing anybody else, and to save him from a fate far worse than death back at Manticore.”_
> 
> _But she was determined, insisting, "Oh yeah?  Well what about Tinga?  She got killed simply because Renfro was looking to find my special fucking no-junk DNA.  And she left behind a grieving husband and a little boy that never really got a chance to know his mother."_
> 
> _“Max!"  His voice was sharp now as he tried to get through to her.  "You are no more responsible for what Renfro or Manticore chose to do, than you are for what anybody else in the world chooses to do.”_
> 
> _But it was like she didn't hear him, as she kept on going, “Zack sacrificed himself for me!  Shot himself and gave me his heart just so that I could live.  And what did I do with it?  How did I repay him?  I ended up electrocuting him and sending him off to live on some godforsaken ranch with no memory of himself.  Turned my back on him simply to protect Logan.”_
> 
> _“He loved you Max, as more than just a sister.  And I know you didn't want to see that, but he did.  He would’ve done anything to protect-”_
> 
> _She rode right over him, not wanting to hear any more of his excuses, “And what about Logan?  I shot him Alec, and I don't even remember pulling that fucking trigger!”_
> 
> _Alec growled, "You were in shock Max!  The man you loved was suffering horrifically and you reacted instinctively to the crisis and immediacy of the situation, just like we were all trained to.  There's nothing wrong with that."  Determined to make her see, he grabbed onto her upper arms and forced her to pay attention to him.  Giving her a little shake with each sentence he spoke._
> 
> _"Did you do it to hurt him?  No."_
> 
> _"Did you want to see him dead?  No!"_
> 
> _Letting go of one arm, he grasped her chin and made her look up at him.  "No matter what you did or didn’t do that night, the fact still remains that he was gonna be dead by the hands of that crowd one way or another.  And that's on them."  He stared into her eyes, willing her to believe him.  "Even the media agrees that what you did was merciful Max.  And what does that tell you?  Huh?  Do you honestly think they would've said that if it weren't true?  If they didn't believe it?"_
> 
> _She shook her head slightly, her eyes wet with the tears she was trying desperately not to shed._
> 
> _"You opened everyone's eyes that day.  Made them all finally start taking us seriously.  Made them realize that maybe we weren't animals; that we cared and had souls and deserved to live."  He sighed and gentled his tone.  "And even though it took his death to do it, I think Logan could've lived with that.  I think it would've made him think it was worth it in the end."_
> 
> _"But..."  Her voice broke and she had to try again.  "But he didn't deserve it Alec.  He didn't deserve to die like that."_
> 
> _"No, you're right.  He didn't.  He was an amazing guy.  Decent and honest and giving.  Dedicated to doing what he thought was right.  And he loved you with all his heart."  He sighed.  "But do you honestly think he'd be happy seeing you like this?  Do you think this would be what he'd want for you?  To see you living some sort of half-life, never truly happy?  To see you spend the rest of your life feeling guilty, wretched and alone?"_
> 
> _"No."  Her face crumpled as she realized he was speaking the truth.  Tears finally starting to slip down her cheeks._
> 
> _"That's right."  He reached up and gently brushed them away with his thumbs, still staring directly into her eyes.  "Logan would've wanted you to be happy Max.  For you to fall in love again and have a family.  To laugh and smile and just be.  And you're only tarnishing his memory and making light of his sacrifice by closing yourself off like this."_
> 
> _Max nodded and closed her eyes, finally daring to admit the truth., even if it was only in a whisper, "But I'm so scared Alec.  Scared to let anyone back in again.  I've lost damn near everybody I've ever cared about.  The only ones I really have left are OC, Josh and you.  What if I lost you guys too?  I couldn't stand it.  It'd kill me.  That's why..." she broke off, her heart racing at the thought of actually telling him._
> 
> _"That's why what?"  He murmured tenderly._
> 
> _"That's one of the main reasons why I didn't come to you this last heat.  I was scared to let you get that close to me again.  When I'm with you like that, it feels so damn good Alec.  You make me forget about everything else.  And I don't know what to do with that.  I knew I didn't deserve to feel that way."_
> 
> _"You're wrong about that Maxie.  You do deserve it.  It's not a crime to let yourself be happy.  To enjoy yourself every once in a while."  He stepped in closer when she slowly started to collapse, pulling her into his warm embrace.  Holding her tight when she buried her head in his shoulder and began to sob.  Her tears falling freely, as she let all the emotions she'd kept buried for the past eight months slowly seep out.  All her grief and fear and loneliness pouring out with her tears.  "It's alright Max.  Just let it all out.  I've got you."_
> 
> _After a long while, once she'd finally cried herself out and calmed down, he pulled his head back to look down at her, wiping the last of the tears from her face.  He was instantly captivated by her soft chocolate eyes, shimmering up at him with such thinly-veiled hope and faith.  Unable to resist, he leaned in slowly, giving her plenty of time to pull away if she chose.  Gently taking her mouth in a kiss and brushing his lips softly against hers, he let it build between them at its own pace._
> 
> _She gasped into his mouth, blown away by how beautiful and right it felt to be kissing him.  His lips feeling like they belonged on hers, his tongue slowly teasing along her lower lip until she granted him access.  Their breath mingling, tongues slowly coming together, dancing and merging with one another in something so precious and intimate it was almost sublime._
> 
> _But suddenly it seemed like too much.  Like it was wrong with her grief for Logan still so fresh in her mind.  She backed away from him like a skittish mare, her eyes huge as she shook her head sadly.  "I'm sorry.  I can't do this right now.  I'm not ready.  Not yet."_
> 
> _Seeing that she wasn't saying no to the possibility of him outright, Alec nodded and smiled, his eyes lingering tenderly on her face.  "I can give you as much time as you need to deal with this.  But fair warning Max?  I'm not gonna let you retreat from me like that again.  And I'm not going anywhere either, so you'd better get used to having me around."_

 

Max smiled at the memory, feeling a bit of much-needed optimism creep back into her soul.  Her heart picking up a bit and feeling infinitely lighter with his reaffirmed commitment resounding in her head.  The hope that maybe he wouldn't leave her after all, making everything seem a bit easier to take.

 

Shrugging her shoulders as she came back to herself and looked around her at her surroundings once more, she picked another arch at random and headed through it.


	6. INTERLUDE - T is for Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimer and author notes.

## Interlude - T is for Trust

### 2024Nov16 - Saturday - 'Date' Night - 8:04 pm...

 

"Hey!  Sorry I'm late."

 

Alec grinned as he heard Max breeze in, only a few minutes late for their weekly 'date' night that they took turns planning.  Their sole regulated break from the demands of leadership, it was a commitment they'd made to one another shortly after they'd started dating; a testament to their desire for quality uninterrupted personal time together.

 

"Hey yourself, babe."  Walking quickly out of their bedroom, he caught up with her as she was kicking off her boots and hanging up her leather jacket, coming up behind her and waiting patiently until she was done before wrapping his arms snuggly around her waist.  He pressed a kiss into the junction of her neck right over his mating mark, then whispered huskily in her ear, "So, are you ready for me?"  His breath puffing out over the lobe and making her shiver.

 

Max smiled and relaxed back into his embrace, enjoying the welcoming heat radiating out from his bare chest.  "Hmmm.  I suppose that all depends," she teased, her eyes sparkling as she glanced over her shoulder and pressed a quick kiss to his lips.  "What did you have in mind for tonight?"

 

Pulling a plush red velvet blindfold and matching set of hand ties from the back pocket of his jeans with a flourish, he dangled them enticingly in front of her and murmured, "Figured we'd stay in and enjoy some long-overdue playtime, if you're up for it."

 

Turning in his arms, she stretched up to wrap her arms around his neck and gave him a much more enthusiastic and intimate kiss, before breathing out huskily, "Well, in that case..."  Rubbing her body suggestively against his, she confirmed what he'd already suspected would be the case, "I'm all yours.  Feel free to have your wicked way with me."

 

Alec chuckled throatily, "I was hoping you'd say that."  Making sure not to catch her hair, he took a minute to fasten the blindfold securely around her eyes, carefully adjusting it until he was sure her vision was completely obscured.  Then, stepping back from her, he took her hand and led her carefully into the bedroom, positioning her in front of their bed.  He couldn't help but smirk with anticipation as he eyed the items he'd lined up for their enjoyment.

 

Reaching out to her, he caressed her cheek softly, his eyes following her movements as she moved to kiss his palm and then rubbed into his hand, just like the cat she partly was.  A low purr of approval emanating from her throat when she felt his fingers trail down over her neck, lingering at the buttons of her black shirt and undoing each one slowly but surely until it finally gaped open, revealing red lacy fabric and a tantalizing amount of flesh for his perusal. 

 

He couldn't help but groan appreciatively at the sight of the scandalously skimpy push-up bra that showcased rather than concealed her breasts; her nipples peeking out over top the extremely low-cut lace.  "This is new," he rumbled, as he moved her shirt aside to improve his view and grazed his fingers along the edges of the lace.

 

"Mmmhmm."  She murmured huskily in agreement.  "Saw it when OC and I went out last week and figured you might like it."

 

"Oh, I definitely approve.  Might have to leave it on in fact."  Moving on reluctantly for now and brushing his fingers lightly over the skin of her abdomen, he grinned at the goosebumps rising in his wake, before grasping the edges of her shirt and easing it off her completely, tossing it vaguely toward their laundry hamper.  Leaning into her, but keeping the rest of his body from touching hers, he dragged his lips ever so lightly along her collarbone and then kissed a leisurely path down over her breast bone.

 

Max shivered each time his warm lips touched her, little gasps of air telegraphing her uninhibited reaction to him.  Reaching out blindly for him, she found his hair and combed her fingers through it, loving the feel of the silken strands under her fingertips.  A little moan escaping her when he suddenly diverted to one side and licked at a nipple through the edge of the lace, sucking at it and teasing it with his teeth.  Her fingers clenching in his hair and holding him to her. 

 

But he didn't linger, much to her dismay, too intent on stripping her down so they could really start enjoying themselves.  Pulling the soft ties back out of his pocket now that her shirt was out of the way, he stepped around behind her and gently took her wrists, binding them carefully together.  Loose enough that she'd be able to get free if she tried hard enough, but more than sufficient to hold her as his willing captive without hurting her.

 

Coming back around and crouching before her, Alec released the button on her cargo pants and slid the zip down, easing the material down over her hips.  His fingers stilling and clenching at her thighs as he took in the matching lace g-string she was wearing, the fabric so sheer as to be almost nonexistent.  The two little bows barely holding it in place over her hipbones an extreme tease; the heady scent of her unmistakable arousal even more so.  "You really are tryin' to kill me here, aren't you," he groaned, unable to resist the temptation to lean in and press a hot lingering kiss overtop each bow.  "How the hell do you expect me to have any kind of staying power tonight with you wearing somethin’ this hot?"

 

“It’s all part of my evil plan to seduce you, baby.”  Max smiled sexily and licked her lips, unable to contain the mischievous giggle bubbling up as she imagined the tortured expression he must surely be sporting based on the slight whining note in his voice.  "But I'm sure you'll find a way to persevere somehow.  You almost always do."  Her tone slightly mocking and filled with mirth despite the supposedly supportive words.

 

Glancing up at her with a wicked glint in his eyes, he decided to tease her right back.  "Think you'd better watch yourself there, sweetheart," he warned, "you are kinda at my mercy at the moment.”  Just to make his point, he leaned in again and breathed out heavily over her crotch, then flicked his tongue out against her clit in a glancing blow, deliberately pulling away when she tried to lean into him for more contact.  

 

A shudder ran through her body and she moaned, her head rolling back on her shoulders for a moment.  Biting her lower lip and nodding almost submissively, she couldn’t resist adding with a quirk of her lips, "And what are you gonna do if I do misbehave, hmm?  Spank me?"

 

"I just might," he snarked, his eyes lighting up at the unexpected prospect, swiftly considering how hot she'd look spread out across his lap, naked and squirming as he paddled her ass.  Shaking his head in an attempt to refocus, but making a mental note to discuss the possibility with her later, he finished stripping her pants and socks from her, then looked back up. 

 

She stood before him proudly, perhaps sensing his intense perusal but completely unconcerned with her near nudity in any event.  Her chest arching out provocatively toward him, her nipples already taut and straining out over the skimpy cups of her bra. 

 

"God," he murmured hoarsely, his voice filled with reverence and desire, "You are so fuckin' gorgeous, babe.  There're _so_ many things I wanna do to you right now..."

 

She smiled and licked her lips again eagerly.  "So why don't you pick one and show me then?" 

 

Alec nodded, although she couldn't see him, and rose silently to his feet, watching her head tilt to one side as she listened intently, trying to predict his movements.  The slight snap of the button on his jeans and the rasp of his zipper being lowered definitely catching her attention, and she stood a bit taller and bit her lower lip in anticipation when she heard fabric rustle down and hit the floor, his jeans getting kicked aside a moment later.

 

Moving past her to their dresser, his hand hovered over several items as he tried to choose where to go first.  Finally deciding, he picked something up and returned to her, reaching out to brush it lightly over her forearms.

 

Max jumped, startled by the unexpected ticklish sensation, and then squirmed a bit, trying to decide what could be causing it.  She didn't get enough time to place it though as it disappeared just as quickly.  And then she felt him draw closer, the heat from his body seeping deliciously into her skin, his hand lifting her loose dark curls up and over one shoulder, baring her neck to him.

 

She tilted her head forward instinctively, arching her upper back further into him as she tried to encourage his touch, full of anticipation as she felt him breathe out over her barcode.  The whisper-soft object suddenly making a reappearance and trailing delicately up over her spine, caressing the black lines adorning her neck and making her breath catch in her throat as she shivered uncontrollably.

 

"God, what _is_ that?" she whispered huskily, trying to guess where he’d touch her next.

 

Not answering, he pulled it away again with a grin and pressed a kiss into her shoulder, then reached around her to brush it lightly over one of her nipples. 

 

She couldn’t help but giggle, then squirmed restlessly when he dragged it over her cleavage, teasing along the edges of the lace.  Finally figuring it out, she breathed, "It's a feather, right?"

 

"Mmmhmm."  He hummed, then bit lightly at her ear lobe causing her to moan. 

 

Frowning in disappointment when she felt him ease back a touch and remove it, she jumped as if he'd goosed her when she suddenly felt it tickle up between her legs and right along the thin decorative strip of lace on her ass.  “Jesus, Alec!”

 

He chuckled and pressed a kiss into her barcode.  “Sorry, I couldn’t resist.  Tell you what, how about we get you settled on the bed, hmm?”

 

Looking over her shoulder at where she figured his head was and eagerly murmuring her assent, she waited for him to direct her.

 

Placing his hands on her hips, he guided her forward until her knees bumped into the foot of their bed, then knelt beside her to help support her as she climbed up.  Instead of helping her lay down straight away though, he tilted her head toward him and claimed her mouth, their lips and tongues merging seamlessly, giving and taking in a dance as old as time.  Both of them breathless when he finally ended it.  Resting his forehead against hers, he murmured huskily against her lips, “Do you trust me, sweetheart?”

 

The question gave her pause, for maybe all of a second as she wondered what he might be up to, but she smiled as she answered, “Implicitly.”  And before she could really grasp what was happening, she felt his hands tipping her forward, taking her weight completely and easing her down gently until she was laying face down with her hips resting over what felt to be a tall wedged bolster.  Her head and upper body lying much lower, cushioned comfortably on several well-placed pillows while her legs splayed wide open, her entire genital area on blatant display for him. 

 

It was an extremely vulnerable position to be in, especially as she couldn't easily roll or lift herself out of it with her hands tied behind her and her knees not quite grazing the bed.  And if it had been anyone other than Alec putting her in it, she would’ve fought them tooth and nail.  But knowing that he most likely had an infinitely satisfying reason for it, she just relaxed and went with it, settling her head a bit more comfortably on the cushions and feeling his fingers tenderly stroke her hair completely back from the side of her face so she had clear space to breathe.

 

After grabbing a few more items off the dresser, he sat down between her legs with a naughty grin and picked up the feather again, brushing it over her inner thighs for a while before softly and repeatedly stroking it along the lace adorning her crotch and ass; his grin growing wider when she spread her legs even further for him and tried to move closer even though she didn’t have any leverage to do so.  Slowly bringing it down and deliberately taking his time, he tickled it through her damp curls, and then drew it over her labia and clit where they peeked out along the edges of the g-string, loving the little jerks her hips gave involuntarily every time he found a particularly sensitive spot.

 

“Like that, do you?” he murmured, reaching to his side with one hand and quietly preparing one of the other items he’d grabbed, even as he kept the feather tickling her most private parts.

 

Max nodded quickly, her “Feels amazing…” coming out breathless and needy.

 

Reaching up between her legs, he turned on the wireless remote for the slim bullet-style vibrator he held and pressed it lightly against her clit without warning.  “How about if I add this?”

 

“Holy fuck.”  She moaned throatily, her whole body trying to convulse toward his hand, her thighs trembling as she fought to keep from thrashing him with her legs. 

 

Alec pulled it back slightly with a smirk, “Too much, sweetheart?”

 

“No!”  Max answered quickly, almost shouting, then bit at her lower lip, just knowing, even without him saying a word, that he’d be smirking and extremely pleased with her enthusiastic and completely unguarded response.

 

Appearing to take pity on her though, he didn't call her on it and carefully slid the waterproof vibe underneath the damp lace instead, to her muffled sigh of relief.  Rubbing it gently over her labia, he gathered her own natural lubrication to help ease its passage before caressing it teasingly all around her core.  Drawing it back though, every time her hips tried to roll up to meet it.  “Ah ah ah,” he murmured as he leaned in and nipped lightly at her ass, teasing her further as he deliberately dragged the feather up between her cheeks to toy with her anal region, “good things come to those who wait.”

 

“Oh God Alec!” she squirmed restlessly and begged, “Please, just a bit more pressure on my clit… just for a minute…”

 

“Not yet, babe.”  Kissing at the spot that he’d just bitten, he nuzzled her and breathed her in, almost getting high off her scent.  “I’m afraid you’re not quite ready enough for my taste.  But…”  Sighing and dragging out the word as if he were hard-pressed, he continued, “I will give you this much.” 

 

Pulling the lace aside and pushing two long fingers up inside her, he lodged the miniature vibrator deep within her core.  Rubbing over her as he made sure the retrieval cord stayed accessible, he purposely snapped the lace back over her clit as he withdrew his hand, drawing a slight gasp from her lips.  Reaching back down beside him, he picked up the remote again and began playing with the settings, experimenting and letting her get a feel for each one, before settling on one with intermittent jolts of varying intensity.

 

Max shivered and panted, licking her lips as she tried to concentrate and squeeze her inner muscles tightly enough to get a proper buzz off of it.  And while it felt better than what he’d been doing with it before, it still wasn’t nearly enough to give her any kind of relief.  Only serving to build her up even further.  Groaning lightly when she heard more noises coming from behind her, she couldn’t help but wonder what he was up to now.  She found out quickly enough though, when a sudden shock of extreme cold was pressed insistently right up against her clit, beginning to melt and drip almost instantly as she screamed his name out in shock and began to curse.

 

Alec just grinned as the sliver of ice melted into nothingness on his fingers and then leaned in to envelope her with his mouth instead, pushing the lace completely aside and rubbing his hot tongue soothingly over her hard nub.

 

“Jesus!  Fuck!”  Sobbing with pleasure, unable to catch her breath, Max was overwhelmed by the startling contrast of fiery wet heat and glacial ice cold, especially when he grabbed a fresh cube and slid it all the way up inside her core.  Her gasps and cries, of his name and other wild obscenities, merging into an incomprehensible spiel even to her own ears as he began fucking her clit relentlessly with his tongue, pushing her completely over the edge, her body convulsing repeatedly against him.

 

She lay there shaking and panting in her own little world for what could've been minutes or hours, her heart still racing, her brain fried, barely able to think let alone function, when she felt him stroke and caress her ass with renewed purpose.  His husky chuckle ringing out sexily as he had the audacity to ask, “So, ready for round two yet?”

 

If she could have, she would've rolled her eyes at him or given him a dirty look, but since that wasn't possible with the blindfold... "Sheesh.  Give a girl a break," she muttered thickly, and then licked at her dry lips, pulling herself together enough to rasp out, “'Cause seriously?  I'm not even sure I can move right now.”

 

Alec eyed her with a raised eyebrow, his eyes gleaming as he drawled seductively, “Oh, I wouldn't worry about that part sweetheart; you’re not goin’ anywhere yet.”

 

Max stilled at the wicked promise contained in his voice, struggling to restore her focus on the external world again, but it was hard without any visual references to link herself to.  All she could hear was the pounding of her heart and the rasping of her breath in her chest.  Her nerves still twitching fitfully from the aftershocks coursing through her while the vibrations inside her slowly resolved into a low steady buzz instead of the sporadic jolts she had been receiving.

 

But then she felt something cold pressing at her lips and she turned her head a bit more toward it; opening up when she realized Alec was offering her a piece of ice to help quench her thirst and soothe her throat.  His heated lips following closely behind as he engaged her in a prolonged and extremely intimate kiss, his tongue twining with hers and sharing her taste.  His fingers carefully removing her blindfold and then running softly through her hair, lingering as he lightly stroked over her cheek and neck and back, watching her eyes slowly blink open to gaze at him. 

 

Sighing contentedly and smiling at him, she floated in a state of sensual bliss, feeling like she could easily melt into the cushions and just drift off for a little bit as long as he continued doing what he was doing.  But apparently he had more extensive and urgent plans for their evening, because he stood up and removed his underwear before returning to his perch behind her again.  His hands caressing their way over her back and hips, eventually moving to untie the bows to her g-string.  Her heart rate picking back up again when he pulled it free and tossed it aside, exposing her completely to his gaze. 

 

Despite what she’d originally thought, she could feel the thrill of arousal starting to build again as he gently tugged the vibrator from inside her.  His nimble fingers quickly encasing it in a condom before dragging it ever so slowly through her slick folds and then up to carefully probe and tease at her anus instead.  

 

“Oh God.”  She shuddered delicately as she got an inkling of what he likely had in mind, memories of other times they’d tried similar activities with his fingers and such setting her body tingling in a blaze of lust and anticipation.  "You're gonna put that up my ass, aren't you." she whispered hoarsely, trying to imagine how incredibly intense the vibrations would feel in that area.

 

"Mmmhmm," he rumbled affirmatively, the sound coming from deep in his chest.  Adding plenty of lube to ensure her comfort, Alec gently started massaging her with the vibrator, leaning in to lave at her clit with his tongue as well to help her relax enough to grant it passage. 

 

She couldn't help but sigh at the delicious feel of his hot wet tongue rasping lightly over her most sensitive skin, his slow and leisurely movements exactly what she wanted and needed right now.  The special care and attention he always took with her fulfilling her on so many levels.  Concentrating as best she could, she tried to get her lower muscles to relax, feeling the thin vibrator slowly start working its way up inside her, tingling sensations already beginning to zing through her from its low steady buzz.

 

Alec gave her clit a last soft lingering lick as he finally felt the bullet slip completely inside her protective ring of muscles, and carefully eased his finger back out.  Then got up on his knees to look at her, needing to see her face.  "How does that feel babe?"

 

Her expression was priceless, looking somewhere between shocked wonder, almost pain, and sheer ecstasy.   She couldn't seem to decide which either; all she could do was pant and moan, her soft chocolate eyes staring up at him in a daze, her fingers clenching and unclenching at the small of her back.

 

His eyes sparkling now as he saw that she was apparently okay, he reached down and grabbed the remote again, turning down the intensity level for the moment as he started flipping through the different patterns until he found one that got the reaction he was looking for.

 

"Oh. My. _Fucking. God_!"  Max moaned long and loud, her voice sounding completely fucked out.  Her eyes rolling back in her head as she bit her lower lip, hard.  Her toes curling up even as her whole body shivered in reaction.

 

When she finally managed to focus on him again, he couldn't help but grin cockily at her.  "That good, huh?"

 

She barely managed to nod, her lower lip still clenched between her teeth, her hands straining against her bonds, trying to reach out for him.

 

"You want me inside you too?  Want to try and make a baby tonight?"

 

"Please!"

 

As she nodded frantically, her eyes desperate and pleading for him, Alec needed no further encouragement.  Moving in closer to her and rubbing his cock through her dripping folds, he pressed inside her tight sheath, not even bothering to tease her anymore.  Groaning himself now as he felt the faint vibrations rippling through her skin and onto him. 

 

Dialing up the intensity again until they were both gasping and moaning, he tossed the remote to one side and began thrusting into her, holding on to her hips and pulling her back onto his cock.  Feeling her convulsing around him already as she came with a scream, her fluids spilling down her thighs and coating them both.  But he kept on going, lost in the feeling of her, her hot velvety walls rippling repeatedly around him, caressing him and trying to milk him for his cum, her needy mewling whimpers answering every one of his grunts of pleasure. 

 

Wanting and needing her closer though, he struggled to release her wrists, both of them shouting triumphantly as the ties finally gave way.  Bracing himself and pulling her up to him, he wrapped his arms around her, feeling her arms fly up and around the back of his neck, her shaky hands fisting in his hair and pulling him even closer, tugging his mouth down to her neck.  His hands finding her and scooping her completely out of the damp clingy lace, squeezing her tits and twisting and tugging at her nipples, his lips and teeth mouthing and nipping at his mating mark as she settled in his lap and rode him like a pro.  Both of them moving together as one. 

 

He finally had to release her breasts though, his hands grasping on to her hips and moving them for her when she just couldn't anymore, having come at least once more already while he pounded up into her. 

 

Max was beside herself, feeling so full she couldn't imagine anything better.  The insane shocks of pleasure that kept pulsing over and over again through her ass to the rest of her system so intense, _so fucking unbelievable_ , she couldn't even scream anymore.  So far gone, she could only lean back into his hot sweaty embrace and let him take over, trusting him to see them through.  Shaking and sobbing incoherently, she finally felt him let go, his hot wet seed spurting inside her and coating her walls as he grunted and shouted her name, pulling her down hard onto him a few more times before holding inside her and shuddering out his own release, gasping as it caused her to do the same.  Her body squeezing like a vise around him.

 

Barely able to move anymore, Alec struggled to bring them both down to the bed as they both came down off their high, gingerly pulling out of her with a prolonged shudder.  Hearing her mutter something about "off" and "out" as her hands twitched spasmodically, reaching out as if trying to find something, he suddenly realized what she needed.

 

Stretching an arm out quickly to grab the remote, he turned the vibrator off for her and then carefully pulled it out, hearing her give a low whimper of utter thanks and relief.  Her eyes already starting to close as her body succumbed to its need for recovery.  Gathering her up in his arms and curling around her protectively so they could both rest for a bit before the next round, he pressed a tender kiss to her forehead, and whispered, "Love you so much, sweetie." 

 

Yawning, she smiled as she nestled into his chest, pressing a glancing kiss over his heart as she murmured, "Love you too, baby."


	7. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimer and author notes.

## Chapter 6

### Day 2 - 2025Jan07 - Tuesday - Approximately 01:30 am...

Max stood in the hallway, silently debating the merits of continuing on or stopping to rest for a while, as she could feel it was getting quite late.  The memories she'd visited over the past five or six hours thankfully not taking a heavy toll on her at all.  Most of them exceedingly pleasant in fact. 

 

There'd been the survival training session she'd been on with her siblings back when she was about 8, which had actually ended up being a blast, despite being orchestrated by Manticore.  They'd been tagged, transported and left isolated in a very rugged and remote wilderness setting for seven days in the middle of winter.  Equipped with only the clothing on their backs and a knife each, they'd been given absolutely no food or water and left to fend for themselves.

 

But they'd been together, with an almost unheard of lack of supervision, so it'd actually seemed more like a vacation than anything else.  She and her siblings had laughed and explored as they'd hunted for small game and foraged for edible barks, roots and berries.  Even made their own temporary shelter.  And they’d spent almost every evening relaxing and sitting around a campfire for warmth, listening to Ben spin all sorts of great stories to entertain them.

 

And then she'd got to go back to when Alec had taught her to play piano.  One had been found in a large abandoned building a few months after TC had been established and it had been set up as one of their communal lounge/rec areas.  They'd ended up there one night almost a year ago now, and she'd teased and cajoled him until he'd finally given in and shown her how it was done. 

 

She'd been alright, getting the mechanics of it down easily enough, but nowhere near as good as him in terms of portraying emotional depth and feeling.  But that could’ve been partly because of how distracted she’d been, sitting between his legs and leaning back into his chest; his arms wrapped around her as he’d moved her hands over the keys and explained the basics of reading sheet music.  It had been a lot of fun though, and she still dabbled at it from time to time whenever they wound up there.

 

But she'd particularly enjoyed revisiting the time Alec had taken her away to Mount Rainier for a camping trip, after convincing her that they could leave Bran holding the fort for three or four days.  Ostensibly, he'd told her it was so that they could have their own private celebration and well-deserved vacation since they’d finally signed the truce with the US government over a month prior.  But in actual fact, he'd planned a very special and very romantic long weekend, taking care of every single detail so that she could just relax and enjoy herself for a change.

 

It still brought a smile to her lips just thinking about it.  Despite the fact that it'd been the middle of August, it'd been surprisingly quiet and secluded, seeming almost as if they had the entire park to themselves.  Not very many people willing nowadays to spare the gas it’d require getting there and back. 

 

So they’d hiked and explored at their leisure, just soaking in the beauty of everything around them, and talking and laughing about all sorts of things along the way.  And he’d absolutely doted on her the entire trip, being even more attentive and affectionate than usual and catering to her every whim and fantasy.  They'd made love so many times and in so many new and interesting places.  Up on a cliff top as the sun had slowly risen around them, and in one of the waterfall pools where they’d stopped to skinny-dip, neither of them having tried it before; and even in a luminescent ice cave they’d found purely by accident. 

 

Her favorite time though, and the one she’d re-experienced, being on their second night there, when they'd set up camp on the edge of a wildflower meadow by [Tipsoo Lake](http://www.flickr.com/photos/67335989@N00/6633492413/).  After they’d eaten and cleaned up, and been about to settle in by the campfire for a romantic evening, Alec had surprised her by getting down on one knee and proposing transgenic style; offering his neck to her and pledging his love and fidelity and protection to her for the rest of his life.  Swearing to her that she’d never want for anything if there were any way he could possibly provide it, and asking with his heart shining up at her from his dazzling green eyes if she’d consent to mate with him and make him the happiest man alive. 

 

It’d taken her a second to catch her breath and realize he was drop-dead serious, that he hadn’t been kidding around at all with the broad hints and suggestions he’d been dropping the past few months, as she’d feared he might’ve possibly been, too scared to actually get her hopes up.  But then she’d given him a radiant smile and nodded, saying "Yes," before tugging him up and into her arms for a kiss. 

 

They hadn't even bothered with the tent they’d pitched, much preferring to lie together under the vast splendor of the stars.  The moon gracing them with her luminous blessing as well.  Alec had opened up one of their sleeping bags and laid it out in the middle of the field, and with the sweet scents of the wildflowers floating on a gentle breeze around them, and the soft grass and moss blanketing their bodies; they’d claimed each other and consummated their union before all of heaven and earth. 

 

Sighing blissfully and smiling at the memory, Max slowly came back to herself.  Taking another look around at all the arches, she shrugged and decided to hit one more before stopping for the night, as she really wasn’t feeling all that tired at the moment. 

 

* * *

**_Music:  Sweet Dreams - Marilyn Manson.  I recommend you have a listen before reading the next memory.  I think it sets the mood perfectly - with the slow eerie build up, the slightly off-key piano plinking, and the relentless heartbeat like rhythm pounding away in the background.  Not to mention his raspy voice (particularly about 3:10 in).  If you don't have it, you can always watch the decidedly_ ** [ **_creepy video_ ** ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6VojYGrnpg) **_._ **

* * *

 

Stepping through the closest portal, she frowned and stopped in her tracks when the mist dissipated to reveal nothing but a cold pitch-black void around her.  The air so chill, she could've sworn she'd be able to see her breath.  If she'd been able to see that is. 

 

~Plink~

 

"What the hell?"  Turning around in a circle, she strained her eyes as hard as she could, but couldn't pick up the source of the sound.  Or anything at all in fact.  Not even the slightest hint as to what this memory might be.  Except...

 

~Plink~

 

And there it was again.  The sound of... water?  Dripping somewhere?  Maybe into something metal?  She cocked her head to the side, listening intently to the slow but steady noise, and trying to place the other low-pitched buzzing and ticking sound in the background as well.  Drawing in a deep breath as she tried to concentrate, she nearly gagged on the sickening aroma that filled her nostrils.

 

Blood.

 

The smell of it was everywhere now that she was starting to focus more on her other senses, initially overwhelming the other cloying odors around her, and it sent a shiver running down her spine.  Especially when she identified the taint of sweat and fear and urine lingering as well.  And the musky scent of semen.

 

But before she could fully process those things, she heard a low moan come from somewhere directly behind her.  And then a hint of light illuminated a tiny fraction of the floor in front of her, only to swiftly blink back out again.  After a few seconds, and another groggy moan, the light blinked again and returned, filtering in through a small barred grate on the wall to her right near the end of the room.  Her vision narrowed and bleary at first, almost as if she were looking through someone else's eyes.  As if someone were shining a rather dim flashlight and slowly casting it over the contents of the room, directing her sight and burning the afterimages into her retinas.

 

The grey of the walls and ceiling was bleak and unrelenting, slowly resolving itself into concrete in her mind, and after a moment she realized the dark-brown splotches that stained the equally grey floor likely weren't made by paint.  And she swallowed hard and moaned herself as she started to grasp where she likely was and what it all meant.  And why she couldn't recall ever being here. 

 

Her hands began to tremble as she clutched nervously at the silk collar of her robe, pulling it tighter around herself in an instinctive protective gesture.  The descriptions from the previous victims beginning to flash through her head unbidden, matching themselves up one by one with the images slowly materializing out of the gloom around her.  The concrete room and the metal door that the grate was set in.  The toilet and sink.  The floor drains.  The hooks and chains.  The metal racks.  The sex toys and hideously obscene torture devices.  All of it inexorably coalescing into nightmarish proportions. 

 

She started hyperventilating and mumbling "No" to herself over and over again when the directed vision swung down to focus on unmistakably teal fabric.  Then slowly lifted to trace feminine arms; cataloging the heavy steel manacles encircling each wrist and following each chain up toward the high ceiling.  Slender fingers grabbing onto the chains and tugging hard against the spot where each was strung through a loop in the ceiling and then bolted back down to the floor; finding them more than solid enough.  The gaze glancing back down at ankles that were bound just as securely and tracing their chains to thick bolts in the floor as well, although there was plenty of slack in those. 

 

A primal cry of terror and distress resounded behind her, making the hair stand up on the back of her neck.  Followed closely by the sounds of a fierce struggle arising, the chains rattling and clinking in protest.  And then she felt it, a surge of sensations welling up out of nowhere.  First and foremost being the cold hard steel of the manacles, chafing and biting into her wrists where they supported her full weight.

 

Shutting her eyes on a matching cry of her own, and grabbing at her head at the sudden pain manifesting there, she gulped and slowly forced them open again.  Turning around with dread, not wanting to see, but knowing what she was going to find, she saw herself hanging from the ceiling, wrestling feverishly with her bonds, her legs kicking out wildly as she pulled with all her weight.  And she realized with a stunned and sick kind of horror that her double must have accidently touched her, probably kicked her, as she could _feel_ her pain and terror.  The memory she’d somehow managed to repress surging implacably to the fore once more…

> **_2025Jan06 - Monday - Approximately Noon_ **
> 
> __
> 
> _Thin trails of blood snaked down her arms as she yanked frantically at the manacles encircling her wrists, sharp gasping breaths ripping viciously through her chest as she thrashed and flailed, straining over and over again to pull her hands free.  Her skin scraping and tearing to no avail as her bones simply refused to cooperate and slip through the too small openings, not even once they were coated and slippery with her own blood.  Hysterical sobs starting to wrack her body as she realized there’d be no escape.  Not this time.  And no dashingly cocky hero bursting in at the last minute to miraculously save her either._

  

"NO!"  She screamed, terror coursing through her as she scuttled backward into the inky darkness and along the edges of the room, frantic to find some escape from the hellish reality bombarding her.  “Somebody help me!  Let me out of here!  Please!” 

 

Racing over to the door, she pounded her fists and slammed her body desperately against it, fingers scrabbling trying to open it, but it was no use.  She couldn't even see anything outside the door, despite the flickering fluorescent light that she knew had to be outside it.  And with some insanely detached part of her brain, she realized it was probably because she'd never made it to the door to see past it in reality.

 

Finally backing herself up into a corner, she sunk down into a crouch, huddling in on herself and sobbing hysterically as she rubbed at her stinging and burning wrists, “God NO!  Please!!!  This can’t be happening!  I'll do anything!  Just get me out of here!  _Please!  ALEC!!!”_  

 

Eventually she quieted, becoming almost numb as she began to accept that no one would be coming to her aid, that she was stuck here until the memory played out, no matter how much she might wish and pray otherwise.  Her attention finally drawn reluctantly back to her own body hanging about two feet off the floor in the center of the room.  The struggle there having abated a bit as well, as her doppelganger muttered disturbingly, seemingly having some sort of conversation…  _With herself.  Or, well, at least a part of herself_ , she realized suddenly, her eyes widening as she was struck by a moment of stunning and disconcerting clarity.  Her head throbbing in ever increasing agony as she took it all in.

  

> _The calmer and much more rational voice of her inner soldier, of 452, soothing, “You need to calm down Max.  You’re only gonna hurt us, or hurt the baby if you keep this up.”_
> 
> _Her own panic-stricken voice, panting and answering, “Can't.  Can't lose it.”_
> 
> _“That's right Max.  So just calm down, alright.”_
> 
> _“Gotta get outta here.  Need to get free...  Maybe overpower him…” the words slipping past her trembling lips in a whimper of pitiable desperation, as her wild eyes tore the room apart, looking for any means of escape._
> 
> _“Ain’t gonna happen, Max.  And you know it.”  452 shook her head sadly, as she admitted, “This guy’s way too good to screw up that easily.  So just let me-”_
> 
> _“No!  Can’t do this…  Can’t handle this…  Never gonna be the same…”  She interrupted, her head shaking back and forth in denial as she started to hyperventilate once more, pulling roughly at her bonds.  “Gonna lose everything that matters.”_
> 
> _452's voice hardening, trying to get through to her, “Max!  You’ve got to try to hold it together.  I swear I’ll take care of this.  Haven’t I always taken care of you?”_
> 
> _But she wasn't listening, still too frantic, too upset.  She couldn't make sense of anything, her brain running off on yet another tangent.  “Alec.  Oh God, I need you.  Love you so much.  Can’t lose you.  Can’t survive without you.  Not anymore.”_
> 
> _“You won’t have to.  He loves you.”  452 reassured, as optimistically as she could._
> 
> _“But he might leave.  Most of the other mates have.” she cried._
> 
> _“Not all of them though.”  When that got no more than a whimper in response, 452 continued, “You gotta trust him.  You know he loves you. There's no way he'd leave.”_
> 
> _She just shook her head though, too terrified to be rational, “I always lose the ones I love.  So why should this be any different?”  And suddenly a wave of cramps hit, and she sobbed, “Oh God no, not the baby!  Can't lose you too.  Only thing I might have left of Alec.”_
> 
> _“It won't be.”_
> 
> _“You can't be sure of that!”  She almost shrieked at herself._
> 
> _“Just don’t worry, okay?  I'll take care of everything.  You know I can.  I always do.  I'll make sure the baby stays safe Max.  I promise.”  452's voice ringing with strength and conviction._
> 
> _Finally starting to calm a bit, as the inevitability of it all started to sink in, she muttered, “Can't fight him though.  Lose it for sure.  He hurt the others real bad when they tried.”_
> 
> _“I know.  And I'll try my damnedest not to, even if it kills me.  But you know you can't do this.  You'll never make it.  Not for as long as this is gonna take."_
> 
> _She sniffled and nodded, her voice cracking as she acknowledged her own limitations.  "I know."_
> 
> _"And there's no way I can control both our instincts to fight, not at the same time, so I’m gonna have to try to make you go away for a little while.”  Trying to inject some optimism into the situation, 452 said, “Who knows, maybe it’ll even help protect you.  Keep you from going through this.”_
> 
> _She wasn't holding out much hope on that though.  Her luck never having been that great.  “Fine.  But if something happens…  If we do lose the baby…"  Her voice trailed off sadly and she shook her head.  "I don't wanna come back, not to become some timid and pathetic little shell of myself with no mate, and no baby!  Do you hear me!?  Can I trust you to do what'll need to be done?  To end things?"_
> 
> _Not really thinking it necessary, and not wanting to believe that Alec would actually leave them, 452 sighed and hesitantly murmured, “Ok.”_
> 
> _Not convinced at all that she meant it, Max sobbed, “No!  Promise me that you’ll do it!  That you’ll end it if we lose the baby!”  The sheer command and desperation in her voice forcing the other’s hand._
> 
> _Determined to see this through now and protect their baby at all costs, so that hopefully it wouldn’t ever become necessary, 452 vowed, “I promise.  I swear it on our baby’s life.”_

Max gasped, barely able to believe what she was seeing and hearing and feeling.  Even though the words spoken had pretty much mirrored the conflicting thoughts she’d had herself out in the hallway earlier, when this had all been merely speculation.  And all she could think, after watching herself argue with herself in two bizarrely separate voices and attitudes, was:  _This is it._   _I've gone insane.  Completely lost it.  Maybe I'm more like Ben than I ever imagined._  

 

And then both she and her doppelganger froze, pure and utter silence overcoming them all, as they heard a far off creaking noise of something opening, and then a low menacing laugh ring out.  A shudder of sheer dread and fear wracking her body as she realized what that sound heralded.  And that she’d heard that exact same sound before, during her initial memory on the beach.

 

> _Stark panic was etched clearly on her ashen face, her lips trembling violently, her eyes huge as she stared at the door, utterly petrified.  And then it was gone.  In an instant, a blank mask dropped over her face as 452 shut every single aspect of Max down and forcibly took over, shunting her alter ego off to a safer place inside her memories._
> 
>  

 

Max screamed and clutched desperately at her head, almost throwing up as a debilitating stab of pain sliced through her brain, feeling as if she were being torn apart from the inside out.  And just as suddenly as it had hit, the pain relented, leaving her gasping for breath, but allowing her to think clearly once more.  Blinking back tears as she forced herself to look back up again, she frowned when she realized she had absolutely no clue anymore of what was going to happen.  Beyond the obvious that is.  Her memory of these events completely non-existent.  And then she realized they had to be 452’s.

> _Trying to brace herself, 452 gave herself a rushed, if whispered, pep talk, her eyes trained warily on the door as she could hear the echo of his footsteps slowly advancing toward her.  “Alright, you can do this soldier.  You can handle this.  After all, how bad can it really be after all the torture and shit that Manticore put us through.  No big deal, right?  You can tough this out.  It’s only 5 days.”  Her chin lifting resolutely as her eyes hardened into steel._
> 
> _After a minute, she heard the lock click open and watched as the door swung inward with a harsh creak, letting in a flood of light and blinding her temporarily.  She blinked rapidly to clear her vision, then watched as his massive shadow entered first, followed by the man himself.  His legs clad in black leather boots and chaps with the crotch completely cut out; his cock already obscenely erect, sick bastard that he obviously was.  The muscles of his bare chest and arms rippling and flexing with barely contained power; his hands held in loose fists at his sides, already safely ensconced in a pair of black leather gloves._
> 
> _His head was covered as well in a black leather mask that completely encased his head from the base of his neck up, concealing his hair and the vast majority of his features.  Large slits cut out only for his ears, mouth, nostrils and eyes.  Although with the way the mask protruded down and out over his eyebrows, and the way he'd painted the skin surrounding his eyes completely black, it was impossible to see more than the glint of his eyes.  They were too overshadowed to be able to make out anything else._
> 
> _Breathing as slowly and as evenly as she could manage, she tried to remain calm, examining every minute detail about him carefully and looking for any opportunity she might get to free herself.  She narrowed her eyes to protect them as she watched him move to flick on the light switch by the door, throwing everything around them into sharp relief as the room lit up.  The metal torture racks positively gleaming and reflecting the light._
> 
> _"Welcome to your new home darlin'." He rasped out in a strangely altered voice, then grinned when he noticed the blood trailing thickly down her arms.  “Found out you can’t get free, hmmm?  And that you're mine to do with as I please now?”  He laughed, and then turned and grabbed a long narrow-bladed knife off the far wall._
> 
> _Slowly approaching her, he walked a complete circuit around her body, undressing her with his eyes as he tried to intimidate her.  Slipping behind her again and pulling down the back of her robe, he twisted the knife in under the collar and sliced through it like butter, slowly working his way from her shoulder to her elbow.  Then did the same to the other side until the delicate fabric fell to the ground._

 

Max cringed, as she could feel the dull edge of the icy blade caressing her barcode and gliding over the skin of her shoulders and arms.  Her skin crawling as the cool air collided with the heat of his breath and the slick wetness of his tongue, as he licked a stripe up her spine once it was exposed.

 

> _“It was very sweet of you, by the way, to pretty yourself up like this for me.  I do appreciate the eye candy.”  Stepping back around in front of her, he sliced through the spaghetti straps securing her chemise, then reached over to put the knife down on one of the tables to her left.  Her eyes gleaming with a tantalizing bit of hope while his back was turned, at the potential access to a weapon, if she could only find a way to get to it._
> 
> _"Nice," he murmured as he turned back and saw that her breasts were full enough to hold the fabric in place, the height she was hanging at placing them directly at face level.  Raising his hands, he stroked them up over the silk and fondled her tits, squeezing them hard.  "But I don't think you'll be needing this any longer, although it does feel good."  Grinning evilly at her, he grabbed the lacy neckline of her chemise and tore it straight down the middle, rending through the fine gossamer-thin fabric like it was paper and crumpling it up in one of his fists.  Bringing it down to his crotch, he rubbed it over his cock and closed his eyes for a moment, moaning deliberately and teasing, "Ooh.  Very nice indeed."_
> 
> _Tossing it aside by the knife, not even noticing that it covered it up, his eyes roamed hungrily over her almost nude body, slowly coming down to linger on the silk adorning her mound.  "Damn, you really are a sexy little thing, aren't ya.  Can't wait for us to become better acquainted."  Putting his hands on her hips, he stroked them down over her thighs, hooking his thumbs in and pulling her panties down with them until they slipped past her knees and dropped the rest of the way of their own accord, catching on the chains dangling right below her feet._
> 
> _452 strained to control herself, the urge to lash out at him, to stop the slimy bastard from touching her, extremely strong.  But she knew it would do no good to even try, not while she was restrained in this fashion.  All it would serve to do would be to aggravate him and escalate the situation.  So she bit her tongue, the slight pain helping her stay focused on what was important._
> 
> _He bent down and sniffed along her crotch, snorting when her legs instinctively closed as tightly as they could, and he forcibly pulled them back open again, exposing her fully to his gaze.  His nose turning up a bit as he smelled the taint of another male lingering there, knowing it would be that of her insolent mate.  Straightening back up, he sneered at her, "And you've apparently already been such a busy little beaver too.  Did you enjoy your morning fuck?"_
> 
> _When she glared at him, not bothering to dignify his comment with a response, he snickered, "Well, no matter darlin', ‘cause I'm gonna make you forget all about your pathetic little 494.  Gonna show you exactly what a real man does with sluts like you."  Leaning in quickly, he captured a nipple in his mouth and sucked it in hard, biting and chewing at it until it was all she could do not to scream.  Her nipples already overly sensitive due to the pregnancy._
> 
> _Feeling three leather clad fingers roughly invading below her waist as well, 452 bit her lower lip hard and stared up at the ceiling, starting to recite her barcode number over and over again in her head as she tried not to think about what he was doing to her.  Just biding her time until he let her down, so she could escape.  Praying he had the keys to her restraints on him, so she could unlock them once she slit his fucking throat with that knife.  Of course, if nothing else, she knew she could always pick the damn locks with it after too._

Max whimpered and cried out in terror and pain, her hands instinctively moving in an attempt to shield her breasts and her crotch as she tried to retreat from his assault.  But she already had her back to the corner, and no matter where she squirmed or moved, the phantom sensations just followed her, utterly relentless in their intensity.  She could feel his fingers probing and rubbing inside her, the rough leather chafing at her dry inner folds.  His teeth sharp and deliberately cruel, feeling like they were ripping through her sensitive nipple and areola.  A scream finally being pulled from her throat when he moved to her other breast and attacked it as well.

 

> _Disappointed when he couldn't even get a whimper or a moan out of her, he stepped back and moved over toward the door, deciding to up the ante a little and coax a bit more fight out of her.  Smirking to himself as he thought about it, he knew that the weapon he’d conveniently ‘forgotten’ about would present too much of a temptation for her to resist.  Grabbing the lever on the far wall, he yanked it down unceremoniously, opening the loops in the ceiling to release her chains, and causing her to fall to the floor._
> 
> _452 didn't even hesitate.  She was already moving as she touched down, desperate to get to that knife; cursing as she felt her discarded panties catch on the chains and try to trip her up, slowing her down just that tiniest bit too much.  Her fingers slipping over the silk covering it at the same time as he reached her._

Max screamed hoarsely, cheering her on with every ounce of will that she had, hoping and praying that she'd reach it in time.  That she'd be able to kill the sick son of a bitch.  Her breath catching in her throat when she felt the pain jarring in her right elbow and then carving through her thumb.

 

> _Snapping her elbow back into his face to give herself just a hair’s worth more time, 452 picked the knife up through the silk, feeling it slice her left thumb wide open as the blade slipped in her hand.  Not even fazed, she tightened her grip around it anyway and half-turned to stab viciously at him, feeling it slice through his shoulder somewhere near his clavicle._
> 
> _"Fuck!  You feisty little bitch!"  Pissed off that she’d actually managed to get to it, that she’d moved much faster than he’d anticipated, he reacted instantly, striking out at her punishingly._
> 
> _Already starting to twist it back out to try again for his throat, her self-satisfied grin died on her lips when he immediately grabbed the arm holding the knife and backhanded her violently with his other, wrenching her head and upper body all the way around and twisting her knife arm up sharply much farther than it was normally supposed to go.  A gasp escaping her lips as she felt her wrist snap from the torsion he was exerting, the knife dropping from her suddenly nerveless fingers._
> 
> _She didn't hear it hit the floor though, so she figured he must have caught it.  Already gearing up to try to get it away from him, she growled furiously when she heard it skitter along the floor a good distance away, clearly having been thrown, somewhere over by the door would be her best guess, which didn't really leave her with much in the way of options unless she could find it.  And quickly._

Max hissed and quickly cradled her left forearm, looking down half expecting to see bone protruding through the skin from the intensity of the pain radiating there.  But there was no evidence of any wounds at all.  Shaking her head in disbelief, she turned back to the fight and scanned the room intently, trying to figure out where the knife went, finally spying it underneath the table closest to the door.

> _"I'm gonna have so much fun breaking you.  You're gonna scream for mercy bef-"_
> 
> _452 didn't let him finish his raging taunt.  Twisting back to face him, she rammed her right fist directly toward his solar plexus and raised her knee toward his crotch with every ounce of adrenaline coursing through her veins, only managing to catch him with glancing blows though as he quickly deflected the worst of them.  But it was enough to get him to release her.  Twisting away from him, she headed for the door, determined to retrieve that knife or die trying.  Spying it lying underneath one of the tables, she darted toward it, her fingers so fucking close she could taste the freedom, only to be stopped in her tracks by an outrageously strong grip.  Cruel hands digging into her damaged and broken wrist and yanking her backward._
> 
> _"No!"  She screamed, struggling desperately despite the heavy manacles and chains weighing down her limbs; kicking out backwards at him with all her might and barely missing his jutting erection as he shoved her head first over the torture rack in front of her.  Seizing a fistful of hair, he slammed her face down viciously on the cold polished steel, breaking her nose and making her see stars, then grabbed at her arms and legs while she was still halfway dazed, shackling her down into a bent over spread-eagle pose as her face and breasts slipped into the crudely formed holes awaiting them._

 

“No.”  Max mumbled in horror and disbelief, shaking her head numbly as she watched herself get wrestled down and restrained again.  Seeing the bloody knife lying directly on the floor beneath her, taunting her with the knowledge of how close she’d actually come to getting away.

 

> _"You're gonna pay for that, you stupid little cunt," his mechanically-altered voice promised as he walked over to the far wall and scrutinized his wide selection of goodies while she looked on in stunned horror.  After picking out a tube of lube, he let his fingers stroke lovingly over several wicked looking items, finally settling on a cat o' nine tails.  "Now this little baby oughta help teach you your proper place."  Stalking back toward her with a lurid grin, he trailed the triple knotted cords over her flesh, letting the anticipation and fear build until he could smell it radiating from her in waves._
> 
> _“You sick fuck!  I’m gonna kill you for this!  I swear to God!”_
> 
> _Laughing, low and menacingly when she swore at him and tugged even more frantically at her bonds, he smacked the thick handle across her ass in warning and forced his way in between her thighs, spreading her ass cheeks and opening her up fully to him.  "Not quite so high and mighty now, are we Queen Bitch?  Stark naked and ass up in the air, just begging for a damn good pounding from a real man.  Not like that useless pussy of a mate you got, letting you rule the roost like some fucking princess."_
> 
> _As he spoke, he shoved the tube up against her tightly puckered anus, forcing her open with his fingers and squeezing some lube in to help ease his passage and enhance his own pleasure.  He deliberately took his time closing the lid and putting it away in a pocket of his leather chaps, having way too much fun watching her squirm and curse at him like a sailor; striking her ass in punishment for each and every obscenity, his cock twitching and growing harder with every blow._

 

Resigned to her fate now, Max swiped at her eyes and curled further back into the corner; trying to block out the pain and mentally prepare herself for what she sorely knew was coming.  For it was a defining moment really.  Deep down in her bones, in her very soul, she could feel the aching awareness flaring to life within her.  The knowledge that from here on out, every event in her life would have one solitary point of reference. 

 

As happening either Before.  Or After. 

 

Her rape becoming the yardstick by which her life would now forever be measured.  Every single breath dying a slow and bitter death in her constricting chest as she felt the moment drawing nearer and nearer.  The absolute inevitability of it all dragging her down into the fiery pits of Hell. 

 

There was no point in trying to run or hide from it after all.  No.  It was much too late for that.  Had probably been too late from the moment Joshua had walked out her door.  From the very instant she'd decided to let him go to the mess without her, though she hadn't known it yet.  Hadn't had any clue as to the consequences that event would trigger.  Although that would surely come, along with all the self-flagellation and blame.  All the should haves and if onlys that would now forever plague her waking thoughts from here until eternity. 

 

> _When he couldn't stand the anticipation any more, he lined himself up and thrust in brutally, burying himself to the hilt in her ass in one swift stroke despite the strong resistance he encountered.  Cracking the cat down across her back almost simultaneously, he grunted with satisfaction as it made her involuntarily clench around him._
> 
> _Pain speared through her so suddenly and so viciously, it stole her breath, burning along every single nerve ending; white spots filling her vision as she almost passed out.  And then she wished she had.  A long piercing scream ripping from her throat in impotent rage and anguish as he pulled all the way back out, waited a moment, and then did it all over again._
> 
> _And again._
> 
> _Her hands clenching so tightly into fists that her nails bit deep into her palms with each and every thrust and bite of the cat into her flesh, blood dripping and splattering down to the floor as she wrenched her arms and legs futilely against her restraints.  Looking down, her gaze slowly focused on the knife lying just beneath her, so close and yet miles away in terms of being of any use now, tears of rage and pain and grief finally slipping down her face…_

 

Max screamed in utter heart-wrenching agony when she felt him shove himself inside her, maliciously ripping through every single wall and barrier she’d ever had or created, until he seemed to be penetrating her very soul.  The sheer immensity of the vile desecration he was forcing upon her far worse than anything she’d ever imagined possible.  Her eyes wide and haunted, burning from the hot tears streaming endlessly down her face.  Absolutely frozen with horror and shame as she was unable to do anything more than watch. 

 

And having to sit back and watch this happen?  To only be a spectator in this defining moment?  Well, that was almost the worst defeat of all.  The sheer helplessness and despair, the rage and frustration, all of it beating down on her like a million blows.  Whether from the very real lashes against her skin or the cruel violation of her body, of her spirit? 

 

None of her strength or physical prowess doing her any good in the end.

 

Not when it mattered.

 

Not when it counted and she needed it most.

 

This was Hell.  And life as she knew it was now over. 

 

Nothing would ever be the same again.

> _When he was finally finished, what felt like hours later, he pulled his dick out of her with a blissful groan and then sneered disgustedly at the mess of bodily fluids coating it.  Grabbing the remnants of her chemise from the floor, he used it to wipe himself off and then tossed it on her head.  “There, that’s much better now, isn’t it.”  Smirking down at her, he smacked her ass one last time with the cat, making sure that the knotted cords struck her directly between her spread legs, causing her to finally, mercifully, pass out from the overload of pain._

 

When the mist finally rose up around her, Max slowly crawled forward until the hallway reemerged, able to do little more than curl up into a fetal ball on the floor, sobbing incoherently as she gradually cried herself into an exhausted sleep.  Tears continuing to fall heedlessly long after she’d succumbed.


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimer and author notes.

## Chapter 7

### Day 2 - 2025Jan07 - Tuesday - Approximately 3:00 pm

_Mood Music:  Ice - Sarah McLachlan_

 

Little by little, Max drifted back into consciousness, feeling as though she were swimming up from the depths of a dark and murky sea.  Her eyes gritty and feeling like they were on fire; every muscle in her body aching with strain and exhaustion, almost as if she’d run a marathon in her sleep.  A peculiar sense of numbness blanketing her, making her feel like she was wrapped in a thick layer of cotton, unable to focus or think.  Or to even want to for that matter.  And after lying there staring blankly at the white wall in front of her for over twenty minutes, it finally occurred to her why that was.  

 

Slowly twisting her head to check how bad her back was, she blinked as she discovered a decided lack of blood and devastation.  Confused, she trained her gaze over her arms next, examining and moving each one carefully, but again there was nothing there.  No cuts on her hands or thumb, no torn flesh at her wrists, and certainly no broken bone.  Sliding a shaky hand gingerly down between her legs, she checked herself there thoroughly as well, but could find no evidence of any damage whatsoever.  And she was still wearing the same clothes she’d had on before, so nothing obvious seemed to have changed at all.  

 

 _Maybe it wasn't real?_ She wondered fuzzily.  Wanting, _needing_ any excuse not to believe, she attempted to rationalize it.  _Maybe I fell asleep and just didn't realize it.  Had a really bad nightmare simply from hearing the other women talk about it.  I could've conjured up something horrifically evil like that in my head to match up with their descriptions.  Couldn’t I?_

_Yeah.  That has to be it,_ she told herself as firmly as she could, trying to sweep her conflicting thoughts and emotions aside. _Because that couldn't have happened_.  _Not to me._ Never _to me.  There’s no way in hell._ She shook her head determinedly. _I mean, I'm strong, right?  A fighter.  I would've just kicked his ass.  No one gets the drop on me like that.  No one._

_And I’m not even hurt at all.  If that had really happened, wouldn't I be torn and bleeding?_

_So no._   She shook her head again for good measure.

_Just...  NO._

 

…

 

And yet…  

 

She _was_ here in this endless hallway of memories…

 

And she could still _feel_ the sting and burn of the lashes biting and carving through her flesh.  If she thought about it at all.  Which she wasn’t.

 

And she shuddered and choked back a horrified sob when she realized she could still feel _his_ hands on her, touching her far too intimately.  Could picture him entering her quite clearly too; feel him tearing her apart from the inside out, and she promptly curled back up into a ball.  Fresh tears starting to spill down her cheeks as the foul images and sensations returned with a vengeance, slamming into her with all the subtlety of a battering ram.  

 

And all she could think was...  _WHY?_

 

_Why me?_

_Why this?_

 

“There's gotta be a reason.  Hasn't there?” she whispered hoarsely to herself, her voice cracking and catching in her throat, raw from all the screaming and crying she’d done earlier.  

 

“But what could I have _ever_ done to deserve _this_?  And who could possibly hate me this much?”  She shook her head uncomprehendingly, none of it making any sense in her stunned and frazzled state.

There were no answers forthcoming though, and no one standing by her either to offer her any sort of justification or solace.  Just a cold and bitter silence surrounding her.  And an immense aching void deep within; an overwhelming sense of loss and desolation, a bleak emptiness that seemed to have no beginning or end.  The pervasive apathy she’d awoken with returning and encouraging her to just let it all go and switch off again.  Unable to deal with any of it yet.  

 

Time continued to march on, as she lay there unseeing, unmoving.  Barely even breathing.  How much time she didn't really know, but eventually she managed to muster up enough strength to at least sit up, leaning back against one of the walls and wrapping her arms tightly around her legs, suddenly feeling frozen.  And yet she was sweating too, her limbs trembling and her heart racing despite her lack of activity, which seemed quite odd.  Realizing after a moment, and with a rather disturbing degree of detachment, that she was likely in shock, she couldn't quite bring herself to care enough to try to do anything about it.  Not that there was much she could do in any event.

 

Her thoughts began to drift aimlessly, flitting over all sorts of topics as she tried to divert herself from thinking about what she'd just endured and what it all meant.  She wondered whether the supply run had gotten done yet, and how Dana was coping with the latest bout of teething Jacob had been going through.  Whether the revised shift rotations had been posted, and if perhaps they needed to start looking at increasing the variety of food in the mess to help meet the nutritional needs of all the new babies and their moms, most of whom were breastfeeding.

 

She made a mental note as well to check in with Brandy to start the search for a larger two-bedroom apartment within easy walking distance of Command.  For their current one-bedroom wasn’t nearly big enough.  And she wondered if they should try to bring in some more pool and foosball tables for the rec areas, as they were extremely popular and almost always being fought over.  Surely Alec knew somebody in his extensive contact list that could help them procure a few more.   And…

 

“Alec.”  She whispered longingly, as he filled her head to the exclusion of everything else.“God, I’d give anything to have you here with me.”  She tightened her grip around herself, needing the security of his strong arms wrapped around her instead, protecting her and holding her close.  “I wonder what you’re doing right now.”

 

While he was normally quite easy-going and hard to rile, she had the feeling that wouldn’t be the case any longer.   Closing her eyes, she tried to picture him; the images flooding her mind.  His eyes wild; his legs pacing frantically as he ran his hands roughly through his hair and chewed at his thumbs in frustration.   No doubt he’d be freaking out much like Kris had, cursing and throwing things and punching holes in walls, and tossing out orders left, right, and center.  Using every available resource to try to find her.  _For all the good it'll do me,_ she thought sadly.  Feeling tears rising to the surface again, she took several deep calming breaths to steady herself and firmly pushed that line of thought away, knowing it would lead nowhere good.

 

Their baby was next to cross her mind, and she shifted her legs down carefully so she could slide her hands protectively around her lower abdomen, beginning to caress it and softly hum a little lullaby, in an attempt to soothe herself more than anything else.  For she had to believe it was going to be alright.  The alternative simply unthinkable.

 

She tried to imagine whether it would be a boy or a girl, and which Alec might prefer, as they hadn't really had a chance to discuss that yet.  But she figured he'd probably want a son first.  In her mind's eye though, she pictured herself holding a beautiful little baby girl.  Whether she would have her father's gorgeous green eyes and her dark hair, or some other combination of their features, she couldn't quite decide.  It was fun to imagine all the different possibilities though, and that kept her quite happily distracted for another decent stretch of time.

 

Eventually though, as she slowly started to emerge from the refuge of the mental cocoon she’d constructed for herself, her mind drifted again to consider the existence of...  _Hmm._   _What should I call her anyway?_   _My alter ego?  A split personality?  Or something else?_   She frowned slightly, more than a little perturbed by the idea.

 

While she’d known for years, pretty much her entire life really, that she had an 'inner soldier' – a direct throwback to her childhood as 452 – she'd never particularly thought of her as being a distinct and separate entity from herself.  Although it really shouldn't have surprised her.  She'd never liked that side of herself after all, had absolutely despised being a soldier and having to subjugate her will to someone else's control.  And she’d done everything she could to distance herself as soon as she’d escaped out from under Manticore’s reins; burying 452 down deep and not giving her much thought after that.

 

Except for when things got rough.  It was habit she knew, but she always fell back on that persona during times of trouble; relying on the stronger and more detached 'soldier' in her to remain calm and effective whenever something dire threatened or needed to be done.  And “Oh my God,” she whispered, as it suddenly occurred to her.  “It all makes sense now.  That’s probably what happened when I shot Logan.  Why it all seemed so hazy, and why I don’t remember consciously grabbing Alec's gun and pulling the trigger.”  She shook her head bemusedly, “Because _I_ didn’t.  452 must have taken over and done it for me.”

 

And it was weird, because when she'd heard her talking – and she absolutely refused to think about why yet, just that she had – 452 had seemed to be fully aware of her and everything that was going on around them.  Had apparently been living like a shadow in the back of her mind this whole time, only stepping up when needed, but completely cognizant of all the intimate details of her life, including Alec and the baby.  Some of her words replaying in her mind and affirming that hypothesis.

 

_“You’re only gonna hurt us, or hurt the baby if you keep this up.”_

_“This guy’s way too good to screw up that easily.”_

  
_“You gotta trust him.  You_ know _he loves you._ _There's no way he'd leave.”_  


But _she hadn't_ been aware of 452's continual presence.  And it was distressing, and more than a bit disconcerting, to realize that there was someone else living inside her, someone who’d experienced every single event in her life, and maybe even things that she had little or no knowledge of.  What she was going through at the moment, living proof of that.  

 

“At least before this, I always seemed to be aware of what was going on when 452 was helping out, but now she appears to be in complete control and keeping all knowledge of what's happening from me.  Not that I mind either, as I'm much better off this way.”  She shook her head and shuddered.  “Hell, I’m having a hard enough time as is just dealing with the knowledge that I’ve been… that I’m _being_ … … … that _this_ is real,” she finally finished with a whimper, unable to utter the word raped, not in context with herself.  The wound too raw and unfathomable at the moment to even attempt to go anywhere near it.  “I’d lose it completely if I had to experience it all too.”  

 

And then she snorted, “Although, really, I guess maybe I already have.  Lost it, I mean.  I do apparently have two me’s now, don’t I?  And I’m trapped inside my head.  And talking to myself too!”  An edgy, almost hysterical laugh escaped her, before she shut it down, refusing to let herself fall apart any more than she already had.  Too uncertain as to whether she’d be able to put herself back together again if she did.  “My nervous breakdown’s just gonna have to take a backseat for the time being, ‘cause I’ve got more important things to worry about,” she muttered resignedly.  “Like figuring out how to make my way back to the real world.”

 

Sighing heavily, she forced herself back on track, “Alright, so focus Max.  While it is a blessing for her to be in control right now, it’s also potentially problematic over the longer term.  Because what’s gonna happen when this is over?  Assuming all goes well with the baby, and I want to return that is.  Will I even be able to go back and take over again?”  Thinking about the sharp blinding pain she'd felt when 452 had assumed command, she wasn't sure.  "Was there a greater meaning to that?  Maybe we _weren't_ separate before, and whatever she did _caused_ the split?  Maybe that's why I'm not aware anymore of what's going on?"  And that was a frightening thought.  Made it all seem that much more permanent.

 

“Of course, she’s likely gonna be a complete basket case by the time this is finished.  Probably be more than eager to hand the reins back over to me if she can.”  She grimaced and shivered, as she unwittingly remembered the tears and tormented look on 452’s face near the end.  But it didn’t bear thinking about.  She couldn’t.  Not if she wanted to remain at least semi-sane and functional.

 

“Alright, so I’ll find a way to get back.  Somehow.”  She told herself firmly and pushed on.  “In the meantime, I’ve got to do something.  'Cause I’ll go stir-crazy if I just sit here thinking about everything that's likely happening to me right now.  To her.”  She amended quickly, finding it much easier to deal with that way.  Even that slightest bit of separation helping to soothe her frayed nerves.  

 

“Okay, so maybe I can use this time to figure out who’s doing this.  Maybe some of these memories can actually help me.”  Looking up, she stared nervously at the archways around her, not even sure which one she’d most recently come out of.  “Do I dare try to visit any more though?  What if I end up back _there_ again?”  

 

She shuddered and then shook her head, trying to convince herself it would be okay.  “No.  That can’t be very likely, can it?  After all, I’ve got almost 25 _years_ worth of memories to choose from.  And the ones I want to avoid only take up maybe a few days of that.  So I should be safe.  Shouldn’t I?  The odds _should_ be in my favor.”  

 

Slowly rising to her feet and wincing at the bone-deep weariness seeping through her, she started walking down the hallway, taking herself farther away from danger.  Or at least she hoped she was.  Finally stopping when she’d gone about 300 feet, she gazed at the arches around her and started praying, “Please make it a good one.  Be something that I _want_ to see…  _Please_ …”  Taking a deep breath and closing her eyes, she turned and forced herself to enter one...

 

### Day 2 - 2025Jan07 - Tuesday - Approximately 8:00 pm

 

Max was greeted by the happy sounds of laughter and music, and sighed with relief.  “Oh thank God.”  Opening her eyes, she looked around and found herself in the laid-back atmosphere of _The Still_ , one of TC’s bars.  Owing its name to the distillery that occupied the rear half of the converted warehouse and one of its adjoining buildings, it produced an assortment of beers and liquors which were potent enough to give most transgenics a decent buzz.  Used mainly as a hangout for casual conversation and recreation – particularly by the Command crews since it was so close to HQ – several pool tables, dart boards, and foosball tables were interspersed amongst the mishmash of seating areas throughout the bar section of the warehouse.  

 

Between the staff continually monitoring and working the stills, and the transgenics frequenting the off-sales counter and bar itself, the place generally bustled with life, especially at night.  And tonight appeared to be no exception as the main floor was liberally littered with people chatting, playing games and getting their drink on.  And while she knew realistically that none of them could actually see her, that this was all just a memory, that didn’t prevent her from feeling any less exposed or vulnerable in her all-too-brief attire.  Especially after what had just happened.  Shivering as she pulled her silk robe tighter around herself, she wished desperately that she was wearing something at least a little more substantial, like maybe a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved shirt.  Or perhaps even one of Alec’s warmer sweaters, as she was still feeling particularly cold and shaky.  

 

Spying her doppelganger near the front of the line-up for drinks and seeing the other women from the committee slowly settling in at their usual table up in the small and somewhat more secluded loft section back above the washrooms, she picked her way carefully through the masses and climbed up the steps to join them so she could properly place the memory.  She was pretty sure it had to be sometime in the past year or so, as that was when she'd really started to become friends with them.  Several nights per month now spent hanging out here.  At least until recently.  

 

Sinking down into a seat at one of the adjacent tables as she realized how long this memory would be – it hadn't been hard to place once she'd gotten a good look at Sara – Max tried to shunt everything else aside and just relax, carefully rolling her neck and shoulders in an attempt to ease the tension gathering there.  But it was difficult, if not impossible, to rid herself of the unwelcome thoughts and emotions inundating her; the spectre of what she now knew to be her new reality weighing heavily upon her, mind, body and soul.

 

Heaving a dispirited sigh, she struggled to concentrate solely on her surroundings, looking around and studying everyone’s body language to try to gather as much information as she possibly could; grateful for the distraction, meager though it was.  Swiftly dismissing the only other people in the loft, an X-6 couple completely wrapped up in each other as they made out in the opposite corner, her eyes slowly roved around the table nearest her as she reflected on its occupants.

 

**_2024Oct18 – Friday night – Approximately 8:00 pm_ **

 

Kaley (Kate Hudson, Victim 1) was seated closest to the railing at the far end of the table.  Full lips set in a slight pout; she was staring off into space, absentmindedly stirring her drink with her straw and appearing to be brooding again.  Something that was becoming more and more commonplace for her.    Sensibly-minded for the most part despite her spirited disposition, and imbued with an innate bedside manner that most physicians would kill for, the X5 medic was a great fit as head of their medical clinic.  But with her gorgeous blonde hair and brilliant blue eyes, not to mention her Amazon-like long legs and shapely figure, she didn’t quite look like she should fit the bill.  Many of her friends and former patients, a fair share of them men, making a habit of dropping by for even the slightest of injuries just so that they could receive some of her special brand of TLC.  Which was all part of her job, but it never sat well with her mate. 

 

A rather brawny combat model with an admittedly short fuse, Rake (Jason Momoa) usually channeled most of his excess energy and frustrations into his work on TC’s construction and maintenance crew.  Both of them members of Alec’s old unit, they’d grown up having each other's backs and had gradually made the transition from partners to lovers.  Officially mated since October of ’22, the pair had unfortunately been slightly at odds with one another more often than not since then, mainly due to Rake’s increasingly jealous nature.  A fact which had only been underlined, in Max’s opinion, by his refusal to stick by Kaley after her rape.

 

To Kaley's left sat Sara (Keri Russell, Victim 4), positively glowing in a soft blue maternity dress.  Her dainty features extremely deceiving, belying her inner strength and the potency of her sparkling personality.  At only 5'3" and blessed with a ready smile, an abundance of laughter and cheerfulness, and a silken swathe of light brown curls, you'd never guess that she could handle a heavy machine gun or grenade launcher with ease.  Extremely knowledgeable about weapons and well-versed in their maintenance, she and her mate Kris ran their armory like a well-oiled machine.  

 

Normally quite petite, her frame was now heavily laden with the daughter she was carrying.  Mated since May of ’23, she and Kris (Robbie Amell) seemed destined to be together, acting like two peas in a pod with how in sync they were, constantly joking around and finishing off each other’s sentences.  To the point where it was hard to imagine one existing without the other.  Kris actually reminding Max of Biggs a fair bit, with how witty and charming he tended to be.  And as he was a good head taller than Sara at 6’2", they made a very cute couple, drawing more than their fair share of glances.

 

Next up was Greta (Drew Barrymore), another member of Alec’s old unit.  Single by choice, despite a wealth of eager suitors, the sexy blonde was gregarious and open-minded; nothing ever really seeming to bother her much with her fun-loving attitude.  A sculptor by trade, she also had an amazing gift of gab and could easily talk a beggar out of his last dollar; something she’d proven time and time again.  She was responsible in no small part for the surge in income they’d experienced over the past year, single-handedly managing to persuade their budding artists (some of whom were greedier than others) into working together for the good of their commune-styled society.  She also spent a fair bit of her time organizing the showings and sale of their artwork.  

 

Brandy and Jess, their youngest committee members, were sitting together at the end of the table closest to her.  With her long golden-blonde tresses, sea-green eyes, and rather sultry good looks, Brandy (Hayden Panettiere) was also extremely popular with her male X6 counterparts, although she didn’t let it go to her head, much preferring to just hang out with friends than date.  She’d gradually taken on the rather daunting task of sorting out their accommodation issues soon after TC had formed, using her highly inquisitive and helpful nature to ferret out either suitable housing or compatible roommates for the surge of newcomers they’d received, depending on what they required and what was available.  And as word of her success had spread, more and more residents had come to her for assistance; to the point where she was almost continually brokering deals and trades on other's behalves to encourage people to move around as necessary.

 

Jess (Felicia Day, Victim 2) on the other hand, tended to live up to her fiery red mane and emerald-green eyes.  Her temperament passionate to say the least – although some would say volatile at her worst – the X6 more than made up for it with how much she genuinely cared about everyone and everything around her.  And she never left you guessing either about how she felt on any particular subject.  Luckily for all of them, she’d received intensive chef training during her first and only mission prep, and was highly-skilled at planning and creating tasty and nutritious concoctions out of even the most banal of ingredients.  And since cooking was something she really enjoyed doing and took great pride in, it left everyone satisfied to have her run their Mess Hall and keep stock of their food supplies.  

 

Kitty-corner from her sat Anna (Donna Feldman, Victim 3).  Dark-haired and dark-eyed, the buxom X5 had a slightly exotic look, calling to mind some wild and untamed creature.  A fellow night-owl with shark DNA, Max had spent many a long night sitting up and talking with her over the past year and a half, getting to know her quite a bit better than the other women.  For while Anna could be somewhat sensitive about some things, and a bit of an introvert in her personal life – usually preferring to listen more than speak – she was also extremely easy to talk to; providing a great deal of unbiased insight as part of the bargain whenever she did decide to open up.  She'd even helped Max work through some of her issues about getting seriously involved with Alec, while dealing with her own for Kevin.

 

When it came to her work though, as head of their night-shift security detail, Anna was as shrewd and assertive as they came.  Being a former sniper had definitely been advantageous, for despite how much she'd disliked killing, her highly-trained powers of observation and knowledge of vantage points and such had served her in good stead.  

 

Relatively late bloomers to the mating scene, she and Kevin (Shemar Moore) had only decided to tie the knot, so to speak, in November of ‘23.  He was a pretty decent guy, or at least he'd seemed that way Max thought darkly now, recalling how he'd abandoned Anna in her time of need.  Fairly easy going and extremely popular with the other guys, he worked several nights a week as a bartender, spending the rest of his time pitching in on various projects around TC.

 

Last but not least was Dana (Katie Holmes), or ‘Mama Bear’ as she was fondly referred to by many.    Custodian of TC’s daycare and school facility, she was renowned for her compassion and protectiveness, which was probably why everyone felt so safe leaving their kids in her care.  With her short brown hair and warm hazel eyes, the willowy X5 was friendly and kind, and dearly loved by all.  A born nurturer, she always made time for everyone, no matter how big or how small, or how busy she was. 

 

Luckily, she’d managed to find a man of similar character to hook up with.  Mated since February of ’23, she and Mark (Jared Padalecki) weren’t the longest standing couple in TC, but they were probably one of the happiest and most successful, and were also the proud parents of an adorable little boy named Jacob, born this past April.  Tall and wiry, and taking his job as a teacher for the younger series very seriously, Mark had the patience of Job and rarely had a cross word for anyone.

 

Realizing with a start that her doppelganger had now joined the group, as she saw her settling in at the end of the table beside Dana, Max brought her attention to bear on the conversation she was starting up.

 

 

> _She took a sip of her beer and then smiled as she addressed Dana, “So how’s Jake doing?  I haven't seen him in over a week now.”  Her 6-month-old son an absolute cutie, having already stolen most of the female hearts around TC, including Max’s own._
> 
> _Dana groaned and wearily ran a hand back through her hair. “Teething like you wouldn't believe.  His first four are all coming in at the same time and he's been grumpier than hell from the pain.  We’ve been doing everything we can think of to try to help him through it, but neither Mark nor I have gotten much rest this week because of it.  We finally had to resort to sleeping in shifts a few nights ago, just so one of us could be up to comfort him.”_
> 
> _“Aww, the poor little guy.  That must suck, for all of you.”  Max pursed her lips sympathetically and followed Dana’s gaze over the railing toward the front of the building to where Mark was starting up a poker game with Alec, Kris, Rake, Kevin, and Bran.  Trev and some of the other guys from Command gathering around to watch and bet on them.  Catching Alec’s eye for a moment as he picked up his cards, she smiled when he grinned and winked at her, and then returned to the conversation, “So who's looking after him for you tonight?”_
> 
> _“Gem's got him over at the daycare for a few hours.  Hope was so excited, she just loves playing little mommy with him.  And Mark and I really needed the break, so it worked out great for both of us.”  Dana sighed.  “It was a toss-up between coming here or catching up on some sleep, but the opportunity to actually have a few drinks and talk with other grownups for a while won out.”_
> 
> _“You know,” Max murmured thoughtfully, “Alec and I could probably take him for a whole night if you want; since I don’t need that much sleep anyway.  That way you two could get some proper alone time together too.”  She smirked, “Whether you chose to sleep or engage in other much more satisfying activities would be completely up to you.”_
> 
> _Dana looked at her uncertainly, not quite sure if she was serious and not wanting to impose either.  “Are you positive you want to?  Don't get me wrong, we'd love it, but you and Alec only mated a couple months ago.  So I'm sure you have better things to do with your evenings.  And Jake has been really fussy lately.”_
> 
> _Jess damn near snorted her drink out of her nose, her red hair dancing around her shoulders as she shook with mirth, “Are you kidding me?  With the way Max dotes on him whenever she sees him?”_
> 
> _“Jake's got her wrapped around his little finger.”  Sara joined in, giggling shamelessly as one hand crept down to support her heavily swollen abdomen.  “And Alec's not far behind.  He tries so hard to hide it, but he always gets this big ass grin whenever Jake smiles at the goofy faces he makes at him.”_
> 
> _“Yeah, I know.”  Max smiled a little sheepishly, her face lighting up at her own memories of him doing the same.  “Although I will admit I do kind of have an ulterior motive for wanting to take him.”  She sighed, “I'd really like to start trying for a family of our own now that things are finally settled with the government, but Alec's a bit… hesitant.  So I figured it might help persuade him if he could get a taste of what it'd be like.  And it'd give me a chance to brush up on some mothering skills too while we're at it.”_
> 
> _She was the recipient of a few doubtful looks, but it was Sara who found the nerve to ask, “Are you sure you want to have kids this soon?  That you're ready as a couple?  I mean, I hate to say it, but Alec might have the right idea here.  Kris and I waited over 6 months after we mated before we even started trying.  And we’ve been together since our deep-cover mission in Grozny back in ‘19.”_
> 
> _Max started to open her mouth to defend herself, but Anna beat her to it.  “Oh come on, sure, while they may not have actually been mated for that long yet, they’ve known each other for over 4 years.  And she did allow Alec to hold claim to her for the last two and half of that.  So I don't think she's jumping the gun all that much in terms of their commitment to each other.”_
> 
> _“So what's his drama then?”  Kaley asked curiously, idly twirling a strand of her curly blonde hair around a finger as she took another sip of her Long Island._
> 
> _“I'm not quite sure.”  Max shrugged, after giving Anna an appreciative smile for her support.  “He hasn't come right out and said it, but I get the feeling he's nervous about whether we'd be able to raise a kid properly, what with the oh-so-great upbringing we all had.  He's still a bit hung up on the fact that he used to be an assassin.”  She winced internally, knowing the role she’d unfortunately played in that._
> 
> _“Well I don't think that matters.  It’s not like it was his own personal career choice, or anything.  And from what I've seen over the years?  With how much he genuinely cares about all of us?  I think he'll make an excellent father.  Not like Rake.”  Kaley blew her breath out heavily, exasperated by her mate's ongoing obsessive behavior, “He's being a total dick about it every time I bring up the subject.  All he can think about is himself.  Keeps complaining that he doesn't want to share me with anybody.  He just wants it to be the two of us.”_
> 
> _“Seriously?”  Jess spluttered indignantly, her expression visibly outraged on her behalf, “But you guys have been mated for over two years.  What the hell's his problem?!”_
> 
> _“I know!  It's utterly ridiculous.” Kaley scoffed, looking hurt as she twisted her head to glance over her shoulder at him.  “And he’s_ still _getting jealous, of any unmated guy that even comes near me or looks at me twice.  As if I’d actually cheat on him!”  She shook her head angrily and turned back toward the group.  “I just don’t get it.  Doesn’t he trust me?”_
> 
> _“Oh, I’m sure it’s not that,” Dana murmured sympathetically, her nose wrinkling up a bit in thought.  “Maybe he just has too much of a possessive streak?  This whole claiming and mating thing we’ve got going on does seem to be messing with some of the guys.  I’ve personally seen or heard of at least six, in our generation alone, that are either having or have had trouble controlling their instincts in that regard.  So maybe there’s something in their genetic cocktail that’s causing issues?  Some slightly different blend or concentration of animals perhaps?”_

 

Max sat up a bit straighter as that idea drew her focus.  “Could that be the reason why Rake bailed?  And maybe Kevin too?  Could it really just be something to do with our baser animal instincts?” she murmured uncertainly to herself, her brow furrowing intently.  Her thoughts shifting to how increasingly protective and possessive Alec had gotten of her between the time he’d claimed her during their first heat and when they’d finally mated.  Which only seemed to give credence to Dana’s theory.  Although he’d calmed down considerably almost immediately afterward; the simple act of making their joining official seeming to settle something within him.  

 

 

> _Kaley grimaced as she thought about it, although she did look a bit intrigued, her enhanced medical and scientific training kicking into gear.  “Could be I guess.  Because you do tend to see some of that kind of male territorial posturing in the wild.  And it is about the only thing that might make any kind of sense, other than him just randomly deciding to turn into an asshole after mating.”_
> 
> _“Come to think of it,” she continued thoughtfully, “that probably also has a lot to do with why so many of us women immediately start feeling the urge to have kids after we mate.  Because of the natural drive to propagate the species that our animal heritage likely brings out…”_
> 
> _There was a companionable silence around the group as everyone contemplated that, and then Anna murmured, “Well, I'm sorta in the same boat, 'cause Kev's been acting in a similar fashion.  Not with the whole jealousy thing mind you, but he is pretty self-absorbed, although he's at least willing to discuss the possibility of kids.”  She sighed as she pushed her thick mane of jet black hair away from her face.  “Not that I've gotten very far.  He keeps telling me he's just not ready yet and that we should wait some more.”  She rolled her eyes.  “For what I'm not quite sure.  We've been mated almost a year now and things are about as settled for us as they’re likely to get.”_
> 
> _“Well I'm sure they'll come around eventually.”  Sara tried to encourage the women. “Just try to be patient.  Kris wasn't all that sure about starting a family either at first, what with the responsibility we'd undertaken with our jobs, and look at me now.”  She waved a hand at her belly expressively._
> 
> _“So how are you doing anyway?  You were due a few days ago, weren't you?”  Brandy eyed her extremely pregnant form with avid interest._
> 
> _“Yeah.”  She huffed out a bit impatiently.  “Don't remind me.  I am_ so _tired of being pregnant.  Carrying around all this extra weight is making my feet and back ache almost constantly now.  And these stupid overactive hormones have been doing a real number on me too.  But Kate is apparently determined to make me wait a little while longer for her arrival.”_
> 
> _She rubbed her stomach tenderly despite her unusually disgruntled tone, then looked around and quickly shook her head negatively when she felt her mate’s eyes sweeping her anxiously from across the room.  “Kris is a nervous wreck from all the waiting and has been hovering like crazy the last few days.  I swear he thought that I should just magically pop the baby out come midnight on the 14th.  Like my due date was set in stone or something!”_
> 
> _Almost all the women giggled at that, having caught his worried look and demeanor._
> 
> _Dana leaned forward in concern though and asked, “But are you sure you're feeling alright?  I noticed you rubbing your back and wincing a bit during the meeting earlier.”_
> 
> _Sara nodded as she took a sip of her ginger ale.  “Oh I'm fine.  I've just been sore, and I've had some false labour over the past week too, which is perfectly normal, but it's only made him worse.  I swear, the expression 'cat on a hot tin roof' was made for him.”  She rolled her eyes with a bit of a wry grin, still able to find some humor in the situation, even if it was slightly aggravating.  “Every time I so much as frown or grimace, he's damn near on top of me, raring to cart me off to medical.  Only reason he's backed off tonight is 'cause you're all up here with me,_ and _he's still got clear line of sight on me, if anything were to happen.”_
> 
> _“That's normal too.  Especially when you’re overdue.”  Kaley smiled wistfully, a bit envious of her friend's good fortune.  “Over-protectiveness is_ definitely _in the male genes.  I haven't seen a guy yet that hasn't looked ready to shit bricks at the birth of his child.”_
> 
> _“And it is pretty sweet, that's he's so worried about you and the baby.” Jess murmured with an appreciative grin, catching a matching expression on several of the others' faces._
> 
> _“Yeah,” Sara smiled softly, her eyes lighting up from within as she glanced back and caught her mate’s gaze again. “It is.  I love him so much, and I wouldn’t trade him for the world.”  She sighed contentedly as she continued to caress her abdomen._

 

Max grimaced, her eyes haunted as she watched Sara; thinking about her daughter Kate who would be born the next morning, and how Dana and the other mothers in their community had banded together to help Kris look after her during Sara's disappearance.  The two-and-a-half month old infant spending much of those five days wailing inconsolably, not understanding why she couldn't have her mom and not wanting to accept a bottle either in her stead.  Her dad far too worried and upset to be able to handle any of it at all well, struggling to hold himself together through sheer force of will while his other half was missing.  

 

The only saving grace that anyone had been able to focus on, was that the maniac had left Kate behind in her carrier in the washroom instead of taking off with her as well.  Although Sara had been in a near catatonic state by the time she returned; the evil taunts the rapist had baited her with throughout her captivity, leaving her convinced that her precious little baby girl was dead.  But then Kris had come tearing in to medical, and when he’d laid Kate safely in Sara’s arms and then gently embraced them both with tears cascading down his face, she’d broken down completely.  Their poignant family reunion leaving Max and Retha wiping away tears of their own.

 

 

> _After a minute or two, the conversation picked back up again as Jess turned to Brandy and asked, "So, is that prick Danny behaving himself now?  Did he manage to learn his lesson?"_
> 
> _A few eyebrows shot up around the table, not so much in surprise at her disgusted and pissed off tone, but more because it was the first they'd heard of any real issue involving Brandy and a guy.  The delightful young woman having made it quite plain to all concerned that she wasn’t particularly interested in tackling the dating scene yet.  Although they suspected that had more to do with her as-yet unrequited interest in her former CO, if the wistful sidelong glances she gave Connor from time-to-time were any indication._
> 
> _Dana frowned and asked intently, "What did he do?"_
> 
> _Brandy averted her eyes as she fought back a blush, not really wanting to answer, but when everyone continued to stare at her she finally muttered, "You know how I mentioned a while back that Danny’s been sweet-talking and flirting with me almost constantly, trying to get me to go out with him?"  When everyone nodded, she continued, "Well, I finally gave in and said yes a couple weeks ago; mainly just to get him to stop pestering me, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to give him a shot.  And our first few dates actually weren’t even all that bad.  He seemed nice enough, if a tad conceited maybe, but hey, nobody's perfect, right?"_
> 
> _"Yeah.  So..." Dana prodded gently._
> 
> _"Well, last Saturday he invited me over to his place to watch some movies, and everything was fine at first.  But then he suddenly got it into his head to start putting some serious moves on me.  Kept trying to get increasingly over-familiar and handsy with me, to the point where he didn't want to stop when I told him to knock it off.”  She shuddered lightly, a frown creasing her forehead.  “He ended up ripping my shirt off and pinning me down on his couch.  Told me that I shouldn’t be such a prude.  And that I was too sexy.  Like it was_ my _fault he couldn't control himself."_
> 
> _“That little shit!”  Anna hissed indignantly; and she wasn’t the only one at the table reacting._
> 
> _“Are you alright?”  Dana asked, almost at the same time, her warm gaze brimming with concern as she leaned in toward her._
> 
> _Seeing all the troubled looks she was now getting, Brandy was quick to reassure them, "Oh, don't worry, I'm fine.  I started struggling and yelling up a storm when he didn’t seem to want to let up without a fight.  And fortunately, a few guys from my old unit were passing by – Joe lives on the same floor as him – so when they heard me freaking out they busted in to the rescue.”_
> 
> _“Connor was seriously_ pissed _when he hauled Danny off of me."  A small satisfied smile tilted her lips as she thought about her best friend and former CO, who'd been only too eager to leap to her defense.  His dark eyes had blazed with a fiery rage when he'd seen the bruises already starting to darken her skin, and he'd given her his shirt to cover up with before swiftly and efficiently taking care of the ass._
> 
> _"They beat the absolute snot out of him and then held him down so I could get a few good licks in too.  Made sure he knew that that kind of shit wouldn't be tolerated, not by me or any of the other girls.  And told him if they ever caught wind of him attempting anything like it again, they'd end him."_
> 
> _"Just to be on the safe side, Connor escorted me home afterward and offered to stay on my couch in case the jerk tried to come back after me.  Not that we really thought he would with the shape we'd left him in."  She shrugged as casually as she could, trying not to let them see how much the incident had actually bothered her.  She’d been so rattled that night, there was no way Connor ever would’ve left her alone.  “But he wanted to make sure I'd be okay.  So we ended up staying up all night talking, after I took a shower and got changed that is.”_
> 
> _Max's eyes narrowed furiously, "And which one's Danny again?"_
> 
> _Jess answered for her, her lips curling with distaste, "X6-289.  Dark hair, dreamy blue eyes, and built like a friggin’  truck.  Most of the girls are hot for him, but the thing is, he knows it.  He likes to hang out at the gym a lot and flex his muscles; like that’s the only thing that matters!"  She shook her head, "Total waste of space if you ask me.  ‘Cause I don’t think he’s got much of anything else going on upstairs besides his big ego.  Manticore obviously shorted him in the IQ department."_
> 
> _Max glanced sideways and received an immediate nod in acknowledgement from Anna, even as she was getting up and pulling out her cell, “Already on it.  I’ll have him watched for a while, just to make sure he keeps his nose clean.”  Walking a short distance away, she swiftly made a call._
> 
> _Turning back to Brandy, Max asked coaxingly, “So why didn’t you report this when it first happened?”_
> 
> _"Well, as I said, the guys had already helped me take care of the problem..."  Looking down at her hands, she murmured, “And truthfully, I was too embarrassed.  I already felt stupid enough that I'd let him get me in a situation where he could try something like that in the first place.  So the last thing I wanted was for everyone to find out about it.  Course, that ship has more than sailed now.”_
> 
> _Brandy rolled her eyes, looking extremely frustrated.  “It’s already made the run of the gossip circuit, at least among the females in my series, thanks to Missy.”  Her tone of voice as she spoke her name made clear her less than stellar opinion of her.  “That girl just can't keep her mouth shut to save her life anymore.  She heard me yelling that night and saw me leaving Danny's apartment wearing Connor's t-shirt; escorted by four guys from my own unit all sporting bruised and bloodied knuckles no less.  So she had to go and blab about it to anyone who would listen.”_
> 
> _She paused to take a sip of her beer, looking pensive.  “And Danny_ has _actually tried to apologize a few times.  Not in person mind you, since Connor’s basically appointed himself as my own personal bodyguard and won’t let him come within 50 feet of me anymore.”  It was a wonderful, if unexpected benefit from this horrible mess and a hint of a smile played over her features as she thought about how much more thoughtful and attentive he’d been acting toward her ever since.  Her eyes unconsciously straying, glancing down over the railing to where Connor was playing pool and catching his eye for a moment; completely missing the knowing looks exchanged among the X5 women as they noticed._
> 
> _Coming back to herself, she continued, “But Danny has left me a few notes and flowers, and a new shirt of all things, saying he's sorry he scared me.  That he only meant to try to ‘persuade’ me a little, and never would’ve actually forced himself on me.  As if that's really any better."  She shook her head a bit incredulously at his nerve.  "But when all’s said and done, I am perfectly fine now, so what’s the point in making a huge deal out of it.”   She sighed, hoping they’d let it drop._

 

With a bit of a frown, Max recalled the results of Danny’s observation.  Anna had had him discretely watched by several of her people for over a month, and they hadn’t seen any sign of any kind of similar behavior.  The beating and warning he’d received had indeed seemed to set him back on the straight and narrow.  

 

Although he had made a resurgence to the top of their watch list when Jess had disappeared.  But to her surprise, his alibis had all panned out.  And in any event, his heavily muscular build had been deemed much too large to match up to the rapist’s description.  Something she could now unfortunately vouch for, she thought with a massive shudder.  A vision of his leering black-hooded form suddenly flashing through her head _._

> _Slowly approaching her, he walked a complete circuit around her body, undressing her with his eyes as he tried to intimidate her.  Slipping behind her again and pulling down the back of her robe, he twisted the long, narrow-bladed knife in under the collar and sliced through it like butter; the dull edge of the icy blade caressing her barcode and gliding down over her shoulders and arms until the delicate fabric fell to the ground.  Her chilled flesh crawling as his slimy tongue licked a hot wet stripe up her spine until he reached her barcode and rasped out, “It was very sweet of you, by the way, to pretty yourself up like this for me.  I do appreciate the eye candy.”_

 

Horrified by the vivid sensations assaulting her, his perverted voice grating anew in her ears, she leapt out of her seat with a hoarse cry and looked around frantically, certain she'd find him lurking right behind her.  But there was nothing out of place, only familiar smiling faces and commonplace sounds filling the bar, even if the laughter in the background did sound somewhat menacing now.  Gulping down several deep breaths in an attempt to calm down, she took another intent look around the almost empty loft before slowly sitting back down again and forcing herself to focus back in on what the women were saying, her hands twisting and clenching unconsciously in her lap. 

> _More than eager to steer the conversation away from herself, Brandy asked, “So Greta, how are things going between you and Bran?  You've been seeing quite a bit of him over the past few weeks, haven't you?”_
> 
> _Greta snorted dryly in amusement, but allowed the change in subject.  “Well, I don't know if I'd call it seeing him exactly.”  She paused to take a sip of her drink as Anna rejoined the group.  “More like we've been enjoying some 'recreational' downtime together.  If you know what I mean.”_
> 
> _Smirking at the laughter she received, she winked.  “I know.  What else would you expect from me, right?  It's not like I'm looking for a serious relationship anytime soon, and he doesn’t seem to want any strings either right now.  So it works for both of us.”  She shrugged, too much of a free spirit to be overly concerned with what anybody else thought of her admittedly rather loose behavior.  “Give me raunchy no-holds-barred sex any day of the week.  And the more the better.”_
> 
> _Catching Max's slight frown out of the corner of her eye, Greta tried to ease her mind.  “Hey, I realize that Bran, and well, Trev too, still aren't exactly your favorite people what with that whole takeover bid they had going on here originally.  But they’re really not that bad.  I think you'd actually like Bran if you took the time to get to know him better.”_
> 
> _She paused and glanced over at the men thoughtfully, “What with all the shit that Manticore put him through, I don't imagine Alec likes talking much about our time back there.  And of course, it’s not like Bran does either anymore.  So there’s probably a lot you don’t know about him or our unit.”_
> 
> _“Yeah, that’s an understatement.  As far as Alec's concerned, it's all ancient history and not worth discussing.”  Max settled back in her chair a bit more comfortably, and then caught the eye of one of the waitresses to signal for another round of drinks, feeling the weight of the group’s stares as they waited for her go-ahead to dish.  Her curiosity getting the better of her, she arched a brow and sighed, “Alright fine, I’ll bite.  What exactly am I missing?”_
> 
> _“Well, back at Manticore, our unit was pretty much always considered to be the best of the best.  And that was mainly because of Bran (Thor Knai).  He was a great leader; tactically brilliant, cunning, extremely patient, and loyal to a fault.”  Greta grinned, proud of both him and her unit.  “He never failed at anything and was top dog out of all the COs.  Mind you, he was really ambitious and worked his ass off for that status, and made sure that each and every one of us pushed ourselves to the limit too.”_
> 
> _Anna nodded, only a hint of jealousy tingeing her tone, “Yeah, and you guys were well rewarded for the effort.  You always got the plum assignments, mostly the espionage and higher profile missions.”_
> 
> _Greta smirked, “We also got a lot of supplemental training; even received extra R &R both in the rec area and out in the field after our missions.”  _
> 
> _Seeing Max's slightly puzzled look, Kaley explained, “Renfro had this policy see, of treating everyone as a product of his or her unit.  That was the basis on which she doled out every reward or punishment.  And it worked really well as an incentive because everybody got rewarded for their unit’s successful missions whether they were solo or group-based.  But if someone screwed up?”  She shook her head grimly, “It was regarded as a failure for the entire unit._ Everyone _got punished, particularly the main offender, but the CO also shared the brunt of it, because they were in charge.  They were supposed to police their own unit and keep everyone else in line.”_
> 
> _“That’s not fair.” Max frowned, outraged and yet really not all that surprised considering whom they were talking about._
> 
> _"Yeah, because fair was Renfro's middle name, right?"  Greta rolled her eyes, her tone more than a touch acerbic.  "But that's the way it was, and we dealt with it, just like we always have. Thankfully though, our record was damn near impeccable.”  She couldn't help but brag a little as she shared a conspiratorial grin with Kaley.  “It’s why our unit was always treated so well, and got so many bonuses.  Which is why it was also such a shock when Alec’s first deep-cover solo mission went fubar.  It was the first time we’d ever had a failure of any kind of magnitude, let alone one that severe.”_
> 
> _Max grimaced, “That must have been a pretty rough time for you then, if that’s the case.  Unfortunately I can only guess how bad, since the few times I’ve tried asking him about it, Alec gets uptight and clams up.  It still bothers him a great deal.”  She left it at that, unwilling to betray his trust by revealing anything more._
> 
> _They all paused for a moment as they saw Carla coming up the stairs with their drinks, waiting until they’d been distributed and she headed back downstairs before resuming their conversation._
> 
> _“I can’t say I’m surprised, since yeah, his fall from grace was god-awful.  Hell, I still remember the day they retrieved Alec and brought him back to base.  Renfro had all of the units marched out into the quad to witness his initial punishment.  She was absolutely livid that a member of her best team had failed her.”  Anna shuddered delicately, her dark eyes looking far off into the distance as she described what had happened._
> 
> _“It was pouring down rain, except for in the centre where they’d erected a shelter for her and the trainers.  And she made us all stand out there at attention while she humiliated Alec and railed for almost an hour on the extent of the 'treachery and disloyalty' that he'd 'willfully committed' against us and Manticore.  Kept telling him he was worthless and no better than his twin 493.  'Once a traitor, always a traitor.'”  She repeated faithfully, her tone scornful and bitter._
> 
> _“It was a load of bull, of course.”  Kaley murmured sadly.  “If there's one thing Alec's always been, it's loyal to us.  If it hadn't been for the fact that he was the twin of an 09er," she glanced apologetically at Max, to show she didn't mean any offence, "he most likely would've been our 2IC instead of Trev, he was that good and that well respected.  So we knew he wouldn't screw up a mission like that, not without one hell of a lot of serious provocation.  And certainly not when he knew the wrath it would bring down upon all our heads."_
> 
> _“But it wouldn't have done any good for us to protest.  It would've just pissed her off and made her punish him, and us, even more.”  Greta brushed her tousled locks back behind her ear and leaned further into the group to keep their conversation a bit more private, not that there was much chance of being overheard with all the noise rising up from below.  “When she’d finally had enough of her own grandstanding, the sadistic bitch ordered Trev (Ian Somerhalder) out front and center to join Alec.  Since Bran was due to be away for a few more days on a mission, he was next in line as our Second."  She closed her eyes for a moment and shook her head grimly before continuing._
> 
> _"She had the guards chain them both up and then beat and whip them in front of us.  Kept us standing out there in the rain for another two hours, basically watching them get tortured.  All because of_ one _failure.  It was overkill to what she usually dished out."  Her voice cracked and she swallowed hard in an attempt to rein in the emotion threatening to swamp her.  "But they both just stood there and took it.  Never screamed or cried out.  Not even once.  No matter how infuriated she got or any of the malicious things she said."_
> 
> _"Of course, they would've received far worse if they had.”  Sara whispered huskily as a sympathetic tear trailed down her cheek, her hand stroking her rippling abdomen soothingly.  “As is, they were barely conscious by the time she called an end to it.  They couldn’t even stand anymore; they were just hanging there by their wrists in pools of their own blood.”_
> 
> _“Oh God.”  Max muttered thickly as she struggled to hold back tears.  Pale as a ghost and looking absolutely sickened, she swept her gaze over toward her mate in sympathy; his words from so long ago echoing again in her mind._ ‘You think life was rough when we were ten? Take it from me.  Later on, it got a whole lot worse.’ _And obviously it had.  It was no wonder he couldn’t bear to talk about anything to do with the Berrisford mission; the memories still so intense and painful for him that they tended to bring on excruciating migraines if he tried to delve too deeply into them._
> 
> _Alec seemed to sense her distress too, glancing up at her almost immediately and frowning.  His green eyes flaring as he scanned the room and her, trying to figure out what was upsetting her; his gaze narrowing slightly as he took in all the decidedly solemn-looking faces in the loft._
> 
> _Shaking her head and forcing a reassuring smile onto her face, Max mouthed 'I’m fine' to him and deliberately relaxed her posture until he reluctantly let it go and turned his attention back to his cards.  Needing the mental crutch the alcohol would provide, she took a large swig of her beer, draining it quickly and then grabbing the fresh one, tossing it back as well for a healthy chug._
> 
> _“It was pretty obvious from the harshness of her reaction that Renfro wanted to make an example of them.  To ensure that none of us ever even_ thought _about rebelling against orders and make it clear that_ no one _was exempt from punishment.  Not even her best.”  Anna’s voice was quiet and sad as she resumed the tale.  “And while we received her message loud and clear, all she ended up doing was turning us further against her.  At least those of us that were old enough to go out on missions and fully understand what was going on.  Because we knew it could've just as easily been any one of us getting torn apart like that.  She had absolutely no respect for us.  All we were, were tools to her.”_
> 
> _“So what happened then?”  Max asked quietly after a short pause, clearly dreading the answer._
> 
> _Greta sighed heavily, “With how pissed Renfro was, and considering the fact that Alec was one of the twins, we were really worried at first that she was going to consider him irredeemable and have him terminated.  Biggs was about ready to break ranks, he was so freaked out.”  Not quite sure if Max was aware of the extent of their relationship, she clarified in an aside, “He and Alec were very tight; they often paired off for training sessions and exercises.  And they almost always hung out together during R &R.”_
> 
> _When Max nodded knowingly, Greta carried on, “Luckily, if you can actually call it that,” she muttered disgustedly with a roll of her eyes, “Renfro decided to send Alec off to Psy Ops instead, for six months of what they liked to call 'observation and testing', otherwise known as psychological torture and brainwashing by the unlucky recipients.  And then he was put through two months of reindoctrination.  By the time they were done with him, he barely even remembered his own designation."_
> 
> _She shuddered as she remembered the vacant soulless stare he’d worn when he returned, and paused to take a drink before continuing, “As for the rest of our unit, well, we were all tossed into reindoc for a month, including Trev once he got out of medical.  Then came the other milder forms of punishments, like extended late-night drill sessions, and getting all the shit jobs like latrine and KP duty.”  A hint of a wry grin tugged briefly at her lips at the inadvertent pun._
> 
> _"And when Bran finally returned from his mission," Anna murmured, "he didn't even know what hit him, or what had happened with Alec.  The guards just hauled his ass straight off to the basement for punishment without a word.”_
> 
> _“It was so hard to believe too, because he used to be Renfro’s go-to guy and right-hand man.  He lived and breathed to serve, giving everything 110%._ Nothing _about his performance was ever anything less than exemplary.”  Dana shook her head, her expression showing her continuing bewilderment.  “So nobody could figure out why she was coming down so hard on him for something that wasn't really his fault.  Especially when she'd already punished Trev for it in his stead.”_
> 
> _“There’d even been speculation at one point that she was sleeping with him, what with the way she used to look at Bran sometimes.  Like he was sex on a stick.”  Kaley muttered, after looking around surreptitiously to ensure they weren’t being eavesdropped upon.  “She personally pulled him aside for tons of specialized training that nobody else got.  None of us knew what it was all for, but he absolutely loved the extra attention and perks.  He even had full run of the base 24/7!”_
> 
> _Greta grimaced a bit, knowing those things probably wouldn't portray him in the best light to Max.  “But once he got blamed for Alec’s failure, that all changed.  Rumor has it Renfro dispensed Bran's punishment personally, although he’s refused to ever talk about it.  We do know she had him held down in the basement for almost a week though before sending him off to join the rest of us in reindoc.  And even though he'd obviously been seen to by medical, he was still pretty banged up, and had to stay there for 6 weeks longer than the rest of us too.”_
> 
> _Shaking her head in disgust, she continued, "Trev was promoted to CO for the duration of Bran‘s absence.  But despite how hard he tried to lead us, we just didn't operate as well without Bran at the helm.  Especially with all the other crap that was being thrown at us."_
> 
> _"The whole situation frustrated the hell out of him, and boy was he ever pissed at Renfro."  Kaley sighed darkly, remembering only too well how confused and aggravated he’d been.  "Trev couldn't understand why she’d even bothered punishing him so hard if she was just gonna hit Bran with it as well.  And he was insulted at how she and the guards and the trainers had begun treating us.  As if our whole unit had suddenly become worthless, just because Alec had screwed up once.  Thankfully, he managed to restrain himself and not do anything rash, although we could hear him muttering and ranting about 'that bitch' almost every night after lights out; at least until Bran returned.”_
> 
> _"But why would that change anything?"  Brandy asked, looking completely enthralled by their tale.  She'd only been 14 at the time and hadn't really understood all the drama, not that anyone would have enlightened her back then even if she had dared ask about it._
> 
> _Kaley smiled as she explained, "Bran and Trev have always been extremely close, despite their polar differences in behavior and attitude.  You almost never saw one without the other back then, and Bran has always looked out for him, kind of like a big brother would, I'd imagine.”_
> 
> _Grinning a bit as this twigged a memory, Anna mentioned, “Yeah, I remember watching your unit quite a bit when we were growing up.  Alec and Biggs were hilarious, the two little shits were always running around trying to one-up each other.  But Trev?  Man, he used to follow Bran around everywhere, shadowing every little thing he did and trying to emulate him.  I’m pretty sure he had at least a small case of hero-worship, although they managed to keep it fairly well hidden from the brass.”_
> 
> _Several of the girls nodded in agreement, as Kaley confirmed, “I actually think that's the main reason Trev was so upset back then, because he was so worried about what was happening to Bran.  It was the longest they’d ever been separated."_

 

Something about this struck Max as odd all of a sudden, and her face screwed up in thought.  If they really were as thick as thieves as everyone claimed, as she herself had seen they were, then why had they suddenly decided to switch to opposite shifts back in September?  There’d been no operational need for it.  Trev had simply said that he'd needed a change from working in the computer lab all day and had asked Anna if he could join the nightshift security detail instead.

 

But the big question was, why nights?  It wasn't as though there weren't a wide variety of other tasks available to be done during the day.  And if all he'd wanted was to try his hand at something different, then he could have easily chosen any one of them.  So why had he chosen nights when Bran worked dayshift in the planning department?  It made no sense if they were really that inseparable.  

 

Unless they’d had some sort of falling out?  But what could’ve possibly been bad enough to split them apart?  And why hadn’t one of them chosen to move out if that was the case?  Because as far as she knew, Bran and Trev were still sharing a main-floor two-bedroom apartment over on the south end of TC's perimeter.  And had been for the last two and a half years now.  

 

So maybe there was a simpler reason.  Maybe he was just interested in one of the women working nights and wanted to have a better chance of getting to know her?  It was possible, she supposed, even though she hadn't heard of him seeing anyone new.  She frowned at her lack of proper answers, a bit disturbed that she hadn’t questioned the decision more at the time.  But there wasn't much she could do about it now.

 

> _Despite herself, Max found herself sympathizing with them, finding it all too easy to picture herself and her siblings reacting the same way.  "So once he found out Bran was okay, Trev relaxed and got over it?"_
> 
> _"Yeah.  And to all outward appearances, Bran was fine too."  Greta murmured, her hazel eyes pensive.  "But for those of us who knew him well, there were some subtle changes.  He'd grown even more stoic for one.  And perfected his game face, not that it wasn't damn good to begin with."  She shook her head admiringly.  "He never let anything bother him for long."_
> 
> _"Even though the guards and trainers had taken to taunting him and he’d lost all his special privileges, he just kept on trying his best and pushing us to do the same."  She smiled in remembrance.  "Told us we shouldn't let any of the crap we were being dealt get to us; that the adversity would only make us stronger, and better soldiers.  And we respected him even more because of it.”_
> 
> _“He never blamed Alec for any of it either.  He placed that squarely at Renfro's feet, since there was no need for her to go that over-the-top with her reprisal."  Kaley added.  “Hell, Alec couldn't even remember what he'd done to get punished so severely in the first place - you could tell just by looking at him - and he spent the first few weeks after he got out just wandering around like a zombie, doing strictly as he was told and speaking only when directed to.  They really did a number on him."  She muttered, her eyes burning with remembered fury._
> 
> _"Gradually that started to wear off, although he remained withdrawn and distant.  I actually think they tried to brainwash him into becoming a loner."  She shook her head angrily, her blonde hair flouncing around her shoulders.  "Renfro didn't seem to want him associating too closely with anybody - maybe she was afraid that his failure would become contagious or something - because she isolated him from the rest of us and tossed him into enhanced solo training.  Which was really just another form of punishment when you think about it, considering how much of a social animal Alec is."_
> 
> _Greta frowned, not particularly happy with the way he'd been treated either.  "It took almost four months, but Alec finally managed to snap out of the worst of the reprogramming and we watched him struggle to come to grips with everything that had happened.  Not that we ever got much of a chance to see him properly after that, except for at a distance.  He started signing apologies to us though whenever the guards weren’t paying close attention, and he was obviously lonely and upset, we could see it in his eyes when he looked at us, but he didn’t dare try to do anything about it."  She bit her bottom lip, looking thoughtful._
> 
> _“I don't think he wanted to put any of us at further risk, because there was no telling what Renfro might have done if he'd rebelled.  And it’s not like he wanted to chance getting hurt like that again either.”  She shrugged.  “So he gave in and reinvented himself; covered up his pain with a thick layer of bravado and donned the façade of the nonchalant assassin that they wanted him to be.  Basically just started doing as he was told.  Nothing more, nothing less.  It was like he couldn't see the point in making a real effort anymore.”_
> 
> _Max sighed, having no trouble whatsoever reconciling the picture they were painting of him with how he’d acted when they’d first met.  She only wished, and not for the first time either, that she’d paid proper attention to him back then.  Had actually opened her eyes and tried to scratch beneath the surface of the overly bright persona he’d portrayed.  Maybe then she wouldn’t feel near so bad, wouldn't have underestimated him nor treated him quite so horribly that first year._

 

Laughter suddenly rang out from down below, pulling Max from her focus, and she froze as the pitch and intensity of it slammed through her; every hair on her body standing on end.  For while it wasn't an exact match, likely because it wasn't being altered in any way, it was close enough to _his_ that it had to be him.  Shoving to her feet and blurring to the railing behind her double, she looked out over the bar, desperate to see who it was coming from but unfortunately she was too late.  The laughter had stopped already.

 

"No!"  Unwilling to give up, she forced herself to think it through carefully.  Making a mental map of where she'd been relative to the rest of the bar at the time, she determined that the laughter had to have come from somewhere over in the far corner where the guys were playing poker.  Scanning that area closely, she groaned in horror and dismay as she counted 22 men aside from Alec; the crowd of spectators having grown considerably over the past hour and a half.  

 

Quickly cataloging each one and discounting the list down to 19 since she refused to believe that Rake, Kevin or Kris had raped and tortured their own mate, she tried to match the rest of them up with the information they'd gathered over the past month.  She was devastated though, when she realized that every single man there had alibis for at least a good chunk of the disappearances.

 

"Shit!  That's impossible.  It's got to be one of them."  Expanding her radius to include another 5 feet and 13 more guys, just in case she'd been mistaken in how far the sound had travelled, she was frustrated and extremely pissed off when she got the same results.  And then chaos reigned as the noise she'd been anticipating earlier sounded out.  The men below scattering wildly as Kris dropped his cards and blurred for the stairs, shoving everyone and everything in his path out of the way, including the card table; effectively ending the game as cards, poker chips and drinks went flying.

 

 

> _“Oh!”_
> 
> _Everybody turned as one to look at Sara, concerned by the shocked cry she’d given.  Kaley taking the lead and asking knowingly, "The baby?”_
> 
> _“Yeah.  I…  I think it’s the real deal this time."  A pink flush of embarrassment and excitement rising to stain her cheeks, Sara started struggling to her feet.  "I’m pretty sure my water just broke.”  Everyone else stood up immediately, almost falling over themselves in their eagerness to assist her._
> 
> _She hadn't even finished speaking though before Kris was pushing through to her side, looking frantic. "Are you alright?"  His eyes wide and concerned as he lifted her the rest of the way up easily, one hand shaking uncontrollably as it came to rest over their baby._
> 
> _"She's fine, Kris."  Eyeing the small trail of moisture dampening the back of Sara's dress and taking a discrete whiff, Kaley smiled at her and nodded.  "That's definitely amniotic fluid.  Kate must have decided she's finally ready to meet you two."  Quickly checking her watch for the time, she asked, "Have you experienced any contractions or pain in the last few hours?"_
> 
> _Sara looked uncertain.  "I haven't had any contractions, but my back has been hurting off and on all day.  And it has been getting progressively worse tonight.  I just thought I was getting sore from sitting in these chairs, since they're not the most comfortable..."_
> 
> _Her voice sounded a bit thready, but Kaley noted she was fairly calm nonetheless, which was a relief seeing as how her mate was a nervous wreck.  "It can be hard to tell sometimes, especially with your first baby, but it sounds like you've probably been experiencing back labour."  Turning slightly to address Kris who was on the verge of hyperventilating, Kaley grabbed both his arms and shook him once firmly, barking out his name to get his undivided attention.  "Kris!  Look at me and listen carefully.  I want you to take a couple of nice deep steady breaths for me, okay?"_
> 
> _When he complied, albeit anxiously, she smiled reassuringly at him and continued in a more serene and soothing tone. "There is absolutely nothing to worry about Kris.  Women have been having babies for thousands of years and it's the most natural thing in the world."  Maintaining eye contact, she emphasized, "The most important thing you can possibly do for Sara tonight, is relax and remain calm, okay?  Don't give her anything else to worry about 'cause she's gonna need all her strength and concentration, and yours as well, to see her through Kate's birth.  It’s likely the most demanding task she will ever have to face.  So you need to pull yourself together and focus on being there for her.  Can you do that?"_
> 
> _Breathing carefully, Kris seemed to get a hold of himself and nodded, squaring his shoulders determinedly like the soldier he'd been for most his life.  "Of course I can."_
> 
> _"Great."  Addressing them both now, she smiled and waved her hand invitingly toward the stairs.  "So why don’t we make our way over to Medical then and get Sara set up in a nice comfortable bed.  That way you can both relax for a while before the main event.  Sound good?"_
> 
> _"Yeah."  He nodded again, more decisively this time and turned to his mate, tenderly offering her a hand to hold and putting his other arm around her waist as he started helping her over to the stairs._
> 
> _Nudging Rake, who'd just made his way up with Alec, Mark, Kevin and Bran after clearing away the mess Kris had left below, Kaley murmured quietly in an aside, "Do you wanna come with?  Kris probably wouldn't mind having some extra support nearby.  And I wouldn't mind having you there either, cause it's bound to be a long night with Kate being their first..."_
> 
> _"Sure thing babe."  Fairly good in a crisis, no matter what other faults he might have, he nodded immediately and moved with her to shadow Kris and Sara._
> 
> _"Good luck guys!" Max called out to their retreating backs, the others adding their best wishes as well.  Leaning back against the railing behind her, she snuggled into Alec's side when he joined her and threw an arm around her._

Max sighed and closed her eyes in welcome relief when she felt the heat and tightly muscled strength of her mate's body aligning itself with hers.  She hadn't even tried to get out of the way when she'd seen her doppelganger move toward her, more desperate now than she'd ever been in her life to have Alec hold her.  Inhaling deeply, she took in his scent, his slightly musky all-natural aroma filling her up and wrapping around her like a blanket.  The overwhelming familiarity and security of his presence soothing beyond belief, lulling her into a state of peace, the closest she’d felt anyway since waking up on that beach. 

> _Everyone else stood there, staring quietly after the quartet until they finally made it out the door at the far end of the building.  Then Anna shook herself from her stupor, taking a quick glance at her watch and sighing.  "Well, I hate to abandon ship, but I've got to be on shift in about 15 minutes, so I might as well head out."  Bumping her hip against Kevin's and sliding an arm around his waist, she asked, "Wanna walk me over to Command, stud?"_
> 
> _“It would be my pleasure, milady.”  He teased with a wink, a grin playing across his lips as he started walking with her toward the exit and called out, "Laters."_
> 
> _Hastily stifling a huge yawn as he swayed slightly on his feet, Mark blinked several times in rapid succession, flagging noticeably in the wake of the adrenaline surge Kris’s abrupt departure had triggered._
> 
> _"And that's our cue."  Dana said with a loving but firm smile when she noticed.  Taking his hand in hers, she started dragging him along behind her, not that he offered any resistance.  "Come on sleepyhead.  Let's pick up Jake and go home.  Get you into bed."_
> 
> _Brandy and Jess didn't linger long after that either, murmuring their excuses as they went to join their friends down below, and then Bran leaned in close to whisper something in Greta’s ear, obviously of a highly provocative nature if the wicked grin that curved her lips was any indication._
> 
> _Before they knew it, Alec and Max were alone in the loft and she slid around him to stand between his legs.  Tucking her head in over his heart and winding her arms around his waist, she was content to just stand there and listen to his heartbeat thrumming steadily and reassuringly in her ear._
> 
> _When she felt his arms wrap more securely around her she snuggled in even closer, her fingers slowly snaking their way up under his shirt and caressing the warm skin of his lower back; her overactive imagination supplying her senses with slight grooves and ridges where the whips must have bit into him, though she’d never seen so much as a hint of a scar there.  The doctors' at Manticore having done their jobs all too well, and she couldn't help but shiver at the thought of all the horrific things he'd endured and all the other invisible scars he likely carried unspoken._
> 
> _Alec sighed as he felt it, not having forgotten how distressed she’d appeared earlier, and asked intently, “So, are you gonna tell me what’s got you so rattled?”_
> 
> _"I’d really rather not.  Can we please just drop it Alec?" She mumbled the words into his chest, reluctant to relinquish her favored position and knowing he was bound to get upset if he found out what they’d been discussing.  She couldn’t lie to him, they'd promised each other they never would, but she couldn't help but hope that he might forget about it and let her postpone telling him indefinitely._
> 
> _“Why?  Whatever this is, it obviously upset you earlier.”  He pushed her back from him slightly and tilted her chin up toward his, startled when he saw fresh tears shimmering in her dark eyes and he swore softly under his breath.  "What is it sweetheart?  Just tell me.  Did I do something?  Or is this baby thing bothering you that much?"  It was the only thing he could think of to garner this kind of reaction; their recent 'discussions' on the matter leaving both of them feeling rather unsatisfied and frustrated, as he couldn’t quite bring himself to clarify his own reservations for fear of potentially hurting her feelings._
> 
> _Max shook her head immediately, not wanting him to think even for an instant that she was upset with him.  "No.  It’s not that, and it's nothing you’ve done, I swear.  It's just...”  She sighed unhappily as she gave in to the worry in his gaze.  “Greta and the girls were trying to give me a better insight into Bran and your guys' unit.  You know how she gets whenever she thinks I’m treating him unfairly.  The man can do no wrong in her eyes.”  She muttered.  “Anyway, I didn't intend for them to go there, but… well… one thing led to another... and before I knew it they were telling me all about the punishments Renfro inflicted on you, and the rest of your unit... after Berrisford."_
> 
> _He flinched at the mere mention of the name, his lips thinning as he started to withdraw automatically, his chest tightening as the ache stirred afresh, even after all this time.  All the memory modifications and repressions that Manticore had forced upon him causing pain to spike through his brain every time he tried to recall that dark time._
> 
> _“Please don’t.  Don’t go there.”  She reached up and wrapped a hand around the back of his neck to keep him from retreating any further, the other coming up to gently stroke and cup his cheek as her eyes looked up at him beseechingly, trying to regain his full attention.  “I never meant to pry, and now that I know what happened, I swear I’ll never mention it again.”  Her eyes and cheeks damp with misery, she whispered, “I’m so sorry Alec.  I wish I could make it all go away.  It's not fair what you've had to go through.”_
> 
> _Stretching up on her tiptoes, she pressed a trail of tender kisses along his face and lips until he heaved a shuddering sigh and wrapped her back up in his arms, dropping his forehead down to rest against hers as the tension slowly eased from his body._
> 
> _They stood there unmoving for a long time, just sharing the same breath and drawing comfort from the warmth of their embrace.  Until finally he murmured against her lips, “You ready to get out of here?”_
> 
> _Relieved that he seemed to be okay, Max smiled softly at him and pressed a kiss against his lips before replying, “Yeah.  Let’s go home baby.”_

 

 

"No."  Max moaned when the feel of his arms started to fade from around her, her own reaching out instinctively and wafting through empty air.  Opening her eyes, she glared at the mist rising up to fill her shimmering vision, trying to will it away.  But it did no good to resist or complain.  

 

Before she knew it, Alec was gone.

 

And she was left standing alone.  Again.


	9. Chapter 8 - Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see Chapter 1 for disclaimers and majority of author's notes.
> 
> Author's Note: While I have written this as an interlude to provide some more of the back story of Max and Alec's relationship, it can be read as a memory Max visits while trapped in her head. I have split this chapter in half as well, as it was starting to get quite long.
> 
> Mood Music: Crazy by Kat Dahlia

## Interlude - 2023Jul14 – Friday – Approximately 9:00 pm

* * *

 

Max sighed as she leaned into the bar, content for the time being to lose herself in the noise and bustle of the crowd and the music pulsing heavily through the speakers. _Fringe_ packed to the rafters tonight; everyone that was able out celebrating the crushing blow they’d dealt the Familiars that morning. Alec and Bran having worked hard over the past month or so to orchestrate a coup; their crack squads crashing an important high-level cult gathering and decimating their unsuspecting ranks in a fierce but thankfully brief battle.

 

 _Guess nobody ever told 'em not to bring a knife to a gunfight, even if it is poisoned with snake blood!_ She smirked a bit at the decidedly Alec-like thought, then raised her beer to her own reflection in a mock toast before taking a drink.

 

_I suppose I ought to be happier. White, McKinley, and over 400 of their whack-job cult buddies are dead after all. And their evil plot to dominate the world is exposed now too; the media going absolutely bat-shit this afternoon when we sent them copies of all the evidence we’d gathered._

 

They'd been tapping and intercepting Familiar phone and email communications for roughly two years now, collecting detailed information on movements, contacts and illegal actions against both humans and themselves. Biding their time until they could pin enough dirt on them to take them down permanently without repercussion from the government or the ordinary populace.

 

 _But with everything else that’s been happening and on my mind lately, I’m not really feeling it. ‘Specially with all the tension that’s been flaring up between Alec and I. Well, not really tension I guess. More like I'm brushing up against a live wire whenever he's around, which is pretty much constantly again_. _He's weaved himself back into my life almost like I never pushed him away. Or at least tried to!_

She couldn't help but snort at the thought of him, not quite sure as to how she should even classify his role in her life anymore there were so many titles he could take.

_Sounding board? Check. Even during our decidedly strained eight-month cold spell, we were still in and out of each other's offices on a semi-regular basis, running ideas past each other just as we've always done._

_Second-in-Command? Without question. I don't know how I'd have coped with all this crap without his support. Hell, I wouldn't even_ be _in this position right now if he hadn't backed me initially. It's not like many of our people were willing to give an '09er' like me the benefit of the doubt!_

_Best friend? Yeah, he's definitely getting close to Cindy in that category_ , she had to admit. _Maybe even higher now, with how long it’s been since OC and I have actually had an opportunity to sit down and seriously talk._ She pursed her lips unconsciously as she thought about the people who were actually left in her inner circle. _There is Josh of course, but he’s too innocent by far. In reality, Alec’s the only one I’ve ever truly trusted enough and felt confident enough in to tell_ all _my secrets to without reservation._

She sighed despondently as she realized she hadn’t even used up all the fingers on one hand. _And the sad thing is, it’s my own fault. I’ve pushed so many people away over the years, if only out of fear, that there isn't anyone else now that's even close enough for me to consider them a true friend. Although… Anna could turn into one I guess. If I let her. She doesn't seem to mind me hanging out with her while she's on shift. And we do have a few things in common, other than both being night models._

_How about lover?_ A voice in the back of her head suggested slyly, eager to get back to the topic of Alec.A slight frown crossed her face as she had to think hard about that one. _Not exactly... It’s not like being heat buddies a couple times a year really qualifies._

She shook her head and sighed yet again, realizing how easily she could keep that list going. _The man’s nothing, if not complicated. But then so's my life._ _Hell, I've been struggling for going on a year now, trying to make sense of everything and deal with all the guilt I'm still feeling over Logan's death, especially since so many good things have sprung up as a result of it._

 

 _I still can’t believe how much approval and support I’ve gained since his passing._ _Not that I was trying for it._ _I didn’t even consider how my actions would be perceived by anyone else, I was so wrapped up in my own misery and intent on drowning out my grief and fear with work._

By January, her popularity had grown so much that most of the factions jostling for control of TC had died out; the majority more than satisfied by her hard work and obvious dedication. And the government had actually been inspired enough too, by the slowly growing public wave of empathy being directed toward them, to approach her with the first tentative displays of interest in opening negotiations. Which had only served to increase her popularity even more.

 

 _Course Bran took a while longer to win over_ , she mused.

 

But just before Easter, he'd finally thrown in the towel as well and magnanimously tendered his support to her and Alec’s leadership. He'd given a rousing speech in the middle of command and apologized for the dissent and friction he and Trev had caused, admitting that he now thought she was the best person for CO, and asking her rather humbly if she'd allow him to make it up to her and their people by joining her recently established command committee as head of their planning department.  

 

It had made sense, as that was where he’d been focusing most of his energy anyway, and it would've been difficult to turn him down in front of the audience that had gathered, even though she’d been sorely tempted. But Alec had endorsed the move immediately, murmuring discretely to her that there was no need to alienate him. That his skills as a strategist were second to none and they’d be fortunate to have him working by their side. It had been obvious to her that his faith in his former CO remained fairly strong, despite the differences in opinion they'd had.

 

So she'd reluctantly agreed to give Bran a chance, although a part of her felt hesitant to trust him at face value; something about him still just rubbing her the wrong way despite his agreeable enough manner. But to her surprise, he’d quickly thrown himself into his work, more than proving himself by offering up nothing but solutions and a highly positive attitude in the months since then.

 

 _Of course, Alec and I were still slightly at odds with one another at that point, what with the way he kept pushing me to open up again, although that didn't last long either._ The big blow out they'd had only a few short weeks later pulling her forcibly out of her shell and settling them back into a somewhat more normal routine.

 

She closed her eyes involuntarily as she remembered that night. It had been his persuasive words – and his amazingly sweet kiss, if she was being completely honest with herself – that had gotten her to thinking, and made her start opening her mind to the possibilities in front of her, confusing and frightening though they were.

 

* * *

####  _2023Apr19 – Wednesday – Approximately 01:00 am_

 

 

> _"You opened everyone's eyes that day. Made them all finally start taking us seriously. Made them realize that maybe we weren't animals; that we cared and had souls and deserved to live." Alec sighed and gentled his tone. "And even though it took his death to do it, I think Logan could've lived with that. I think it would've made him think it was worth it in the end."_
> 
> _"But..." Her voice broke and she had to try again. "But he didn't deserve it Alec. He didn't deserve to die like that."_
> 
> _"No, you're right. He didn't. He was an amazing guy. Decent and honest and giving. Dedicated to doing what he thought was right. And he loved you with all his heart." He sighed. "But do you honestly think he'd be happy seeing you like this? Do you think this would be what he'd want for you? To see you living some sort of half-life, never truly happy? To see you spend the rest of your life feeling guilty, wretched and alone?"_
> 
> _"No." Her face crumpled as she realized he was speaking the truth. Tears finally starting to slip down her cheeks._
> 
> _"That's right." He reached up and gently brushed them away with his thumbs, still staring directly into her eyes. "Logan would've wanted you to be happy Max. For you to fall in love again and have a family. To laugh and smile and just be. And you're only tarnishing his memory and making light of his sacrifice by closing yourself off like this."_

* * *

 

 

 _He was right, of course, as he so often is_. She sighed as she opened her eyes and finished off the rest of her beer, even as she signaled Kevin for another. _Logan never would have wanted me to isolate myself like I did. He would've expected me to keep on fighting, to go on living. The only thing is, I'm not quite sure how to go about it. Or what exactly I want now._

 

It was like she'd been set adrift; a whole new bright and beautiful world suddenly opened up before her, if she could only find the courage to take that first irrevocable step forward.

 

 _And that is my biggest challenge, isn't it? Figuring out if I can actually take that step and move on? If I have the guts to try for something more with Alec? Or whether I’d be better off just settling for my safe, if lonely, little life as friends with very occasional benefits?_ She shook her head as she felt an all-too-familiar blush heating her cheeks, already knowing which way her body was leaning. And it certainly _wasn't_ toward the friendship path.

She'd gone into heat again, not quite two weeks after that fight, and man, had it ever been intense! She'd thought she'd already seen everything Alec had to offer, felt all the fire and passion he could possibly bring to the table, but he'd somehow managed to switch things up on her again.

 

His expression had been so tender and so focused on her as he'd indomitably taken control, shepherding her back to her apartment and carefully fending off her wandering hands and lips while they were out in the public view. But once he’d gotten her home?

 

Oh, he’d let her do _all_ the touching she’d wanted. _And_ reciprocated in spades!

 

He’d laid her out in the middle of her bed after stripping them both naked, then proceeded to worship _every_ – _single_ – _inch_ of her. Looking like some sort of god as the sultry rays of the midday sun had kissed his flesh, just as surely as he'd kissed hers. Keeping her at a slow and steady simmer for what felt like days. Satisfying her in almost every conceivable way, except for the one she’d truly craved.

 

He hadn’t allowed her to rush them through any part of their joining, despite how hard she'd pushed him to just fuck her and be done with it. Her instincts still trying to operate in protection mode, somehow knowing he’d be able to breach her defenses if she gave him the slightest opening. But not a single thing she’d said or done had dissuaded him from his thorough and absolutely sinful seduction.

 

Every touch and caress had burned so brightly, every glance and whisper and brush of his lips against her skin had felt so exquisitely intimate, filled with such reverence and desire. She'd never felt so wanted before. Had never felt, so definitively, like she _mattered_.

 

And when he’d finally – _finally!_ –taken her – when he’d meshed their fingers together above her head, looked deep into her eyes andpressed himself all the way inside her – he’d taken her breath away. Her orgasm striking her like a lightning bolt she'd been so ready; tongues of fire licking their way eagerly through her body. His intense green eyes delving into hers for several timeless moments – soaking up every little shiver and cry she’d made – before he’d finally started moving again. The sense of _connection_ between them completely overwhelming; so incredibly beautiful and terrifying all at once. Leaving her feeling as if he'd somehow indelibly imprinted himself upon her soul.

 

Her fingers reached up unconsciously to brush over the site of his latest round of bite marks, causing a shiver to course down her spine, and she bit her bottom lip hard as she forcibly pulled herself from the almost trancelike state those memories induced. Even now, two and a half months later, she _still_ couldn’t get the erotic images and sensations out of her head. They kept popping up at the most inconvenient of moments, sending a rush of liquid heat flowing through her core.

 

She was just so aware of him; it was slowly driving her insane. Even his scent was a temptation, something about it making her feel so safe and protected, and yet undeniably aroused and restless at the same time. And it was weird, how she could track him and identify his presence by it, when all the other males in TC just blended into the background like they weren't even there; nothing about them standing out in her head at all. But as soon as she picked up Alec's scent, every nerve in her body went haywire, instantly attuning themselves to him. Like she had some sort of built-in Alec radar now.

 

 _It's gotta be that claim business that Anna told me about! It’s so... distracting. Yeah, and… and… utterly vexing! Stupid instincts anyway!_ She nodded heartily at her own propaganda, in a vain attempt to reinforce the message to her traitorous body, and deliberately turned her thoughts elsewhere.

_It's not like I haven't had enough crap vying for my attention lately. Like my twin’s return._

 

Sam had been furious and just angling for a fight when she’d shown up in TC a few days after her heat, laying the blame for ruining her life entirely on Max’s shoulders. All of the publicity, both positive and negative, that Max and the transgenic revolution had garnered, making its way up to Canada and tarnishing her with the same brush. Until her husband had finally had enough of all the stares and innuendo plaguing him and his son and sent her packing. For good.

 

That had been hard enough to deal with, although it'd been great having a chance to get to know her a bit better. For despite her initial hostility they'd done a fair bit of talking - okay, mainly arguing at first - but they'd managed to start clearing the air between them and paving the way toward a slightly more amicable relationship.

 

At least until Sam had disappeared. She’d gone out to blow off some steam the night of June 1st and never returned. Unsure as to who had taken her, whether it had been White, or maybe one of the more hardcore vigilante groups that were still actively hunting them, they'd searched for her non-stop. Until Bran had finally gotten a lead on her possible whereabouts several days later; whispered rumors on the streets about the capture of the head transgenic and some decidedly suspicious activity down by the waterfront allowing him to narrow things down to one particular warehouse, an infrequently-used fish factory.

 

Max winced and felt her stomach lurch, her grip tightening convulsively around her beer bottle as memories of the last time she'd seen Sam flashed though her head.

 

* * *

####  _2023Jun06 – Tuesday – Approximately 6:00 pm_

 

> _Alec deliberately slipped in front of her, then gestured to the ten members of their backup team to fan out around the building and take covering positions.   Since White had been seen in the area earlier that afternoon, they couldn't be certain whether or not this was a trap, and he wasn’t willing to take any chances.   Giving them time to work their way into position, he looked back and caught her eye. “I’ll take point.”_
> 
> _With the way he said it, as he pulled his gun out, checked the clip and then pointedly thumbed the safety off, the matter clearly wasn’t up for discussion as far as he was concerned. Hell, he hadn't even wanted her to come along in the first place, the over-protective ass! Unwilling to waste any more time arguing with him, particularly since he wasn't likely to concede, Max just rolled her eyes and nodded impatiently, already bracing herself for the potential fight to come._
> 
> _He pushed her back into the shadows though when the side door they were aiming for suddenly opened and three men came out, laughing and looking only too pleased with themselves as they made their way down the street, barely sparing a glance around to make sure they weren't being watched._
> 
> _Gesturing at Rake and Nero, who were closest, to leave their posts and pick them up, Alec glided smoothly forward and carefully opened the door, peering inside to check for more men. Not finding anyone else in the small walled off vestibule, he started leading the way down the spottily-lit hallway and past a set of obviously freshly used locker rooms until they reached the opening of the much larger processing area. Hearing no one inside, he edged his way cautiously into the room and then almost lost his lunch at the gruesome sight that met his eyes. Swiftly turning, he grabbed Max by the upper arms to try to stop her from entering._
> 
> _She squirmed out of his grasp though and slipped around him, her face rapidly paling when she saw the knives and all the blood arrayed out over the nearby walls and floor; her twin chained down to one of the heavy steel work tables not five feet away. Naked as the day she was born, her neck was slit wide open; the smell and miserable condition she was in making it clear that she’d been raped and tortured for quite some time._
> 
> _Her eyes huge with shock and horror, her body trembling in reaction, Max spun away and tried desperately not to heave, leaning over with her hands on her thighs to support herself as she took shallow breaths in through her mouth in an effort to regain control._
> 
> _Torn between going to Max and checking her twin for any sign of life, not that he believed he would find any given the amount of blood pooled on the floor, Alec forced himself to approach the table. His heart and mind rebelling with every step, since all he could see was Max lying there. Her dark auburn locks tangled and matted with blood and sweat, her chocolate eyes glazed over and staring vacantly off into space, while the once beautiful lines of her face and body were swollen and marred with cuts and bruises. The men had obviously believed that Sam was Max, since all the rumors had mentioned the capture of the 'head trannie bitch'._
> 
> _After carefully checking for a pulse and finding none, the warmth already dissipating from her skin, he closed her eyelids with trembling fingers and glanced around for something to cover her with. Spying a tarp lying in the corner, he walked over to grab it and then draped it over her._
> 
> _Making his way back over to Max, he laid his hand over the small of her back to let her know he was there, rubbing gently in a gesture of comfort as a few more shudders racked her body._
> 
> _Swiping at her face with the sleeve of her shirt, she finally pushed herself up to face him, her eyes haunted. "God, Alec! How could they_ do _that?" Shaken to her core by the senseless violence, and disturbed beyond measure by the notion that it could’ve so easily have been her lying there, that it_ should _have been her, that they'd_ meant _it to be her, she instinctively moved into his waiting arms and buried her face in his neck, too distraught to care about how he or anyone else might interpret her actions._
> 
> _Not that he seemed to care either as he folded her up in his arms and held her just as tightly, breathing her in with his nose pressed in her hair. His heart pounding, his whole body trembling with barely restrained anger and fear as similar thoughts raced through his head._

* * *

 

Rake and Nero had shown up not long after with the rest of their team, coolly dragging in the three men they’d seen leaving, who promptly pissed their pants upon seeing Max standing there unharmed. Their eyes darting back and forth between the body on the table and her in complete confusion before rightly focusing in on the man beside her who looked like Death incarnate. Alec hadn't even batted an eyelid as he'd stooped to pick up a fillet knife and began "questioning" them. He’d been utterly ruthless; the dark smoldering fury in his eyes intimidating, even to her, but he’d swiftly gotten the information they’d needed.

 

The assholes hadn’t even been the ones to capture Sam. Someone else had done that and then blithely handed her over to them a few days later. Not that they'd known who he was; they'd never even seen the guy's face.

 

He'd approached them in a dark alley on the night of the third, they’d said, staying deliberately to the shadows. Said he'd seen them out on the corner shouting down transgenics and wondered if they actually had the balls to do something about it. Said he'd captured the head trannie if they were interested. That they could do whatever they wanted to her, have as much fun as they wanted with the filthy little whore.

 

And the sick bastards had happily taken him up on it. The only rule they'd been told, was that they were to kill her by noon today. But obviously they’d gotten carried away and lost track of time.

 

It would be the last mistake they'd ever make.

 

None of the team had been able to tolerate what had been done to Sam, and they’d all taken part in teaching the ordinaries a final fateful lesson about messing with transgenics - something they hadn’t been able to do when first Biggs and then Amber had been lynched. When they were finished, they’d sanitized the site and tossed the remains of the three in the ocean, finding a certain poetic justice in them becoming fish food, and Max hadn’t even been able to bring herself to care all that much, except for the need to minimize their risk of exposure. The shock of what the men had done, what they'd intended to do to her, eradicating any sympathy she might have otherwise felt.

 

They’d brought Sam’s body back to TC and cremated her, not wanting her to become fodder for either the government or some scientist. And Alec had ended up shadowing her closely until she'd finally gone home that night. Then shown up on her doorstep again not ten minutes later with several bottles of booze in hand, still too wound up to let her out of his sight for long, although he’d tried valiantly to hide it. And while she would've refused to admit it if asked, she'd secretly been relieved to find him there, a bit too unsettled to be alone. They’d ended up drinking and talking the night away, curled up together on her couch; both needing the reassurance and comfort of the other’s presence as they'd commiserated Sam's loss.

 

Coming back to herself, Max motioned for yet another beer and knocked back the rest of the bottle in her hand, only too pleased by the buzz starting to hit her system. Her thoughts returning to the likely culprit behind Sam's death.

 

Since White had been seen in the area before they'd found her, they’d assumed he’d been responsible for capturing Sam initially and was there to check up on the vigilantes, although they hadn't been able to find any real proof of his involvement. So they’d redoubled their efforts in pinning him and the rest of the Familiars down, determined to finally get rid of the threat they posed once and for all.

 

Alec even going so far as to deliberately allow himself to be caught by White and three of his psycho warriors almost three weeks ago, without telling her beforehand of course. She’d been ready to throttle him when she found out; almost insane with worry as she’d been forced to listen in as he’d let himself be beaten damn near to a pulp, all while trying to garner some sort of confession _and_ egging White into beaking off, of course. Something else he was spectacularly gifted at with that mouth of his.

 

His backup team had videotaped the absolutely damning rant White had given about the superiority of his race, and how the Familiars were going to crush the transgenics and all the pitiful humans they’d been created to protect. And while he'd certainly been pleased to hear about Sam's death, Ames hadn't taken responsibility for it, and they'd been forced to admit defeat on that count. When he'd pulled out a gun not long after, intent on a kill, they’d swooped in to retrieve Alec before he could follow through.

 

Alec had realized too, as soon as they'd pulled back into TC and she’d torn open the doors to the van he was in, that he’d fucked up. At least so far as she was concerned. The look of surprised wonder in his eyes had made it obvious he hadn’t properly accounted for his own importance to her, even though he’d known about her fear of losing people. He’d quickly tried to explain about the multitude of contingencies he’d had in place, but she’d barely let him get a word in edgewise. At least not then. Not after what had happened with her twin; the damage still too fresh in her mind for her to be able to handle it rationally.

 

She’d taken one look at his battered and broken body and banished him to the med ward for three days, not trusting herself to say anything else she’d been shaking so bad, her heart about ready to pound right out of her chest. The thought of actually losing him hitting her so much harder than she’d ever expected, forcing her to reevaluate his standing in her life.

 

Of course, that had coincided with when she'd found out about the whole 'claim' business. She'd met up with Anna that night on watch, still a complete wreck after everything that had happened, and ended up ranting about Alec's behavior to her.

 

* * *

####  _2023Jun24 – Saturday – Approximately Midnight_

 

> _"God! I can't believe him sometimes. I mean, he freaks out if I even_ think _about doing anything remotely dangerous anymore, and then he goes out and pulls something like this? What the hell is wrong with him!" Max huffed out, aware that she couldn't afford to be too loose-lipped, no matter how upset she was._
> 
> _Anna pursed her lips thoughtfully as she stared out over the streets of TC below them, "Well... I don't think you can really blame Alec. He is just following his instincts after all."_
> 
> _"His instincts!" Indignant, Max scowled. "What? To act like an idiot?"_
> 
> _Anna smirked, amused by the thought. "No. To protect you,_ and _remove the threat that White and his kind poses to all of us."_
> 
> _When Max just stared at her, clearly confused at her reasoning, Anna sighed. "You do realize of course that Alec's claimed you."_
> 
> _"Claimed me? What are you talking about?"_
> 
> _"Haven't you heard_ any _of the gossip about claims over the last year or so?" Anna looked over at her and arched an eyebrow in surprise, even as several pieces of the puzzle that was her CO started snapping into place. "I haven't been able to go anywhere without seeing or hearing something about it."_
> 
> _Realizing belatedly that that may have come off as a bit rude, she tried to give her an out. "But that may just be an occupational hazard of mine, seeing as how I spend most of my time spying on others."_
> 
> _Max sighed. "Well, obviously I need to get out more. I've been way too preoccupied with running TC."_ Among other things _, she thought. "So what's the deal?"_
> 
> _Settling her butt a bit more comfortably on the corner of the brick ledge and resuming her surveillance, Anna began to explain. "You remember back when you were a kid - when you were still in your unit - how close you all were? How you relied on each other for protection and looked out for one another? The instinctive bond that existed between all of you as unit mates?"_
> 
> _"Yeah." A wistful smile tugged at Max's lips at the thought. "What of it?"_
> 
> _"Well, a claim is sort of like an extension of that, the more 'grown-up' version if you will, as it's sexual in nature. It's something that started happening after we got out of Manticore. Once we had the right to start hooking up with and choosing our own partners, and the heat-suppressors worked their way out of our systems..."_
> 
> _She glanced over at Max appraisingly, wondering if she might get in trouble for what she was about to ask, but then shrugged mentally, wanting the confirmation that she was on the right track. "Alec_ has _bitten you, right? You know, when you've...uhh... been together... during your heats?"_
> 
> _Shocked by the intimate nature of the question, even if it was likely relevant, and more than a bit embarrassed, Max felt a blush engulf her face and barely managed a tight nod as she muttered, "Yeah. Every time, but what does that have to do with anything?"_
> 
> _"It's how they claim us," Anna stated matter-of-factly, then elaborated, "We've known for a long time now that the guys are ruled even more by their animal instincts than we are - the scientists started figuring it out when we hit puberty - and well, our heats seem to stir those instincts up and draw them even closer to the surface. So much so, that if they're attracted to us at all, they wind up biting us on the neck. It seems to be some sort of territorial/dominance-related thing passed on through our feline DNA. A way of marking us as theirs, as being a part of their ‘pack’ and under their protection."_
> 
> _"So, what? Is it permanent then, like mating? Don't I get a say?" Max's voice had risen to a panicked whisper, her face pale now in the moonlight._
> 
> _"Oh don't worry, we definitely have a say. We can deny their claim at any time and they can withdraw it too for that matter, simply by choosing or accepting a different partner." Anna grimaced, her voice a little bitter, and shook her head sadly as she explained. "A claim doesn't necessarily have to lead to mating at all, or even mean that a guy loves you or anything. It's seems to have more to do with them warning others away from their choice of a potential mate.” She frowned a bit as she inadvertently rubbed her neck, thinking about Kevin and his reluctance to actually commit to her, even though he'd been claiming her off and on for the past year and a half._
> 
> _“It depends on the guy of course as to how seriously they take it. Some tend to be quite laid back about it, maybe ‘cause they don’t feel like they have anything to prove, or they just don't care enough about the woman after her heat is over; while others view it as a form of ownership and start coming off like cavemen, acting like the woman is their property and trying to boss her around. And then there are all the ones that fall somewhere in between that spectrum.”_
> 
> _"Huh." Max muttered, not quite sure as to how she felt about the concept of Alec claiming her._ Could it actually mean something to him? And do I want it to? _She shook her head, biting at her bottom lip uncertainly._ Am I even ready for something like that?
> 
> _Anna's eyes roved restlessly over the fence line below them, still alert to her duty despite the diverting conversation. Her gaze sharpening for a moment on a homeless man entering one of the alleys backing on to TC before moving on again once she recognized him as a regular. "You can also end up reinforcing a claim, depending on how you react to it."_
> 
> _That got Max's attention. "How do you mean?"_
> 
> _"Exclusivity for one. If you're consistently sleeping with the same guy, particularly when you're in heat, then that's a huge sign that you accept their claim.” Anna glanced over at her again significantly as she asked, “Didn't you ever wonder why a bigger fuss wasn’t made over Alec beating Trev to a pulp, back when you were in heat in November?"_
> 
> _Max blushed again and looked away, not particularly enthused about the reminder of the mistake she'd made. "I just didn't figure it was anybody's business. It_ was _only a fight, wasn't it?"_
> 
> _"No. That's not it at all." Anna shook her head solemnly. "It blew over right away because every guy here knew that Alec was only acting in his instincts. He'd made it perfectly clear to everyone by his posturing and behavior that he considered you to be his; that he'd staked his claim on you and was prepared to defend it. So when he actually did, Trev didn't have a leg to stand on. Especially given the fact that you were seen willingly leaving that alley with Alec,_ and _clearly overheard telling him that you were his. All those things strengthened his claim to you."_
> 
> _Max just sat there, stunned that something so personal had apparently become common knowledge. She'd known it would be hard to keep secrets in TC with everyone having enhanced senses, but it was another thing entirely to experience it for herself. After several long minutes, she finally broke the silence to ask quietly, "so you seriously think that Alec was trying to protect me by letting White capture and beat on him like that? That it was because of his claim on me?"_
> 
> _"Yeah, I do." Anna sighed, not really wanting to point out what should be evident by now, nor appear to lay any blame. "Ever since your twin was assaulted and killed in your stead, Alec's been spooked, worried that something similar might happen to you. He's been fighting it hard, trying not to overreact, but we've all seen it. And nobody's giving him an ounce of grief over it, because we all know we'd do the same damn thing if someone we cared about was threatened with something like that."_
> 
> _"Just look at the way you're reacting to his being hurt now, and how freaked out you were today when you found out what was going down. Can you honestly tell me you wouldn't have done something similar to protect him from White if you'd had the chance?"_
> 
> _Anna didn't give her time to answer, but bulldozed on. "And yeah, maybe the way he went about it_ was _a little crazy. But he’s determined to eliminate White as a threat to you, by any means possible, and if that includes him taking a beating to do it, well obviously he’s okay with that."_
> 
> _Gentling her tone, she added, "You can't really argue with his results either Max. I mean, getting White on tape like that talking about McKinley and their high priestesses, and the murder of their own children? Having him profess so blatantly his hatred of us and the ordinaries, and their determination to wipe us all off the map? That's moved up our timeline for exposing them exponentially. He gave us so much material to work with."_
> 
> _"Yeah. I know." Max's voice was barely above a whisper as she shifted uncomfortably on the ledge, the urge to run off somewhere and hide from this newfound knowledge very hard to contain. "It's just..."_
> 
> _"What?"_
> 
> _"I can't believe he'd actually do something that stupid for me." She shook her head, nonplussed, and hugged her knees up into her chest. "I mean, it's one thing to risk your life on a rescue attempt, but another entirely to let yourself get caught by your worst enemy on the slim chance that maybe you_ might _get some useful information out of them. It doesn't make any sense. We're just friends-"_
> 
> _Anna snorted, unable to contain her disbelief. "Sure you are."_
> 
> _"What?" Max exclaimed, "It's true. We_ are _just friends."_
> 
> _"Maybe technically, on your side of the fence at least, but have you even_ seen _the way Alec looks at you? 'Cause I have." She stated definitively. "That man is seriously into you. Hasn't slept with any of the other women either since you two started hitting it, which is what?" She eyed Max speculatively as she tried to recall exactly when he'd started acting differently toward her; her tone just daring her to read between the lines. "About a year and a half ago now?"_
> 
> _The probable significance of that fact wasn't lost on either transgenic._
> 
> _"Something like that." Max mumbled into her knees, then lifted her head and continued more strongly as if her point was beyond reproach, "But we only get together during my heats! And that only started as a matter of convenience!"_
> 
> _Anna eyed her contemplatively, sensing the rising fear that Max was feeling and the likely reasoning behind it. After all, it wasn't as if her doomed relationship with Eyes Only had been a big secret. "Okay, let's say for the sake of argument that you are 'just friends'." She rolled her eyes and silently congratulated herself on not making air quotes when she used the term. "Does it really matter_ what _you call your relationship? Even as a friend you still care about him, don't you? So do you honestly think you'd have felt any differently today if you were more involved with him?"_
> 
> _Pinning her with her dark eyes, she pressed her point home. "If the worst had happened, and Alec had died, do you think it would have hurt any more or less if you'd only been friends, as compared to lovers, or maybe even mates? Would you be any less devastated?"_
> 
> _Stymied, Max sat there with her mouth agape, unable to face the truth, at least right then. Making up a lame excuse, she beat a hasty retreat, not stopping until she reached the solitude of her apartment._

 

* * *

 

She'd spent plenty of time thinking about it, and him, in the three weeks since then, probably more than was strictly healthy, and the awful truth was she really couldn't imagine it hurting any worse.  The thought of his death damn near paralyzing her with fear and panic as is. 

 

 _Obviously it's far too late to try to protect myself from him; he's already managed to worm his way into at least some portion of my heart.  But that doesn’t mean I have to give him free reign to the rest of it_ , Max thought stubbornly as she took another drink. 

 

 _Although I am becoming more and more tempted to maybe give him a shot_ , she had to admit with a sigh.  _There's just something about him that appeals to me._ She tried to pin down exactly what it was, and then shook her head ruefully when she realized she couldn’t. There were just too many.

_I really envy his straightforward and almost effortless way of dealing with everyone and everything.  He's got so many allegiances, it still astounds me sometimes the sheer number of people that know him and wave to him, that respect him and his opinion, and have faith in him.  Not that it should_ , _I suppose._   _He earned my respect and trust as well, not long after the siege began, when I finally looked past the last of my own misconceptions about him._

 

 _He’s loyal and caring too.  His willingness to become my Second – even though he easily could have taken CO – and all the responsibility he’s shouldered with little to no complaint, has proven his dedication to our cause and our people.  And to me._   _He constantly stands behind me whenever anyone doubts or questions me, and beside me too, no matter what I say or do._

_Although he's not afraid to challenge me if he thinks I'm in the wrong either, not pulling any punches while he stands toe-to-toe with me, totally undaunted in the face of my anger.  He's probably about the only person on Earth that's actually able - and more than willing - to put up with me and my varied rants and physical arguments, all without batting an eyelid.  Just smirking down at me the whole damn time, the smart ass!_ A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she thought about his typical expression.

 

 _I don't need to explain or justify myself to him either.  Oh, I certainly_ could _, if I wanted to or felt like it, but I don't_ have _to all the time, because Alec just seems to get me for the most part._ She frowned, and rationalized that thought away almost unconsciously.   _We are both transgenics after all and have lived a similar kind of life, which is probably why it's so easy between us._

 

 _It is pretty nice too_ , she decided as she bit her lip, _to be so accepted.  To know that I can rely on him to be there for me and back me up.  That he can take whatever I dish out, return it even, and_ still _come back for more without either of us holding it against the other.  The freedom that gives me... to just... be myself, with no worries?   I don't think I've ever had that before._

_And as for his sense of humour?_ She smirked. _While it sometimes drives me insane and often makes me want to smack him, it's also a welcome reprieve from all the craziness in our lives.  He can make me smile whether I want to or not, make me laugh too like no one else can, and even boost me back up when I feel like I’m drowning in despair._ Her eyes darkened a bit at that thought. _Hell, it's mainly due to his efforts that I managed to get through those first dark months after Logan died.  His dogged determination, to reach out to me and ease my pain, is about the only thing that kept me from giving up and closing myself off entirely._

 

 _'Yeah, well that's not all he does for you.  Don't forget about how passionate he is, and sexy too!'_ That brazen voice in the back of her head suddenly chimed in, and after a moment's pause, she couldn't help but agree.  _The man_ is _an absolute fiend in bed.  Can set my body on fire without even trying and make me wetter than I've ever been in my life!  And just looking at him lately gets me hot.  Makes me want to tackle him to the nearest flat surface and fuck him until neither one of us can see straight!_  

 

She blushed as she realized her fingers had crept up to teasingly caress her lips as a lover might; the phantom sensation of Alec's kisses burning beneath her skin.  And she hastily dropped her hand, not quite daring to look around to see if anyone had noticed her strange behaviour. 

 

Determined to consider this from every angle, she deliberately turned her attention toward some of the more worrying aspects of the attraction she felt for him.  _What if it isn't even real?_   _What if it's only due to proximity?  I mean, we spend so much time together: working out of each other's offices, huddling around the comms area to monitor news and missions, attending committee meetings and planning sessions, grabbing a beer together after work, and dealing with all the miscellaneous crap that comes up after hours..._ She sighed. _There are some days where we only separate to go home and sleep, and even then we have apartments on the same floor in the same building.  So maybe we_ are _just friends and all this close quarters contact is messing with our heads?_

Her eyes widened as another thought occurred to her. _Hell, could be it's my heats and this claiming business for that matter, making us think that we have some sort of attraction to each other, when really it's just hormones and instincts screwing with us.  His claim might be more about him just having my back as a best friend.  He might not really be interested in me at all._

_'As if!  You_ know _he cares.  You've picked up on the way he's been acting toward you too, even if you don't want to admit it.'_ That persistent and much more confident voice proclaimed with a touch of exasperation.  ' _Enough is enough already.  Stop trying to bury your head in the sand!  It's not getting you anywhere, is it?'_

_Maybe not_ , she supposed.   _Thing is though I’m actually_ more _frightened by the thought that he_ might _truly care.  My track record – and his for that matter – utterly abysmal when it comes to love._  

 

 _I know he loved Rachel; that he probably still_ does _love_ _her._  The memory of him crying at her deathbed would likely stick with her forever, it had been so disturbing.  Something about seeing the strong and normally so self-assured male brought so low had bothered her greatly.

_If he actually fell for me too, and things got screwed up between us, what would that do to him?  To us?_   _Hell, we've both seen so much heartache already from losing people we love, do I really want to risk hurting us both when everything inevitably goes to shit, like it always does where I'm concerned?_

 

 _'You don't know that it will.  Maybe he_ is _actually Mr. Right.  Maybe it_ will _work out.  You can't spend the rest of your life trying to avoid situations that might never even come to pass.'_

 

 _Who says I can't!  I don't_ have _to do anything if I don't want to._ She frowned and rolled her eyes at the way she was arguing with herself.

_'I guess, but what exactly are you so afraid of?'_ Her conscience pressed, just as obstinately. _'Do you actually think he'd dump you or cheat on you?  That he’d try to play you?'_

_No._ She shook her head immediately. _I think he's proven that he could be faithful if he really cared about someone.  And he does seem to,_ she finally admitted with a sigh. _Anna seems to think he hasn't slept with anyone else since we started this thing.  And she'd likely know.  With her job, she does have her finger on the pulse of most of what's going down in TC.  And I haven't actually seen him flirting with any of the other women in a long long time.  Good-natured teasing and joking around?  Yeah sure, it’s part of his nature.  But outright flirting?  No._

_'Alright, so we've determined that you do care about each other, at the very least as friends.  That you can't possibly be hurt any worse if things do fall apart or something happens to him.  You’re already sleeping together in heat, and you know that he wants you physically.  He’s been so obvious about his claim that_ everybody _apparently knows about it!  So what else is left for you to object to?  Hell, for that matter, when did you become such a wuss?'_ Her inner voice snarked. _'Used to be if you wanted a guy, you just went after him and had him.  It didn’t have to mean some big thing.  It was just sex.  So what's changed?'_

_Logan changed me.  Two years of worrying about that crappy virus changed me.  My being the cause of his_ death _changed me._ She bit her lip hard and took another drink of her beer, unsure if she'd ever truly be able to get over that, or the underlying fear that lived in her now as a result.

 

_'Okay fine, I get that, but who says it has to be all or nothing between you and Alec?_ _Why can’t you indulge in some mind-blowingly good extra-curricular play while you sort through this thing you have for each other?  It might help clarify the situation.'_

_'He certainly seems to be okay with putting himself out there again, and is perfectly capable of making his own decisions.  I'm sure he'd be willing to consider bumping things up to a more traditional Friends With Benefits type deal, if that's all you want or can handle right now._ _If you let him know what the rules and constraints are before you get involved, then it can be up to him whether or not he chooses to go along with it.'_

That made her pause.  _That might not be so scary.  Just dipping my toes in, instead of diving straight into the deep end._   _If he's willing of course..._

_'Do you really think he won't be?  With how hot you two are together?'_

_Well, no._

_'So just go for it already!  Proposition him tonight and see what happens!'_

_I suppose I could.  It’s not like this is something completely wild or new.  We_ have _slept together four times already._   Figuring some additional liquid courage couldn’t hurt though at this point, Max called Kevin over again and ordered two shots of tequila _._

_I_ am _tired of fighting this… whatever it is with him.  And I’ve been so uptight lately.  I can’t remember the last time I just let everything go outside of heat.  Since I acted like_ only _a woman, and not as some sort of savior, or leader, or do-gooder.  Since I worried about_ only _me, and what_ I _want and need._

Straightening her shoulders unconsciously as determination filled her, she drew herself up to her full height and assessed her reflection in the mirror, allowing a small seductive smile to slowly curve her full lips.  _Why shouldn’t I have sex if I feel like it?  It's not like there's some law against it.  And Alec has been bugging me lately with all his ‘All work and no play, makes Maxie a dull girl’ crap.  Maybe it_ is _time I do something about it._

_~~~_

 

Alec entered the club and paused at the balcony of the loft area, looking out over the crowd below and searching for his partner in crime.  A momentary break in the crowd by the bar finally allowing him to lay eyes on her and he stared, entranced by the vision she made.  Something about the way she was holding herself seeming different than it had only a few short hours ago; her posture a little more open perhaps.  Less restrained.

 

She looked impossibly sexy despite her casual summer attire, a concession to the warmer than usual weather they'd been having.  Her dark auburn locks pulled up into a high pony tail, the ends of which were caressing her not quite bare shoulders.  A red spaghetti-strap tank top and pair of faded denim midrise shorts were clinging to her body like a lover, the shorts looking like they were only barely defying gravity at the swell of her hips, leaving her midriff well and truly exposed.  Her legs, tanned and lean, seeming to stretch on forever until they reached the tips of her toes, which were adorned by a well-worn pair of strappy white sandals.  His eyes slowly drawing back up over her figure and lingering on the small of her back and curve of her ass, which seemed to have been made to fit his hand.

 

Licking his lips unconsciously as he noticed the shot glasses being laid out in front of her, he watched as she licked the back of her left hand and poured some salt on it from a nearby shaker, then took hold of a slice of lime.  Barely even pausing, her tongue darted out to capture the salt; her right hand lifting and slamming the shot back, while her left brought the lime up to her lips, her cheeks hollowing slightly as she sucked on it.  Slowly pulling the lime back from her lips, she licked them purposefully; the tip of her pink tongue taking it's time and sliding around to gather up all the flavors. 

 

Then she repeated the motions a second time with a deliberateness that was intoxicating, almost as if she knew he was watching, prompting him to leave his perch and join her.  Especially when he noticed another appreciative look being directed her way from the end of the bar.  A predatory gleam lighting his eyes as he stalked down the stairs, a low growl rumbling unconsciously through his chest, his penetrating glare staring down the interloper before locking back in on Max once Trev dropped his gaze.  A path opening up automatically before him, as everyone sensed an alpha on the prowl and made way for him.

 

~~~

 

Max turned her head to look for Alec, instinctively sensing his approach as he made his way through the crowd and then sidled into the gap being created for him beside her.  His warm body brushing intimately along the length of hers; the sensation sending shivers coursing up and down her spine.

 

“Hey.”  She called out over the pounding beat, lifting her beer bottle in a silent toast and then swiftly draining it.  Pleased and relieved to see him, now that she'd finally made up her mind on a course of action, she let her gaze wander over him once more, rechecking him for any sign of injury.  Her eyes lingering perhaps a bit longer than necessary over the mouthwatering expanse of chest concealed by his snug black t-shirt.  But he was in top form, and hadn't received so much as a scratch from this morning’s battle, despite her worries to the contrary.

 

“Hey yourself.”  Gesturing at Kevin, he held up two fingers and then inclined his head toward the shot glasses and three empty bottles in front of Max.  “I see you’ve already been busy.”

 

She shrugged, not overly concerned, a pleasant buzz humming through her system although she was nowhere near as loose yet as she planned on being by the end of the night.  “Took you long enough to find me.”

 

“Yeah, well all the joints are crazy tonight and it just figures you’d be at the last one I checked.”  Scooping up their beers when they arrived, he directed her toward a slightly less busy corner at the far edge of the dance floor.

 

Nodding, she led them across the room to it, automatically weaving in and out of traffic and working some extra swing into her hips in an attempt to test the waters.  Turning back to face him when she reached their destination, she plucked the extra bottle out of his hands, satisfied to see his eyes darting back up from her ass to meet hers. 

 

“So how’s everyone doing?”  She asked, knowing he’d been headed over to medical earlier, to check in on their wounded.  At least those that had been injured enough to require overnight care.

 

It took him a moment to respond as he swallowed a mouthful of beer, a slight gleam dancing in his eyes as he stared at her.  “All nine are taken care of and settled in for the night.  And I checked back in with HQ on the way over as well, and everything’s good there too.  Dix and Anna are going to hold the fort for us.”

 

“Good.  'Cause I really don’t want to have to go back there tonight.”  Lifting her bottle, she took another healthy swig.

 

Alec raised an eyebrow at her.  “You’re hitting it pretty hard tonight.”

 

“Yeah, well, I could do with a little levity.  So sue me."

 

He just stared at her, obviously perturbed, and she sighed, "What?  You're the one who's been telling me I need to pull myself out of this funk and start living again.  Are you really gonna give me grief now that I’ve decided to try it?"

 

"Sorry.  My bad."  He held his hands up appeasingly at her tone, not wanting to start a fight.  "So, your plan for tonight is..."  He let his voice trail off inquiringly.

 

She shrugged delicately, her lips quirking up a bit as she appeared to think about it.  "I don't know.  You know me, I'm making this up as I go."

 

He chuckled and moved in a bit closer to her, as he was jostled from behind.  "Alright then.  Need any suggestions?"

 

"Probably."  She pursed her lips, frowning.  "I think I've forgotten how to have fun.  Seems like all I've done the last three or four years, everything I am, has revolved around working and helping others."

 

She sighed, "I mean, really, look at our lives so far.  It’s not like any of us ever had a real childhood, not growing up in Manticore.”

 

He nodded in agreement as he took another pull off his beer.

 

“And even with my escape as a kid, it wasn’t like I was ever actually free.  I was constantly hiding who I really was.  Making sure I never moved too fast, or was too smart, or too agile.  That I never stood out in a crowd.  And I was always on alert, looking out for any sign of trouble.  I was so scared of Lydecker and being recaptured, that I never really let go and enjoyed myself.  And after him there was Renfro, then White, and then the National Guard and the Government.  All of them nipping at our heels like baying dogs.  So when have any of us really had the opportunity to just live, and be ourselves?”

 

Alec shrugged deprecatingly after thinking about it for a moment, “Well, I sorta did.  During the first few months I was out.  Before you knocked some sense into me, that is.”

 

She laughed and then rolled her eyes, “Yeah, you _were_ kind of an ass back then, but you were definitely a free ass.”

 

He laughed too and then smirked at her.  "Always the ass with you, isn't it Maxie."

 

She just looked at him for a moment, then leaned around him to give it a once-over.  Straightening back up after a minute to meet his eyes, she sassed right back, "Well, it _is_ one of your best features."

 

A bit taken aback as he realized she was flirting with him, he eyed her curiously, wondering where this was leading.  If he should allow himself to hope that she might _actually_ be ready to let go of Logan’s memory and move on.  She did seem lighter tonight than he could ever really remember her being.  His mind going back three months to the first real kiss they’d shared – outside of heat – and what she’d said afterward.

 

* * *

 

> ####  _2023Apr19 – Wednesday – Approximately 01:00 am_
> 
>  
> 
> _He was captivated by her soft chocolate eyes, shimmering up at him with such thinly-veiled hope and faith.  Unable to resist, he leaned in slowly, giving her plenty of time to pull away if she chose.  Gently taking her mouth in a kiss and brushing his lips softly against hers, he let it build between them at its own pace, gratified when he felt her start to respond, her arms creeping up around his neck, her fingers playing in his hair._
> 
> _He couldn’t believe how right it felt to have her in his arms.  His lips feeling like they belonged on hers, his tongue slowly teasing along her lower lip until she granted him access.  Their breath mingling, tongues slowly coming together, dancing and merging with one another in something so precious and intimate it was almost sublime._
> 
> _But suddenly it became too much for her.  She backed away from him like a skittish mare, her eyes huge as she shook her head sadly.  "I'm sorry.  I can't do this right now.  I'm not ready.  Not yet."_

* * *

 

 

He’d lived on that ‘not yet’ and the potential meaning behind it ever since, waiting as patiently as he could for the day it might finally come to pass.  And it looked now like maybe it had.  Bringing himself back to the present, he asked intently, "So you're serious about this then?  You're ready to rejoin the land of the living?"

 

"Yeah.  I think I am."  Off his continued appraising stare, she sighed.  "I’m just so tired Alec, of always having to be in control.  I need to let go for a while.  To just be me and stop worrying about all this other shit.  Is that really so wrong?”

 

“No.  Of course not.  You deserve a break.  We all do.”

 

"It’s not just about taking a break though."  She insisted, her hands gesturing a little wildly at their surroundings.  "I need to learn how to have fun again.  To just live in moments like these and stop over-thinking every little damn thing.  To laugh, and drink, and dance... and maybe even start getting laid on a semi-regular basis."  She darted a look at him after the comment, eager to see his reaction. 

 

He looked stunned, his mouth agape for half a second before he recovered, "So have you got anybody in mind to help you with that last part?"

 

"What?  The getting laid?"  She asked knowingly, a sexy little smile tilting the corner of her lips.

 

"Yeah."  His eyes were burning into hers now, his voice so husky and low it was almost a growl.

 

"Maybe.  There is this one guy I know."  She gave him a nonchalant glance, but there was a twinkle in her eyes that belied it.  "Seems to be decent enough in bed..."

 

"Decent!"  Realizing from her look that she was only teasing, he nonetheless put on a scandalized air and stared down at her, silently daring her to revise her statement.

 

"Hmm.  Pretty good?"  She suggested impishly as an alternative.  When the only change that got her was a raised eyebrow, she shook her head ruefully and made a tsking sound.  "Well, I can't exactly tell him he's an absolute _god_ in bed, he's got a swelled enough head as is about that sort of thing."

 

He threw his head back and outright laughed at that, drawing her attention to his Adam's apple.  And she licked suddenly dry lips imagining how good it would feel to lick that spot; to nibble on the taut cords running along either side of it and taste his skin.  Setting her beer down on a nearby table and stepping in closer, she decided to do just that.  _In for a penny, in for a pound after all_.

 

Startled when he felt her hands smoothing up over his chest, he looked down and gulped when he saw the hungry gleam in her eyes, allowing her to maneuver him back against the wall and press herself against him.  His hands instinctively moving down to cup her hips, his beer bottle resting lightly against her ass.  Without an ounce of hesitation, she raised herself up on tiptoe and nuzzled into his neck, taking in his scent and then pressing a line of nibbling kisses up along his throat to his jaw line, eliciting a groan from deep within his chest.  She snuggled in even closer and rubbed against him when she felt him harden in response.

 

“Mmm.  Not that I’m complaining or anything Max, but…” he sucked in a shaky breath as she nipped playfully at his jaw, her fingers stroking seductively up around his neck to caress his barcode, “are you sure about this?  ‘Cause I don’t want to be on the receiving end of an ass-kicking later on if you change your mind.”

 

She pulled her head back far enough to make eye contact.  “Yeah, I am sure.  About this anyway.” 

 

She chewed at her bottom lip for a moment as she tried to figure out what to tell him, then took a deep breath, preparing herself to make her pitch.  “Look, just so we’re on the same page here.  I want you and I know that you want me.”  She glanced down significantly at his tighter than usual jeans and then met his gaze once more.  “And I’m okay with that.”  She rolled her eyes at the semi-incredulous look he gave her and grinned.  “Well, I am _now_ anyway.”

 

“But honestly, I have _no_ idea where this is going or what the future might hold Alec.  I can’t make _any_ promises, hell I can't even _think_ about anything like that right now!”  She shook her head definitively, her eyes focusing on his, wanting to make sure he understood.  “All I really want to do is relax and have fun for a change.  I don't want a boyfriend, or a relationship, or anything serious or permanent like that.  All I’m looking for is sex.  Casual, uncomplicated sex.  So if you think you can handle that, if you’re willing to-”

 

He was already nodding as he interrupted, “Yeah.  I’m definitely interested.”

 

“Good.”  She smiled up at him, then tilted her head as she heard the opening strains of one of her favorite songs as a young teen (Stompa by Serena Ryder), her smile growing even wider.  “God, I love this song!”  Reaching down to grab his right hand, she started backing up with him toward the dance floor, her hips already swaying to the heady beat.  “Come on Alec.  Dance with me.” 

 

Blindly reaching out for a place to set down his beer and thankful when he felt someone take it off his hands, he followed her willingly, captivated by the fire blazing in her eyes.  Eager to lose herself in the music and him, she spun around and pulled him in close behind her as she forged a path into the wild swarm of dancers.

 

A groan slipping past his lips as she suddenly groped at his ass, pulling his hips in tighter to hers and rubbing suggestively against him, despite the crowded venue.  “Are you sure you want to be doing this here Max?  This is really public.”  He murmured against her ear, wanting her to be absolutely certain since she was usually so protective of her privacy, something he tried very hard to respect although he still didn't understand it entirely. 

 

Not that anybody seemed to be paying them any heed as he glanced around cautiously to check; everyone too caught up in getting their own needs attended to.  The mood around them positively euphoric and lustful, drinks flowing freely as more and more hook ups drifted off into the darker corners of the building or off to their homes for more private celebrations of life.  At least half of the couples on the dance floor were off in their own little world, writhing and groping freely at one another without any real sense of modesty or shame.  Not that any of them had been trained to feel that way of course; exactly the opposite in fact with the communal showers and barracks they’d been raised in.

 

“Fuck Alec.  What the hell difference does it make?  You think they figure that because we’re their leaders, we’re not supposed to get laid?  Everyone pretty much already knows we get together during my heats, _and_ that you’ve claimed me.” 

 

He jerked against her inadvertently, sounding surprised and somewhat sheepish, "Figured that out, huh?"

 

"Yeah.  Anna made me aware."  Wanting to distract him from pursuing the matter, she deliberately rolled her hips against him, feeling him hard against her ass.  “Point is, why should we try to hide this?”

 

“No reason I can think of.”  He conceded.  Not needing any further persuasion, and hungry for her as well, he wrapped his arms around her and started grinding with her.  His eyes heated as he caressed the bare skin at her midriff, his fingers flirting with the edges of her belly button.  Hearing her moan in the back of her throat as she pushed back even harder into his crotch.  

 

Now that he had a green light to actually touch her, it was hard to decide where to begin; he had so many favorite spots and it had been so long.  His fingers trailing all over her bare skin like a blind man to Braille; sneaking little forays under the edges of her tank top to tease her breasts and abdomen, traipsing down over her hips to stroke her inner thighs and trace along the hems of her shorts, sliding around and beneath to cup her ass.  His lips pressing kisses all along the exposed flesh of her shoulders, his teeth nipping lightly at her neck and earlobes, making her gasp and shiver.

 

Both of them getting swept up in each other and the moment, neither paying attention to the actual music anymore, nor how many songs they danced to.  Time passing swiftly and headily in a haze of dancing and drinking and increasingly bolder make-out sessions.

 

At some point past midnight, they found themselves out on the dance floor again, both of them quite happily buzzed on alcohol and each other.  Alec's body pressing intimately all along her spine while her hands fondled his ass and the nape of his neck, keeping him close and wearing him almost like a second skin they were so in tune with each other, moving together as one.  Her hips rubbing enticingly against his almost painfully full erection as he draped his left arm around her, resting his hand just beneath her right breast, damn near cupping it his palm.  Her nipples erect and poking proudly up against the thin fabric of her tank top, drawing his admiring gaze as he dipped his head down to nuzzle at her neck and shoulder once more.

 

She’d lost weight over the past year, mainly due to her own neglect and overwork, and her shorts that had been fairly tight last summer were comfortable and loose fitting now.  Making it extremely easy for him to slide his right hand down the front to rest low on her abdomen, just above her mound.  His long fingers dipping lower from time to time and dancing along the edges of her clit.

 

“Oh fuck!”  Max moaned and pressed up onto her toes, widening her stance a bit to give him better access.

 

Barely able to hear her over the music, he asked, “Do you want me to stop?”

 

She tilted her head back and nipped at his ear, muttering against it, “I’ll fucking kill you if you stop now.”

 

Emboldened by the darkened and extremely crowded dance floor, and her throaty moans of encouragement, Alec slid his hand down further and cupped her through her panties, one sly finger sneaking under the damp lace and gliding wickedly through her slick heat.  Timing his movements carefully, he slid his middle finger inside her and began teasing it in and out and around, coaxing her hips into a sweet counter rhythm that made it look like they were simply moving more seductively to the beat.

 

Extremely turned on by the risqué act as the heat between them soared out of control, he allowed his finger to delve deeper and deeper inside her, his left hand molding her breast with abandon, his thumb stroking back and forth over her nipple, feeling it harden even further.  The knowledge that they could get caught at any time - that someone might see them - exciting for both.

 

“Can you keep it quiet sweetheart?”  His voice was low and husky as he murmured the words directly into her ear, sensing that she was getting close.  “Or do we need to take this somewhere more private?”

 

She nodded shakily, almost panting for breath as she gasped wantonly, “Here.”  Her head twisting so she could find his lips.

 

Not hesitating, he added another finger to the mix, gliding them exquisitely in and out of her wet heat, his thumb pressing determinedly against her clit until she shuddered in his arms and gasped into his mouth.  Her body stiffening and shaking before almost melting into his.  His arm tightening automatically around her chest to help hold her up and maintain the illusion of dancing.

 

Pulling his hand out slowly, he wiped it discretely off on his jeans and then draped it back across her abdomen, stroking her gently and holding her to him.

 

When she’d recovered enough to stand unassisted, she turned around in his arms and leaned up into him, taking his mouth again in a shamelessly needy kiss.  Not to be outdone, he hauled her up closer by her ass and deepened the kiss, nearly devouring her whole.  When they finally broke apart, breathless, she met his hungry gaze and whispered against his lips, “Take me home Alec.  I want you in my bed tonight.”

 

Fairly oblivious now to everyone else around them, they swiftly made their way toward the exit, intent on continuing their evening in a much more private and definitely more naked manner.  Neither of them noticing the cold blue eyes watching them intently from the bar. 

 

Taking a sip from his drink, Trev's hand clenched into a fist around it.  “Slut.”  He muttered under his breath.


	10. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I meant to get this out before Christmas, but I've been down with bronchitis for the last 3 weeks.
> 
> This chapter was very hard and draining to write. I apologize in advance if I offend anyone with the graphic content. I felt it was necessary to the plot, to properly establish both the character of the rapist and give full depth to 452/Max's anguish and trauma in future chapters.
> 
> To all those that have stuck through this with me, thank you!

## Chapter 9

### Day 4 - 2025Jan08 – Thursday – Approximately 9:30 am

 

“Fuck!”  Alec stormed into his office and barely refrained from slamming the door behind him, frustrated beyond measure by his complete lack of leads; having spent the past three days working non-stop, personally reviewing every single file and piece of information they had relating to the rapes and potential suspects.  Only a very brave few daring to approach, let alone speak to him since Josh had come howling in with the fateful news, instead throwing all their efforts into helping him try to locate Max and her captor.

Growling almost subconsciously, he began pacing the confines of the room like a caged tiger, something he’d forcefully restrained himself from doing while out in the main area; all too aware of the eyes on him expecting him to lead.  His mind a whirlwind of chaotic facts, thoughts and ideas; his eyes haunted and hair wild, his left hand clenching and unclenching furiously at his side while the other held both dark despair and potential salvation in its grasp.  The bittersweet knowledge that his mate was still alive, even though she was most decidedly NOT okay, eating away at him; the sheer worry and desperation coursing through him damn near crippling.  

The floor was littered with strewn papers, pens, files, and paper clips, while the walls were pitted with scores of fist-sized dents.  His desk - a complete write-off after going head-to-head with his rage Monday night - smashed into near unrecognizable kindling; the resulting splinters slowly working their way back out of his skin.  His laptop perching precariously now on a folding card table in the corner until a larger and sturdier replacement could be found.  His rolling chair still usable at least, although the hydraulic lift mechanism and one of its wheels was broken from being thrown against a support post.

Spinning on his heel once more as he reached the end of the room, he opened his hand and glared down at the flash drive lying so innocuously in his palm, just waiting for him to man up enough to look at the contents.  Wanting nothing more than to be able to crush it into oblivion despite his driving need to check on his mate; knowing that she’d likely rather die than ever have him see her like this.  That sifting through yet another one of these would surely destroy something in him as well.  His gut twisting into an even tighter knot as thick bile rose in his throat, but he forced it down knowing he had no right to be so squeamish, not when what she was suffering through was far, far worse.  His own torment not even worthy of a blip on the radar by comparison.

"Shit Alec.  Pull your head out of your ass.  You can do this.  You _have_ to do this.  It's about the only hope you've got right now of finding her and getting her away from this bastard." He muttered tightly to himself.

He’d already examined the drive meticulously for prints.  There were none of course, not that he’d expected to find any as the other two he'd received so far had been clean as well.  And after checking with everyone that had been in HQ over the past 12 hours, no one had seen anyone drop it off in his slot while he’d been otherwise occupied, having spent a good chunk of that time out in the main area poring over blueprints and sewer/utility grids in an attempt to find any unexplored bolt-holes within or near TC’s boundaries.  But there were no fresh clues in that regard either, which only left him with the gruesome task of viewing the heinous thing.

Steeling himself, Alec slowly approached his makeshift desk, his fingers shaking uncontrollably as, after two attempts, he finally managed to insert the drive into the correct slot.  Forcing himself to sit lightly in his now wobbly chair, he took a deep calming breath and opened the main folder, clicking through the photos first. 

Each one was worse than the one before; Max's normally vivacious features distorted into increasingly disturbing grimaces of abuse and pain.  The stark terror and distress screaming at him from her shimmering red-rimmed eyes his ultimate undoing, and he felt hot tears spill down his own cheeks, guilt swamping him anew.  Renfro's old taunts kicking up again in the back of his head only to be joined by his own self-diatribe.  _'You're defective 494.  Nothing but an inadequate, incompetent fuckup.  You promised her that you'd protect her.  You swore on your life to hold her safe as your mate!  But you've failed her, just like you did Rachel, and now she's paying the price!'_

After the first few images, he tried his damnedest not to actually look too closely at her, unable to handle much more without screaming out his rage and anguish and trashing what was left of his office.  His heart hammering painfully in his chest, his left hand fisting so tightly in an effort to maintain control that blood ran from where his nails were digging into his palm.  Concentrating as much as he could on the background, he painstakingly examined every detail for any hint to her location or the perpetrator. 

Since the room was windowless, obviously soundproofed in some fashion, and constructed of concrete, he'd narrowed the list of likely locations down to an underground bomb shelter or panic room, or perhaps some sort of abandoned utility shelter.  But nothing of appropriate size had shown up on any of the schematics they had access to, as he'd reconfirmed last night.

The only thing he’d really managed to gain so far was a better idea of the guy’s build and coloring, but since those matched up with nearly 70% of their suspect population, it was basically useless.  The brief snippets of video he’d seen not providing much insight either into mannerisms or personality, which would be a hell of a lot more valuable.

Swallowing hard around the huge lump lodged in his throat, he switched folders and checked the timestamps on the video files next.  He was surprised to find that there were two long ones this time instead of the usual montage of brief clips: one which started around 17:00 yesterday and another from around 21:45.  Plugging in some headphones and swiping hard at his eyes with the back of his forearm until he felt able to continue, he reluctantly clicked on the first.

It was...  Jesus!  He didn't know what it was, couldn't think of an adjective disturbing enough to do it justice.  The main camera angle changing frequently to capture the best view of her body, while an overlay in one corner was devoted strictly to her face.

 _It has to be a freakish coincidence_ , he tried to tell himself, ‘c _ause there’s no way in Hell this asshole could've possibly known._ But the scene - with the obvious exceptions of the chains and drugs and violence of course – seemed to indicate otherwise; it was far too reminiscent of one of the more adventurous romps he and Max had first started sharing last spring.  The sex swing, something he’d picked up on a whim for them to try out.

 

> ####  _Day 3 - 2025Jan08 - Wednesday - Approximately 5:00 pm_
> 
> **_(WARNING - Caning/Beating and Rape Scene)_ **
> 
> _She was strapped facedown into a swing harness with chains dragging her wrists up toward the ceiling, forcing her raw back into a painful-looking arch, while her folded-up legs were left hanging beneath her, her ankles secured to the outside edges of the thick leather straps banded around the top of each thigh.  Her hair pulled up into a messy bunch at the top of her head to ensure an unobstructed view of her face.  And the sick fucker was standing there whistling as he fiddled with the mechanisms, until she was suspended to his satisfaction._
> 
> _Obviously drugged, and heavily, her eyes were glazed and her pupils completely blown as she mumbled his name questioningly, struggling to hold her upper body and head somewhat upright to ease the strain from her wrists and back.  Her left wrist in particular feeling as if it was being pulled apart for some reason._
> 
> _"That's right Maxie.  It's your mate."  He stepped in close to her, rubbing his cock all over her face and deliberately painting her lips with the fluid coating it, his free hand reaching under her to squeeze her right breast until she whimpered in pain.  "You've been a very,_ very _naughty girl, and now I need to punish you," he warned before moving off to select a weapon, still pissed that she'd somehow found the nerve to try to keep him from injecting her again._

Alec swore viciously, rearing back in horror and disbelief and nearly overturning the chair as he heard what was basically his own voice issuing from the rapist's lips.  The voice modulator he was using doing far too good a job of mimicking him.  A violent growl rumbling through his chest as he only barely managed to keep from smashing his fist through the screen to strangle the prick.

> _She blinked dazedly, looking highly confused as her head craned around clumsily, her eyes crossing as she attempted to scan the room for him, the blinding lights and wide assortment of glinting objects arrayed around her making the task that much more difficult.  His wildly distorted features swimming around in her bleary gaze as he grabbed something from the far wall and then walked a circuit around her, making her head spin even worse than it already was._
> 
> _"Wha-"  She broke off into a scream as she felt the slice of something thin and wooden strike the sole of her left foot, almost blacking out the pain was so intense and unexpected._
> 
> _Jerking wildly against her restraints, but unable to free herself, she panted, "No, Alec.  Hurts..."_
> 
> _He hummed agreeingly and then shook his head mock sadly as he watched her body swing back and forth.  "Ah, yes, I know it does Maxie.  But you seem to be having trouble remembering your place.  And until you can learn to hold your tongue and do exactly as I say, until you can show me the respect I so rightly deserve, I'm afraid I'm going to have to keep reinforcing this lesson."  He slashed out at her again with the cane, this time targeting the muscles straining along the tops of her thighs._
> 
> _He waited until her cries quieted to a muffled whimpering before asking, almost too mildly, "Who’s in charge here?"_
> 
> _"What?"  She licked her lips and shook her head, trying to clear it so she could think; so messed up at the moment it was a wonder she was even semi-lucid.  Her face screwing up a bit as a funky taste registered on her tongue.  "I...  I don-"_
> 
> _Her shins were next and tears poured down her face as she sobbed, "Alec!  Please!"  Unable to understand what was going on or why she was in so much pain, she gasped when a black masked figure briefly registered in her peripheral vision; the image striking terror in her, for reasons she couldn't quite put her finger on._
> 
> _"I asked you a question Maxie."  He leaned down beside her and bit her ear hard enough to draw blood before continuing, "You'd do well to answer me before I get angry."_
> 
> _"Alec?" she cried plaintively, needing some sort of reassurance from him and wishing to God that she could actually see him properly so she could figure out what was going on.  His voice so familiar, it was hard not to be lulled into a sense of security, especially when she was feeling so tired and weak and sore.  But something had to be wrong; she knew it had to be, because he never played this rough with her.  If only she could think!  "Why are you-"_
> 
> _"Answer me!"  He interrupted.  "Who controls you?"  As he shouted the words, he whipped the cane up directly across her breasts, almost knocking the breath from her._
> 
> _Wheezing in agony, she listened to what her instincts were screaming at her to do and quickly wailed, "You!  You do!"_
> 
> _"That's better."  Moving in behind her, he trailed a hand up along the insides of her thighs and then deliberately delved between them to test her, shoving his leather-clad fingers up inside her as roughly as he could._
> 
> _Squirming in protest as she instinctively tried to move away again, she mumbled, "Hurts.  Stop."_
> 
> _He delivered his next blow to the bottom of her right foot, drawing yet another stripe of fresh blood.  "Are you supposed to talk back to me?"  When she didn't answer quickly enough for his liking, he struck both feet several times in rapid succession, naked excitement coloring his words.  "Are you_ allowed _to deny me?"_
> 
> _"No!"  She gasped pleadingly, hoping like hell it was the answer he wanted.  Unsure of what kind of game he was playing, only knowing that she didn't like it._
> 
> _"Then why do you keep doing it?  Hmm?"  He nodded knowingly as if the reason had suddenly occurred to him.  "You_ like _being hit, don't you."_
> 
> _"No."  She shook her head again, violently this time, her voice hoarse and thready with pain as she continued to try without success to make her eyes focus for longer than a brief moment or two at a time, her entire world churning wildly around her._
> 
> _"Yes.  You do.  Admit it.”  He hardened his tone.  “Ask me to hit you Maxie."_
> 
> _"I..."  Doubt and fear began to seep through the thick haze besieging her. Because no matter how much this man sounded like her mate, she knew that Alec would never treat her like this.  Would never ever be so callous toward her.  It wasn’t his way.  He'd always been more of a lover than a fighter.  Had always pulled his punches whenever they'd actually come to blows over the years._
> 
> _"No, please…"_
> 
> _His next strike rebounded off her kneecaps with a crack like lightning and everything whited out, her ears ringing as she threw up, continuing to heave long after there was nothing left to come up.  Bile, blood, and traces of rusty water and semen trickling slowly toward the drain almost directly beneath her, barely missing the camera that was aimed up at her face._
> 
> _When she could semi-function again, the pain clearing some of the fuzz from her brain, she fell back on the only thing she could think of, even though she'd never had to even consider using them before.  The words they'd agreed on more for Alec's benefit than her own, as he occasionally enjoyed having her play dominatrix with him.  Although even then, she acted more the vixen than heavy-handed or cruel._
> 
> _"Tomato."  She spoke as loudly and clearly as she could, relief spreading visibly through her battered frame with the belief that this insanity would surely end._
> 
> _But Alec? only laughed darkly, the menacing sound reverberating all the way down to her core, causing her to inhale sharply in terror as it triggered her memory.  His foreign scent finally breaking through the fog in her brain; the sense of utter_ wrongness _accompanying it, unmistakable.  Her whole body tensing up again, the knowledge written clearly all over her face._
> 
> This wasn't her mate.
> 
> _"Trying to safe word, are we?"  He asked drolly with a sadistic smile.  "Well, too bad Maxie darlin', cause that shit won't work with me."_
> 
> _"Who the hell are you, you son of a bitch!"  She shrieked as she twisted frantically against her bonds, purely in reactive mode now, too freaked out to even think about censoring her tongue._
> 
> _It was the wrong thing to say.  Too demanding and aggressive by far, it only served to aggravate him._
> 
> _She knew she was in trouble immediately too, felt it intensely in her gut as the cane slammed up into her lower ribcage with an ominously painful crack before clattering to the floor.  A cruel hand fisting tightly in her hair to hold her in place as he unleashed the other in a fury on her face, punching her repeatedly until her eyes were so swollen there was no way on Earth she could see, until her nose was so clogged with blood that she couldn't scent anything anymore.  Her throat filling with so much of the coppery fluid that she could barely breathe without choking on it._

“Oh God baby.”  Alec reached out to the screen, his fingers trembling uncontrollably as they traced over her, his voice husky from the tears streaming down his face.  “You're right.  That's not me.  It's not.  You gotta remember that and hold on to it.  Don’t let him convince you otherwise." 

But the more he watched, saw her flinch with every vile word that was uttered in his own voice, all he could think was, _she's never gonna want me anywhere near her, ever again._

> _Pausing only briefly to pick up the cane once more, he attacked her ruthlessly with it, beating her ass and legs and breasts over and over again until she finally screamed brokenly, if only to make him stop.  "I'm sorry!  I'm sorry!  Please!  I’m sorry!"  His last strike having come far too close to her lower abdomen, inciting fresh panic in her heart._
> 
> _"As you should be.  How_ dare _you question me you ignorant little cunt!   Who's your master?"  He snarled angrily as he threw the cane aside and yanked her head up to face him; blood beginning to soak through the almost indiscernible flesh-colored bandage covering his stab wound, torn open again by his violent movements._
> 
> _She didn't hesitate, too deathly afraid to even think about disobeying him.  "You are," she sobbed, her breath rasping in her chest._
> 
> _"That's right."  He leaned in close to her and shook her by her hair to emphasize his words.  "I_ own _you and don't you_ ever _forget it, you worthless slut!  You're nothing but a piece of ass to me.  I can_ kill _you if I want.  Do whatever the_ fuck _I feel like doing to you, and you won't say_ one _damn word against me.  Do you understand?"_
> 
> _“Answer me!”  He screamed, spittle flying from his mouth and striking her cheek.  “Say it!”_
> 
> _“I understand!”  She spluttered through the blood oozing from her lips.  “You own me.”  Another sob caught in her throat as she whimpered.  "I'm n-nothing.  W-worthless."_
> 
> _Seemingly content, at least for the time being, he released her hair and stalked around behind her.  "Good.  Now ask me to fuck you," he ordered as he seized her by the hips._
> 
> _Tears started welling from her eyes as her chin dropped to her chest, her frame going limp, only too familiar with what would be coming next.  More blood spilling from her mouth as it opened and closed soundlessly for a few seconds before she managed to whisper, "F-fuck me?"_
> 
> _Considering her for a minute, he stroked his cock up and down between her cheeks, probing both holes experimentally as he tried to decide which one he wanted this time.  "Beg me for it."  He finally stated.  "Do you want my dick up your ass again, or should I fuck your filthy little pussy with it instead?"_
> 
> _She shook her head involuntarily in protest, "Please no-"_
> 
> _He slapped her ass hard in warning, making her whole body shake, and growled, "Remember your place bitch."_
> 
> _Breathing raggedly, knowing she had no choice, she went with the least painful option and murmured submissively, "P-please... fuck my p-pussy..."_
> 
> _"And who am I, Maxie darlin'?"_
> 
> _When she didn't answer immediately, whether from confusion or resistance even if it was only mutely, he leaned over and slid his upper body into the space between her splayed arms.  "Perhaps you need another reminder, huh?"  Laughing harshly, he deliberately wrapped a hand up in her hair and tugged her head sharply to the right so he could access her mating mark, sinking his teeth in deep to claim her for his own as he shoved himself inside her._
> 
> _A garbled shriek of pure anguish tore from the depths of her throat as she thrashed wildly against his punishing hold, feeling her skin shred under his sharp teeth; the horrific keening wail she made, something one would expect to hear from a dying creature.  Her tears flowing freely now to join the blood dripping from her face._
> 
> _Grinning madly as he spat out the mutilated chunk of flesh, he punctuated each word with a particularly brutal thrust as he demanded yet again, "Who.  Am.  I.  Maxie?"_
> 
> _"M-m-my m-mate."  She almost choked on the term, but forced it out anyway, sure now that it was what he wanted.  Even though every ounce of her being rebelled against it, knowing it for a lie._
> 
> _"That's right.  Now beg me to fuck you!"_
> 
> _"P-please."  Her voice broke on an agonized sob as he sped up his thrusts, using his grip on her hair to help hold her in place._
> 
> _"Like you mean it bitch!"_
> 
> _Her head moving slightly from side to side in wordless protest, she nonetheless screamed, "Please!  Fuck me!"_
> 
> _"Yeah, you like it rough, don't you."  He pulled his dick out of her with an evil grin.  "You know what?  I think maybe I will fuck your ass instead.  Since I know how much you love it, nasty little whore that you are."_
> 
> _Quickly repositioning himself, he shoved in deep, her hole still so abused and full from his last assault that he slid most of the way in with minimal resistance, dragging only a small fraught moan from her lips when he bottomed out.  Really getting into it, he reached around her and fondled her left tit for a moment before squeezing it in a viselike grip, using it and her hair to pull her onto his thrusts as he began driving into her relentlessly, her body swaying helplessly with his movements._
> 
> _"Tell me what you are."  He grunted into her ear._
> 
> _"I-I'm a w-whore."_
> 
> _"Yeah.  You're_ my _whore!"  Licking his way possessively from her barcode to the left side of her neck, he nipped at the edge of the bite mark he’d made then growled, "Tell me how good my dick feels, how much you love having my cock inside you."_
> 
> _"I-it's g-g-good."  She stumbled over the words, barely able to draw breath she was crying so hard._
> 
> _He pinched her nipple cruelly, accompanying it with an even harder thrust.  "You can do better than that, you useless twat!"_
> 
> _A broken sob shook her frame as she felt something tear inside her, her teeth gritting in agony.  "I...  I l-l-love it."_
> 
> _Lost now in a sea of eternal darkness, his voice stabbing into her like a thousand knives as his body viciously did the same, she gave in to the madness, wanting nothing more at this moment than to simply die.  Letting the drugs consume her and drag her back under until reality slipped away.  Until everything mercifully faded into the background of her mind and she neither knew nor cared about anything anymore._

 

"I'm gonna kill you for this, you fucking bastard.  I swear it on my life."  Alec promised thickly through the constriction in his chest, his entire being engulfed in pain, feeling so helpless and useless that he wanted to die.  Watching his mate slip further and further away from him as her body hung lifelessly from the chains; only the faintest of whimpers and ragged little gasps for air leaving her lips now as the rapist continued to pound away at her without compunction, not appearing bothered that she’d stopped responding to any of his taunts, too preoccupied with obtaining his next release.  When the video finally cut out, what felt like hours later, he dropped his head into his hands and wept, utterly shattered.

Eventually, he raised his head again and stared bleakly at the screen in front of him.  "Fuck," he muttered, his fingers digging into his hair and pulling hard, needing the harshness of the pain to make himself focus.  The mental and emotional fatigue he was feeling, after more than 70 sleepless and mateless hours, slowly but surely dragging him down. 

He wanted so badly to believe that Trev was responsible for this, if only due to the rather unhealthy obsession the man had persistently shown for Max before they’d mated.  Not to mention the fact that it would make his life so much simpler to have a real flesh and blood target to tear apart.

But the troubling thing was, he knew now it couldn’t be Trev or anybody else that worked a regular shift for that matter.  Main reason being that these attacks were occurring at all times of the day and night; the clips he’d received more than proof of that.  And since Trev had worked every single one of his night shifts this week, and even offered to help dig through some of the blueprints at the start of his shift last night, he could definitely be ruled out, especially since the other video seemed likely to cover that time span as well.

He sighed despairingly and raked a hand back through his hair.  There was something about this clip though that was eating at him.  Some clue perhaps, that he felt he should be able to see but for some reason was eluding him, just niggling at the edges of his awareness.  Frustrated, he clicked on the second, determined to figure it out.  

"Whoever you are, wherever you are," he murmured tightly, "I _will_ find you and make you pay.  You _will_ hurt, a thousand times worse than she is."

Directing his attention back to the screen, he noticed that the camera feed in this one seemed to be stationed behind Max's head and pointing up at her reflection in a mirror.  She wasn’t conscious yet, but he could tell the exact moment she awoke, saw the slight shift in her chest as her breath hitched and she swallowed convulsively, her tongue slowly slipping out in an attempt to moisten her bloodstained lips...

~~~

####  _Day 3 - 2025Jan08 - Wednesday - Approximately 9:30 pm_

“No.  Not Alec.”  Max keened brokenly, her body twisting and turning in protest as she slept in the long white hallway.  Her face contorted into a grimace of unbearable pain, tears flowing steadily down her cheeks from the nightmarish vision that had invaded her dreams over an hour ago…

She calmed noticeably for several minutes as it finally faded away, then swallowed convulsively, her breath catching in her chest as the next one hit, so vivid it felt like she was actually there…

 

> ####  _Day 3 - 2025Jan08 - Wednesday - Approximately 9:45 pm_
> 
> **_(WARNING - emotional fallout followed by torture)_ **
> 
> _She awoke reluctantly,her throat parched and lips disgustingly dry despite the coppery tang of blood lingering there.  Her head swimming in a disorienting and painful haze, her senses sluggish and befuddled, but she could tell by the pungent stench alone that she remained trapped in her own personal hellhole._
> 
> _Unbidden, snippets of memories began to drift into her consciousness, bringing with them a fresh surge of confusion and pain._
> 
> _Her mate's voice raised in raging anger, spewing a torrent of filthy abuse at her…_
> 
> _Cruel blows raining down on her from his fists..._
> 
> _The feel of his teeth digging brutally into her neck as he'd..._
> 
> _"No.  A-lec," she whimpered on a broken sob, her face screwing up in horror and disbelief.  Tears rolling silently down the sides of her face as she fought to make sense of this latest nightmare.  Grief overwhelming her for several long minutes, until something started nagging at the back of her mind._
> 
> 'There was more, wasn’t there?  Something important?'
> 
> _Her head ached, so badly, and she didn’t want to think about any of it anymore, but she forced herself to try, slowly sorting through the various fragments to come up with a better impression.  '_ What was wrong?  Something didn’t add up.’  She thought.
> 
> _A frown pulled at her expression as she attempted to recall exactly what her senses had told her._  ‘Okay.  Let's start with sight since that's the hardest.  All I really got was a jumble of shapes and colors...  So that's pretty much usel-'  _She paused as something black and scary tugged at her._   'No, wait...  I think I did see something.  A mask?' 
> 
> _Her face tightened in concentration._   'Yeah.  The black leather one.  It only registered for maybe a second, but it was definitely there.'
> 
> 'What next?'  _It took her a moment to think of something._   'Taste, right.  Not much there.  Just my own blood, and the salt of my tears.' 
> 
> _Yet again she paused though as the faint memory of a weird tang in her mouth surfaced._ ‘What was that?’ _She shuddered as she remembered something hard and slimy stroking her face and lips shortly before that._ ‘Oh God.  That was him.’  
> 
> _But then she had to question her own reaction, because it wasn’t one she normally had._ ‘I love giving Alec head, and really enjoy the taste of him on my tongue.  So why is the thought of this bothering me so much?' 
> 
> 'Then again,' _she mused,_ 'that didn't really taste like him either.  So maybe it wasn’t?’ _Conflicted and uncertain, she moved on._
> 
> 'Touch?'  _She almost snorted as the restraints immediately came to mind._  'Yeah, that's pointless.  I could barely even move, let alone touch him.  And all I got from him were his fists and his teeth and his...'  _She shuddered again, unable to complete that thought, then frowned._   'Course, that's strange too isn't it.  It's really not like Alec to get that violent, not unless he's protecting me at any rate.  And why would he attack me like that, when we're already mated?  Especially now, knowing that he might hurt our baby.  It doesn't make any sense.'
> 
> 'Alright, so how 'bout sound?  There's certainly no shortage of that.'  _She grimaced, remembering all too clearly some of the degrading things he'd said to her._   'That sure as Hell sounded like Alec's voice.'
> 
> _But then it struck her, pulling a gasp from her lips._
> 
> ‘The laughter!  That wasn’t his.  He doesn’t laugh like that.  Never has.’
> 
> _And right on the heels of that came the most important piece of the puzzle._  
> 
> 'His scent!  I'd know Alec's anywhere, and that definitely wasn't his.  It didn't make me feel the way it normally does.  And the sweat and the musk, they were just wrong.  There's no way that was him.'
> 
> _She made herself replay every single aspect of that memory in an effort to clarify it and make it stick; trying to banish the association it held with her mate.  Telling herself over and over again, as firmly as she could,_ ‘That wasn’t Alec.  He would _never_ do something like that.  This asshole is just trying to mess with me!’
> 
> _But it was hard when she could still hear Alec's voice raging in her head._
> 
> _Realizing after a short while that she couldn’t shut reality out any longer, no matter how much she wanted to, she tentatively tried to open her eyes, unsure as to whether or not the swelling might have actually gone down enough yet this time to allow her to see again.  Her lids dragging like they were weighted with lead, but they eventually made the arduous journey.  Blinking heavily against the nauseating swirl of color and light assaulting her and swallowing repeatedly until she was relatively certain she wasn’t going to throw up, she slowly managed to bring her surroundings into focus.  All the blows she'd taken to the head no doubt concussing her; the cumulative effects of the drugs and borderline dehydration certainly not helping either._
> 
> _It was much darker than she'd expected,with only two small spotlights shining in on her from the surrounding gloom, and the first thing she noticed was the full-length mirror now suspended from the hooks and chains high above her.  Staring up at her own reflection in numb disbelief, she was stunned by the evidence of the damage she'd sustained thus far; blood liberally coating her skin and the half-table beneath her while her legs dangled out over the edge._
> 
> _Her face and eyes were blackened and still quite swollen, and red as well from all the tears she’d been unable to keep from shedding, while blood congealed around the repeatedly battered mess that was her nose and mouth.  Her lips inflamed and riddled with cracks and splits from the countless times she’d bitten them in a vain attempt to keep from screaming or cursing, let alone pleading for a mercy that she knew would never be granted.  Not by_ him _._
> 
> _His calculatedly cruel abuse rendering her flesh in an eye-watering kaleidoscope of hues. Every muscle and joint cramping and aching, strained beyond endurance by her attempts at remaining as passive as possible.  Her instinct to fight him off, or at least try, becoming increasingly difficult to overcome, no matter how hard she focused on her objective._
> 
> _Her wrists and ankles were clear evidence of that, torn to shreds from her involuntary and sadly fruitless struggles.  They were secured back in manacles once more; the chains ratcheted this time to four adjacent corner posts, stretching her out painfully in a wide spread-eagle pose so that only her head, shoulder blades and ass touched the table.  And after instinctively testing her bonds once more, she immediately gave it up as pointless as she realized her limbs were far too painful and weak to be of any real use anymore.  Her legs and feet screaming in absolute agony with even that abbreviated attempt, leaving her wondering whether he’d broken or shattered some of the bones in this latest attack; an unnecessary addition to the many welts and gashes he’d left behind._
> 
> _As her senses started to reorient themselves, her attention was drawn down to the searing knots of pain pulsing relentlessly between her legs, but she couldn’t bear to think about the reasons for those so she shifted her gaze until it landed on the ragged open bite wound marring the left side of her neck, twisting her head slightly to get a better look.  Still throbbing and oozing blood, the emotional toll it brought to bear was almost worse than all the physical put together.  The vile and utterly despicable mark - a blatant attempt to invalidate Alec’s mate claim and impose his own domination upon her - too vicious for words._
> 
> _She closed her eyes as she felt a rush of hot tears well up and trickle down into her hairline, a huge lump rising in her throat that she barely swallowed down with a low sob of despair.  Eventually managing to sniffle back her tears with some effort, as she knew they'd serve no purpose, she forcefully regulated her breathing and compressed her lips into a flat line as she looked up at herself once more.  Her expression bleak, speaking volumes about her state of mind._
> 
> _She couldn't help but think that she didn’t look anywhere near bad enough to match up with the way she felt inside.  There were no words horrific enough to her mind to describe it.  What had happened, and was still happening to her, so devastating and all-encompassing it was incomprehensible._
> 
> _Nothing made sense anymore.  Not one damned thing.  Her whole world turned upside down, leaving her clinging to the edge by the barest tips of her fingernails; the gaping jaws of the abyss below looming menacingly, eager to swallow her whole.  Pain and humiliation her constant companions now, leaving barely any room for her to even attempt to deal with the deluge of other emotions inundating her._
> 
> _Never in her life - not even back at Manticore - had she ever felt this small and insignificant, so… worthless and utterly inconsequential.  Like she meant absolutely nothing._
> 
> _She felt so helpless and alone.  So… naked.  Like there was nowhere she could possibly turn to hide anymore, nowhere safe she could ever run to escape from all this.  Even the mental repetitions of her barcode number useless now against this onslaught.  The panic and anxiety eating her up inside, and redirecting her focus back on to her surroundings as she looked around fretfully, wondering anew where_ he _was.  For he never left her alone for long.  His assaults on her ever-present and unrelenting._
> 
> _Seeing and hearing no sign of him yet though, she turned her gaze warily toward the rolling tray table stationed ominously between her legs, wondering what it might hold, but she couldn't tell as it was draped with heavy cloth.  It was standard procedure. TORTURE 101, she thought, seeing it in all caps in her head just like the trainers back at Manticore would have emphasized it, and some small and slightly hysterical part of her wanted to laugh at how stupid it seemed to remember that now, but she bit her lips and held it back with effort, not wanting to draw any further attention to herself._
> 
> _Her training in that area, brief though it had been prior to her escape, had made sure that she was aware of the dread that could be inspired by the threat of the unknown.  And while she'd scoffed a bit at the idea as a young soldier?  Now, she could easily see the reasoning and truth behind it; for not knowing what she was going to have to face next was terrifying in the extreme.  Her knowledge of the atrocities committed against the others only exacerbating the situation, giving her imagination more than enough fodder to fuel a lifetime’s worth of nightmares._
> 
> _She didn't have long to wait however as she heard the telltale creaking noise that foretold_ his _arrival, her whole body instinctively tensing up in reaction.  The cameras he'd set up throughout the room after her first session keeping him clued in as to when she was conscious, as well as supplying him with a wealth of material to both titillate himself and torture her mate with.  As he’d been only too pleased to inform her; smirking gleefully as he’d told her all about the massive tantrum 494 had thrown in command, completely losing it and tearing his office apart in a fit of rage after viewing the first set of clips he’d received._
> 
> _But she couldn’t allow herself to think much more about her mate.  Not here.  And certainly not now.  Not after what had just happened.  Not with all the untold horrors she still had left to face.  It was too ugly to bear; her heart near to rending already from the shame and revulsion she felt.  Her sanity hanging by the slimmest of margins even without the added visualization of her mate’s reaction, which was becoming increasingly more negative in her mind the longer this went on._
> 
> _Taking a deep breath in an effort to prepare herself, she tried to push him and the baby and every other thought and emotion as far away as possible, clearing her mind and barricading the non-essential parts of herself away again as best she was able so that she could hopefully make it through whatever this next trial entailed.  Her face blanking over into as close to a proper Manticore mask as she could manage._
> 
> _“Well, hello again 'Maxie’.”  He deliberately jeered out her mate's public petname for her as he entered the room, taking his time and trailing his fingers along the surfaces of the other torture racks and devices as he strolled toward her, just visible through the glare of the inward-facing lights.  “Did ya miss me?”_
> 
> _She didn’t bother dignifying that with a response, but couldn’t help but be thankful that he'd reverted back to his usual raspy voice, sure that she would've lost it completely if he'd spoken to her in her mate's voice again.  Inhaling as deeply and discretely as she could, she rechecked his scent, needing to confirm her earlier theory for her own peace of mind.  And while it didn't quite seem the same as before, not as sweaty perhaps, the only thing she really cared about at this point was that it didn't match her mate's._
> 
> _He didn't seem to mind her lack of an answer as he turned on more lights and slackened off some of the tension in the chains, enough so she could properly lie on the table once more, at least with her upper body.  Her heart beginning to race even faster than it already was, panic building steadily as she knew that he surely had some sickening motive for doing so.  The strain on her leg muscles increasing as she was forced to try to lift them on her own so they didn't drag the rest of her body over the edge._
> 
> _Raising the tray's cover to collect a few items, he kept the material angled so that she couldn’t see the rest of the contents.  “I thought we might play a little game.  Just to spice things up a bit.”_
> 
> ‘A game?’ _She thought with a grimace as she tried to figure out what he'd picked up.  The twisted shards of metal partially concealed by his hand not seeming to conform to any coherent shape that she could discern._ ‘Shit!  This can’t be good.’ 
> 
> _“After all, I wouldn’t want you to get bored.  I do want to be a good host.”  Seeing the traces of worry and dread she was trying so hard to hide, he laughed as he walked around her, deliberately pacing himself in and out of the light to fuel her anxiety.  “Oh, don’t fret darlin'; the object of this game is rather simple.  Even_ you _should be able to manage.  All you have to do is lie still.”_
> 
> _“Lie still…”  She repeated in a hoarse whisper, wanting to know what he would be doing in turn but not daring to ask, knowing it wouldn't bode well for her.  The phrase echoing round and round inside her aching head and instilling a vague and haunting sense of terror, although she really wasn’t quite sure why._
> 
> ‘Did someone else say that to me once?’
> 
> _A fleeting image of a stern-looking black-haired man flashed through her head, accompanied by a desperate urge to start reciting her barcode number, and she blinked hard to dispel it, needing all her focus to deal with her current situation._
> 
> _He nodded, his lips twisting into his now all-too-familiar sadistic smirk.  Reaching across her without warning, he pinched the tip of her right nipple and stretched it up high toward the ceiling, quickly snapping a large metal clamp around the base of it with his other hand.  Pain spiking through her breast as the rings of razor-sharp barbs along the bottom pierced her areola and over an inch of the surrounding tissue, and she bit her bottom lip hard, barely restraining a gasp.  Seeing stars and struggling to breathe when he quickly did the same thing to her other nipple, she couldn’t help swearing as beads of blood slowly trickled from the puncture points and her lip._
> 
> _“Now, now.  None of that.  You know the rules.”  He cuffed her across the face, hard enough to split the skin again over her left cheekbone and rattle her jaw, then shook a leather clad finger at her admonishingly.  “Besides, we haven’t even gotten started yet.”_
> 
> _Making his way down toward her feet, he lifted the cover from the tray to slowly reveal the items on it, letting her look her fill at the candles and what had to be at least 50 long metal needles in various thicknesses lining a quarter of the surface.  Her eyes widening with pure horror when they focused in next on a blowtorch and pair of insulated pliers, and then a car battery, electrodes and metal dildo, realizing almost immediately what the combinations would likely be used for._
> 
> _"Why?"  She hadn't meant to ask, especially not in that small quavering voice that couldn’t possibly be hers.  But the question had been festering in her brain for far too long to remain unspoken any longer.  "Why are you_ doing _this?  Why don’t you just kill me?"_
> 
> _He stared at her, his expression cold and pitiless, and for a moment she didn't think he'd answer.  But then he stalked back up beside her, pulling her head and upper body up painfully by her hair and getting right up in her face, spitting his words out very clearly and concisely in that awful grating voice, “Because_ that _would be too easy.  I_ want _to see you suffer like we did.  To_ feel _the way that we felt.  To_ know _with every fibre of your being_ exactly _how lacking and worthless you really are.  You_ deserve _every… single… thing I do to you, you traitorous cunt_. _"  He shook her by her hair to emphasize his points, then slammed her head back down onto the sticky metal beneath her.  Her back and wrists throbbing from being stretched too far, the raw shreds of flesh oozing fresh blood, the ends of bone in her left forearm grating together in a blinding white haze and causing her to hiss uncontrollably._
> 
> _Turning back to the tray and picking up two short thin candles, he carefully fastened them in the screws atop the nipple clamps, then grabbed a few of the thicker ones, arranging three of them in a very precise triangle centered around her belly button before forcing yet another into her mouth.  “You might want to bite down around that,” he advised, his tone far too blasé for her liking, and then he reached for the blowtorch to light them all, bringing the flame to within an inch or so of her body and scaring the shit out of her as she could feel the intense heat searing into her skin.  Beads of sweat starting to dot her brow; her eyes crossing as she watched him light the one in her mouth._
> 
> _When he was satisfied, he set the torch down again and smiled, “See now.  That’s not so bad, is it?  As long as you stay absolutely still, you shouldn’t get burned at all.”_
> 
> _She just stared at him, unable to talk, barely able to breathe without disturbing the balance of the candles; hot wax pooling in them already as he’d made sure to melt the top layer while lighting them.  Her legs trembling with the effort of holding them relatively steady, especially with the manacles and chains weighing her ankles down._
> 
> _“Of course, this game wouldn’t be any fun at all unless I added a few degrees of difficulty.  Just to make things a bit more interesting…  Wouldn’t you agree?”_
> 
> _Grabbing the pliers, he placed one of the thicker darning-sized needles between its jaws and then held it in the flame of the torch until the metal glowed brightly.  An evil grin tilting his lips as he rasped, “Now this may sting a bit.”  Directing it through the specially designed gaps in the sides of the clamp, he pierced her right nipple with it, the extreme heat allowing the tip to melt through her skin and emerge on the other side with minimal drag._
> 
> _A scream left her involuntarily and she couldn’t help but jerk at the agony; hot wax spilling over and puddling in the base of the clamp on that nipple; the thick trails also meandering down into her belly button and mouth only adding to her misery.  Her skin so cool now from the chill of the room that the wax felt like molten lava by comparison, particularly since it was falling from such a short distance. Tears running down the sides of her face as she fought to control her panicky breathing and stop the flow._
> 
> _Laughing, he asked in a singsongy drawl, “Aww, what's the matter?  Does that hurt Maxie?”  He sniggered when she flinched this time at the overly-familiar nickname, reaching immediately for another needle and starting to heat it.  "Maybe you should have thought about_ that _16 years ago, when you left the rest of us behind to face the wrath of Manticore.  Just because_ you _couldn't handle a bit of discipline and hard work!"_
> 
> _Reaching for her right hand, he pulled her pinkie finger back and held it securely as he drove the glowing needle into the tip underneath the fingernail, burying almost an inch of it in to her muffled screams.  "Do you have any idea what they did to us because of you?  How they punished us and made us pay for your desertion!"  He snarled, his eyes burning as he watched her struggle not to squirm and keen._
> 
> _Appearing pleased with her reaction, he prepared another and shoved it into the end of her ring finger to similar result.  "Month after month of psy ops and reindoctrination, that's what we got.  That fucking laser burning into our eyes for weeks on end.  All because of you and your pansy-assed unit."_
> 
> _Picking up a fallen candle from her abdomen, he relit it and deliberately dribbled a blistering trail of wax all over her chest before placing it back into position.  "Then there were all the endless drills and questions and tests.  Breaking us down over and over again until there was almost nothing left."_
> 
> _He shook his head as he grabbed another needle.  "We lost 9 promising young soldiers that year.  Some of them for being deemed too high-risk, while others were killed simply as an example.  So we'd know what would happen if we dared step one toe out of line."_
> 
> _Eyeing her menacing, he attacked her middle finger, "Do you think any of us deserved that?" he asked angrily.  "_ We _didn't do a god-damned thing._ We _didn't desert._ We _weren't traitors.  But we sure as hell were treated like it because of you!"_
> 
> _"Then you got us saddled with Renfro, while Lydecker was off hunting you down.  And what a prize she was."  His voice rang with sarcasm as he took his time with her index finger and thumb, deliberately pushing the needles into alternate positions to cause as much pain as possible. "Now that was one sadistic and perverted bitch.  And oh did she know how to play."  He sneered, his lips twisting as he seemed to remember something.  "Had us bowing and scraping to cater to her every whim."_
> 
> _Barely even pausing, he moved around to her other side and immediately started in on her left hand.  "But we did learn all sorts of useful tactics over the years, including ways of working around her and her increasingly imperious demands."_
> 
> _He snorted as he dug around in her little finger, drawing a prolonged high-pitched whimper from her.  "You're just like her too.  Spewing out your commandments from on high, like you're so much better than the rest of us, simply because you spent so many years on the 'outside'."_
> 
> _"And your fucking mate just lets you get away with it."  His lips twisted into a derisive scowl as he prepped the next needle.  "Course, 494's always been a sucker for pussy.  Particularly pretty little brown-haired pussy it seems.  After all, he screwed up his first deep-cover solo mission over it."_
> 
> _It was getting harder and harder for her to breathe, the wax drippings coating and sealing her teeth to the candle, while blisters erupted on the sensitive surfaces of her gums and tongue.  Her nostrils flaring as the next needle sank into her middle finger, her whole body trembling finely with the effort of remaining still and not screaming her head off.  Everything in her just wanting to retreat at this point, if only she could figure out how._
> 
> _"You women are all the same, always trying to use your sexuality as a weapon and lord it over us, when all you're good for is fucking!  You're too god-damned emotional and over-reactive to be trusted with something as vital as command."_
> 
> _“The funny thing is, you actually_ believe _that you're worthy of being our leader.”  He shook his head disdainfully.  “Everyone_ laughs _at you behind your back, you know.  Nobody_ wants _you in charge.  The only reason anybody even tolerates your presence is because of 494 and his misguided loyalty to you.”_
> 
> _Finishing off her thumb with a flourish, he reached for another needle, brandishing it in front of her face and heating this one up using the flame from the candle in her mouth._
> 
> _“You're so weak.  So fucking pathetic.  Can't even handle a spot of torture.  453 at least took it like a soldier.  Barely screamed at all, no matter what I did to her."  He laughed when he saw that he'd regained her full attention, her eyes widening with shock and horror.  "Oh yeah, that's right darlin'.  It wasn't that idiot White that captured her, it was me."_
> 
> _She managed not to jerk this time when he pierced her left nipple, all her attention focused on his words, needing to hear this.  To finally know why._
> 
> _"I had a_ lot _of fun with her before I turned her over to those ordinaries to finish off.  We became_ very _intimately acquainted, not that she appeared to appreciate it nearly as much as I did."  He shrugged blithely to indicate how much it didn't matter to him._
> 
> _"I'm still not quite sure which one of you had the tighter pussy, but she was a particularly satisfying fuck.  It was almost a shame really to have her killed.  Her only true crime was in becoming friendly with you.  And being your twin of course."_
> 
> _Stepping away from her, he loosened all of the tension in her leg chains, then grabbed a long hooked pole and secured the excess up in the loops on the ceiling on either side of the mirror.  "You'd think you would've taken that as the warning it was intended to be and backed off.  Let Bran and Trev take over and lead us properly, as they were meant to.  But nooo.  You're just not that bright, are you sunshine, 'cause you certainly didn't heed my previous warning either."_
> 
> _Her face paled to an even whiter hue, making the blood and bruises stand out even more garishly as she realized what he had to be referring to, not wanting to believe it, but knowing it to be true simply from his hugely satisfied grin._
> 
> _"That right._ I _was responsible for the capture of your whiny little cripple of an ordinary.  He had a rather high opinion of himself too.  At least until I got a hold of him."  He laughed as he started ratcheting up her chains again, tightening them until her legs were spread and raised all the way up toward the ceiling, almost lifting her ass from the table and making the candles on her belly quiver and spill over again._
> 
> _Eyeing her maliciously, he continued, "It was all too easy to set him up.  To sneak into his place and time the leak of that footage; to expose his identity and fire up the self-righteous masses against him.  To lure him out to an isolated warehouse, all under the pretense of obtaining vital information on the Familiars for you of course."_
> 
> _He shook his head derisively.  "Thought he could handle it all by himself, like he was just as good as us with those robot legs of his.  Well, my knives and fists soon taught him differently.  As did the 'friends' I invited in to help out and take over."_
> 
> _Scooting the tray table over a bit, he grabbed a stool and rolled it between her legs, licking his lips in anticipation as he sat down.  He reached out and picked up the thick metal dildo, stroking it lovingly as he held it up so she could see.  "I used this on him too, you know.  And boy did he ever scream when I shoved it inside him and turned on the juice.  Not that I expected anything less."_
> 
> _Forgoing lube, he pressed it up against the abused ring of muscles guarding her ass, making her twitch for half a second.  He didn't hesitate though, just kept pushing relentlessly until it was seated deep inside her, only the small metal connector at the bottom of the base protruding out._
> 
> _She refused to scream and held her entire body locked rigidly, if only out of spite.  Almost biting clean through the candle, she was gritting her teeth so hard.  Her eyes burning with pure hatred as she stared up at the mirror, refusing to even acknowledge his presence._
> 
> _He looked amused as he licked his lips again.  "You really think you can hold out darlin'?"  Snorting, he picked up the pliers and started heating a thicker needle.  "Against me?  Against this?  I still have a ton of these waiting, and I plan on using every last one before I start lighting 'em up with that battery."_
> 
> _Grinning, he let his gaze wander slowly and intimately over her, in a deliberate attempt to unnerve her.  "The female anatomy has so many delightfully sensitive areas after all.  So many nerve endings, packed just beneath the surface."_
> 
> _He raised his free hand and teased his fingers along her folds.  "These delicate lips for example are just crying out for some attention."  Delving deeper, he ran his thumb up under the protective flesh to probe at her clit.  "This sweet little bud here could surely do with a bit of shiny decoration too."  Trailing his hand back down, he scraped a fingernail over her stretched sphincter.  "And this certainly used to be a hell of a lot tighter and prettier, but I can fix that easily enough.  Fasten it right back up for you..."_
> 
> _Breathing raggedly through her nose, she grimaced as she watched him bring the glowing metal toward her crotch, bracing herself as much as she could for the pain, not quite sure what his target was going to be._
> 
> _At the very last second, he reached up and prised back the flesh surrounding her clit.  The fiery heat piercing up into her like a dagger and impaling itself deep into the most sensitive heart of her, the excruciating pain ripping the remaining air from her lungs, leaving her unable to draw breath enough to voice the scream trapped in her throat._

Screaming herself awake, Max sat up with a jolt, shaking and utterly petrified.  Her heart beating frantically against her ribcage as she tried to catch her breath.

"What the hell?!"

Her head spun as she looked frantically around her and rubbed at her wrists, quickly pushing herself up into a standing position and striding down the hall, the urge to run and never stop almost overwhelming.  The sensation of being strapped down and helpless amidst searing pain, forefront in her mind.

"What the hell was that?  I'm not in one of the memories.  So how-" 

But then it struck her.  Somehow, while she'd been asleep, she must have reconnected with her other half.  The pain and torture she'd just experienced, no doubt occurring in the real world, at this very moment.

"Oh God."  Sobbing and trying desperately not to heave as she so felt like doing, Max kept on walking, concentrating on the simple task of putting one foot in front of the other as if it would somehow save her and keep her from drowning.  Trembling hands rising and swiping repeatedly at the tears cascading down her cheeks as his words resounded endlessly in her brain.  The bitter and taunting accusations, the derogatory comments towards women, the remorseless and callous confessions regarding Logan and Sam; all of it swirling in a mass of pain and anger, refusing to settle into anything logical or comprehensible.  At least not at first.

But gradually it sank in, the knowledge of exactly how much this man hated her, of the lengths he was willing to go to: to get his way, to teach her a lesson.  He was willing to kidnap and torture, to rape and kill any number of innocent people, all in an attempt to hurt her.  To destroy her.

All of this was on her. 

Because of a stupid genetic weakness she'd had since birth. 

Her seizures, the root cause behind Zack's decision for them to leave Manticore.  It didn't matter that she'd had no control over them or that it hadn't been her idea to go.  That she'd only been following Zack's orders.  For they'd left to protect her, to keep her from being arbitrarily put down, like Manticore had done to their sibling Jack.

In the end, the result was the same.  She'd left, and punishment had been inflicted because of it.  All of those left behind had suffered tremendously over the years because of her and her unit.

And because of her own stupid need to be in control, to help her people in any way she could.

If only she hadn't been so determined to lead them out of the siege, so sure that she was the only one that could negotiate their safety with the government. 

If she'd just let Bran take over as he'd wanted to, maybe none of this would've happened.  Maybe this guy wouldn't have snapped.

Maybe Logan and Sam would still be alive. 

And Kaley and Jess, and Anna and Sara, maybe none of them would have been raped. 

They'd probably all have been safe, if not for her.

Stumbling into a wall, her strength failing her, she slid down it and collapsed into a ball, crumpling under the weight of it all.  Her hands rising to cover her mouth, trying to muffle the agonizing screams tearing heedlessly from her throat.

It took her a long time to calm down, the blame settling heavily around her shoulders, its weight suffocating.  Eventually she raised her head though, managing to draw upon a hidden reserve and pull herself upright, her eyes dull with pain.

"So, what do I do now?"  She whispered despairingly, "How can I possibly fix this?  I need to end it.  To stop this guy before he hurts anyone else.  I have to find him."

The task was daunting, seeming far beyond her reach or ability at the moment.  "But how?  There's got to be a way.  I need to think."

Breathing slowly and evenly, she made herself backtrack through the two 'nightmares' she'd just had.  Both of them terrifying in their own ways. 

"He specifically mentioned Bran and Trev, so he must be one of their supporters.  No doubt one of the goons Bran likes to surround himself with, since they're so much easier for him to control."

"And he kept going on about 'we' and 'us', so it wasn't just about him.  Why though?  Did he think it would give him more justification?"

Murmuring to herself, she mused, "This guy is obviously fucked up, beyond even our normal spectrum of crazy, as his behavior is all over the map.  He's so _angry_ , but the way he shows it keeps on changing.  One moment he's all fury and fire, and the next so cold and ruthless.  Violent beatings turning into calculated cruelty.  And the sheer patience he's shown to wait this long to attack me, 'cause Logan's been dead for almost two and half years!"

"It just doesn't make sense.  He's like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  Like Night and Day.  Like... two completely different men..."

"Oh... my... God..."  She whispered, her eyes becoming huge in her ashen face.  The realization of how badly they'd screwed up almost more than she could take.  All of it suddenly making sense: the lack of any clear suspects, and the multitude of alibis that almost everyone had.  The full mask and gloves for concealment, and the subtle differences in their scents that she'd picked up.

"How could we have been so stupid?  Why did we assume there was only one?"


	11. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! I've finally caught Max up to the present time in this chapter.
> 
> I realize quite a bit of this is repetitive, but I wanted Max to see the interaction between Alec and 452 and realize that he was out there waiting for her.
> 
> See Chapter 1 for disclaimers and other notes.

##  Chapter 10

### 2025Jan11 - Saturday - approximately 01:00 am

Max wandered along the hallway listlessly, so drained and worn-down she could barely see straight, even though she hadn't really done _anything_ to speak of to warrant it.  She hadn't dared stop to sleep, not since the 'nightmares' that had struck her the last time.  She was tired of visiting memories, unable to face the prospect of more, no matter how distracting or informative they might be.  And she was absolutely done with thinking, having spent most of the past few days analyzing every single clue and motive and alibi she could think of, carefully narrowing her list of likely suspects down to just under a handful, with two definitely topping the list.

All she really wanted at this point was to have all of this stop.  To escape this achingly desolate tomb and go home.  To wrap herself up in Alec's warm embrace and just forget, about everything.  Even if only for a little while.

Of course, that was assuming he was even there waiting for her, a dismal part of her brain decried, too disheartened to ward off the negativity anymore.

Sighing as she looked around her once more, she slowed to a halt, finally allowing herself to slump down the nearest wall until she was resting on her butt, her legs sprawling out limply across the corridor.  In the back of her mind, she'd been tracking the time ticking by as best she could, and it felt like the week was drawing to a close.  It had to be late Friday, or maybe even early Saturday by now. 

"So why am I still here?"  She muttered grimly.  "It should be over by now.  Unless they decided to kill me after all."  The idea not distressing her nearly as much as it should have, her ongoing presence here of far greater concern.

"Is this ever gonna end?  And how the hell am I supposed to get home?" she whispered plaintively, her head falling back against the wall with a satisfying thump.  So satisfying in fact, that she did it again several more times, each thump a bit harder than the last, needing the sound and the pain as proof of her own reality.

But there were no answers to be had, despite her desperate need of them, and she couldn't face even another second of the oppressive silence, at wits end both emotionally and mentally.  Letting her heavy eyelids droop to a close, she reluctantly gave in to the compelling lure of slumber.  Too depressed to even dare hope it would be dreamless.

~~~

She found herself drifting almost weightlessly, the scent of Alec strong around her, his chest rumbling faintly against hers as he mumbled something to her.  Not that she could make out what he was saying, the sound coming to her as if through a heavy curtain.  But she could feel his nose and cheek nuzzling softly into her hair, his warm arms wrapped oh-so-gently around her and she sighed in deep contentment, never wanting to wake up.

But something was wrong.  Her stomach hurt, badly, and her whole body actually, once she felt him carefully lay her down.  Opening her eyes, she found the familiar and comforting surroundings of her old bedroom, and she smiled for a moment, relieved to be somewhere safe.  At least until OC appeared in front of her; her clothing damp, not that she appeared to notice, her hair all rumpled and her soft makeup-less face drawn tightly with anxiety.

Then the whimpering began and she turned to find 452 struggling to drag herself across the bed.  An almost surreal awareness overtaking her, as she could feel both her own presence and 452's, both separate and yet not at the same time.  The overwhelming surge of panic and pain swamping her almost too much to take.  Every inch of her body screaming in violent protest at the desperate motion 452 was attempting.

> _"Shhh, sweetheart.  It's just me.  Just Alec - 494.  Retha wanted to get you out of that tub and lying down as quickly as possible, so we couldn't wait for you to do it yourself.  I carried you in here, that's all.  So just relax baby.  You're alright.  It was just me," Alec repeated shakily and shoved a hand roughly back through his hair when she continued to try and drag herself away from him, his eyes haunted._

She was stunned when OC moved directly through her and sat down in the same spot she was.

> _"Take a look 'round sugar.  You're in your old room now and you're safe."  OC carefully took hold of her right hand to avoid the raw flesh, and stroked the back of it in an attempt to reassure her.  "Easy boo.  Ain't nobody here gonna hurt you.  Only people that love you."_

Tuning out the rest of the conversation, as she realized the appalling condition her body was in, Max gasped and eased herself gingerly off the bed to stand at the foot of it.  She vaguely noted Retha's entrance and saw Alec and OC scatter to do her bidding.  Watched as the women carefully got 452 settled on her back and covered in clean dry sheets.  Felt 452's wary reaction as she registered Alec's reappearance by her side.

> _He seemed scared to approach her, his nostrils flaring as he scented the air, his usual confidence and swagger gone.  Not that 452 was any surer of him, just staring at him and raking him over with her eyes._

Max couldn't help but stare too, never having seen him like this before.  He looked absolutely wrecked.  His face haggard and coated in a thick layer of stubble, his hair sticking up all over the place as if he'd been running his hands through it non-stop.  And his clothes were all rumpled, looking like he'd been living in them for days.  But the worst were his eyes; the brilliant green fire of them dull, bloodshot and overshadowed with pain and worry, while tear stains lay rampant on his cheeks. 

> _452 finally gathered herself enough to give him tacit permission to approach.  And he did so tentatively, biting at his lower lip as he was wont to do when nervous or unsure of himself, his right hand shaking as he reached out and gingerly placed an ice pack over her right eye and forehead.  Stroking his fingers ever so lightly over her hair and cupping the left side of her head in his palm, he cautiously crouched down beside the bed, his eyes wide and wild, looking as if he couldn't quite believe she'd allow it._
> 
> _Slowly turning her face into his hand, she breathed in deeply through her nose, taking in his familiar comforting scent and letting it wash over her; her left eye involuntarily closing in response as she nuzzled closer, rubbing the essence of him into her skin.  The tightly-wound ball of fear in the pit of her stomach unraveling ever so slightly, allowing her to breathe a tiny bit easier as she inhaled deeply once more.  The intrinsic refrain of 'Mate, Love, Protection' given off by his scent imbuing her with a sense of security she hadn't felt in what seemed like forever._
> 
> _Sighing in welcome relief, she looked back up at him, mustering up a broken smile as her shimmery gaze played over his face again.  "I'm really glad you're here," she finally croaked out, her right hand trembling as she reached up and tentatively covered his, consciously looking for reassurance.  "Stay with me?  Please?"_
> 
> _Startled, Alec's eyes widened even further and then he smiled tenderly at her and nodded.  "Always, baby.  I'll never wanna be anywhere else." Settling down more comfortably on his knees, he turned his hand under hers, allowing her to link their fingers together._

Her attention was diverted by Retha and the commencement of the ultrasound, her anxiety rising as the scan revealed nothing even after several interminable minutes.  Feeling 452 begin to withdraw as well, her face tightening with dread, until the faint whooshing sound of an extremely rapid heartbeat filled the taut silence.

"Thank God."  Max hadn't even realized she'd been holding her breath, until she had to gasp for air.

> _"You are most definitely still pregnant."  Carefully checking the statistics displaying on screen, and watching the baby's movements, Retha finally announced with a slight frown, "The heart rate's a little fast for my liking, even for us.  Most likely because this little one is reacting to your pain and stress levels.  You can see from the jerky, occasionally frantic movements it's making, the baby’s in a bit of distress."_
> 
> _"But as long as you can manage to calm down and stay relaxed, everything should hopefully be fine.  You're going to need to take it as easy as you possibly can for a while though, as hard as we all know that’s going to be."_

She couldn't stop staring at the screen, just watching the tiny figure move with awe and intense gratitude.  Her awareness fading away; the relief that their baby was still alive too great to allow anything else to register.  At least until the unit was shut off.

> _Looking worried, Retha set the ultrasound aside, then pulled her bag closer and looked through it, coming back up with a syringe and a bottle of liquid.  “Would you like me to give you a mild sedative first?  Something to help you relax and ease some of the pain?”_

"First?"  Max murmured, confused as to what she'd missed, but feeling 452's tension and distress rising as if it were her own.  Her lungs feeling like they were about to explode it was such a struggle to breathe through the constriction in her chest.

> _Seeing her face cloud over in protest and accurately guessing why, Retha continued, “I specifically researched it and picked some up for you just in case it might be necessary, and I promise, it won't hurt the baby.  In fact, it should do him or her a world of good; help ease some of the distress it’s feeling too.”_
> 
> _452 bit at her lower lip as she thought about it, still a bit concerned; then looked over at her mate anxiously for his opinion._
> 
> _“I think you should just go ahead and do it sweetie.”  Alec smiled encouragingly.  “You need this.  You both do.  All this stress certainly isn’t doing either of you any good.  But it's completely up to you.  It's your body.  Your decision.  And I'll support you either way, no matter what you decide."_

It struck her suddenly; the realization that she was safe too, or as safe as she could be at any rate.  That she wasn't dead.  And that her mate was right there, standing steadfast beside her.  He hadn't abandoned her after all, and it was obvious, just by looking at him, that he had no intention of ever willingly leaving her side again.  She'd never felt more relieved of anything in her entire life.

"Alec."  Smiling softly and stepping carefully over to stand beside him, wishing she could just curl up in his lap instead, she reached out and brushed her hand over his hair, gently smoothing the wild strands sticking up on top of his head.  He didn't seem to register her presence though, all his focus centered on her doppelganger as he continued to hold her hand.

It was strange; watching him with 452, and wondering if he even realized it wasn't her lying there.  If 452 was aware, for that matter, that they were separate now.  It seemed hard to believe that she wouldn't be, as she had to have been responsible for them splitting in the first place, but with everything else that had happened, anything was possible, she supposed.  The crazy fact that she could feel what 452 was feeling right now just as well as she could feel herself seemed proof enough of that.  It was almost as if she were inside her own body again.

The pinch of the IV being inserted in her upper arm just as real to her as the nervous tension and fear thrumming through her body, and the fine trembling it was triggering in her limbs.  Her heart pounding like mad and making her blood race frantically through her veins.  Her rapid and ragged breathing causing her whole chest to burn like it was on fire, but particularly around her lower ribcage where it felt like several were broken.  Worse still, was the fact that she had no control over any of it, unable to do a damn thing about her body's instinctive reactions.  452 unable to properly relax either, despite Alec's reassuring presence and Retha's entreaty that she try to do so.

> _Eyeing her ashen features with a frown and estimating how much blood she'd probably lost over the past week, Retha glanced over at Alec and caught his eye, asking quietly, "How are you doing right now?"_
> 
> _"Alright."  Sounding puzzled and a trifle annoyed by the question, he asked a bit shortly, even as he matched her volume out of deference to his mate, "Why?"_
> 
> _"Just trying to determine if you're in good enough shape to transfuse her since she could more than likely use a pint or two.  But frankly, you look like shit."_
> 
> _Cindy nodded in reluctant agreement, "Boy ain't slept or ate at all the past five days.  Admitted it hisself earlier."_
> 
> _"Yeah I figured as much."  Retha sighed as she laid the used syringe aside on the bedside table to dispose of later._
> 
> _Already starting to push up his left sleeve, he frowned at them both and insisted just as quietly, "Just do it.  I'm fine."_
> 
> _"Un huh.  Sure you are."  Retha arched an eyebrow at him, letting him know she wasn't buying it.  "Who have you got on watch outside?  Any women who could come in and give her a bit?"_
> 
> _"No!"  452 was absolutely stricken as she interrupted, her gaze suddenly wide and pleading as she choked out, "Please?  I... I really don't want anyone else to see me.  Not right now.  Not like this."  She shook her head frantically and sniffled, tears swimming in her open eye._
> 
> _Regretfully ruling out that option, Retha nodded and leaned down to rub her arm, unwilling to push her when she was so transparently fragile.  “Alright.  Whatever you say.  Just, try to calm down, okay?”_
> 
> _“I could do it..."  Cindy started to offer, her eyes dark with her own concern._
> 
> _Retha smiled at her, “Thanks, but unfortunately I have no way of making sure your blood is compatible.  And I'm not willing to take that kind of risk since this isn't exactly an emergency situation.  Plus - no offence - but she’d be much better off getting a boost of pure transgenic blood anyway, what with all the potent antibodies and such we’ve got going for us."_
> 
> _She turned her gaze back toward Alec, slowly shaking her head and rolling her eyes at the determined set to his jaw, "Fine.  You win.  There’s a bottle of juice in the side pocket of my bag.  If you promise to drink that down and eat something, I’ll let you.  But if you pass out, it’s on your own head," she warned, pointing a finger at him._
> 
> _Nodding before she’d even finished talking; he got up quickly and took off for the kitchen, coming back not even a minute later with a slightly overripe banana, a box of crackers, and one of the dining chairs to sit in._

Max couldn't help but smile as she saw the raw concern in his gaze, felt the quiet intensity and gentle strength with which he coaxed her into taking a few small bites of banana and sips of juice.  Neither of them paying any heed to the transfusion being set up around them.

Staying close by his side, she watched Retha start in on the necessary repairs, feeling her awareness slipping a bit out of focus as the sedative began to kick in.  A warm fuzzy haze stealing through her and drawing some of the tension from her limbs as time drifted by.  She wasn't really surprised to hear that she had three cracked ribs, or that her wrist was broken, watching with curious detachment as her left forearm was efficiently set and immobilized.

> _Glancing quickly at her watch and then at Alec, Retha reached over and closed the clamp to end the transfusion.  When he started to protest, she waved him off authoritatively and removed the needle from his arm, pressing a small wad of cotton over the site and applying pressure.  "No.  You're starting to get pale and you've already given her enough to help tide her over until her system can rejuvenate itself.”_
> 
> _Giving him a significant look, she added a bit more quietly, “Plus I'm pretty sure she’ll feel a hell of a lot more secure with you actually awake by her side rather than on the verge of passing out."  When he nodded and lowered his head a bit sheepishly as he took over the pressure on his arm, she lifted the tube to allow the rest of the blood to flow into 452, then removed her needle as well._
> 
> _Peeling the soiled gloves from her hands and tossing them into the nearby garbage can along with all the used packaging and supplies, she grabbed a clean pair and donned them.  The loud snap of the latex swiftly regaining her patient’s undivided and wary attention.  Smiling gently in apology, Retha calmly met her strained gaze and asked solicitously, “So, would you prefer to have everyone else step out now to give us some privacy for your exam or do you think you’d feel more comfortable with them staying put?”_
> 
> _Flushing bright red as she thought about it and the hellish amount of damage done below her waist, 452 sighed miserably, weighing the mortification she would feel at having them see her like that against the relief and comfort of not being left to face this all alone.  But it wasn't much of a contest with how vulnerable she was feeling.  Swallowing hard as she realized that her mate likely already had a pretty good idea of the condition she was in anyway, the idea of having him stay really didn't seem like that big a deal.  Especially since he was still standing by her of his own accord._
> 
> _But Cindy on the other hand…_
> 
> _Turning her head toward her best friend, her expression sad and heavy with pain and humiliation, she tried to warn her, explaining tentatively, “I...  It’s… pretty nasty OC...  I’m a real mess... down there.  So I'm not sure if you wanna stick around... but I wouldn't mind… if you feel up to staying with me?”_
> 
> _Not even hesitating, she held her gaze and nodded reassuringly, reaching out to gently take her right hand.  "Don’t you worry.  If you want Original Cindy wit'cha boo, then that's where I'ma gonna be.  No doubt."_
> 
> _"How ‘bout me?"  Alec asked quietly after a moment, not wanting to presume too much and potentially alienate her._
> 
> _"From..." 452's voice broke, and she had to clear her throat before continuing, "From what I understand... you've probably already seen..."  Her voice trailed off and became decidedly bitter as she managed to choke out, "_ He _told me he was sending you my 'greatest hits'..."_

Max gasped and shook her head fiercely, "No!"  Her face paling as she realized what that had to mean.  The memory of the cameras she'd seen in her nightmares, taking on a new and even more horrifying connotation.  The idea that Alec might have actually seen what had happened to her, the ultimate humiliation.

> _Glancing over at him and seeing the certain grim knowledge in his expression, dashing one of her few remaining hopes, she closed her eye, her face falling as a fresh wave of shame and humiliation crashed over her.  A few tears leaking out to trickle helplessly down her burning cheeks as she tried unsuccessfully to bite back the sob rising in her throat to accompany them; feeling so unspeakably raw and out of her element, that she had absolutely no idea how to even begin to handle any of it anymore._
> 
> _“Hey, shhh,” Alec said gently as he carefully brushed her tears away.  “You have nothing to be ashamed of sweetheart.  You didn't ask for what happened to you.  This is all on him and has absolutely no reflection on you.  None of this is your fault.”_
> 
> _Unable to deal, the genuine compassion and tenderness in his voice only making it worse and threatening to tear her completely apart, she pulled back inside herself as much as she possibly could, trying desperately to make herself go numb again.  Wishing more than anything that she could somehow make it all go away and just forget, even if only for a little while.  Just long enough to maybe give her a chance to try to piece herself back together again.  But without a tangible or credible threat to fend against, she couldn’t quite seem to manage anymore.  The sedative unfortunately serving to lower her natural defences as well._
> 
> _Sighing as she remained fairly closed off and unresponsive despite her continued tears, Alec explained sadly, “And I can see that you’re really upset that I looked at that shit, and I am_ so _sorry I invaded your privacy like that, but I couldn’t help myself.  I needed to see that you were still alive.  Not knowing how you were was killing me.  And I was desperate to try and find some sort of clue, anything that might help me identify him or where he was holding you.”_
> 
> _He watched apprehensively as she took a couple of shaky breaths and then nodded tightly, whether in agreement with his reasoning or simply a desire to get this horrendous ordeal over with he couldn't tell, but she finally opened her eye and looked over at Retha.  “You can go ahead.  We’re good here.”_

Max wanted to crawl under the bed as she watched the preparations being made; her cheeks blazing with embarrassment.   _She_ didn't even want to be present for this, let alone have Alec and Cindy see it.  The intimate nature of the upcoming exam making this whole mess seem that much more real and inescapable.  Taking it from the realm of nightmare into hellishly indisputable reality.

> _“Will you be comfortable enough like this?”  Retha asked, as she opened up a tube of sterile lubricant and applied a generous amount to the speculum._
> 
> _“Yeah.”  452 bit at her trembling lower lip as a few more tears slipped down her cheeks, trying hard not to think about what was coming next as Retha slowly eased the sheet up to rest above her hips and moved down to perch between her legs.  Staring resolutely up at the ceiling, unable to find the courage to meet anyone's gaze, she tried not to cringe.  But she couldn't quite stop herself when she heard OC's hissed curse of outrage._
> 
> _"Son of a fucking b-” Biting back the rest as she realized immediately that her reaction certainly wasn’t helping, Cindy gently squeezed her hand and rushed to reassure her.  “God.  I’m sorry boo.  Just wasn’t quite prepared is all.”_

Alec's reaction was worse though, for all that it was silent.  His urge to protect her fierce, and something he'd vowed to her on his life when they'd mated, although she'd insisted she could take care of herself.  And he had definitely tried to restrain his instincts in that regard, out of respect for her and her wishes. 

But for all of that, it certainly didn't take a genius-level IQ to see that he was blaming himself for it now.  His face screwing up with dismay and rage as his eyes trailed slowly over her lower half.  His whole body trembling as he grit his teeth, his face white as a sheet as he took in all of the damage done to her.  The scent of his anger and pain engulfing her as he clenched his hands into fists at his sides, determined to maintain control of himself, if only for her sake.  She knew that as clearly as she knew her own name; his quirks and tells as familiar to her as her own by this point.

> _Retha touched the back of her hand carefully against the inside of 452's thigh to prepare her, then murmured soothingly, “Okay, I’m going to insert the speculum now and open it up so I can check you for internal injuries.  Are you ready?”_
> 
> _452 nodded tightly, struggling to contain the terrifying images threatening to overwhelm her as she felt the cold hard metal slide inside her and open with a burning sensation.  Her breath hitching as her face rapidly drained of all remaining color, and she swallowed hard, fighting to hold down the bile as she squeezed Cindy's hand on a low moan of protest, shrinking back into the bed in a futile attempt to escape._
> 
> _“Easy boo, just breathe, we're right here with you,” OC murmured, stroking the back of her friend’s hand gently.  “You’re gonna be a’ight.”_
> 
> _Leaning in further to offer his support as well, Alec carefully wrapped his right arm around the back of her head and cupped the side of her face in his hand, his fingers lightly brushing over her damp hair and cheek as he encouraged, “Just try and think about something else sweetheart, and it'll be over before you know it.”_
> 
> _"That's actually a good idea." Retha glanced back up at her momentarily as she carefully began her examination, "While I'm doing this, it might help distract you if you talked to us.”_
> 
> _Feeling her flinch at the very idea, Alec hastened to reassure, “Not necessarily about what happened to you yet, but maybe you could tell us a bit more about your… relationship with Max and when you noticed she went missing?"  Eyeing her appraisingly, he asked, "Has that ever happened before?"_

Max started upon hearing her own name, realizing almost immediately from his question that they had to be aware of the split.  That Alec knew he was sitting and talking with 452 right now.  No matter how disturbing she found that thought.

It was interesting and distracting though to hear 452's responses to his questions and get a feel for her take on the situation.  To have some of her own suppositions confirmed.

> _OC pursed her lips, looking particularly intrigued, "So do you have a name then too, like Max?"_
> 
> _Appearing utterly bewildered by the concept, 452 shook her head and answered with a slight frown, "No.  I've always just been 452 - a part of Max - so why would I need my own name?"  Feeling something moving inside her, carefully swabbing and probing at an extremely painful area, 452 suddenly stopped talking and drew in a shaky breath, squeezing Cindy's hand again involuntarily._
> 
> _“Sorry about that."  Retha quickly apologized, "But you’ve got a pretty nasty tear in your vaginal wall that may've potentially eluded this bastard's usual cleansing ritual.  So I figured I'd take a sample just in case he left anything behind."  Removing the swab and sealing it in a vial, she looked up at her sympathetically and advised, "Looks like you're gonna need a fair bit of stitching.  For this and some of the other lesser tears.  Do you mind if I go ahead and start?"_
> 
> _Shaking her head no as she worried at her lower lip with her teeth, 452 waited a moment, then asked very hesitantly, as if she wasn't quite sure she wanted to hear the answer, "So... umm... what's the uhh… verdict down there?”  Her voice trembling and rising anxiously, she continued, “Is everything gonna be okay for the baby?  He... he used the…” her face twisted horribly and she barely managed to spit out, “the pear on me.”_

"Oh God no."  Max uttered the heartfelt plea in a tone barely above a whisper, her throat so tight it was a wonder the words even got out at all.  Only too aware of the damage that particular item could cause, as it had likely eliminated any chance Kaley had of carrying a baby to term.  Of even staying pregnant for more than a few weeks for that matter.  Her attention focusing desperately now on Alec and Retha, needing to know how this would impact her own baby's odds for survival.

> _Alec squeezed his eyes shut as he struggled to maintain his grip on his composure, his face going ashen and his stomach churning at the mere mention of the barbaric torture device.  He clenched his left hand into a fist, digging his fingers deeply into his palm in an effort to ground himself as he fought down the growl of pure fury rising in his chest, not wanting to scare her or upset her any further than she already was.  Inhaling shakily and forcibly pulling himself back from the edge, he opened his eyes and made himself resume stroking her hair, despite the distinct trembling of his fingers, keeping his touch as light and gentle and unthreatening as he possibly could._
> 
> _“Yeah, I kind of figured that’s where these tears and puncture wounds came from.”  Retha murmured quietly in sad acknowledgement.  Reaching for a swaged surgical suture kit and a pair of needle holders, she raised a wary eye to glance up at Alec in silent warning before settling back to work.  “But it doesn’t look as if it was opened up very far, so luckily the damage isn’t too bad.  Certainly nowhere near as bad as what was done to Kaley.”_
> 
> _“I'd hoped not.” 452 whispered hoarsely as yet another tear escaped, her lips twisting into a grimace as she confessed, “But then I… I cooperated-” Her voice caught on a thick sob, and she sniffled and forced herself to continue, “I did what_ he _wanted, so he w-w-wouldn’t, and....  God!  I just couldn’t face losing the baby or w-winding up permanently damaged like that!”_
> 
> _The last sentence spoken so quickly and so desperately, and so obviously directed at her mate; an attempt at both an excuse and a veiled apology at the same time.  The guilt and self-disgust she felt clear as she closed her eye and hung her head away from him in shame.  The icepack sliding off her forehead to plop down over top his arm.  Tears cascading down her face as she breathed raggedly, struggling to contain the sobs threatening to rip free from her chest._

"What did you do?"  Max wondered quietly, her lower lip trembling, just knowing from 452's reaction that it had to be something unspeakably bad.  Something that Alec might even consider unforgivable.  The scents roiling off of him conveying a fiery jumble of rage and grief and hurt, making her ache.

> _He recoiled as he figured out what she was referring to, but managed to collect himself, although it took him a minute to do so.  Visibly tamping down his own violent emotions, he leaned in to press an extremely gentle kiss to her averted cheek, then murmured tenderly, "Oh God sweetie, please don’t do this to yourself.  You only did what you had to.  What was absolutely necessary to bring you both home safely.  Nothing more.  And I will_ never _fault you for that.  So don’t beat yourself up over what he made you do."_
> 
> _"But how c-c-can you even s-stand to look at me?  I c-chose to do_ that _instead..." she wailed through her tears. "You h-h-had to have seen, h-he said he was s-sending it..."_
> 
> _Carefully turning her face back toward his, he choked back his own tears and answered, "Yes.  I did see, but it_ doesn't _matter.  And it certainly doesn't change how I feel about you either.  You wanna know what I_ do _see when I look at you?"_
> 
> _She shook her head apprehensively, still unable to look at him._
> 
> _He sighed, and his voice rang with conviction when he spoke, "I see an amazingly courageous woman, one who had the sheer strength and determination to make one of the most difficult decisions imaginable.  One who put the safety and welfare of our unborn child above that of even her own emotional well-being.  And I love you even more because of it.  You are_ so _brave and_ so _beautiful to me sweetheart, and you_ will _get through this.  We both will.  Together.  Okay?"_
> 
> _Opening her bloodshot eyes slowly and blinking experimentally as her right cracked open gingerly through the remaining swelling, she looked up at him.  Seeing the love and understanding shining down on her from his own shimmering green orbs, she released Cindy's hand and leaned into him, burying her face in his shoulder and wrapping her arm tightly around his neck, gladly taking the comfort he was so freely offering._
> 
> _"That's it sweetie," he murmured softly, pressing a light kiss into her hair and carefully resting his cheek against her as he let his own tears fall.  "Lean on me as much as you need to.  I love you and I'm here for you; however you need me to be.  Just don't shut me out.  That's all I ask."_

She could feel hot tears trickling from his face into her hair, and hear them plainly in his husky voice, and they shocked her to her core.  She'd only ever seen him cry once before, and that had been over Rachel as she lay dying.  And while she’d eventually grown to accept that Alec loved her too, somewhere in the back of her mind, there’d always been a shadow of doubt as to exactly how much.  She hadn't been able to stop herself from wondering occasionally if he had perhaps loved Rachel, with all her sweetness, more.  Particularly whenever they'd been arguing.

But now?  Seeing and hearing him so broken up?  It couldn’t be clearer how much he loves her too.  And she wrapped that knowledge around her like a blanket, taking what comfort she could.

> _She sniffled and slowly pulled back from him a bit, swiping a shaky hand across her face in an attempt to get rid of the lingering tears and tear tracks.  Nodding gratefully at him with a soft watery smile as she attempted to gather herself, she finally turned her attention back to Retha, "So... how bad is it?"_
> 
> _Retha looked up and hastened to reassure them both, keeping her voice as even and soothing as she could as she proclaimed, “Thankfully, your cervix doesn’t appear to have taken any significant damage, which is great news.  The device must have been inserted slightly off center based on where this tear is.  And while you do have a lot of friction burns, puncture wounds, and minor tears to go along with the big one, those should all heal up pretty much on their own given maybe 6 weeks or so of recuperative time."_
> 
> _"Aside from that though and some admittedly heavy bruising, everything else looks like it should hopefully be alright internally.  I don't think there'll be much, if any permanent damage to speak of, although you may find you have some issues with sensitivity later on depending on how much scar tissue there ends up being.  And we will have to monitor you closely when you get nearer to term, might have to consider a C-section to avoid any potential re-tearing during birth.  But all in all, it's good news so far.”_
> 
> _Pausing for a moment to consider where she was at, she advised, "I've only got three more tears that need stitching internally and then we can move on to the rest of the exam.  And I'll know more then."_
> 
> _Sighing with relief and catching a matching expression on her mate's face out of the corner of her eye, 452 nodded slowly and returned her gaze to the ceiling, wincing and grimacing from time to time as she tried to ignore the poking and pinching sensations as the needle and thread continued to work their way through her most sensitive flesh._
> 
> _Several minutes later, Retha smiled up at her as she finally finished the last stitch and gently eased the speculum from her body, then applied some lubricant to her index and middle fingers in preparation for the rest of the exam.  "Alright, the worst part's over with.  I just need to finish manually examining your internal organs."  Putting her left hand on 452's lower abdomen, she caught her eyes and gestured with her right to indicate what she was about to do, waiting for her telltale nod before continuing.  "Let me know immediately if any of this hurts."_

Max watched intently, feeling all the gentle probing and prodding.  She was expecting a world of hurt to accompany it, but surprisingly it wasn't much worse than what she'd already been experiencing.  Which was apparently good news.

> _"That's good.  Really good."  Retha nodded happily, a small optimistic smile actually gracing her features as she met 452's gaze.  "Looks like your uterus, ovaries and tubes are in good order as well.  So you can relax."_
> 
> _Gently pulling her hands back and out, she discarded the contaminated gloves and grabbed another fresh set.  "Now that that's over with, I'm gonna start taking care of the rest of your wounds down here, okay?"_
> 
> _452 nodded, starting to breathe evenly again in an attempt to mentally prepare herself, feeling sweat beading on her forehead and upper lip as the heat radiating out from the lamp began to envelope her, seeming stifling all of a sudden.  Frowning, she watched warily as Retha adjusted the direction of the light before bending down to work once more, the light flashing directly over her shoulders and into her eyes._

Suddenly everything faded out around her, her surroundings shadowy and hazy outside of that light, sounds heavily distorted as they filtered through to her as if she were underwater. 

"What the hell?"  Max started blinking and shaking her head, rubbing at her ears in an attempt to get them working properly again, but nothing helped.  Almost as quickly as it began though, it was over and she was back.

> _Gasping quietly as she returned to alertness, she blinked hard several times as she looked away from the light, gradually focusing back in on her mate as he looked at her worriedly, seemingly waiting for a response._
> 
> _She swallowed hard around the lump in her throat, and muttered, "Sorry.  What?"_
> 
> _"I asked if you were alright."  His eyes tracked gently over her strained features.  "You drifted off for a minute there and from the look on your face it wasn't anywhere pleasant."_
> 
> _"No.  Not really.  But then none of this is…" she admitted hoarsely.  "I just need a distraction.  That's all."_
> 
> _Alec nodded slowly, not looking particularly convinced, but he let it go for now.  "Well, in that case, while I know it'll be hard," he paused and then asked quietly, "do you think you could maybe tell me a bit more about when you were taken?  Josh already told me everything he knew up until he left our place."_
> 
> _"Yeah.  I guess."  Taking a few deep breaths as she tried to regain control over herself, she nodded and unconsciously reverted into soldier debriefing mode.  A rather blank look taking over her face as she slowly started reporting, "Max saw him out and locked the door behind him, but she was so tired, and excited too thinking about the baby, that she wasn't really paying much attention to her surroundings.  And since Josh had just finished checking all the doors and windows, and she wasn’t planning on leaving the apartment, she wasn’t worried about it.  But something just didn't feel right to me.  Something was off.  So I took over."_
> 
> _A puzzled frown crept over her battered face as she tried to remember exactly what it was that had alarmed her, and she shook her head in frustration.  "I don't even know what it was that was bothering me.  Something instinctive maybe.  But when I looked around, I couldn't really see anything out of place.  There were no strange noises or smells or anything.  So I headed back over to the couch to lie down and rest for a bit, since I was still feeling slightly dizzy.  And I was about to close my eyes, when I caught just the slightest hint of movement above me.  Up in the ductwork."_
> 
> _She bit her bottom lip and took a shaky breath in through her nose, "I tried to move, to roll off and get away, but I wasn't quick enough.  I'd already been hit with a tranq dart.  Something really fast acting too because I started to drop off almost instantly.  The last thing I remember was hearing him_ laugh _.  So smug and condescending, so god-damned superior!"  She shuddered at some of the images that sound brought to mind._
> 
> _Struggling to stay in the present, she breathed raggedly, her eyes darting madly about the room, searching for something, anything, to focus on, rather than the laughter resounding in her head.  Catching a hint of movement up in the far corner by the window, she zoomed in and watched as a spider crept out across its web toward one of its saved meals and sank its fangs into it, feasting voraciously._

It happened again, and Max shook her head, puzzled, as all she could see was the damned spider.  "Alright, this is just stupid.  What the _hell_ is going on!"

But it wasn't quite the same: a sense of panic and dread sweeping through her, a shudder of revulsion wracking her body as she seemed to be reacting to something only 452 could see and hear.

> _Blinking rapidly as she tried to calm her breathing, 452 forced herself to look away from the web.  Desperate to push aside the other, much more painful memories swarming in on her, she tried to focus on her report._
> 
> _"Next thing I knew, I was somewhere else.  Somewhere cold and dark.  Not dark enough that I couldn't see though.  And not nearly dark enough that I couldn't figure out exactly where I had to be once I had a look around."  She shuddered at the memory, but gamely continued on._
> 
> _"The room was huge, with no windows and just a small grate in the metal door for a peephole, with a fluorescent bulb flickering through it from outside.  Felt like it was probably some sort of underground bunker or something as it was made up almost entirely of concrete.  And the ceiling was easily 10 feet high with imbedded lighting and all sorts of hooks and chains suspended from it.  There was an old dirty toilet and rusted metal sink in the corner furthest from the door, and several floor drains spread throughout the room.  And the air, God, it was so damp and musty.  It positively reeked in there... of blood and sweat and fear... and sex." Her throat worked convulsively and she barely managed to swallow down the bile rising thickly in her gut._

Max deliberately tuned her voice out now, not in any mood to hear any of this again, having already experienced it for herself.  Her eyes instead focusing in on Alec, watching his face tighten and his eyes darken with pain and sadness as he listened to what she had to say.

She was more prepared for it when everything faded out this time, but was surprised by the surge of disgust and nausea accompanying it.  Fire burning in her chest, her lungs constricting until it felt like she couldn't breathe, her stomach twisting and churning uncontrollably as a nasty taste filled her mouth.

> _“Shit.”  She muttered thickly, as her stomach finally revolted completely, “I’m gonna be sick.”_
> 
> _Reacting quickly, Alec reached for the garbage can and barely brought it up in time as she twisted her body to the side and lost the rather meager fare she’d forced down earlier.  When she was finished and collapsed weakly back on the bed with a moan, he put it back down and carefully wiped her face clean with the cuff of his sleeve.  “Better?”_
> 
> _"I s'pose."  She shrugged, then cursed under her breath at the pain that enveloped her again with the renewed movement of her back, a wave of dizziness sweeping over her as white dots filled her vision.  Raising a hand to her face, she covered her forehead and eyes, then whispered hoarsely to herself in a small pep talk, "Don't think about the pain.  Just concentrate on the baby and be grateful it’s alright, cause you really didn't wanna have to do it."_
> 
> _"Do what?"  Alec asked, something in her tone putting him on high alert._
> 
> _"Huh?"  Jerking and peeking up at him warily as she realized she'd actually said it out loud, she covered her eyes again, looking extremely uncomfortable as she mumbled quickly, "It's nothing."_
> 
> _"No.  It's not nothing.  What didn't you want to do?"  He pressed, more urgently this time, as he sensed how important it was to know, reaching over to gently tug her hand down out of the way._
> 
> _Sighing heavily, knowing he was too stubborn to let this go, she muttered, "Self-terminate."_
> 
> _"What!  Where would you even get an idea like that?"  Alec's hand tightened around hers in desperation, scared to death at the very thought of losing her permanently._
> 
> _She almost shut down completely, his raised voice and slightly painful grip triggering a set of very distressing memories, the thought of denying him anything causing fear to course through her body.  Turning her head toward him somewhat meekly, she admitted, "From Max.  It was the last thing she told me - what she ordered me to do - before I sent her away."_
> 
> _Sensing all eyes on her now, even Retha's, she explained hesitantly, "She'd already seen what'd happened to the other women, how messed up they all were after.  All scared of their own shadows, and so unbelievably timid and submissive.  So she wasn't holding out much hope of keeping herself intact.  And with the rather dismal toll being taken on the mated pairs, she wasn't overly optimistic she was going to be able to hold on to you either."_
> 
> _"The only thing she could focus on, the only idea keeping her halfway sane, was the hope that maybe,_ just maybe _, if she was extremely careful and didn't fight him; she might be able to get through it with the baby intact.  It was the only thing she felt she might have any sort of control over.  Something that nobody could take away from her."_
> 
> _Heaving a soft sigh, she muttered lowly, "But I knew she'd never be able to do it.  She's got too much pride, too much spirit.  She'd never be able to restrain herself like that.  Not through five days of pure and utter hell."_
> 
> _She shook her head, her eyes haunted as a tear slipped down her cheek, and she confessed just as quietly, "But I knew I could...  It'd be a hell of a struggle - would probably damn near kill me - but I could force myself to do it.  No matter how much the thought of giving in to him turned my stomach..."_
> 
> _She stopped and bit her lower lip, dragging in a harsh breath before continuing, “And she knew it too.  She told me flat out, that if we lost the baby, she didn't want to go on.  Didn't think she'd have any reason to even try.  So she gave me a clear, direct order and left me in charge.  And I found her a nice happy memory in my head and shoved her in it, then slammed the door behind her.  It was the only thing I could think of, to maybe keep her safe..."_
> 
> _Silence reigned for several minutes, as they all tried to digest what she'd revealed.  Retha finally shaking herself from her stupor and resuming where she'd left off, cleaning the cuts and bite marks on her inner thighs._

FEAR.  That was all she could register.  That and pure unadulterated panic.  Feeling like she was strapped down, just like the technicians had done to them back at Manticore, unable to move or do anything to save herself.  The sheer helplessness paralyzing. 

Her heart racing as PAIN set her crotch on FIRE.  A hysterical scream rising up in her throat although she had no idea what was happening or why.   Her lips muttering a litany of desperate pleas, not that she could say where they were coming from either.  Tears pouring heedlessly down her face, making it damn near impossible to see.

> _Not even realizing that she’d been flinching and whimpering a panicked refrain of “no” and “please” and “stop” for the last few minutes as she gazed vacantly off into space, 452 suddenly shrunk back into the bed.  Her eyes wet with tears that wouldn't stop coming as she swiped frantically at her cheeks and batted wildly at anything that came near her._
> 
> _"Crap!" Retha swore.  "Everyone back off.  She's gotta be having a flashback.  Just give her a minute.  Let her come out of it on her own, or you might set her off even worse."_
> 
> _Forcibly sitting on his hands to restrain himself from reaching out to her, Alec clenched his teeth as he stared down at her, silently pleading with her to just wake up already, as her thrashing aggravated the wounds on her back, the scent of her blood cloying in his nostrils._
> 
> _As if on cue, she gasped loudly for air, her face white as a sheet as she unexpectedly stuttered out, “B-b-blue.”_
> 
> _“What baby?” Alec asked, frowning uncertainly, completely lost as to what she might be talking about._
> 
> _Taking a deep shuddering breath, she whimpered in terror, “_ He _… he has blue eyes.”_
> 
> _Alec's eyes darkened at the first real clue they’d had to the bastard’s identity, and he asked tightly, “You’re sure?”_
> 
> _She nodded shakily, “P-p-positive.  I just s-saw... just remembered.  At one p-point... turned his head... and caught the light just right...”_
> 
> _"You're having flashbacks, aren't you?"  Retha asked sympathetically.  "Pretty vivid ones I'm guessing?"_
> 
> _452 nodded gingerly, sobbing, "I... it's l-l-like..._ he's _r-r-right h-here... and it's h-h-happening all o-over again... and I... I... I c-c-can't..."  Unable to continue, she closed her eyes and turned her head away, shuddering violently as she tried to catch her breath, tears falling unchecked down her cheeks._
> 
> _OC leaned in close, stroking her hair back from her face in an effort to comfort her and murmuring soothingly, “That asshole’s not here boo.  It’s all in your head.  It's over now and you’re safe.  Alec and I are right here and no one’s ever gonna hurt you like that again.  Not on Original Cindy's watch.”_

Max swiped the tears away from her own eyes, feeling so raw it was nearly intolerable.  She was unspeakably glad though to have both Alec and OC hovering so protectively around her.  Their presence a soothing balm to her beleaguered soul.  But then the final clue clicked in. 

_Blue eyes._

There were only two men on her short list of suspects who had that color, and unsurprisingly, they both topped it.  "It's gotta be them."  She whispered to herself, not that she'd needed much more convincing; all the pieces of the puzzle fitting together seamlessly.

"Now all I need is to get back inside my own body, so I can actually do something about it."  She muttered determinedly.


	12. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: The negative self-image/self-blaming behaviors that Max/452 are exhibiting are a direct result of the abuse they have suffered. My narrative is not meant as an opinion on their true character, or of rape victims in general, only as a window on how they tend to view themselves after such a life-altering experience.
> 
> Mood Music:  
> Numb - Alanis Morissette  
> Running Up That Hill - Placebo

## Chapter 11

### Present - 2025Jan11 - Saturday - Approximately 02:45 am

Max leaned against the wall beside Alec, using the current lull in conversation to try to get her thoughts and emotions in order.  He and OC were both murmuring soothingly to a shaken and distraught 452, trying to reassure her and calm her down; while Retha finished up with her legs and moved on to cleaning and examining the other wounds to her crotch and nether regions, repairing what damage she could.

Of course, there were the occasional distractions.  Mainly from Retha apologizing, whenever 452 winced or flinched away from her in pain or distress as a particularly raw area was attended to.  The pain making her twitch and hiss as well.  But none of it was piercing enough to permanently draw her attention away from all the discoveries she'd made recently.

There were a few good things that had eased her mind considerably.  The fact that both she and the baby were still alive, and relatively all right considering the abysmal circumstances, was more than she had dared hope for.  And knowing that Alec loved her and was determined to stay with her was like a cherry on top, giving her a sense of semi-security and hope. 

"Or at least it will, _if_ I can ever find my way out of this stupid shadow world," she muttered with a grimace.

But there was plenty of bad stuff as well.  She couldn't stop thinking about the comments that had been made about the pear, and wondering what 452 had been forced to do to prevent being irreparably damaged.  "I have a feeling that whatever it was, it's gonna come back to bite me eventually."  The hurt that had been pouring off of Alec before he'd covered it up, making it obvious that it was a sore point for him, despite what he’d said to the contrary. 

The nasty flashbacks she and 452 were both experiencing certainly weren’t pleasant either.  She'd already suffered through far too many of them over the past several days; the fragments of images and sensations so vivid and terrifying that they eliminated all sense of reason, riding roughshod over everything else.  So while this ordeal might seem like it was over in some respects, it really wasn’t.  And likely wouldn’t be for quite some time. 

She sighed and wrapped her arms around herself, "I wonder if that'll _ever_ be the case."

Then there were the absolutely ugly and shameful things, the ones that made her want to curl up in a ball and disappear.  For no matter how desperately she'd like to believe otherwise, there was no longer any doubt in her mind that she had in fact been taken and... and...

She paused to think for a moment before settling on the word 'attacked'.  It was a good word, one that she could actually stand to say out loud with regard to herself.  So much cleaner and safer than the other foul one that was polluting her mind, despite how insistently she tried to bury all thoughts of it.

Worse still was the knowledge that Alec had actually _seen_ at least some of what had happened to her.  The grim look he'd worn earlier making that perfectly clear.  She was already having a hard enough time coming to grips with what had happened on her own terms, feeling way too vulnerable and exposed, so humiliated and disgusted by the things that had been done to her. And by the way 452 had submitted to their abuse; not that she'd had much choice.  But how was she supposed to handle _his_ thoughts and feelings on top of that?  Having him see her in that sort of regard was doubly mortifying, making her wonder how he could _ever_ want to be with her again.

She was still struggling as well to wrap her head around the other thought that had been plaguing her.  The realization that two men, whom almost everyone in their community liked and trusted, were responsible for the kidnapping, rape and torture of their women.  Women that they had served with and in Kaley's case even been in their unit.  It was too horrific to comprehend. 

"How could _anyone_ do that - let alone _two_ \- and think that it was alright?  That it was justified?" she whispered.  "And for a reason as petty as revenge against me?"

She shook her head.  "It's just wrong.  So sickeningly and gruesomely wrong.  Even without adding in the murders of Sam and Logan on top of that."

She knew she had only herself to blame though, no matter how much she might wish otherwise. 

_She_ had been the one who'd let them both stick around TC after all, despite the fact that they'd been so persistent in trying to wrest command from her and Alec. 

_She_ had allowed Bran to join her command team afterward too, even though she'd known better.  Her instincts had been screaming at her the whole time that she shouldn't trust either one of them. 

Closing her eyes, she tilted her head back against the wall.  "So why _did_ I allow them to stay in TC?  How could I have been so stupid?" she asked herself.

She shied away from the matter of her mate's endorsement of Bran, unable to face that yet, choosing instead to focus on the deviousness of their ploy.  Bran's in particular.  For he had to be the mastermind behind all this; he was so cunning and charming, and extremely patient too.  So many people had sung his praises to her over the past few years. 

"But how did he manage to hide his true nature and intent so well?" she wondered aloud.  "And from so many people?  So that _nobody_ ever suspected him of any real wrongdoing?  He didn't even make our original list of suspects back when Jess was taken." 

Trev was another matter, as he'd always been a bit dodgy and unpredictable.  But at least he'd been more open about it.  He'd never hid his dislike of Logan, or of Alec either, for that matter.  And he had fixated on her for quite a while too, especially after that stupid heat debacle.  She shuddered just thinking about it; the memory of his hands on her making her stomach turn.  He'd caused a hell of a lot of trouble between her and Alec back then, deliberately baiting both of them by finding any excuse to approach her, and by shadowing her all the time.  But he'd backed off and given up once they'd mated.  Or so they'd thought. 

But she knew now that it had to have been Trev that had beaten her and bitten her neck; his hot and violent temper so obvious once she knew what she was looking for.  Just as Bran had to have been responsible for the relentless and methodical torture; his cool-headed and decidedly meticulous style shining through just as clearly.

She was distracted from her musings when Retha looked up at 452 and carefully cleared her throat to gain her attention; wincing and biting at her lower lip as she heard what Retha had to say.

 

> _Looking decidedly sober, she stated, “The minor burns, puncture wounds and other tears down here should heal up just fine given our advanced healing factors and a bit of time.  Unfortunately, I can't say the same for the deeper burns and the large bite taken out of your labia.  There's just too much damaged or missing tissue for me to be able to give you a good prognosis at this point.  Especially with the extra drain the pregnancy is placing on your system.  Although there's always a chance you could get lucky and make a full recovery."  Her expression and tone didn't project much in the way of optimism though._
> 
> _She sighed and shook her head, "I really wish we had access to the nanotech infusions that Manticore used to treat this level of extensive damage, that way we could quickly set all this to rights.  But with the tools we have available, I’m afraid there’s not much I can do to repair it, short of reconstructive surgery.  And even that might not work as well as we'd hope."  Taking a deep breath, she warned, "You should start preparing yourself for the possibility of significant scarring in some areas."_
> 
> _452 gulped hard, her eyes closing briefly as she braced herself and then nodded stoically._
> 
> _Retha grabbed her bag and moved up to 452's right side, motioning Cindy back so she could take her place. "I know it must feel pretty unbearable right now with all the exposed nerve endings, especially with how many there are down there.  And frankly, I’m not too sure how well they'll heal over.  You may end up being quite numb, or you could find it way too sensitive.  In which case, we may have to explore surgical options down the road.  Needless to say though, you’re going to want to watch how you sit for a while.  The added pressure will likely be excruciating while everything heals over.”_
> 
> _452 nodded again, saying quietly, "I figured."_
> 
> _Placing a hand lightly over the least damaged section of her arm, Retha continued, "I'm gonna start working on your chest now, okay?"_
> 
> _"'Kay."  She sniffled as she felt tears welling up again, the flashback of being bitten still too vivid and making her shrink back into the bed.  Gingerly easing her right arm up out of the way, she covered her face with it protectively, wanting nothing more than to simply disappear, especially when Retha adjusted the blanket to expose her right breast for treatment._
> 
> _"What is it sweetheart?"  Alec asked gently as she seemed to wilt before them._
> 
> _“I don't think I can do this."  She shook her head despairingly, trying to block out the intrusive sensation of gloved fingers probing at the burns, cuts and bites around her bruised and distended nipple.  "It was hard enough to deal with when it was actually happening, but to have it keep replaying in my head!?"  Her tone, which had been quiet, started creeping up into hysteria._
> 
> _“Stupid me, I actually thought I could handle it.  I mean, no big deal right?  Not after Manticore.  After all the crap and torture they put us through, how much worse could this be?!  But...  It's just...  I feel so-" her voice broke on an anguished wail as she dropped her arm all the way back over her head to look at them._
> 
> _"I... I can't even begin to describe it.  There’s no word for this!"  She barely even paused for breath, the fingers of her left hand gripping convulsively at the blanket along her waistline.  "It’s like someone tore a huge gaping hole in my chest and everything I am is hanging out, exposed for everyone to see, for them to poke and prod at will.  I feel like I can’t breathe and everything hurts!  So bad!”_
> 
> _"God, I just need for it all to stop!  I passed the point of what I could bear days ago.  It’s too much."  She shook her head wildly as her eyes focused in on her mate._
> 
> _“And it’s so personal!  At least with Manticore, you got the impression they could have been doing those things to anybody.  Didn't really matter who you were.  But this?!  He_ **hates** _us.  This was almost as much about cutting you down as humiliating and destroying Max."_
> 
> _"He kept going on and on about you and how it was going to kill you to know what was happening and have to watch.  And all the nasty things he said, and the things he called me and did to me...  He was_ so angry _!  For things that happened when we were just kids, for things I couldn't even really control!  And for leading us now.”_
> 
> _“But why do that to the other women? I don’t understand.  What did Max and I do to make him hate us so much that he'd hurt them too?”  She looked over at Alec beseechingly, her bloodshot eyes huge in her wan face._
> 
> _"Neither of you did anything baby."  Finally able to get a word in edgewise, Alec spoke firmly as he followed her lead and addressed them both, holding eye contact the entire time, all too aware of his mate's propensity for blaming herself.  "This guy is one sick and freakishly sadistic bastard._ He's _the one with the problem, not you or Max.  None of this is your fault."_
> 
> _She shook her head, unable to believe him; her eyes red and puffy as she choked out, "You weren't there.  You didn't hear him.  He blames us for_ everything _!  For psy ops, for all the punishments, for Renfro.  He even killed Logan and Sam.  Just to make a point!  To warn Max to back down!  And he wouldn't have attacked the others if not for us!  So how can you say it's not our fault?!"_
> 
> _"I don’t care what he said!  Just because he blames you, doesn't make it true!_ He’s _the one who chose to pull this crap._ You _are_ not _responsible for_ his _psychotic behavior!"  In his determination to make his point, he gestured wildly with one arm, speaking a lot louder and more forcefully than he'd intended, and she flinched away from him in fear.  Her eyes slamming shut as a low whimper escaped her; her head turning away as she instinctively braced herself for a heavy blow, her injured arm rising clumsily in an attempt to shield her abdomen._

Max recoiled, curling in on herself reflexively as her breath froze in her lungs.  The sound of Alec's voice raised in anger reverberating in her ears and making her shudder; the vision of _his_ enraged attack never far from her mind anymore, swelling in intensity and threatening to drive her over the edge.

"No.  This isn't real."  With effort, she managed to rein back the terror.  " _Trev_ is the one that hurt me; _not Alec_."  She muttered doggedly to herself, shaking her head fiercely in an effort to exorcize the faulty memory, forcing her senses to focus in on Alec and her current surroundings.

 

> _"Shit."  He swore softly, horrified as he saw the reaction he'd inadvertently provoked; the memory of that particular video haunting him still.  "I'm sorry Ma- 452.  I didn't mean to raise my voice.  You're safe.  I'm not gonna hurt you.  Ever.  I swear it, baby.  Open your eyes and look at me."_
> 
> _She followed his demand immediately, too scared not to obey.  Her eyes popping open as her breath rasped feverishly in her chest, her pupils blown, her whole body quivering in response to the perceived threat.  Her lips moving frantically over and over again to utter the words 'sorry' and 'please don't hurt me' in a small hoarse whisper._
> 
> _"Jesus."  He leaned back into his chair, his hands retreating behind him as he tried desperately to get through to her, his voice husky with barely restrained tears, "That wasn't me sweetie.  I wasn't there.  I didn't hurt you.  I love you and I would never_ **ever** _do anything like that to you.  Please baby, you gotta see.  Snap out of it and come back to me._ Please. _"_
> 
> _OC and Retha stared wide-eyed at the tableau playing out in front of them, the bandage she'd been about to apply hanging limply from Retha's fingers.  Both stricken dumb by the stark terror and blind panic radiating from 452; Alec rapidly approaching a similar state of distress when she continued to cringe away from him._
> 
> _When no strike was forthcoming however after a few long tense minutes, reason slowly began to seep back into 452's eyes.  A hiccupping gasp filling her lungs as she shrank even further into the bed, her head ducking down as she murmured tremulously, "I'm sorry.  Please don’t be angry with me.  I didn't mean to make you mad."_
> 
> _"Shh baby.  Calm down.  I'm the one who's sorry."  He crooned softly, immensely grateful that she was coming around.  "You didn't do anything wrong.  And I'm certainly not angry with you.  I love you and I will_ never _hit you or hurt you.  I promise, okay?"_
> 
> _Staring up at him warily for a minute or two as she caught her breath, she finally bit her lip and gave him a small nod, if a trifle hesitantly.  Her eyes darting over to Retha as she sensed movement on her right, seeing her hold up a bandage and gesture cautiously toward her chest._

Max released the breath she'd been holding as she watched Alec echo her relieved sigh, almost melting into his chair as he scrubbed shaky hands over his face and then ran them back through his hair, in an obvious attempt to collect himself.  But then she inhaled sharply as the bottom dropped out of her world; realizing belatedly, from the devastatingly haunted look in his eyes and what he'd said, that he knew _exactly_ what had caused 452 to freak out.

Because Trev would have made sure of it.

She knew it with every fiber of her being in that moment.  For there was no way Trev could've resisted the urge to flaunt his conquest in Alec's face.  Not with his ego.  He'd have sent that particular clip deliberately - gloatingly - wanting Alec to witness his triumph as she'd groveled and begged before him, utterly at his mercy.

She clenched her hands over her abdomen as her innards churned wildly, threatening to spill over at any second.  Her humiliation complete.  "Shit!  You couldn't leave me with even the tiniest shred of dignity, could you, you bastards!" 

Casting a baleful glance up at the ceiling, she cried, "Course, I should know better than to expect any sort of help or mercy by now, right?"  She laughed bitterly, feeling the anger build and hope die inside her.  "Cause it's not like any of my other requests have been answered.  By _any_ of the supposed deities out there.  I guess I'm just not worthy enough.  No matter how hard I've tried to be!"  She slammed her fists against the wall on either side of her and sucked a few ragged breaths in and out of her lungs, trying to calm herself down.

> _452 shook her head despondently as she allowed Retha to resume her work, "This is all so screwed up.  I need Max back.  I can't do this without her."  Looking over at Alec again, she murmured pleadingly, as if begging for his forgiveness, "I swear I only meant to protect her, to hide her for a little while, so she wouldn't have to go through any of this."_
> 
> _"And the stupid thing is, I actually thought I did good at first, that I was actually going to be able to keep her safe..."  Covering her mouth and nose with the back of her hand, she bit back a sob, "but I heard her screaming in my head later.  Not all the time, but enough.  And when I went searching for her, when I came to in that dumpster?  She wasn't where I'd left her.  I can't find her anywhere."_

"Well it's not as if I'm trying to hide," Max grumbled disgruntledly, even as something about that pinged in her brain.  "I'd give anything to trade places and get out of here.  All you gotta do is open the damned door, or give me some kind of idea as to how to do it myself!"

> _Looking a bit panic-stricken again, 452 muttered, "I feel so alone, and I hate it.  I don’t know how to deal with any of this by myself.  I've never had to before.  Max has always been here to pick up the pieces.  So what am I supposed to do now?  I can't do this on my own.  It's too much!"_
> 
> _"But you're not alone.  Remember?"  Cupping her face carefully with just the tips of his fingers and gently tilting it toward him to catch her gaze, Alec declared fervently, "I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere.  I swear it on my life sweetheart._ I love you _and nothing is ever gonna drag me away from your side again."_
> 
> _"Me too suga'.  So don't sweat this.  You don't have to try an' soldier through any o' this by yo' lonesome."  OC reached out and lightly stroked her knee.  "Don't care what you be callin' yo'self right now, you still my boo, an' I got your back."_
> 
> _452 took a few shaky breaths, then nodded slowly, trying to let their conviction carry her along.  "Thanks."_

 

Max squirmed as she watched the tender display.  While it was nice to know she was needed and wanted back, the more she saw the absolute love and devotion that Alec was bestowing upon her doppelganger, the more disconcerting it was becoming, which made no sense to her at all.  A slowly growing fire smoldering in her gut, making her more and more uncomfortable.  And it took her a few minutes to grasp why exactly.

But the simple fact was, she was jealous. 

Of herself.  

Because Alec was knowingly comforting _her_.  He was fully aware that he was touching and talking to 452, that that’s who was currently inhabiting her body and yet he was still being just as loving, if not more so.  He was giving 452 all the care that was rightfully hers.

She shook her head at herself, more than a little disturbed and ashamed by her thoughts.  "She deserves just as much comfort as I do, if not more, considering she’s the one who’s been through all this."  Trying to talk herself down, she spoke a bit more determinedly.  "I mean, it’s not as if he’s cheating on me, after all.  It _is_ my body, and in reality I suppose 452 is just as much his mate as I am, as she is a part of me.  But… still…"  She shook her head, unable to explain her mixed up emotions adequately, even to herself.

Pushing that aside for the time being, she watched distractedly as Retha recovered her right breast and switched to her left.  Something kept nagging at her though, and finally it came to her.

> _"I heard her screaming in my head later.  Not all the time, but enough."_

"452 heard me."  She whispered, her mind racing.  "Maybe I can communicate with her, or find a way to join up with her again.  Or maybe even let them know who did this."

Concentrating hard, she focused her thoughts on the number two and the names of her assailants, repeating them over and over both mentally and orally.  Her voice getting louder and louder in an attempt to be heard. 

 

> _452 lifted a hand to her forehead, rubbing gingerly at her temples as a pained frown tugged at her lips._
> 
> _Alec leaned forward, his tone low and concerned.  "Is this getting to be too much for you?  Do you need to take a short break?"_
> 
> _"What?"  She jerked and looked up at him, visibly startled and confused._
> 
> _"I asked if you needed a break?"  Alec eyed her carefully, sensing her focus wasn't exactly on her surroundings anymore._
> 
> _"No.  It's just..." 452 grimaced.  "Got a killer headache all of a sudden.  Feels like someone's pounding away inside my skull with a sledgehammer."_
> 
> _Worried, Retha grabbed a penlight and examined her eyes. Checking their reactions and ruling out any glaring signs of a serious head injury, she still questioned, "How's your vision?  Any blurriness or trouble focusing?  Dizziness or nausea?"_
> 
> _"No.  Not really.  A little nausea I guess."  Exhausted, and preoccupied by the pain, she sighed.  "It could just be the concussion.  Or maybe it's something to do with Max?  My head did sort of hurt like this before... when I locked her away."_
> 
> _"It did?"  Alec asked curiously, trying not to get his hopes up about the possibility of it being Max._

Aggravated when she didn't get anywhere near the desired result, despite the throbbing in her skull, Max muttered, "Come on!  There's got to be a way to get through to you."  Wracking her brain, she tried to come up with anything else that might provide a clue.  "What else have I seen?" she thought aloud, before a light bulb went on.  "The knife wound!"

Moving over to the bed, she sat down beside OC and placed her hand over her double's leg, trying to strengthen the bond between them as much as possible, then put all her energy into remembering that first day, when 452 stabbed Trev in the chest.

 

> _Gasping as the pain increased, 452 grabbed at her head.  Eyes clenching tightly shut as she panted for breath, she gritted softly to herself, "What is it?"_
> 
> _Completely ignoring her concerned audience, she focused on the sensations bubbling up into her awareness:_
> 
> _the slippery slide of fabric under her fingertips..._
> 
> _the coppery scent of her own blood..._
> 
> _the resistance and scrape of metal on bone..._
> 
> _the jarring impact of a heavy hand across her cheek..._
> 
> _the excruciating snap of her wrist..._
> 
> _Opening her eyes suddenly, she cried out, "Of course!  I can't believe I almost forgot."_
> 
> _"What did you almost forget?"  OC asked._
> 
> _"Did any of the men show up with an unexplained injury early in the week?"  452 demanded urgently, still rubbing distractedly at her head._

"Thank God."  Trembling with exhaustion, Max heaved a sigh of relief and allowed herself to relax.

> _Retha and Alec exchanged confused glances, before she answered, "Not that I'm aware of.  What kind of injury are we talking about here?"_
> 
> _"I... I stabbed him.  In the right shoulder, just below the clavicle."  452 slumped back into the pillow as the pain in her head started to die down._
> 
> _"What!?"_
> 
> _"How?"_
> 
> _Her face clouded over at their shocked questions, but she started to explain.  "The first time he came in... when I was still chained up to the ceiling.  He cut my clothes off with a knife and put it down on one of the tables.  Covered it up with my chemise when he threw it aside."_
> 
> _"I... I thought maybe he made a mistake leaving it so close to me, but it was deliberate.  I know that now.  He... he was b-baiting me, trying to get me to react.  He_ wanted _me to fight him.  He... he started..."  Her voice choked up as she shuddered, unable to talk about what had come next and she took a few deep breaths before glossing over it._
> 
> _"A-after a while... he pulled the lever to let me down, and I managed to get to the knife..."  She looked down at her left hand, running her index finger over the stitches she could just feel through the heavy bandage.  "Damn near cut my thumb off grabbing it through the silk, but I got it, just barely, before he got there too."_
> 
> _Her eyes closed again, seeing it all unfold in her head, her right arm jerking instinctively in memory.  "I elbowed him in the face, so I could secure a better grip...  then turned toward him and stabbed him...  felt the blade catch and drag along the underside of his clavicle.  Right here."  Her right hand crept up to point at the spot on her own chest.  "I pulled it out and tried to go for his throat again, but..."  She shook her head, a lone tear sliding down her cheek._
> 
> _"He grabbed for the knife and backhanded me, so hard he spun me all the way around.  That's how my wrist got broken.  He snapped it.  He was so pissed."  Her eyes huge now and haunted as she looked back up at Alec._
> 
> _"I couldn't hold on to it...  My hand went numb."  She explained desperately, as if she were somehow at fault for that.  "He caught the knife and threw it across the room.  But I knew I couldn't stop...  I had to keep trying... if I could just get to it again..."_
> 
> _"I turned and struck out at him, tried to punch his solar plexus and knee him...  He deflected me, but he had to let go of me to do it...  So I ran..."  Her right hand twitched again, reflexively reaching as if trying to grab onto something.  "I almost got it back too.  I was_ right there _.  The knife was_ so close _."  Her voice cracked as a few more tears escaped to join the first.  "Just two or three more inches... that's all I needed...I could've gotten it and killed him!  I could have gotten free!"_
> 
> _She sobbed and shook her head.  "But he grabbed me...  g-got hold of my broken wrist and yanked me back...  and it hurt so bad...  I k-kept trying to get away, tried to kick him even with the chains weighing me down...  but he s-slammed me face-first into one of the tables.  Broke my nose and stunned me...  I couldn't see or hear anything, my head was spinning so bad...."_
> 
> _"B-by the time I c-could, it was too late.  He'd already shackled me down and g-grabbed this nine-tailed whip thing.... and... and then...."   She shuddered violently and whimpered, unable to continue.  It looked like she wanted to roll over and curl up into a ball, although it was obviously too painful for her to do so.  Her shoulders hunching in, her head tucking in tight and low, her hands twitching in fits and starts, her right arm coming up to shield her face from view again as she lost it and started sobbing inconsolably._
> 
> _Alec reached out to her, wanting desperately to hold her and comfort her, but she flinched away from his hand._
> 
> _"No!  P-please.  Don't t-touch me.  Not right now.  I... I c-can't stand it!"  Her voice broke as hysteria took over; her whole body shaking with the force of her sobs.  "Just l-leave me b-be.  P-please."_
> 
> _"Okay sweetheart.  Whatever you say.  You're the one in charge here."  Alec forced himself to sit back, feeling even more useless than before._
> 
> _OC removed her hand as well and soothed, "It's gonna be alright Boo.  We're gonna find this sonofabitch and kill him.  It's only a matter of time with the clues you're givin' us."_
> 
> _Thinking about what she'd said, Alec tried to remember if he'd seen anyone favoring the right side of their chest over the past week.  There were only 17 guys that fit the blue-eyed and single category after all, so it shouldn't be too difficult to pin down the asshole._
> 
> _He sucked in a breath, suddenly realizing what had been nagging him about the one video.  There_ had _been a slight discoloration up near the man's neck that could have been a bandage.  He struggled to recall whether he'd seen it in any of the other clips, but the ones before that had been too brief and focused strictly on Max._
> 
> _Since the one in question had been shot late Wednesday afternoon, a good two days after the stabbing, the wound should have been fairly well-healed by then, depending on how deep it was.  But maybe not, he thought, considering how violently the prick had been swinging his fists.  It was possible he'd torn it back open.  In which case, it might still be visible now._
> 
> _Running back through the days in his mind, the only guy he could recall seeing even remotely touching his chest was Trev.  And that had been on Wednesday night, when he'd reluctantly accepted his help.  The adage - keep your friends close, and your enemies closer - had been drilled into him so often, it was hard to ignore.  So they'd both been bent over tables studying blueprints when Trev had_ _reached up to rub along the top of his sternum, rolling his shoulders a few times too as if they were sore._
> 
> _Frowning, he muttered almost to himself, "But it can't be Trev.  No matter his motives.   He's worked all of his shifts this week.  Was even with me when one of the videos was shot, so he's got an iron-clad alibi.  And when I had him followed before that, he barely went anywhere other than his apartment and work."_

Max sat up straight at his words, her hand still resting over 452’s leg.  "But it _is_ him, Alec.  Him _and_ Bran.  Think about it and put it together."  She pleaded, even though she knew he couldn't hear her.

 

> _But he was distracted as Retha spoke up, sounding very concerned.  "452, you need to calm down, okay?  Right now.  If you keep this up, you could start cramping again and put the baby at risk."_
> 
> _"I-- I-- c-can't!"  She wailed, starting to hyperventilate she was so upset._
> 
> _"Yes you can.  Come on, breathe with me.  We'll do it together, nice and slow."  Taking hold of her right hand, she leaned in close and stared into her eyes, making her focus.  "Deep breath in.  1... 2... 3... 4...  And out.  1... 2... 3... 4..."_
> 
> _Nodding reassuringly, she encouraged calmly, "That's right.  And again.  1... 2... 3... 4... You can do it.  Just breathe and listen to the sound of my voice."_
> 
> _Continuing to count her out, she smiled as 452 gradually eased into a more normal rhythm.  "Better?"  She finally asked._
> 
> _"Yeah.  I... This is just s-so hard."  She moaned piteously.  "I just... I need for this to be over.  Can it be over now?  Please?"  Her eyes shimmering as they pleaded desperately for a release from her torment._
> 
> _"Soon.  I promise.  We're almost done."  Brushing her tears away and squeezing her hand lightly, Retha murmured, "You're doing so well, and being so brave.  I've just got to finish up with your neck and face and back.  Then we'll let you rest for as long as you'd like.  Alright?"_
> 
> _Taking another deep breath, 452 nodded reluctantly as she released her hand, the lines around her mouth and eyes tightening.  Fixing a blank stare upon the ceiling, she struggled to focus on her breathing, her lips barely moving as she started reciting her barcode number silently, trying to ignore the hands touching her as she retreated further and further inside her head and began to shut down.  For no matter how well-intentioned or gentle everyone was being, everything felt far too invasive now; some invisible line having been crossed in terms of her limits._
> 
> _Alec cringed as he read her lips and realized what she was doing; the technique one they'd been taught as children to mentally escape torture.  Glancing over at Retha, he saw her lips purse as she grasped the same thing and sped up her treatment._
> 
> _Before long, Retha was ready to address her back, but that meant moving her.  "452," she murmured, "it's time to turn you over on to your stomach.  We're going to do it for you, as much as we can.  Are you ready?"_
> 
> _"Just do it," she gritted out hoarsely, "so I can get this over with."_
> 
> _"Alright.  Cindy, can you get her feet while I brace her ribs, and Alec, make sure you lift the pad with her when you roll her to me.  Slow and steady, and as gently as you possibly can.  We'll switch off at the mid-point."_
> 
> _"Right."  Alec looked down at OC.  "On three, okay?"_
> 
> _OC nodded grimly._

 

Max braced herself, as she watched everyone start to move.  A surge of pain overwhelming her as every inch of her body cried out in agony, everything around her disappearing in a crushing wave of darkness...


	13. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mood Music: I See Fire by Ed Sheeran and The Lightning Strike by Snow Patrol

## Chapter 12

### Present - 2025Jan11 - Saturday - Approximately 03:30 am

“Oh thank heaven.”  Retha murmured, sounding utterly relieved as 452 mercifully passed out.  “I don't think she could've handled much more, and cleaning and dressing her back with her conscious would've torn us all apart."  Bracing herself, she got down to work and painstakingly started peeling the non-stick pad away, trying not to pull any of the loose skin free with it or cause any further blood loss. 

Alec got up and began to pace furiously though, obviously thinking hard about something.  Unable to dismiss the potential lead - no matter how remote - without at least checking it out, he dug out his cell phone and dialed. 

OC watched him, curious as to what he was up to, but knowing it must be important to drag his attention away from Max.

"Hey Mark, sorry for calling so late."

_("No problem buddy, I'm up with Jake anyway.  Did you find Max?" he asked urgently.)_

"Yeah, I'm with her right now." 

_("That's a relief.  How is she?")_

"I-" he grimaced when his voice cracked, and cleared his throat before trying again.  "It's bad.  She's in really rough shape."

_("I'm so sorry man.  Is there anything Dana and I can do to help?  Anything at all?")_

"There is actually.  Something's come up, but there's no way on Earth I can leave her.  And since you're one of the few guys left that I trust, I was wondering if you could do me a favor.  Immediately if you can, because time is of the essence, but it needs to be kept quiet.  _No one_ can know what you're doing, or why.  Especially Bran."

_("Why not?")_

"Because it concerns Trev, and I don't trust Bran not to tip him off.  They're too close."

_("Yeah, you're probably right.  So what do you need me to do?")_

"I need you to find some way of baring Trev's chest without arousing suspicion - sparring maybe? - so you can check him for damage.  Preferably on camera or with witnesses.  But I need it done ASAP."

_("And what exactly will I be looking for?")_

"Any trace, no matter how small, of a recent stab wound, just below the right collarbone where it meets up with the edge of the ribcage."

_("A stab wound?")_

"Yeah."  Taking a deep breath as he made up his mind to trust him completely, he continued, "This goes no further than you and I for right now, but... Max managed to knife her attacker on Monday.  And was also able to tell me that this prick has blue eyes."

_("Thank fuck!"  Mark crowed quietly.  "I was beginning to think we'd never get a lead.  So you think it might be Trev?")_

Alec sighed, "I honestly don't know.  He's got some pretty solid alibis, but he's also got one of the best motives I can think of.  And with the way he's acted in the past toward Max and I, and some of his behavior this week?  I just need to know, one way or the other.  I'll never be able to rest otherwise."

_("Sure thing.  I'll go now and bring Jake with me.  Dana's completely wiped as he's been doing the night owl thing lately, so that gives me a good excuse to hang out at HQ with him for a while to let her sleep.  Nobody'll think anything of it.")_

"Let me know what you find out as soon as you can, okay?  If it isn't him, I'm gonna have to arrange to round up every last one of the blue-eyed guys tomorrow and check them for wounds.  'Cause there's no way this bastard's getting away with this."

_("And if it is Trev?  Do you want me to move on him tonight?")_

"No!  Just gather the evidence and don't say a word.  I'll deal with him personally."  His voice dropped into a deep growl at the thought.

_("I hear ya.  I'll call you back as soon as I have anything.")_

"Thanks man.  I appreciate it."  Disconnecting the call, Alec shoved the phone back in his pocket and came to a halt beside the bed.  Wincing as Retha meticulously repositioned a small flap of skin on his mate's back with a pair of tweezers, he bit his lower lip hard, his eyes burning as he tried to hold back fresh tears, his hands clenching into fists at his side.  The relief that she was here with him and still alive, warring with his rage at what had been done to her, and the fear that he might never get his Max back.  That she might remain buried somewhere beneath the persona of 452 forever.  The desire to maim and kill the monster responsible for it all boiling up under his skin.

Taking a deep breath in an effort to maintain control, he choked out huskily to Retha and OC, "Will you be okay with her if I take a minute?  I should probably try to clean up while I have a chance.  I must reek by now."

Retha smiled gently at him, sensing that he was about to implode and looking for some privacy to do so.  "That sounds like a really good idea.  She'll likely be out for a while; I'm guessing at least an hour or two if not more, so take whatever time you need Alec."

"OC’ll stay right here with her boo, until you get back.”  Cindy affirmed quietly, her eyes shining with compassion as she offered, “There's an extra razor in the medicine cabinet too, if you feel up to shaving." 

He nodded grimly, then leaned over to brush a wisp of his mate's hair out of the way and place a gentle lingering kiss on the side of her cheek.  "Please come get me if she wakes up early."  After they gave their murmured assent, he walked over to the closet and grabbed a spare set of clothes, heading straight for the bathroom.

Once behind closed doors though, he faltered, haunted by what lingered in the room.  Retha had obviously gathered up the clothing and hair clippings earlier as potential sources of evidence, as they were gone. 

But the blood... 

There were drops and smears of it everywhere.  On the sink.  The mirror.  The floor.  The tub.  Even the walls.  The smell of it, and his mate’s pain and fear, cloying, filling his nostrils and turning his stomach, bile rising up to choke him.

Unable to hold it down, he staggered to the toilet, barely making it in time as he lost the small amount of food and juice he’d had earlier, gagging and retching uncontrollably until his throat felt like it was bloody too.  He swiped the back of his hand across his mouth as he flushed, and thought about brushing his teeth, but one look at the bloodstained toothbrush sitting in the holder had him changing his mind.  Gulping hard, he quickly shed his clothes and gun and climbed into the shower, turning the water on full force and immersing his head and face in it, rinsing his mouth out that way instead. 

He finally let his mask drop completely as despair gripped him hard, seeing 452 cringe away from him over and over again, the stark  terror in her eyes ripping him apart.  Slamming the side of his fist against the wall several times, he cursed as a tile cracked and spidered under the abuse, not having meant to hit it that hard.  He stared blankly at the damage as tears began coursing down his cheeks; the image replaced in his mind’s eye by the snarled web of slashes mangling his mate's back.  Not even a single square inch left untouched; a brutal and excruciating reminder of his own whipping.  And his repeated failures to protect the women he loved.

“Fuck!”  Howling out his grief and fury, he bowed his head, bracing his hands against the tiles to help hold himself upright as his whole body shook with the force of his sobs.  The water pouring down over his head and back, washing away as best it could the anguish of the past five days. 

He had no idea how long he stood there, but he was shivering by the time he roused himself enough to get out of the now frigid spray.  After drying off and dressing, he used the damp towel to wipe down the surfaces in the room, wanting to remove all traces of his mate’s pain and suffering, unable to bear it.  When he was done, he tossed it in the trash, making a mental note to grab some replacements for Cindy as soon as it was feasible.

He barely even recognized himself when he finally caught a glimpse of his bleak reflection.  Scrubbing a hand over the roughness of his cheeks, now buried beneath a thick layer of stubble, he reluctantly pushed the mirror aside to grab the razor, resolving to finish the job and shave no matter how exhausted he suddenly felt.  There was some foam in there as well so he lathered up and ran the blade swiftly over his face, barely even noticing the nicks he gave himself, just wanting to get back to his mate.

When he returned to the bedroom, OC and Retha were talking quietly as she finished applying the last of the dressings.  They both looked up at him sympathetically as he tossed his dirty clothes in the corner and joined them on the bed, thankfully not saying a word though about either his reddened eyes or the racket they must have heard him making.

OC smiled gingerly at him, "Well, you look a bit more like yo'self, pretty boy, though you prob'ly don't feel it."

He shook his head in agreement and reached out to gently take Max’s nearest hand in one of his, needing the physical contact to reassure himself she was actually there.  His voice slightly hoarse as he declared, "Not even close."

“You _are_ doing an amazing job with her, you know Alec."  Retha smiled encouragingly at him as she reached into the side pocket of her bag, realizing this was probably the best chance she was going to get to talk to him frankly about the situation, at least for the foreseeable future.  "You've been telling her _exactly_ what she needs to hear.  Especially from you.” 

“I’ve been doing a ton of research on rape and psychology over the past month in the hopes it'll help me counsel our women through this, and I managed to track down a few books strictly for partners of survivors, detailing how they can cope with their own trauma while helping their loved one through theirs.  I already gave one of them to Kris last week, and I brought this one for you."  She pulled out a thick dog-eared paperback and offered it to him.  "It has some really good tips on both things to do and avoid, as well as a wealth of information on the issues and concerns that typically arise between couples, with suggestions on how to work through each of them."

"Thanks."  He took it hesitantly with his free hand and set it down on the empty chair beside him, regarding it with the caution one would give a bomb, not at all sure he was up to facing what it might represent quite yet. 

Having caught his troubled frown at the mention of his own trauma, she warned, "I realize you're far more concerned about Max and her well-being at this point.  It's only natural for you to be feeling hyper-protective and more focused on eliminating the threat to her.  But please, don't make the mistake of thinking that this rape happened only to her, because it didn't.  It happened to you too."

He looked up at her, taken aback by the suggestion, and opened his mouth to downplay his own suffering, but she didn't allow him to. "This act was a violation of everything you _both_ hold sacred Alec, namely your oath and bond to one another as a mated couple, and your sense of security and trust in each other.  Even of your own abilities as an alpha male and protector." 

"Most guys have a tough time handling it when their loved one is sexually assaulted.   And there’s a massive difference too between having a dry conceptual idea of what likely occurred, a second-hand factual awareness from having her tell you about it, and a tangible visceral experience from actually watching it happen for yourself.”  She arched an eyebrow at him significantly.  “By sending you those flash drives the way he did, this bastard was obviously trying to use them to attack you as well.  And unfortunately, those kinds of memories don’t just go away; they’ll haunt you when you least expect it.  So I don't want you to be surprised by the emotional backlash that’s gonna start hitting you as the shock wears off and reality sinks in.  You’re going to be wading through a minefield of guilt, resentment, insecurity, and grief.  Not to mention hurt and anger, which are some of the hardest things to take."

"There'll be so much anger you likely won't know what to do with it all, let alone how to contain it.  At the rapist for daring to attack her like this, at the sheer amount of pain and suffering you’re both going through, at yourself for not being able to protect her, and maybe even some at Max herself, as awful as that sounds.  Perhaps for leaving herself vulnerable to being taken, even if it was only for a few minutes.  Or for cooperating during some of it to avoid more grievous injuries."

"Or maybe even because she won't be responding to you the way she used to, despite the fact that you didn't do anything wrong."  She sighed, her expression filling with empathy.  "She'll likely be withdrawn and skittish of you for quite some time to come, holding you at arm's length while she struggles to regain some sense of command over her own body.  And while those are all instinctive reactions that she won't have any real control over, they’re still gonna hurt like hell and make you feel like crap."

Alec just stared at her, unable to voice the resonance he was already feeling from her words.

Maintaining steady eye contact, Retha insisted firmly, "So while you may want to brush off your own feelings as insignificant, it is _very_ important that you deal with them and take care of yourself too Alec, or you won't be in any condition to help her.  You'll wind up sniping at each other for stupid shit that neither one of you can help when you're hurting, and push yourselves straight to the breaking point.  So I _strongly_ recommend that you make time to talk to someone about this on a regular basis.  Not Max, because she'll be far too caught up in her own mess to be able to cope with any of yours, but Kris would be a good choice as you'll both be experiencing similar issues and can act as sounding boards for each other.  And I'll be available too, to sit in and help you guys."

"Me too," Cindy offered quickly.  "If you ever wanna talk or need some quiet space to breathe or maybe even just have a drink with someone who understands, just say the word an’ OC'll be here waitin’.  Best part is, the hugs are free, an’ there ain't no judging here neither.”

Retha smiled and nodded at the other woman's down-to-earth support then looked back at Alec.  "I want you to be prepared as well for the fact that you and Max will likely be dealing with this for months, if not _years_ to come, as daunting as I know that sounds." 

At the look of stunned disbelief creeping over his face, Retha sat back with a sigh and explained, "I don't know why, but for some reason people tend to view rape as a transient sex crime, as something for a woman to forget about or 'get over' fairly quickly, but it's not.  Not at all.  Mainly because it's not really about the sex itself.  It’s about power and intimidation.  It’s about the rapist using lust and violence and brutalization as terror tactics to dominate and control a woman.  Those are the things that are gonna haunt her: that and the memories of being violated and feeling so small and powerless against it all, no matter how strong or dominant she was beforehand.  Which is frequently why she's targeted in the first place."

She shook her head sadly.  “Even for a woman who experiences a relatively violence-free and brief incident, the effects can be far-reaching and last for years, if not her entire lifetime.  Particularly if she knew the man who raped her.  Some women find it extremely difficult to ever trust anyone again, let alone tolerate any kind of a sexual relationship, even with an existing lover that they did trust before." 

Trying to reassure him when she saw how drawn his face was getting, she stressed, "That being said, I would take the fact that 452 is letting you get close and touch her - especially when she's feeling so raw and overwhelmed - as a pretty good sign that she and Max still intrinsically trust you, which should make things easier in some respects.” 

"A lot depends though on the woman herself, the intensity of the assault, and the quality of treatment and support she receives afterward as to how well or how long it takes her to heal.  If she has a healthy initial self-image, a good system of coping mechanisms in place, and a strong support network to help her find her way through the aftermath, then there is the potential for a quicker and fuller recovery." 

Settling back more comfortably against the wall, she continued, “There’s actually a separate form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that deals specifically with people who’ve been sexually assaulted.  It’s called Rape Trauma Syndrome and has three phases that survivors go through.  As the person is physically, mentally and emotionally ready, they advance to the next step in the process.”

“The Acute phase occurs in the first few days and weeks following an assault.”  She frowned as she noticed the nearly empty saline drip hanging beside her head, and leaned over to pick up a fresh bag so she could replace it. 

“Initially, the person is quite numb, in a state of shock and disbelief.  But that quickly branches out into a multitude of other reactions, which usually includes an obsessive compulsion to bathe, and an almost constant sense of anxiety and fear and vulnerability.  They’re likely to be far more sensitive and irritable than normal, and shaky or easily startled.  They usually have trouble focusing as well, and will seem scattered or spacey or confused, and will have difficulties handling or remembering to even do basic tasks like eating and sleeping and grooming.  They may need a lot of gentle reminders and assistance just to get through each day at first."  

Standing up, she quickly prepped the new bag for hanging.  "They also tend to be completely overwhelmed by feelings of guilt, shame, degradation, and self-blame, which can discourage them from reaching out to anyone for help even when they desperately need it.”

As an afterthought, she added more sedative to the bag, in the hopes that it would help keep 452 out longer and allow her to actually rest. “Some people are very outwardly expressive and will exhibit the crying and shaking and tension that you would expect to see, while others are very controlled and may mask and internalize their feelings, even appearing calm and rational for the most part.  But no matter which way they’re reacting, it’s important to remember that they’re under a tremendous amount of stress and can’t really regulate it.” 

“The next phase is Outward Adjustment, and at this point the person is usually just trying to forget about the assault and return back to their ‘normal’ life as much as they can; although they’ll still be exhibiting a variety of symptoms such as insomnia, night terrors, flashbacks, panic attacks, and depression.” 

“Denial and repression of feelings are extremely common as they attempt to put the experience behind them.  Some will pretend that everything is fine, or that it never happened, or even ignore the sex or violence altogether and say that it was ‘just an assault’ or ‘just a bad sexual experience’, while others will search desperately for some kind of reason or explanation behind the attack."  Pulling the IV needle free from the old bag, she inserted it into the new one without skipping a beat, and then switched them out on the nail.  "The person usually puts a huge effort too into avoiding any and all potential triggers or reminders of the event, and may make drastic changes to their lifestyle, environment or appearance in order to accommodate their needs."

"So while this can be a very trying time for you as a partner, it is an essential part of the process, giving the person time to prepare themselves for actually dealing with the rape.  Some people are able to pass through this fairly quickly, while others stay in limbo for a long, long time – even years – simply because they don’t feel strong enough to face it or deal with it.  Or because they don't have anyone there that they trust enough to help support them.”

“The last phase is Long-Term Reorganization, and that’s where the actual healing takes place, because the person is no longer able to forget about or repress the assault.”  After tossing the used bag in the garbage, she sat back down on the bed, making herself comfortable again.  “Triggers or flashbacks usually start the process and they can be very frustrating as the person may feel that they’ve already dealt with the assault, and yet they can’t seem to stop thinking about it.  It’s common for them to feel overwhelmed by the return of frequent flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety attacks and feelings of hopelessness.  They may even consider suicide if things get bad enough.”

“Fortunately, it’s during this phase that the person actually starts working through all of their memories and feelings from the assault.  It can be a long and difficult process, with many setbacks along the way, but they eventually find perspective on what happened, realize that they have survived the experience, and start to regain a sense of safety, control and trust.  Issues may still come up from time to time after that, usually because of some sort of trigger, but it does gradually get easier to deal with.”

Alec dropped his head and stared down at Max for a few minutes, just caressing her hand and breathing as he let the information wash over him.  Finally he lifted his head again and murmured dryly with a hint of his old humor, “So what you’re saying then, is that it’s a really good thing I’m an endurance model who lives for tough challenges?”

Retha couldn’t help the small huff of laughter that escaped her lips as she smiled at him.  “Yeah, I guess I am.  It’ll definitely help.  It's going to require a great deal of patience, effort and commitment  to find ways of transforming your relationship into something healthy and new that will work for both of you, especially in terms of your sexuality.  There'll be days where you'll feel like you'll never make it through and others that'll seem almost like old times, and far more that will fall somewhere in between, but as I said, it's all part of the healing process and it will slowly get better over time."

Taking a look around at the bed, she started gathering up the extra supplies, sorting through them and putting them back in her bag.  She was sorely tempted to leave the conversation at that, since Alec actually seemed to be in a decent mood considering, but there were still far too many things he needed to know.  Sighing, she pushed on, "I’m really sorry to have to say this, but I think it's only fair to warn you that I do think this is going to be tougher on Max than it has been for any of our other women so far.  Aside from maybe Jess anyway, given her level of training as one of the younger X6’s."

Scrubbing a hand back through his still damp hair, Alec sighed too, his eyes burning as he tried to figure out her reasoning.  “Why do you say that?”

"Well for starters, Max escaped from Manticore long before they began training us for some of the harder things, like using sex to coerce information from targets, and how to withstand different forms of torture.”

Alec grimaced as he started to get an idea of where she was going, seeing a similar expression cross OC's face from the corner of his eye.

“I know, not particularly pleasant to think about right now.  But the thing is, the rest of us were all exposed to the idea that we might have to have sex with someone we didn’t want to if we were ordered to.  Plus they specifically started pulling us girls aside once we hit our late teens and giving us detailed information and training on resisting and dealing with sexual torture, since it was something we might have to face if captured by the enemy while on a mission.  And while that in no way lessens what any of them have gone through, at least they were semi-prepared for the possibility of it happening.”

“But neither Max, nor 452, got any of that.  And if you look at it from Max's point of view, she’s never really had to worry about the possibility of rape before because even when she escaped as a girl, she would’ve been more than capable of fending off pretty much any guy out here, unless she were heavily ganged up on.  She’s always known she was tougher and stronger, so it wouldn’t have been a serious consideration on her radar.”

“But now?"  She shook her head ruefully.  "Every belief that she’s developed over the past 16 years, about her own personal freedom, her ability to choose, and her sense of control over her own life and body?  All of that has been shattered and knocked off their foundations Alec.  And that’s not even the worst of what she's going to be dealing with.”

“Then what is?”

“This pregnancy has a lot to do with it.  And I'm not just talking about the raging hormones and mood swings, which can knock the crap out of any woman - and everyone around her - at the best of times.  Or about the risk of miscarriage she's likely to be facing over the next few months, although that's certainly nerve-racking enough too.  If she wants to keep this baby, she's going to have to work extremely hard at staying calm and relaxed, which will entail a high level of repression that will only hinder her emotional and mental recovery from this trauma."  She sighed, her eyes filling with dread as she warned, "The most worrying aspects though are so much direr than that.”

He looked even more confused and concerned.  "I don't get it.  This baby seems to be pretty much the only thing holding her together right now."

Retha paused for a second, trying to figure out how best to explain it, before going with, “Don't get me wrong.  It _is_ great that she has the baby to focus all her attention and energy on, both while it was happening and now, but it also left her very vulnerable and put her at an extreme disadvantage.  She was determined to protect your baby _with her life_ Alec, and she made _everything_ else secondary to that goal.  So she couldn’t really fight this bastard off.  Not seriously.  Even though she did make an initial attempt to escape with that knife; and I think everyone can agree that it would've been stupid not to try.”

“But after that, it wouldn’t've mattered how hard my boo fought, the outcome still woulda been the same, wouldn't it?”  OC murmured, looking just as confused.   

“Not really Cindy."  Retha frowned.  "I mean, yes, obviously, whether she fought or not, she was still going to be raped once she’d been captured and restrained like that.  But to not even be able to try to stop him while it was happening?  To have to lay back for the most part and just take it?  To actually have to submit, and apparently even _actively participate_ during some of it to protect the baby?  That’s a real blow.”

Seeing that they still didn’t quite grasp the point she was trying to make, she continued, “I know it’s hard to see clearly being this close to the situation, but think of it in terms of the psychological warfare training we took Alec.  Who’s easier to dominate and control in this kind of situation?  Someone who’s fighting you tooth and nail the whole time? Or someone who’s being extremely passive and letting you do whatever the hell you want to them?  Who can you do the most harm to mentally?”

Alec went white as the blood drained from his face, finally understanding what she was getting at, his gaze dropping back down to his mate in dismay.

“Exactly."  Retha nodded at him, looking grim.  "The sheer amount of damage done to her in terms of demoralization, not to mention her self-worth and self-image?   Her self-respect?  It’s going to be devastating, both mentally and emotionally.  Especially considering how dominant she naturally is as an alpha.”

"I can almost guarantee she’s going to feel like a failure, and that she let both herself and you down by not fighting back.  Will likely feel guilty too for letting Josh leave her alone in the apartment on Monday, and that you’ll blame her for what happened.  And even though it’s not rational at all, she’s probably gonna experience a high level of doubt and second-guessing about herself and all the decisions she made leading up to this.  Feel like maybe she could have stopped him or prevented it if she’d only done things differently beforehand, or been smarter or faster, or just tried harder to fight him off when she had that knife.  It’s a very typical reaction among rape victims, and her circumstances will only make it worse.”

"Look at it this way.  452 is the stronger soldier side of the pair, and was used to the idea of submitting to authority, and she’s not handling this very well."  Retha said.  "Now try to imagine Max's reaction.  She is so strong-willed and has gotten used to being in command of everything and everyone around her over the last few years.  This is probably going to destroy her, which is most likely why she left that suicide order.  Because she knew instinctively what this was going to do to her.  Has probably been worrying about this happening in the back of her mind for weeks now, with what we know about this guy’s tactics and targets.”

“And on top of all that, we now have the issue of her apparent split in personality between Max and 452, which makes this that much more complicated."  Retha paused for a minute to let it sink in, watching the dawning horror on both Alec's and Cindy's faces as they began to grasp just how truly difficult this was going to be. 

"With what I've read and seen so far from her, I’m guessing she's likely suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder.  It's when there’s the presence of two or more distinct identities or personality states that alternate control of an individual’s behavior, accompanied by some aspect of amnesia between the states.  The primary personality often bears the patient’s name and tends to be more guilty and depressed, while the other or others lack an independent existence although they often have more complete memories.  The different alters or personalities usually appear based on their greater ability to deal with certain stresses or threats, and may not even be aware of each other’s existence.”

“That actually makes a hell of a lot of sense.”  Alec whispered, his brow furrowed.  “Because back when Logan was captured by that mob and Max shot him?  Afterward, she told me she couldn’t remember grabbing my gun and pulling the trigger.  That everything that happened on that rooftop was really hazy, like something out of a dream.  She was really upset about it and couldn’t understand how it had happened.  I thought it was just shock.”  He paused for a moment, looking troubled.  “But what could have caused it?  We’ve never really noticed 452’s existence before this, but she’s obviously been around for a long time.  She mentioned being at Manticore with Max as a kid.”

Feeling her gut twist into a knot, Retha forced herself to say, “From the brief amount I read, the majority of patients report a history of severe physical and sexual abuse, especially during early to mid-childhood.  The condition is thought to sometimes result when a child copes with abuse by convincing themselves that it's happening to someone else; the trigger is generally some experience they’re trying to dissociate themselves from, by means of creating an ‘alter’ who gets put in charge.”

“Shit.  Well, it’s not like any abuse ever happened at good old Manticore, right?”  His voice was loaded with sarcasm, but really, nothing else needed to be said.  He’d certainly heard enough stories from others about some of the things that had been done to them.  And it wasn’t like he hadn’t experienced trauma there either as a kid; his times in Psy Ops testament to that.

“So how do we deal with it and fix it?”  He asked.

Retha bit her lip for a moment as she thought about it.  “I’m not sure to be honest.  I’m gonna have to do some more reading up on it as I only skimmed through the first few paragraphs of each chapter in the book I found on mental disorders, just to get a feel for all the different types.  I'm pretty sure there was a section dealing with therapies though, and I believe there were some medications listed also, although I’m not sure how safe they are for pregnancy.  I’ll see what I can find out and let you know.”

"And what about the rest of it?  What can we do to help my boo get through all this?"  OC asked, looking extremely determined.

“One of the most important things you can both do right now is be very encouraging and supportive.  Most people can't be reassured enough that what happened was not their fault, so remind her of that frequently.  She likely won't see herself the same way as she used to either, so she's going to need you to act as her mirror and personal cheerleader.  Remind her of all her strengths and tell her that she's still beautiful and strong, smart and capable, and that she's a fighter who can get through anything."

Retha let a small smile grace her lips.  "Be patient and approachable too, and just be there for her so she doesn't feel alone.  She may not feel ready to talk about anything that happened for quite a while so don't pressure her about it; but if she does want to, then listen carefully and validate her feelings.  She needs to feel safe and loved and respected.  And that her opinions and feelings matter.”

“Whatever you do, don’t question her though."  Retha shook her head disgustedly.  "Too many people make the mistake of starting in on the ‘why did you or didn’t you’ questions.  And believe me, she’s already going to be blaming herself enough for what happened all on her own, without anybody else adding to her burden.  She doesn’t need to feel judged by anyone right now.”

She pursed her lips thoughtfully, then added, “You’re probably going to need to remind her to take care of herself too.  Even though she probably won’t feel like it, she’s going to need to eat for the baby and to keep herself strong.  She’s gonna need to get plenty of rest as well, which she may or may not resist, depending on how bad her nightmares are or how bad the depression gets.  But you also need to let her make as many decisions for herself as she can.  It’ll help empower her.”

"Another big thing is not assuming that she does or doesn't want to be touched.  Most victims still feel the need and desire for some sort of physical comfort and closeness.  While some people can't stand a hug at this point; others can't make it without one.  So _ask her_ what she'd like.  And check with her _every single time_ you feel compelled to touch or hug her - don't assume that she's always going to feel comfortable with your touch.  Because if it's at the wrong moment for her, depending on what’s going on in her head, you may just trigger a flashback."

"What should I do if she does have one?"  Alec asked worriedly.

"First off, you need to remember that she's actually reliving some portion of the assault, so you need to approach her very, _very_ carefully.  I'd recommend turning on a soft light, and switching off any loud music or videos or anything else that might be triggering her before you try.  Then talk softly to her, and tell her that she's having a flashback because she might not realize it.  Let her know that she's safe and that you’re there to help her.  Encourage her to take slow, gentle breaths and remind her of where she actually is, and that her attacker isn't there.  But the best thing is to try to get to know all her triggers as best you can so you can hopefully help her avoid them."

"And Alec, you especially, are going to have to be extremely careful from now on about how you act around her."  She sighed, looking deeply concerned, "You can't allow yourself to get frustrated or upset with her like you did earlier, or even appear to raise a finger toward her, because it obviously triggered her hard."

"Believe me I know.  I didn't mean to either.  I know better after..."  He stopped short and dropped his head.

Retha looked at him sympathetically, "Is this something to do with one of the videos you got?"

"Yeah.”  He paused for a moment, then explained hesitantly, “In one of them, she was doped up really heavy on something, and the bastard switched his voice modulator to make himself sound like me.  Made her believe it too, before he took a cane to her." 

OC gasped and turned pale, unable to believe the level of depravity required for such an act.

He shook his head despairingly.  "When she managed to figure it out and call him on it?  Things only got worse; I thought he was gonna kill her at first he beat her so bad."  His voice broke and he swallowed hard a few times, trying to dislodge the lump in his throat.  "What's worse though, is that she probably wished he had by the time he was through with… with the rest of what he did to her.  I was sure she wouldn't want me anywhere near her ever again."

“Oh Jesus.  I am so sorry Alec.”  Retha shook her head and reached over to lay a hand on his nearest shoulder consolingly.  “You know, I take back what I said earlier.  The fact that 452 is actually letting you near her at all right now, absolutely screams of how much she and Max still trust you.  Their bond with you must be _extremely_ strong.  So in that respect, you _are_ lucky.  If that helps any.”

He nodded slowly and brushed a hand over his eyes before lifting his head, “Yeah.  I guess it does a little.”

Retha bit her lip as she turned her attention back to her patient to give him a minute or two to compose himself and then caught Alec’s eye again.  “I really hate the idea of moving her again with her injuries, but it’s probably best.  Can you give me a hand?”

OC looked up at her and questioned, “But why do we need to?”

“Because she’s not going to have very good visibility on the room being on her stomach, and that’s gonna make her far more anxious than she already is, which is something she really doesn’t need right now.”  Alec murmured in answer, already getting up to assist.

Retha nodded as she knelt on the bed.  “We need to make her as comfortable as we possibly can, which will mean some more blankets if you've got them and a few clothes too.”

"One of my shirts and a pair of boxers will probably be best OC.  They'll be less constrictive and leave more room for the bandages."

OC slowly nodded and got up to help.

To Be Continued...


	14. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mood Music:  
> Storm - Lifehouse  
> Dark Doo Wop (Lead Acapella) - MS MR

## Chapter 13

### 2025Jan11 – Saturday – Approximately 07:30 am

She stirred slowly, feeling so heavy it was a struggle to even open her eyes, let alone move; so she didn’t, content for the time being to just let herself drift wherever the hell it was she happened to be. There was a sense of _something_ hovering about her periphery, a feeling of urgency, that there was some mission or task she needed to take care of or accomplish, although she wasn't quite sure what that might be. The effort required to actually think it through and figure it out, beyond her tired and fuzzy brain at the moment, so she let that slide too.

Stretching out lethargically with her other senses, she picked up her mate’s familiar musky scent from somewhere close by and the reassuring sound of his steady heartbeat and light snoring, which made a hint of a smile curve her lips. She felt warm too, for what felt like the first time in ages, soft fluffy cotton embracing her gently and encouraging her to remain in this wonderfully peaceful zone somewhere between sleeping and full-on wakefulness.

But reality intruded far too soon in the form of the insistent trill of a cell phone, the surface beneath her shifting as her mate groaned sleepily and got up, answering it as swiftly and quietly as he could while he strode a short distance away.

“What have you got for me Mark?” Alec scrubbed a hand over his face and forced himself back into alertness, shoving his exhaustion aside as best he could.

_(“It’s him, Alec. It’s Trev.” Mark’s voice was filled with purpose and excitement. “If someone wasn't looking specifically for it, they probably wouldn't notice, but there’s about a two-inch-long pink curved notch right where you said it would be. It’s fading fast but it’s there, and I made damn sure I got several really good shots of it with one of the recon cams, so there’s no way he’s weaseling out of this.”)_

A low menacing growl filled the room, rumbling up from deep within Alec’s chest. Rage positively dripping from his words as he snarled, “I’m gonna rip that fucker’s heart out with my bare hands.”

She didn't even have time to think, her instincts propelling her up and off the bed in a blur, despite the pain it sent rampaging through her system. Her whole body on fire as she backed up into the nearest corner, her head whipping around frantically trying to determine the exact nature and location of the threat. Her right arm automatically shifting up into a defensive position as her left curled protectively around her ribs and abdomen.

_(“Easy Al.” Mark said quickly. “He’s gonna get what’s coming to him, we’ll all make sure of that, but we need to figure out how he did this first. Why does he have all those alibis?”)_

Alec was about to respond, but the sound of his mate’s hoarse hiss and whimper silenced him instantly. Spinning around, he saw the empty bed, then found her huddling in the corner beside it, her bleary eyes darting all over the room before zeroing in on him. "Shit. I'll have to call you back."

He took one step toward her after tossing his phone on the end of the bed but stopped immediately and put his hands up when she recoiled, mentally kicking himself as he realized what was likely going on. "Okay okay, just relax sweetie. I'll stay over here. I'm sorry for snarling like that, I didn't mean to scare you."

When he didn't get any response, he forced himself to step back and begin trying the things Retha had suggested, even though he didn't think she was actually having a flashback this time. She seemed a bit too aware of him for that, her eyes tracking his every movement. "It's me, Alec, 494. You're safe now and we're here at Cindy's apartment. So try to calm down and breathe. It's gonna be alright. Your attacker's not here and nobody's gonna hurt you, especially not me."

Taking a deep shuddering breath as his much quieter and calmer tone started to seep through her initial panic and the haze left over from the sedative, she began processing his words and the actual situation around her.

"Please try to relax babe." He pleaded. "I'm not going to hurt you. I promise."

Max just stared at him, blinking several times as she finally realized he was looking right back at her, and what that might mean. Looking over at the bed and seeing it empty, she glanced down slightly and wiggled the fingers on her right hand experimentally, just to see if she could, and watched Alec follow the movement with his own eyes from across the room.

“452?” He asked warily, looking far more concerned now.

“No,” she whispered croakily as she shook her head slightly from side to side, her throat drier than a desert. Licking her lips in an attempt to gather enough moisture to properly speak, she said in a bit louder tone, “It’s me Alec. I'm back.”

“Max?” He uttered her name hoarsely, his eyes widening dramatically when she nodded, the green orbs glistening as his lips slid up into a relieved smile. “Oh God baby, I’ve been so worried about you and missed you so much.”

“Me too.” She eased forward off the walls and relaxed her stance as much as she could, wincing at the fresh pain the small actions caused. The monumental effort it took to actually move her own body again draining; every sensation feeling much more intense than it did before, to her dismay.

"Can I come closer now?" he asked tentatively, his hands still raised and stretched out openly in the universal gesture of no harm.

Peering almost shyly at him, despite the growing darkness shadowing her eyes, she murmured, "Please."

Keeping his gaze on her, he crept forward, watching intently for any kind of sign that he was overstepping his bounds so he could check himself if necessary. But to his relief, there wasn't one and he stopped not quite a foot away from her. "Is it okay if I touch you?"

She gingerly inched closer with another muffled hiss of pain, her eyes shimmering as she offered tremulously, "I'd love it if you held me. I could really use a good hug." Staring up at him hopefully, Max bit at her bottom lip to keep it from trembling as she waited on his reaction.

"Are you sure?" He asked guardedly despite his own vital need to hold her, his expression full of concern for her. "I don't want to hurt you, and your back is a real mess baby."

"I don't care. I'm already hurting no matter what. I just..." She took a shallow breath as her voice wavered, trying to no avail to make it come out stronger. "I really need for you to hold me and tell me that everything's gonna be alright. Please Alec? Even if it's a lie. All I've wanted and needed all week is to feel your arms around me." Her voice finally breaking completely on a sob as tears started spilling over and trickling down her cheeks.

"Oh sweetheart," he choked out, not even attempting to hold in his own emotions as he declared, "everything _is_ going to be alright. Maybe not right away, but it will be. I swear it." Moving forward, he pressed his lips against her forehead in a tender kiss and wrapped his arms around her as gently and carefully as he could, relishing the feel of her against him. Something deep inside him settling, feeling more at ease with her there where she belonged; his breath leaving him in a massive sigh of relief.

Max slowly slid her good arm around his waist, digging her fingers into his back as she attempted to burrow into him, and the love and safety he exuded. Her nose nuzzling into his neck and chest as she inhaled as deeply as she possibly could, drawing his essence into her lungs and soaking up his heat. Her whole body trembling finely as her tears flowed freely, dampening the fronts of both of their shirts. "Don't ever let me go." She pleaded earnestly. "Promise you won't leave me?"

"I won't baby. You have my word." He soothed, his voice breaking as he added, "I’m so sorry. I never should've left you Monday and I will _never_ forgive myself for that. But it's gonna be okay. I've got you and you're safe now." Brushing another kiss into the top of her head he told her, "I love you and I'm not going anywhere. You are _my life_ and you will _always_ hold my heart. Everything I am or ever will be is yours. Now and forever, remember?" He pledged, the words a partial echo of the ones he'd sworn to her the night they'd mated.

"Now and forever," she repeated with a soft sigh, his renewed vow a balm to her soul. Turning her head so she could rest her ear against him, she listened to his heart, feeling it beat its way inside her skin as her own took up time with his. The steady rise and fall of his chest, and the low rumble of his voice beneath her cheek deeply comforting, the feel of his strong arms wrapped securely around her even more so, and she let herself sink into him. Let the reality and intensity of his presence banish all the dark thoughts and even darker memories to the farthest reaches of her mind, as much as she possibly could.

Alec snuggled her in closer when he heard and felt her response, rubbing his cheek against the top of her hair and imprinting his scent on her instinctively, as he continued to murmur reassuringly to her. "I don't want you to worry about a thing. You're going to be fine Max, and so is our baby. We're going to work through this together, one step at a time, until we make everything right again."

They stayed that way for several more minutes, losing themselves in the comfort of each other's embrace, until the sudden sensation of other strong arms - extremely unwelcome arms - forced their way into her consciousness and she moaned fretfully in the back of her throat at the invasion. The feel of them gripping her hard and wrestling her down onto an unyielding cold surface stealing the air from her lungs. Shaking uncontrollably, she jerked away from him with a strangled gasp, her eyes darting nervously around the room as her fingers shifted to the bottom of the button-up shirt of his she was wearing, trying to smooth it down a bit further over her thighs.

"Max? Did I hurt you, or do something wrong?" He asked apprehensively as he drew his arms back carefully and tried to catch her gaze, uncertain of exactly what had triggered her, but knowing that something clearly had. Her behavior too abrupt and out-of-sorts for it to be anything else; the scent of fear rolling off her in waves.

"No, I... I'm sorry Alec." She mumbled as she performed another rapid scan of the room, her voice sounding small and more than a bit ragged even to her own ears. "I know I'm being stupid, but I... um... I think I need some space now... I feel like... I can't breathe."

"Hey, nothing about you or this situation is stupid sweetie, so don't apologize. The _only_ thing I want you thinking about right now is what _you_ need. Let me worry about me." Stepping back to give her some additional room, he eyed her wobbly legs and the IV needle in her arm, which was getting close to being pulled out, and suggested as lightly as he could, despite the apprehension building in his chest, "Maybe you should lie down again, hmm?"

She looked on the verge of protesting as her eyes shifted uncertainly to the bed, the thought of being prone and essentially helpless filling her with even more dread and anxiety, but her leg muscles were starting to shake with the strain of holding herself upright so it was hard to argue the point. "Yeah, you're right. I probably should. I guess." She nodded more than a few times while saying it, as if she were trying to convince herself that it was a good idea, her right hand creeping up unconsciously to grasp at the neckline of her shirt and pull it tighter around herself; the feel of the buttons digging into her palm helping to steady her a bit.

"Would you like some help?" Alec asked gently, taking another larger step back as he monitored the thinly-veiled panic and distress she was trying so desperately to suppress, keeping his movements as non-threatening as possible. "I can get OC and Retha in here if that would make you feel more comfortable. They're both just lying down out there right now." He gestured toward the rest of the apartment with a slight incline of his head.

"No. I... I don't want to wake them." She shook her head, looking troubled by the thought, her voice getting smaller still, "They must be really tired, and they already went through enough with me last night."

Trying to distract herself, Max looked over his shoulder at the glow she could see starting to lighten the curtains. "It _is_ Saturday morning, right?"

"Yeah." He glanced down quickly at his watch, then back up at her. "It's getting close to 8 now."

"Okay." She nodded again, "That's good. At least I haven't lost my sense of time." Taking another long hard look at the mattress, she bit her lip for a moment before muttering to herself, "Come on, it's only a bed. You can do this." Pulling herself together by the skin of her teeth, she started hobbling toward it, embarrassed by how decrepitly she was moving and involuntarily hissing as agony shot through her with her first real step, making her wonder how the hell she ever managed to get up and off the frickin' thing in the first place.

Groaning and breathing harshly through her gritted teeth, she wrapped her arms around her middle to help support her ribs as she made for the edge and then shuffled around to face Alec, her eyes locking on his as he untangled the IV tube from around her and quickly stepped back again. Her face settling into a stony grimace as she slowly started easing herself down, feeling the fiery spasm and burn and stretch in every muscle and tendon and stitch. The sheer torture that was her back and ribs and lower half shoving every other thought from her head and making it impossible for her to take in any air at all.

But actually getting into a sitting position didn't help in any way, her crotch and ass firing up with a whole new host of excruciating sensations and she froze on a whimpering exhale, unable to deal with any more, praying silently to anyone who would listen to please make it go away. Her eyes screwing tightly shut as she tried to block out all the reasons she felt this way, while tears streamed indiscriminately down her ashen face.

She only came back to awareness when she heard Alec pleading urgently with her to breathe, feeling her lungs screaming for oxygen, and she drew in a great gasping shuddering breath.

"Oh thank God! That's it Max, just breathe through it. It'll ease off. Just listen to my voice and breathe."

Forcing her eyes open, she found him crouching on the floor at her feet, his green eyes shimmering with unconcealed fear and worry as he watched her helplessly, obviously wanting to assist, but forcefully restraining himself from doing anything without her express say so. Reaching out to him, she grabbed his left shoulder in a death grip. "Just do it for me Alec. I can't move any farther." She gritted out from between clenched teeth, barely able to pant through the constriction in her chest, her eyes begging him to make it stop.

Not even hesitating, he cupped a hand beneath her knees and the other behind her neck, scooping her up and depositing her swiftly but carefully onto her back before easing her legs down flat. Removing his hands from her and scooting back just as quickly, he watched her face gradually ease into something far less pinched and pained as her breathing slowly smoothed out and color returned to her cheeks. Seeing that she was shivering uncomfortably though, he gathered the fallen blankets up and draped them back over her, ensuring she was covered from head to toe.

As her gaze started to focus in on him again, Alec reached for the water bottle waiting on the night stand beside his gun and offered it to her, wanting to allow her a bit more time to regain her composure, "Would you maybe like a drink to help ease your throat?"

"That'd be good." Smiling faintly but gratefully, Max opened her mouth to him so he could give her some, trying to remain as still as she possibly could to allow her body time to settle completely.

Struggling hard to keep his expression neutral when he got a good look at the burns lining the insides of her lips and tongue, he eased down onto the edge of the bed and reached over to painstakingly trickle a small amount of water in at a time, pausing every few seconds to allow her to swallow, until she signaled that she'd had enough.

"Thanks." She murmured as her eyes lingered on him, seeing and feeling the high levels of concern and distress still radiating from him. "It's okay, you know. You can come closer. I'm fine now." She insisted, although there was no real conviction behind her words.

Eyeing her appraisingly while he put the water bottle back and moved his cell phone onto the night stand as well, Alec decided to take her word for it since she did at least seem calmer, and shuffled over until he was sitting beside her waist, one leg crossing beneath the other as he leaned in to her, his right hand bracing on the bed between them.

She reached out gingerly once he got close enough, running her right hand up over his cheek and smoothing her fingers over the decidedly less prickly skin there. "I'm glad you took some time to shave and shower." She murmured pensively, letting her hand slip down to caress her mating mark on his neck.

A bit startled at the turn in conversation, Alec nonetheless accepted her attempt to redirect his focus, knowing how much she hated feeling or appearing weak, even in front of him still at times. Raising his left hand to tenderly cover hers, he curled their fingers together as he turned his head to press a soft kiss into her palm. "How do you know about that?" He asked, gently lowering their hands to rest intertwined over his knees, not wanting to put any additional stress on her body.

A sad smile curved her lips. "I've been present for a while now. Since you carried my body in here and put me down on the bed so Retha could start treating me. I just wasn't the one in charge."

"So you _are_ aware of 452 then?" One of his eyebrows arched up a bit in surprise.

"I am now. But before Monday? Not so much. At least not like this." Max shook her head slowly, looking highly disturbed. "I always thought she was just a part of who I am, you know? The tougher, more kick ass side of me leftover from Manticore. But this? This is beyond messed up. She separated us somehow, and actually managed to shut me out for most of this week. Not that I minded missing out on reality.” She swallowed hard, worry and fear plain to see in her eyes. “But it does scare me. Because if she was able to keep something this huge from me, what else don't I know about Alec?"

"I wish I could tell you sweetheart, but I honestly don't know." He squeezed her hand lightly before asking gently, "So where have you been and how much _do_ you know of this past week?"

"You mean beyond the obvious?" She paused for a moment and pursed her lips, thinking about what to tell him, then said, "Well, when I regained consciousness on Monday I found myself on a sunny California beach, completely lost as to what was going on, since the last thing I remembered at that point was being in our apartment with Josh." She paused for a moment as she carefully eased her other arm out from under the blankets, finding it too warm with the extra padding of the splint and wrap. "The place was familiar at least, as I could recall being there once as a kid, but it still freaked me out not knowing how I’d gotten there.”

She sighed. “I should’ve just stayed there and left well enough alone, let myself relax and enjoy the mental vacation like 452 obviously meant for me to, but I didn't.” She shook her head in disgust. “No. Like an idiot, I had to go looking for answers. And when I strayed too far from the sand, I got swept up in this weird mist and wound up in a long white corridor filled with an endless array of mist-lined archways, each leading to a different memory."

"They were all laid out at random, so I never knew what I was getting into until I actually entered one. And once I was in, I was there to the end; there was no escape, whether it was a good one or bad." She bit her lip for a moment, her eyes looking off into the distance as she murmured, "It really threw me too, because after a while I realized they were all from 452's perspective, which was actually clearer and more objective than mine in some cases, especially if I'd been upset or distracted during whatever was happening."

"I wandered through a bunch of them that first day, unable to confirm what was going on, although I had my suspicions once I sat down and thought about it." She muttered darkly. "Something I figured out right away though, was that if I actually touched my body in any of them, I’d get a full-on sensory experience instead of just hanging back and observing. Which was fine, great even, when I stumbled into the memory of our first heat together.”

Her lips twisted rapidly from a semi-smile into a grimace, “But really _really_ _not_ , when I finally got proof late that night as to what was going on. When I entered the one of waking up in that hellhole and accidentally got kicked by my own flailing body.” Her voice shook and she shuddered hard. Closing her eyes as she felt chilled metal suddenly encircling her wrists again and the slither of a hot wet tongue licking a stripe up her spine; she tugged her right hand away from his grasp and started picking and prying at the wrap on her other wrist as she struggled to free herself from the evil sensations. A high-pitched whine of horror and distress joining the raspy pants of air starting to leave her lips, her throat working convulsively as she tried to keep the bile down.

Reaching out to her, and only barely remembering in time not to touch her when he saw the stark tension written in every line of her body, Alec tried to get through to her, “Max baby, you're safe and nothing's happening to you right now. So you need to stop that okay? Please sweetie." He urged, his voice slowly rising in pitch and urgency. "You’re gonna tear the fiberglass apart and hurt yourself even more.”

Jerking as his last sentence registered, she looked up at him and then down at her arm in utter confusion, until she clued in to what she was doing. Drawing her trembling hand away from her left wrist, she mumbled, “Sorry. I didn't mean to...” She shook her head, looking shattered, "It's just... I can still feel the shackles ... and... and..." she wailed as she finished brokenly, "I didn't think it would ever end."

She reached up and scrubbed at her eyes, feeling the tears gathering there and the tightness in her throat from the sobs she was barely holding in. Remembering only too well Retha's warning about getting too upset and the risk it could mean for the baby, she drew in a deliberately deep breath through her nose, and then let it out slowly through her mouth in an attempt to calm down. Grabbing hold of the top-most blanket covering her while she repeated the process again, she tugged it up under her chin, running her thumb and fingers along the edge of the soft fabric, using the tactile sensations to help ground herself in reality.

Realizing what she was doing when he saw her lips silently counting out her breaths, Alec started counting with her, relieved when she looked over at him and smiled slightly, seeming to take some comfort from his efforts.

When she felt she'd regained enough control to continue, she shifted her gaze up to the ceiling, her eyes glazing over and her voice going hollow as she tried to put some distance between herself and the rest of her story. "The hours... _after..._ are all blurred together in my head. I know I was out for quite a bit of it, and umm... I- I don't think I actually became coherent again until sometime Tuesday afternoon. But even then, I was pretty messed up."

She shook her head, looking bewildered. "I must have been in shock I guess - I just sat there in the silence of that hallway for what had to have been hours. I couldn't wrap my head around any of it, kept trying to tell myself it was just a nightmare, since I wasn't hurt at all and I was still dressed as I had been. So how could it be true, right? If it weren't for the sensations haunting me..." Her voice trailed off as she took a few more calming breaths.

"I knew it was real though, no matter how much I didn't want to believe it." She sighed sadly. "I finally managed to pull myself together enough to get moving later that evening and kept myself busy exploring more memories for the next - I don't know - maybe 20 hours or so?" She looked a bit bemused as she tried to recall, then frowned. "I never should have stopped to rest after that. I wish to God I'd just kept going Wednesday evening. But I didn't. I couldn't; I was too exhausted from trying to cope with everything, so I lay down for awhile."

Swallowing hard, she continued, "Somehow, while I was sleeping, I must have reconnected with 452, as I experienced two back-to-back attacks with her. The first one felt almost like a nightmare, like maybe she was unconscious and I was reliving it along with her in her head. It was ..." she paused for a moment, trying to figure out a way to describe it without breaking down, finally settling on, "... particularly vile and sadistic." She inhaled shakily through her nose and moved her hand over instinctively to cover the bandage on the side of her neck as a tear escaped and slipped down her cheek.

His gaze focused intently on her hand and its location; the realization of all that it represented, that she was aware and present for that particular attack, gutting him, and it showed on his face, cutting her to the bone as well. "You _know_ that wasn't me, right?" Alec asked desperately, needing her to believe it, to know this one fundamental truth. "I would never, **_ever_** do anything like that to you. I'd rather die."

Max nodded slowly and sniffled as she affirmed, "I know. And I'm trying to keep it straight in my head, keep telling myself that over and over again, but everything was so messed up and confusing. I couldn't see _anything_ , and he sounded so much like _you_. If it weren't for the way he smelled, I don't know if I would've been able to separate it..." The memory of his voice raised in anger intruded on her again and she shuddered, trying frantically to shove it aside and move on to more urgent matters.

"The second attack was... well, it wasn't worse, but at the same time it was. I was stuck on that table right there with her, being tortured with hot needles and wax and.... other things..." Her shoulders hunched in protectively around her chest as she struggled to keep breathing, her soft chocolate eyes drowning in remembered pain and horror.

Alec grimaced as he too recalled the attack in question, the images of those 'other things' turning his stomach all over again. Wanting to reach out and comfort her, he held himself back forcibly, her body language absolutely screaming of how bad an idea touching her would be right now.

"Luckily, I woke myself up screaming part-way through, before it got completely unmanageable. And after I was able to calm down and process everything he'd said, that he'd been responsible for killing Sam and Logan," her voice broke, and she took another deep breath before continuing, "what really struck me, was how different the two attacks were. There was so much anger and hate in both, but the way it was expressed was poles apart. One so violent and vicious, and the other so ruthless and methodical. I remember thinking he was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. And that's when I figured it out." She stated baldly.

"Figured what out?" Alec asked curiously.

"How this was being done." She looked over at him, her eyes haunted. "We've been so stupid Alec. Made one of the worst mistakes Manticore ever taught us about."

"What?" His brow screwed up in a frown.

"Never assume that you know anything. Always keep an open mind and look at all the facts before trying to draw any conclusions." She muttered, almost by rote, the mechanical note in her voice freaking him out.

"But what did we assume Max?"

She held his gaze, her dark eyes filled with terrible knowledge, "That there was only one man doing this." Her words hung in the air between them, his face twisting in absolute horror as her meaning sunk in.

"It's hard to swallow, I know, but out of all the potential suspects we've identified, _everyone_ has a good proportion of their time vouched and accounted for." She grimaced. "So if you go at this problem assuming there's only one - cause God knows, how could there actually be _two_ guys sick enough to be doing something like this - then it doesn't make any sense. There is no one clear identifiable suspect. No real suspects at all for that matter!"

"But if you look at the possibility of there being two, that they’re tag-teaming... Suddenly everything falls into place Alec." She looked up at him earnestly, needing him to believe her. "They'll have similar builds and skin coloring - like a good majority of us do anyway - so that once they put on the full face mask and used the voice modulator, they'd basically be identical. None of us would be able to tell that they weren't the same man. Except for maybe their scents, which I did notice were slightly different. And only then because I was deliberately trying to separate them from you in my head."

"They'll work opposite shifts too. So one of them can get off work, maybe chill out for a bit, and then head down into the dungeon to have their fun. While the other one heads out to put in their appearance at work and make their alibis." Her voice caught on a sob, but she forced herself to continue through her choked throat, "It’s the perfect plan. The perfect way to get away with something like this. Because unless you can catch them in the act, you can’t prove a god-damned thing!”

Max shook her head angrily, "I've spent most of the last few days just thinking this through, poring over every single alibi and motive in my head. And some of the memories I visited had clues to potential motives too, things that I hadn't really noticed before or seen in the proper light. And if you take them one at a time and out of context, there's not much there, but if you put it all together? There are less than a handful of clear suspects."

"One of them is definitely Trev." Alec gritted out as he struggled to remain calm for her sake, his eyes dark and decidedly stormy. "I asked Mark to check up on him for me earlier - that was his callback that woke us up - and he found evidence of the stab wound in Trev's right shoulder. He's got pictures of the healing scar, so there's proof on him."

She nodded, looking extremely relieved. "Thank God; I was hoping there'd still be some sign of it when I got 452 to remember and tell you earlier. But we need to get proof on his partner in this too. His best friend."

Seeing the shock in his eyes, she explained quickly, "I know you don't want to believe it of him Alec, and I don't have any proof, but out of everyone, they're the most plausible pair. They've got motive, intent, and capability! Bran is in HQ almost every day, heading up the planning department. And he's got access there, to all of our meetings, and everything that's happening in TC. Even all of the information and evidence we've been gathering on this. So he knows _exactly_ what's going on. And he's more than clever enough to work all the angles to his advantage. You've even told me, on more than one occasion, how highly intelligent and strategic he is. That he could easily get away with _anything_ we needed without anyone suspecting a thing, if he had enough incentive and time to plan everything out. And he's had years to set this up!"

She barely even paused for breath, too worked up to hold back anything anymore. "And Trev works the night shift on security, so he's wired into a lot of what's going on too. And he has access to all the security cam footage. So he knows where all the cameras are, and can cover up for anything that accidentally does get caught on tape. Why else did Trev deliberately switch over to the night shift a few months ago, when we all know how much he and Bran like to hang out together?"

Alec just sat there speechless, rage steadily building in his system as he listened to what she had to say, unable to deny the truth he could now see behind her words.

"They've been working so damn hard all this time to stay under our radar. But there've been a few clues that they've let slip. Their attitude toward me for one. Especially in the beginning. We knew they hated the fact that I was trying to assume control here. I was the 09er after all, the traitor. And a woman to boot. Just like Renfro." Max muttered and shook her head, furious and frustrated that she hadn't figured it out before.

"And their bone to pick with you is just as big," she continued. "You were the cause of Bran's downfall at Manticore. The girls told me a few months ago that he'd been top dog and Renfro's right hand man. That they appeared to have some sort of weird, potentially even sexual relationship, although no one really talked about it or knew exactly how far it went. But that all changed when your mission went south. They told me how Renfro punished all of your unit, but especially you and Trev and Bran. That she yanked the majority of Bran's power and status away from him, and Trev's as well in turn. From what the girls said, they _despised_ her for treating them like that when they didn't do anything wrong."

"And we know how power-hungry Trev is too. He's wanted to be in control right from the start, and only reluctantly stepped back when Bran said that we were the right ones to run TC. That I was doing a good job." Max shook her head, barely biting back a sob as she admitted with a shudder, "And there was that one screw up with my heat. We both saw how angry Trev was about that afterward, especially when he couldn’t do anything about it. He's always had some sort of sick thing for me. And the two of them, their behavior back when Logan died... It was so weird. But I was too messed up back then to pay it any heed..."

She blinked back tears, her voice husky with pain. “They tried to knock us out of contention by taking out Logan, because Bran figured I would mess things up with that mob and fire up the press and public opinion even heavier against us. And when that didn't work, they tried to mess us up again by taking out Sam, because they knew how hard that would hit both of us. They took out all their frustration and anger on her since they couldn't attack me directly at the time. Made her pay for how popular I'd become and how well we were doing as TC's leaders."

"And now, I think they're trying to use these attacks as a means of destabilizing our leadership. They want to make us look weak and ineffective so that they can step in and assume control of TC. I think this whole thing has been about power." She finished with a heavy sob, her eyes locking on his.

She could see him thinking it through, his eyes heavy and dark as he matched everything up in his head. Their constant attitudes and hunger for control, the things they’ve said and done in the past, and how buddy buddy they've always been. Both living in the same building, in the same apartment even for years now. And they do have access, more than sufficient means to cover up any potential screw-ups, and to drop the flash drives off for him without anyone being the wiser. The myriad of puzzle pieces slowly starting to mesh. His whole body tensing as he started to vibrate, his fists clenching and unclenching in his lap, the scent of absolute fury pouring off of him and surrounding them both.

It was clear as day, just by looking at him, that he was going to destroy the bastards. With extreme prejudice. Which should've probably bothered her, she thought, as she wasn't normally the bloodthirsty or vengeful type.

But she did want them dead.

In as painful a way as possible.

Strangely enough, his rage in this case was actually comforting. Maybe because it was so obviously directed at someone other than her, or maybe because it's main purpose was to protect her and remove any further threats to them and their people. In any event, she wasn't frightened by it. Reaching out to grab his arm, and hopefully his attention as well, she insisted, "You can't kill them yet though Alec. Nobody is going to believe they did it or allow us to act against them without proof."

Forcefully pulling himself back from the red-hot haze that was trying to take him over and blind him to reason, that was screaming violently for their immediate blood, Alec took more than a few deep breaths and then nodded slowly, meeting her gaze and holding it intently as he promised, "I'm going to make them pay for everything they've done to you."

"I know you are, and I want you to." She nodded firmly, letting him see her approval and agreement. "But we have to be smart about this. We need to find the place where they're doing this, and we need to catch them both there, so we can prove they're responsible."

His mind racing, Alec muttered, "I can get several of our people - ones that we can trust - to stake them both out without tipping them off. Follow them around tomorrow and Monday until they take their next victim and track them back to wherever they're doing this. Then we can catch them in the act."

Max shook her head though. "I don't know if that'll work. I'm not sure they'll take anyone else now. They likely believe they've won." Her eyes shone with pain. "They're going to expect both of us to be out of commission for the foreseeable future. Me trying to recover from this. And you either deserting me, or being too wrapped up in taking care of me to deal with anything else, let alone running TC."

"So what do you suggest we do?" He asked, his green eyes wild with barely controlled purpose.

Taking a deep breath as she tried to work up her nerve, she said, "I need to provoke them into taking someone else, or attacking me again."

"Over my dead body." He hissed quietly, unable to help himself. "You're not going anywhere near either one of them."

"No, Alec. Hear me out. I need to do this." She insisted, her voice shaky, but determined. "If we go into HQ together on Monday and act like nothing's happened, like what they did means nothing to me? If I can manage to pull it off, neither one of them will be able to let that go unchallenged. They'll be forced to act, to do something to try to shake me up permanently. They'll want to see me torn apart."

He frowned, not liking the idea one bit, every protective instinct inside him roaring against it, even though he could see the reasoning behind it.

She didn't allow him to override her though, pointing out, "You can still be acting on your part of the plan. Have several people stake them out and follow them. We should probably bug their apartment too, in case they talk about any of it there. And to be on the safe side, maybe put trackers on me, and Brandy, Dana, and Greta, since they'll be likely targets as well. You can stay by my side the whole time too, I'd actually prefer it if you did. Because I think it's gonna be harder than hell for me as is, just to go anywhere near them, let alone be in the typical crowd at HQ right now. But I'll never be able to rest or feel safe, unless we take them out."

Thinking hard, but unable to come up with anything else that would have anywhere near as good a chance of provoking them into action, Alec finally shook his head reluctantly. "Fine, but I'm going to be stuck to you like glue. Neither one of them is getting anywhere near you."

She smiled tremulously, relieved and terrified at the same time. "I wouldn't have it any other way."


	15. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please see first chapter for disclaimers and warnings.
> 
> Mood music:  
> Chasing Cars (Cover) – Clare Teal  
> Silent Lucidity – Queensryche

  

> _Max gave a quick knock to announce her presence and then sailed jauntily into the apartment, carrying the Chinese takeout she’d brought straight over to the counter.  "Hey Cin!  Long time no see."  She chirped, her voice positively ringing with good cheer.  In truth, it had only been about 6 weeks since they'd last seen each other at TC's first ever Independence Day celebration, and certainly much sooner that they’d talked, but it felt as if her whole world had changed since then; her outlook brighter than it’d ever been._
> 
> _"Right back atcha boo."  OC grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge before moving to join her, then did a double-take, one eyebrow shooting straight up as she eyed her conspicuously bright-eyed and bushy-tailed friend, every cell in her body radiating vitality and joy.  "A'ight.  'Xactly_ what _did that boy o’ yours do o’er the weekend to put_ this _kinda pizzazz in yo’ cornflakes?”  She smirked.  “Or will OC not be feelin’ them details?"_
> 
> _Pouting slightly, even as she fought to keep a straight face in an attempt to prolong the suspense, Max deflected, "What?  Can't I just be happy to see you?"_
> 
> _"Sure you can sugar, but her Originalness ain’t eva' seen you_ this _enthused.”  Cindy remarked, her lips curving up into a smile.  Popping the top off one of the bottles she handed it over the counter to her friend with a knowing glance.  "You look 'bout ready to bust outta yo' skin.  So spill already!"_
> 
> _Unable to contain her happiness any longer, Max let her grin take over her face.  “Alright, so for his big surprise, Alec got someone to watch over TC for us and took me camping up on Mount Rainier.  It was so beautiful and so peaceful up there Cin, with no phone calls or emergencies or anybody else around to disturb us.  It was like a breath of fresh air - exactly what we needed to actually relax for a change - and we had the best time!”_
> 
> _“Camping?  In a tent an’ sleepin’ bags?”  Her face screwed up in puzzlement, having expected something far grander considering Max’s worked up state.  “Yeah, 'fraid OC ain’t quite seein’ the big dealio there.”_
> 
> _“Well, maybe that’s because it wasn’t so much_ where _we were, but what he said and_ did _on Friday night that made it so special…”  Her voice trailed off on a sigh as she remembered the absolute devotion he'd sworn to her and the wondrous and lingering love they'd made once she’d officially accepted him and reciprocated in kind, an even bigger Cheshire Cat-like grin curving her lips as her eyes sparkled with pure bliss._
> 
> _OC’s eyes widened, only one thought popping into her head to possibly explain her best friend's highly unusual behavior.  "Don't tell me Hot Boy actually plucked up the nerve to pop the question and make an honest woman outta ya’?” she demanded incredulously.  Not that she doubted his feelings for a minute, more that her girl was so emotionally wary and stubborn - just look at how long she'd held Alec at arm's length romantically after all - that she'd thought it'd take a miracle for him to own up and make a serious move.  Lord knew, Max certainly wouldn't be the one to do so._
> 
> _“Maybe not in the traditional human sense, but in our way?  Yeah.  He sure as hell did.  Look!”  Almost dancing now, Max tilted her head to the right and slid aside her hair and the neckline of her t-shirt, proudly showing off a large, hickey-like bloom of color on the uppermost curve between her left shoulder and neck.  The fading bruise and a few small rapidly-healing scabs highlighting an impressive and decidedly eye-catching imprint of teeth.  "We mated Cin!"_
> 
> _Fully aware of the permanence and significance of that mark and act after the variety of discussions they’d had about it, Alec, and some of the other TC couples over the past year or so, OC came darting around the counter and enveloped her in a huge hug, spinning her around as she squealed, "Oh my God boo!  I'm so happy for you!"_
> 
> _After a minute or two, she pulled back and raised her hand to adjust Max’s shirt for a better look.  “So lemme see.  Hope you gave as good as you got so all your women know he’s off limits too?”_
> 
> _“Oh you know I did.”  Max started to smirk, but then frowned as her friend’s smile faltered, screwing up almost immediately into a grimace as she took a step back in horror._

 

A matching frown tugged at Max’s sleeping lips as her dream took a sharp departure from the reality she‘d known.

   

> _"What?"  She demanded, more than a little upset by her best friend’s suddenly negative reaction._
> 
> _"You sure Alec did that to ya Boo?”  OC eyed her uncertainly, her voice shaky and sounding completely grossed out.  “‘Cuz that's just_ nasty _.  You’d best get one of yo' med guys to check that out..."_
> 
> _"Why?  What do you mean?"  Reaching up with trembling fingers to probe the still decidedly tender mark, Max found an unexpectedly wet open wound.   Blurring over to the bathroom, she threw on the light and rushed to the mirror to look, her eyes bugging out when she saw her skin squirming and writhing as if there were something crawling under it, while blood and pus oozed from the hideously gaping maw._
> 
> _Clawing frantically at her flesh, she tried to dig out whatever was infecting it, but her fingers were suddenly knocked aside, strong arms and hands banding around her chest and tightening in a steely grip at each shoulder.  The room darkening and narrowing in focus around her as a now all-too-familiar raspy voice muttered directly in her ear, “Did I give you permission to touch that?  That’s MY mark.”_
> 
> _She shook her head wildly, struggling frantically to free herself, and yelled, "No it's not!  Alec’s my mate!"_
> 
> _Trev pulled her in even closer to his body and bit his mark sharply again in retribution, his blue eyes glinting with rage as he lifted his head and stared her down in the mirror, declaring menacingly with her blood dripping from his lips, “Not anymore he’s not.  You're MY mate, NOT his, and you'll NEVER be free of me.  I've got you now Maxie.  You’re MINE and I'm gonna make sure you never forget it.”  Leering sadistically at the terror rising in her eyes, he quickly ripped off her shirt and then reached down with one hand to start tugging off her pants, laughing when she screamed and bucked violently against him in protest._

 

**2025Jan11 - Saturday - Approximately 11:00 pm**

 

Max awoke with a start in her old softly-lit bedroom with his laughter echoing in her head and a scream clawing at her throat, and she struggled to hold back the tears swimming in her vision, but it was no use.  Clamping a hand over her mouth, so she hopefully wouldn’t disturb Alec or the others yet again, she tried to muffle her sobs, turning her head away from him to stare out the doorway into the otherwise dark apartment, instinctively searching for any sign of her attacker as she tried to reconvince herself she was actually safe.

 

The scent and sound of subdued crying beside him drew Alec reluctantly yet insistently up toward consciousness; his muddled brain responding to his mate's distress on auto-pilot as he reached over and laid a hand on her trembling shoulder. "Shh, I gotcha Maxie."  He mumbled, his voice thick and raspy with sleep. 

 

She stiffened immediately as those words and that name stabbed through her and brought her nightmare roaring to life; her sobs cutting off with a strangled gasp as she threw herself off over the edge of the bed, a surge of pain ripping through her ribcage and back on the jarring landing.  Her knees burning and left arm buckling under the strain, she started crawling away as best she could, desperate to escape the threat that her sleep-deprived and over-stressed brain had conjured, having been bombarded with far too many terrorizing nightmares and flashbacks that day to be able to maintain her usually firm grip on reality. 

 

Jerking completely upright from his semi-slumped position as he heard her hit the floor, Alec rubbed at his eyes and scrambled to figure out what was going on, his brain still not firing on all cylinders yet.  Stretching out a hand to her as he cleared his throat, he asked, "Maxie?  What's wrong?"

 

She shrank away from the now despised and contaminated nickname, unable to find it in herself to answer - even as her instincts registered his scent and presence as familiar and safe.  _‘_ _Mate… Love… Protection…’_ they argued insistently against the frantic thrum of _'Rapist... Pain... Torture...'_ coursing through her.

 

Her abdomen cramping and roiling heavily with nausea, she struggled to push back the panic and clear her head of the horrific vision of Trev reclaiming her.  Her whole body shuddering as she focused intently on a new destination, praying silently that she'd make it in time.

 

Getting up off the bed and stumbling around it, Alec trailed after her, catching up with her in the doorway of the bathroom as she finally began retching uncontrollably, rapidly throwing up the soup, crackers and water she’d managed to eat several hours earlier.  He started to reach out to help support her, knowing the violent convulsions had to be killing her ribs, but she flinched away from his touch. 

 

“No.  Please!”  She barely managed to get the words out, her right hand clenching into a fist on the floor while her left clutched protectively at her abdomen, her body still racked by dry heaves and sobs of pain and fear as she knelt shakily on the worn floorboards.  “I can’t…”

 

"Okay sweetheart.  It’s alright.  I won't touch you.”  Alec scrubbed a hand over his face as he finally shoved aside the last vestiges of sleep.  Unsure of what he should or actually could do for her until she calmed down a bit, he turned on the bathroom light so she could see him better and then stepped around her to go grab some paper towels from the kitchen.  Seeing Retha eyeing him questioningly from where she’d been dozing on the couch, he waved her off, certain that Max wouldn't want any further witnesses to her distress.  He was back by her side in under a minute and very slowly and cautiously knelt down to start cleaning up, talking quietly to her the entire time so as not to startle her.

 

As she began to calm down and the sobering realization of what he was doing for her and how low she'd stooped gradually sunk in, her whole body flushed with shame and embarrassment.  Max hid her face from him as more tears fell, mumbling wearily into the door frame, “Sorry."  She shook her head disgustedly.  "God I’m such a mess… So weak and useless…  Can’t even make it to the bathroom.”

 

Alec mentally bit his tongue as he finished up and tossed the used towels into the garbage, trying hard not to get upset as she disparaged herself yet again.  Her unusually negative and defeatist comments freaking him out and worrying him as never before as he’d never seen her get so down on herself, no matter how depressed she’d gotten in their past.  Not even after Logan’s death.  He’d never heard her apologize this much either; it just wasn’t in her nature.

 

Keeping his voice low and soothing, he sought to reassure her, “You’re anything _but_ weak or useless Max. You’re pregnant, you haven’t really eaten anything in almost a week, and you’re under a ton of stress and pain.  It’s completely understandable for you to be shaky and for your stomach to be off like this, so _please_ don’t worry about it.  Throwing up isn't a big deal, and it's not as if I haven't had to clean up far worse things during my time at Manticore." 

 

He eyed her pensively, wishing she’d make eye contact so he could get a better read on her.  "What brought this on anyway?  Was it another nightmare or a flashback?” he asked gently.

 

She nodded slowly, still looking down at the floor, her voice small as she explained, “Memory turned into a nightmare.  Was dreaming I was here with Cin telling her about us mating and then it all fell apart.”  Her voice shook.  “She pointed out that something was wrong with your mark and when I went into the bathroom to check on it, Trev was there.  He grabbed me by the shoulders and bit me again.  Told me I was _his_ mate.  Said _‘I’ve got you now Maxie.’_ "  Her voice broke on a sob at the nickname, and she took a deep breath trying to compose herself. 

 

"Then you said basically the same thing to me when you woke up.  And I can't...  You can't...”  Unable to voice her demand to him as such, something inside her cringing at the thought even though she knew there was no rational reason for it, she pleaded raggedly instead, “Please don't call me that anymore?  Please Alec?  I can't bear to hear you say that name again.  Not when they kept calling me that while they were hurting me."  She finally looked over at him to emphasize her request, and he could see the raw desperation shimmering in her bloodshot eyes.

 

His face whitened as he recalled what he’d said and realized how much distress he’d inadvertently caused her.  "Shit," he hissed, furious with himself for slipping up that badly especially when he'd known better.  "I am _so_ sorry babe.  I was still half-asleep and so out of it I barely even knew what I was saying.  But I swear I won’t do it again.  Consider it banned."  He promised gravely.   Delving deep inside his head, he deliberately began the process of blocking out all instances of the name, using one of the techniques Manticore had drilled into him for resisting torture to isolate it for good; determined that he wouldn't be the cause of any further pain.

 

She could see him withdrawing inside himself almost immediately, his eyes narrowing in intense concentration as he performed some sort of mental exercise.  Exactly what kind she wasn't sure, as the training she’d received in that type of thing was rudimentary at best due to her early escape from Manticore.  It did make her wonder though, if she couldn't maybe use something similar to combat the flashes of memories from her other half.  She knew she needed to find some way of walling everything off, at least temporarily, ‘cause if things kept going the way they were, she’d crack long before Monday ever got here.

 

After several long quiet minutes, his eyes came back into focus and he smiled gently at her, raising an eyebrow in question, “So, do you think you're ready to get up and go back to bed?”

 

Max sighed heavily and glanced toward the bedroom, looking completely done in at the thought of traversing the distance again, no matter how short it was.  “Can we maybe just stay here for a little while?" She asked quietly with a bit of a shiver.  "I’m so tired and my back and ribs are so sore.  It feels a bit better just to be in a different position.”

 

“Whatever you need sweetie.  You’re in charge here, remember?  Anything you say goes.”  Getting up, Alec strode over to the bed and grabbed her a blanket, draping it over her carefully before sitting back down again.  Stretching his legs out and leaning against the opposite side of the door frame from her, he settled in for a longer haul without appearing put out in the least.

 

She stared at him for a moment, just the slightest hint of what could possibly be a smile gracing her lips.  “Thank you.”

 

He looked confused, “For what?”

 

“For staying with me and being so good about all this.”  A sad smile actually did curve her lips this time, and she slowly inched closer to him and eased herself very gingerly over onto her side, curling in a bit so she could rest a hand and her head just above his knee.  “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

 

“Well you’ll never have to find out, because I'm never gonna leave you,” he vowed softly.  He lifted a hand and slowly brought it toward her, making sure that she could see it coming and allowing her plenty of time to veto it if she wanted to.  When she didn’t object, he settled it lightly on top of her head and began combing his fingers through her scraggly curls, gently stroking over her scalp and barcode and watching with relief as some of the tension started to ease from her frame.

 

Scooching in a bit closer still and inhaling deeply to take in his scent, she sighed contentedly and allowed her heavy eyelids to flutter closed, trusting him to watch over her until she could manage to do so for herself again.

 

**2025Jan12 - Sunday - Approximately 11:45 am**

Alec woke with a groan, beyond exhausted and unsure at first of what had roused him, his sleep so heavy it was a real struggle to drag himself out from under it yet again.  The first thing he noticed was that he had slid down the wall and rolled over onto his side on the mattress.  The second and far more important was that he had instinctively curled up to his mate, who was twitching and squirming fitfully beneath the protective arm he'd unwittingly draped across her abdomen, her face contorting as she cried out in mounting distress.

 

Cursing himself silently and swiftly removing the offending limb from her, he sat up and swung around to face her, then started murmuring soothingly to her, hoping to coax her back from the grip of whichever nightmare was plaguing her this time.

 

They'd been resting off and on for the past day or so, or at least attempting to, but what little sleep they'd managed to get had been troubled at best; fragments of memories from 452 causing Max to wake up screaming, shaking and/or crying a fair chunk of that time, while flashbacks stalked her waking hours.  The frequent traumatic disturbances taking an increasingly heavy toll on her; her features becoming paler and more withdrawn as she pulled back a bit further inside herself with each new one. 

 

Not that he was faring much better he had to admit, as drained as he now was and stressed to his absolute limit between wrestling with his own nightmares, trying to arrange the various aspects of their plan with Mark, and worrying about Max.  Her behavior having changed radically over the course of the last several hours as she’d begun donning a blank mask of indifference and brushing off any attempts to draw her out of her shell, acting far too similar for his peace of mind to the way she had when Logan had been killed.  Something he'd prayed never to have to face again.

 

She suddenly jerked awake with a strangled scream, her eyes wide and terror-stricken as she struggled against an unseen hold.  A deluge of horrific images and sensations pressing in relentlessly on her and lingering in her brain for what seemed like an eternity. 

 

_‘No No NO!’_ She told herself frantically with an accompanying shake of her head and nervous survey of the room. _‘Don't think about it.  Don't let it in.  It happened to 452, NOT you, so just shove it aside with the rest of her shit.  It means nothing!  You’re fine, and perfectly safe!  You ARE.  It was just another stupid nightmare!’_

 

Raising a trembling hand to her mouth, she scrubbed at her lips and tried to slow her breathing, her heart racing a million miles a minute.  While she could vaguely hear Alec's voice through her own mental mantra and the frenzied rush of blood in her head, it was hard to make out exactly what he was saying; his muted murmurs a far too distant backdrop.  Focusing instead on his eyes, she stared up into the blessedly familiar sea of green and inhaled his clean fresh scent until the panic receded to a more manageable level, enabling her to shunt the memories aside into the dark void she’d created for them in her mind.

 

"Hey."  He smiled softly at her when he saw lucidity returning to her gaze, even as she blinked hard and shuttered her emotions away yet again.   His heart clenching and aching anew with the knowledge she felt it necessary to conceal any part of herself from him.

 

Seeing the open concern on his face and the question already forming on his lips, she quickly forced out around the lump in her throat, "I'm fine."

 

"No, you're not Max.  So please don't lie, or hide your feelings, not from me.  I can't stand it."  No longer able to contain his hurt and aware that it might be the only thing left that could potentially penetrate the wall she was erecting around herself, he let it bleed out at her through his eyes, unwilling to let her continue down this path without at least trying to get through to her, no matter what Retha had advised.  Too afraid that if he didn’t, she might retreat so far this time he'd never be able to bring her back. 

 

His voice husky and almost broken with emotion, he asserted, "I’m your mate, and I know you better than anyone else in this world.  I can feel how badly this is affecting you, so _please_ sweetheart, don’t shut me out like this.”  Seeing the dread flaring up behind her eyes, he quickly emphasized, “I’m not saying you have to tell me about what you’re seeing or remembering, not until you’re ready or feel you want to, if you ever do.  I just want you to know that you don’t have to be afraid to share any of this with me.” 

 

His eyes met hers imploringly as he pressed, “I _love_ you, and I _want_ to know what you’re thinking and feeling. I _need_ for you to trust me and believe in me, to _know_ that you’re safe with me and that I’m going to be here with you every step of the way, _no matter what_.”

 

“There is _nothing_ you can do or say that will make me leave you.  You can rant and scream and cry or hell, even hit me, as much and as hard as you want – do whatever you need to get through this – and we’ll be fine.  I think I’ve proven by now that I can handle pretty much anything you throw at me.”  He smiled for a moment at the thought of some of their more intense arguments over the years and then shook his head sadly as he confessed, “The only thing I can’t handle, is the empty shell you’ve been directing my way again.  _That’s_ tearing me apart.  I don’t want to lose you to it like I almost did before.” 

 

Max stared up at him, his need warring with her own until she finally cracked under the weight of his obvious pain and distress, her mask crumpling as she explained sadly, "I'm sorry, I’m not meaning to lie to you or shut you out Alec.  I’m doing it for _me_ , because _I_ can't deal."

 

Her eyes suddenly brimming with unshed tears, her desperation clear, she insisted, "Even though we both know I'm nowhere near it, _I need_ to be fine.  I need to stay as strong as I possibly can until this is over and they're caught.  So yeah, I've started lying to myself and compartmentalizing everything 452’s been spewing at me.  Trying to convince myself that it happened solely to her, and _not_ me.”  Her lips twisted into a bitter grimace.  “And while I know that isn't healthy by a long shot, it _is_ a necessary evil, at least for the time being.”

 

"I'm too scared to do anything else Alec, because I already feel like I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown as is.  I am too worn out, and so utterly overwhelmed.  I’m not even sure I know what’s real anymore!”  Her right hand came up and waved around wildly as she tried to explain, her words spilling out in a torrent.  “I feel like I’ve been tossed into the midst of a hurricane, with a maelstrom of thoughts and emotions and sensations – things I can’t even remember! – and they’re all swirling around me, so fast and so furious that I can’t get a grip or protect myself from any of it!  It’s all an intense blur trying to crush me into oblivion.  And the best I can do, the most I can hope for, is to maybe find a bit of shelter, some tiny bolt hole where I can hopefully ride this out without completely losing it!”

 

Inhaling unsteadily, she admitted, “’Cause it’s a real close thing.  I am barely hanging on here!  And if I let myself start thinking about any of this too closely, in anything but the absolute vaguest of terms?  If I allow myself to really fall apart, even for a single second?  I don't think I'll be able to put myself back together again, at least not any time soon.  And there's certainly no way in hell I'll survive the next few days."  She shook her head, her eyes flashing with some of her old intensity.  "And I _need_ to be able to do that.  I need to stop these bastards for my own peace of mind.  I'll never be able to rest or live with myself otherwise!"

 

"And after that?  After they're dead and gone?  Well, then I can go ahead and have a meltdown.  I can crawl off into a secluded corner somewhere and scream and cry my heart out like I so desperately want to, until I have nothing left of this crap inside me.  If I even can get rid of it!"  An almost hysterical sob squeezed out past the constriction in her throat, and she swallowed hard several times to tamp down the others trying to bulldoze their way out after it.  "But until then?  I can't afford to do that.  Not if I want to stay sane and be able to function.  It'll unravel the thread I'm hanging by and shred me into a million pieces!  And I’ll be no good to anyone like that!"

 

Nodding reluctantly, he conceded, "Okay.  I get that.  I do Max.  It's just..."  He swallowed hard, baring a bit more of his own raw feelings, "I feel so useless, so powerless in all this.  I _need_ to be able to help you."  He half-pleaded, half-explained.

 

"Oh God Alec, don't you know?  You already _are_ helping me.  Simply by being here."  A tear escaped her flagging control and trickled down into her hairline, but she smiled valiantly at him, wanting to reassure him, "Just knowing that you're beside me, and being able to see your face and smell your scent, it calms me down and allows me to breathe a little easier, makes me feel a bit safer.  You're the _only_ thing making _any of this_ even remotely tolerable at the moment.”

 

She sighed, “If you need to do more, then one of the best things I could suggest is that you try to keep me as busy or distracted as you can over the next few days, so I don't have time to think about any of this.  And while I know that you all mean well, it’d also help if you could run some interference and get everyone - _yourself included_ \- to stop asking me how I’m doing every five minutes, ‘cause all it does is remind me of how _NOT_ okay I really am and all the reasons why.”

 

He winced and shook his head sheepishly.  "Sorry, I'm not meaning to stir up any of this shit any worse for you.  It's just raw instinct when I see you like this, to wanna reach out and check on you, but I'll try my best to curb it."  Smiling tenderly at her, he felt his lips stretch out of shape as a huge yawn suddenly commandeered them.

 

Eyeing him worriedly, but more than welcoming the diversion, she reached over to take one of his hands in hers, her fingers intertwining loosely and almost shyly with his as she murmured, "I'm really sorry I keep waking you up like this.  You look awful Alec.  I've never seen you this strung out."

 

He shrugged it off with a hint of his usual grin as he squeezed her fingers lightly and then brought her hand up to press a soft kiss into the back of it, wishing he could hold her instead but grateful nonetheless for what she was able to give him.  "Don't worry about it babe.  It's not like there's much either one of us can do about it.  I'd honestly be more surprised if you _weren't_ having all these episodes."

 

She grimaced, her nose wrinkling in distaste, "I guess.  I just wish they’d quit ‘cause I don't know how much more of this I can take.  I don’t even remember the majority of the crap in them and that’s freaking me out even worse.  If 452 would just stop with all the gratuitous sharing, then maybe we could both get a few hours of peaceful uninterrupted sleep.”  She sighed heavily, knowing how improbable that was, and then drew her fingers back from his with a slight frown, not liking the sensation of being restrained that was creeping in on her, his grip feeling too tight and constrictive although she knew it was anything but.  A shiver running through her as she suddenly felt ice cold, despite the warm blankets covering her.

 

Alec swore softly when he saw her eyes glaze over and her expression slacken, knowing by now what it portended.  Without hesitation, he began talking reassuringly to her, praying that this would be one of the shorter ones and hopefully not as hard on her.

 

**…FLASHBACK…**

**Day 5 – 2025Jan09 – Friday – Approximately 9:30 am**

**(WARNING: waterboarding and rape)**

 

> _Regaining consciousness took effort, disorientation and fear making it almost impossible to focus, so she kept her eyes closed while she tried to determine her current situation.  Her chest was tight and aching, and after a moment she realized that the hard surface beneath her was slanted with her head lying somewhere down near its base. From the dizzying throb of blood pooling in her brain, she knew she'd likely been that way for some time._
> 
> _She could feel the pull of reinforced leather straps digging into her skin and cutting off her circulation too, particularly at her hips and wrists and shoulders where the majority of her weight seemed to be supported, their tightness combining with the pull of gravity to hold her immobile._

 

“You’re safe Max.”  Alec’s familiar voice drifted to her from out of the darkness making her frown in confusion.

 

> _“You might as well give it up Maxie.  I know you’re awake.”  Her captor drawled as he grabbed the only loose strap and refastened it around her forehead, garnering her immediate and undivided attention with his presence._
> 
> _Memory and comprehension returned in a rush as she opened her eyes and saw the hose above her chin, and realized she was still bent basically in half.  Her legs pulled out over top her arms and chained down to either side of her head, further impeding her ability to move and breathe and leaving her spread helplessly wide for the taking.  A whimper forming on her lips and adrenaline surging through her as he picked up the sopping wet towel and brought it back toward her, and she instinctively sucked in a lungful of air before it became impossible to do so, knowing what was coming next._
> 
> _“That’s my girl!”  He praised sardonically, “You’re getting better at this.”_
> 
> _‘Oh God not again!  Is this six times now?  Seven?’ she wondered miserably as he draped the towel over her face, unable to differentiate between them enough to know for sure anymore.  Everything blurring together into one eternal nightmare._
> 
> _It didn't take long for the anticipated stream of icy water to begin flowing over her mouth and nose, and as he adjusted the tap he taunted, “You just love being controlled and fucked with like this, don’t ya darlin’."_
> 
> _Despite her lack of vision, she knew he was smirking at her, could hear it plainly in his voice as he came back around to the raised edge of the table and repositioned himself at her ass._
> 
> _"You'll take everything I give you and beg me for more, just like the filthy little whore you are!”  He crowed, obviously getting off on torturing her like this, his rock-hard and weeping cock more than ample evidence, and he rubbed it eagerly against the lips of her cum-soaked pussy, further aggravating the extremely raw flesh there. Gripping her hands in his and crushing her nail-less fingers into the table beside her hips as he rested his full weight on them, he rammed himself inside her and resumed the same slow but steady pace he’d been using for who knew how long now.  His thrusts deep and forceful, each one grinding up against and bruising the most sensitive area of her vaginal wall._

 

“You’re in Cindy’s apartment.”  Alec interjected calmly, although there was a worried edge to his tone.

 

‘No I’m not,’ she cried despairingly. ‘Can’t you see what’s happening here?’

 

“Nothing’s happening to you.”  He insisted, almost as if he could hear her thoughts.

  

> _When he didn’t get the reaction he wanted, he slid a gloved hand over her body, grabbing at her left tit and squeezing the soft mound before yanking on the bruised and swollen nipple, so hard it felt like he was going to rip it right off her body.  Pissed off when she still refused to react, he bent over and bit at her right breast as well, viciously mauling the tender flesh with his teeth until he was able to tear a fresh chunk out of her._
> 
> _“Stop!” She screamed violently despite the sodden cloth plastered to her face, her muffled outcry of pain and desperation costing her precious oxygen and gaining her a mouthful of water.  When she heard him spit the piece out and then laugh in triumph, she cursed herself silently for being so stupid, knowing he'd done it on purpose.  His every action designed to torment and taunt, to push her past her breaking point._
> 
> _“You ready to tape your confession then Maxie’?” he asked wickedly as he straightened up and continued pounding away at her.  “‘Cause you know I’m not gonna stop, or let you go, until you admit to 494 that I’m your new mate and master.  Until you tell him that you want me instead and let him see you give me a_ very willing _and_ very enthusiastic _blowjob.  If you don't, you’ll spend the rest of your life down here.  Here to fuck whenever and however I want.”  He punctuated his comments with several particularly vicious thrusts._

 

“I’m right here with you.”  Alec assured her, his voice coming to her from a long way off now.

 

She started crying silently, wishing it were true, knowing he’d put a stop to this and kill this bastard if he actually were.

  

> _She began to struggle furiously against her restraints as her breath gave out and panic set in; water seeping steadily in as she couldn't stop herself from trying to draw in air.  The desire to keep on living and yet also die to escape warring within her.  The fear of dying like this, in utter darkness and pain and humiliation, becoming so intense she was almost ready to yield, was willing to give him damn near anything he wanted if it would stop all this and save her and her baby. Not that she had much hope he would actually keep his word._
> 
> _But it didn’t matter anymore, as there was nothing left in her lungs but water, and she felt herself drowning, heard him shout with satisfaction as he spewed his disgusting seed inside her yet again.  Her last thought and most fervent prayer, before she was dragged under, being that she might get lucky this time, that maybe he might fail to revive her and finally allow her to escape for good…_

 

A convulsive shudder shook her as Max emerged with tears pouring down her face, feeling frozen to her core.  The overpowering sensations of fluid in her lungs, unrelenting pressure on her diaphragm and massive pain in her breasts causing her to choke and splutter and gasp unproductively in sheer panic, her arms flailing around her head in a wild attempt to knock the nonexistent towel away from her nose and mouth.  The fresh pain these actions caused her ribs only adding to the crushing feeling and her inability to draw in air.

 

Beginning to panic himself when he saw her lips turning blue, Alec leaned into her field of vision and kept on talking to her even as he tried not to crowd her.  “Come on sweetie, you need to calm down and breathe.  You’re okay now.  I’m here in Cindy's apartment with you and no one’s ever gonna hurt you again.  I promise you.  Look at me Max.  You’re perfectly safe, I swear it baby.  Just breathe for me, okay?”

 

She couldn't manage to do it though and finally passed out, her over-taxed body automatically taking in air again on its own to his relief.

 

He was hard-pressed to leave her be, wanting nothing more than to gather her up in his arms and hold her tight.  To wrap her up in his scent and shield her from everyone and everything for the rest of their lives.   But he was enough of a realist to know that waking up in his arms on the heels of whatever this flashback had been, would only freak her out more and start the panic cycle all over again.

 

It took her a minute to regain consciousness, but when she did it was practically instantaneous, her eyes popping open in fear and darting around frantically in search of the remembered threat.  Finding no one but him though, she gradually calmed down, her eyes zoning in on the ceiling as she concentrated on sucking in air, every slow and deliberate inhale and exhale looking like absolute nirvana to her.

 

He scrambled for something to say, but wasn't sure what to even try.  Wanting to ask what had caused her such distress, but not daring to, unwilling to make this any worse on her, and not really sure how well he could handle knowing for that matter, as this flashback had obviously been an extremely hellish one.

 

Seeming to sense his internal struggle, Max turned her head slightly so she could see him and, trying her damnedest not to retreat completely for his sake, finally croaked out in as much of an explanation as she could manage, “Waterboarding.”

 

The lone word was enough to set Alec to cursing, his own experiences with it, both during training and out in the field, not something he’d ever forget or wish upon his worst enemy.  The frequent brushes with drowning they'd all been forced to endure in the tank over the years only reinforcing his profound dread and simmering hatred of any form of water torture.  Something every transgenic shared to some degree, although they’d learned to hide it well for fear of being put down.

 

Max shifted her eyes back up to the blank canvas of the ceiling as she began shoving this memory aside as well, or at least attempting to, but couldn't help but wonder if it held the answer to what 452 had done that had disturbed Alec so greatly.  A very tiny part of her tempted to ask him and find out for sure – ‘Curiosity killed the cat,’ a hollow and slightly bitter voice warned – and the larger and wiser part agreed, knowing it was best to bury this information down deep where it could never see the light of day.  The idea that 452 might have actually given in and done as demanded, too much for her to handle.  Death seeming infinitely preferable to it being true.

 

“God, I’m so sorry sweetie.  Are you-“ he started to ask once he’d calmed, but then caught himself, and altered it with a sigh to, “Is there _anything_ I can do?”

 

“Gut and castrate the bastards?” she muttered hoarsely as she returned her haunted gaze to him.

 

“With absolute pleasure and as soon as fucking possible, I promise you that,” he assured her, his eyes burning with a desire for hardcore retribution, “but in the meantime?”

 

She thought about it for a moment, still feeling a tightness in her chest that wasn’t being eased at all by continuing to lie on her back, something she was getting heartily sick of anyway.  "Well, since it's obvious there's no way in hell I'm going to be able to get any decent sleep any time soon,  I would like to get up and off this bed for a while.”  She glanced over at the sunlight streaming in through the gaps in the curtains, drawn to its inherent purity and simplicity.  “A change in scenery might do me some good."

 

When he looked like he was about to protest, she reminded him, "I need to start moving around anyway if I'm going to be able to walk any distance tomorrow.  I’ll be way too stiff otherwise.  And it’ll help me build up some strength too."  She started to ease her legs over toward the edge of the bed but couldn’t help but grimace at the pain inhibiting her movement.

 

"Would you like me to help get you up again?"  Alec asked, rising to his feet in anticipation and coming around to her side of the bed, having already done so a few times when she’d needed to use the bathroom, as she'd absolutely refused to have a catheter or use a bed pan.

 

She nodded gratefully, if a bit hesitantly, “Yeah, that’d help, as getting up and down is what hurts the worst.”

 

Setting aside all her blankets but one, he tucked it around her and lifted her up carefully, using the soft thick material as a buffer for her more damaged areas.  It didn’t take him long to get her into an upright position over in front of the windows and he set her down delicately, bracing his hands lightly around her upper arms to help keep her steady while she found her equilibrium.

 

Moved beyond words by how gentle and considerate he was being, and sorely in need of some comfort, Max leaned into him and nestled her forehead in the crook of his neck, nuzzling her nose into the soft fabric of his t-shirt and gladly pulling in his scent. 

 

A bit surprised, but thrilled too, Alec pressed a kiss into the top her head and kept his body almost completely still, only his fingers moving as he brushed them along the outsides of her arms, letting her control how close their bodies got.

 

Slowly relaxing into his loose and undemanding embrace, she brought her right hand up to rest over his heart.  Her gaze roaming wonderingly over the cityscape below as the heat from the sun’s rays and his body began to radiate through her blanket, although it seemed too weak to have any real effect on the ice pervading her core.  She sighed softly, then murmured, “Don’t think I’ve ever seen a more beautiful sight.”

 

Alec turned his head to look out the window too, but couldn’t find anything remarkable enough to warrant the quiet admiration in her tone; the drab run-down buildings and slushy, snowy mess certainly nothing special.  “What is?”

 

“The clear blue sky and the brilliance of the sun.  They make everything seem cleaner somehow, more welcoming.”  Her voice was hushed, almost reverent.

 

Unspoken, but clear to him, was the implication that she’d thought she’d never see any of it again.  “Yeah, it is pretty spectacular.”  He agreed huskily, swallowing heavily around the lump in his throat before falling mute.

 

Afraid of where her thoughts might take her if the silence continued, no matter how easy and companionable it felt at the moment, she requested, “Talk to me?”

 

“’Bout what?”

 

“I don’t care.  Whatever you want.  Just, something to keep me occupied?”

 

“Sure.”  Luckily, or unfortunately as Max had oft-times expressed, he’d been conferred with the ability to ramble on about practically anything, his brain packed with an astounding and seemingly endless array of facts and trivia.  Sensing how tenuous her control was, he let his lips fly immediately, deliberately keeping his babbling light and upbeat for what had to be at least twenty minutes, until he felt her growing restless. 

 

“Time for another change?” he asked easily.

 

“Yeah.”  She sighed and drew back just enough so she could see his face, sounding and looking a bit lost as she tugged the blanket a bit tighter around herself and answered without much optimism, “I feel so gross right now, I’d give just about anything to have a nice long soak in a steaming hot tub.    But since I know that’s out of the question, I’d settle for a shower.  Do you think Retha would let me have one yet?” she asked plaintively.

 

He snuck a quick glance at his watch.  "She wanted to give your burns and back time to scab over properly and set at a bare minimum.  But it's been over 32 hours since she bandaged everything up.  So maybe?"  He raised his voice and called out, "Retha?"

 

They heard an immediate stirring in the next room, as if the occupants had only been waiting for such a signal, and then OC came walking in anxiously in front of Retha, a gentle smile curving her generous lips as she asked, "Hey, how you doin’ boo?"

 

Max grit her teeth and quickly shut her eyes on a sudden surge of anger and frustration, trying hard to hold onto her patience and not scream.  ‘ _What the hell does she expect me to say?  That I’m fucking peachy? Or does she wanna hear a blow-by-blow account of exactly how shitty and filthy I feel?’_ she couldn’t help but rant to herself.  Then felt ashamed at her own anger, knowing OC was only asking because she cared so much about her.

 

Anticipating her reaction, Alec quickly responded for her, “She’s doing as well as can be expected OC.”  Meeting her surprised glance with a significant look and slight shake of his head, he saw her take the hint as she looked back at Max’s decidedly strained features and nodded contritely.

 

Relieved when nothing more was said about it, Max turned her attention to Retha, "I’d really like to take a shower.  Can I?  Please?"

 

Retha observed her carefully, seeing the urgency in her eyes and weighing how important it was to her both mentally and emotionally, her need far outweighing any additional minor damage she might do to her fragile skin.  "I think it’d probably be alright, as long as you're extremely careful and let Cindy and I help you.  Your dressings are due to be changed pretty soon anyway."

 

"Whatever you say."  Max agreed quickly, ready to consent to anything at this point if it got her what she needed.  She turned back to Alec, looking up at him tenderly and focusing in on his bloodshot and bleary eyes.  Reaching up, she cupped his cheek in her hand, brushing her thumb over the heavily shadowed skin.  "Can you do me a favor?  Actually, two?"

 

"Anything," he murmured.

 

"Go lie down for a while Alec.  You need to get some serious rest, as much as you possibly can."

 

"But-" he started to protest, reluctant to let her out of his sight even for a second.

 

She stopped him by placing her fingers over his lips.  "Please?  For me?  You need far more sleep than I do, and look like you’re on death’s door you’re so exhausted.”  She slid her fingers down over his throat, letting them come to rest on her mark.  “I'll be alright with Retha and OC for a few hours,” she promised, “and you’ve still got some of the mated couples on watch outside anyway, right?"

 

He nodded, not looking very enthused at the prospect.  “Two sets.”  He confirmed.

 

She pursed her lips thoughtfully, trying to think of something that might convince him.  "Look, we both know I’m not on top of my game right now, and I’m gonna be relying heavily on you to be on full alert tomorrow, to act as my buffer and keep me safe on a moment’s notice.  In order for you to be able to do that, you _need_ sleep."  She insisted.  “If it’ll make you feel better, we’ll keep your gun with us, just in case.”

 

Looking her over and seeing the forced bravado and determination in her eyes, and noticing Retha giving him a significant stare as she picked up his Glock and mouthed the words ‘take care of yourself’, he reluctantly agreed.  "Okay.  I'll just be dozing in here if you need me.  For _anything_."  He stressed, then asked curiously, “What was the second thing?”

 

“Lend me your shirt?” she asked shyly, a blush heating her cheeks at his slightly bemused look.  “It’s really strong with your scent, and I think I might feel better having it close.  It’ll be like you’re with me.”  She explained quietly.

 

“Of course.”  Thinking nothing of it, he swiftly stripped it off and offered it to her, realizing a second too late that his doing so might be too much for her to handle, especially in such close quarters.  Her gasp, and rapidly paling face as she took in his naked chest, pressing that point home instantly.  Her eyes dilating with fear as she stood there frozen, her pulse firing like a jackhammer in her throat. 

 

“Oh shit!  Sorry,” he blurted out – not that she appeared to hear him – and backed away until he reached the closet, quickly opening it and donning a fresh t-shirt.  Turning around, he eyed her worriedly, keeping his distance until she came back to herself and her surroundings. 

 

“Forgive me?” he pleaded thickly, looking frazzled, then took a slow and cautious step toward her when she blinked and made eye contact with him.  “I don’t know what the hell I was thinking to do that in front of you right now.  I am _such_ a fucking idiot.”  He shook his head and ran a hand back through his hair, angry and disgusted at himself.  “You’re right about me being too damned tired; it’s obviously impairing my judgment.”

 

She worried at her lower lip for a moment, her voice coming out low and shaky as she eventually said, “No.  It’s alright.  You’re my mate and it’s perfectly natural – expected even – for you to do stuff like that around me.”  She nodded slowly, like she was trying to reinforce the idea.  “I should’ve been prepared.  I did ask you for it.”  She took a deep breath, hitched up her blanket and forced herself to meet him halfway, reaching out to grasp the shirt from his outstretched hand, hers only trembling slightly.  “Thanks.”

 

He watched her anxiously as she began a painstaking progression toward the bathroom, then turned toward the bed with a heavy sigh and allowed himself to collapse on it.  He barely felt it when OC drew one of the spare blankets up over him, falling asleep within seconds of his head hitting his mate’s pillow, despite his best intentions.

 

**~~~**

 

Max had studiously been avoiding her own reflection to this point, not wanting to dwell on it or what it represented, as she could remember all too well what she’d seen while lying on that table in her nightmares.  But with OC and Retha both helping direct her, she couldn't avoid getting a good look this time.

 

Her hand rose tentatively to explore her extremely ragged and shaggy hair.  "Did she do this?"  She asked quietly.

 

"Yeah, boo."  Cindy confirmed, her voice steady as she took the blanket and t-shirt from her and hung them up on the back of the door out of harm’s way.  "In her defence, it was a real mess tho' with the way it was matted up, and havin’ it that short does look kinda cute on you.  Least if it was evened out some.  Would you like OC to fix it ‘fore you get in the shower?”  She asked, a hint of eagerness lifting her tone, and Max belatedly realized that Cindy too, really needed to feel like she was helping her in some way, shape or form.

 

"Yeah.  That'd be good.  I need to look as good as I can tomorrow."  She closed her eyes as OC pulled out the scissors and got to work.  When she heard the slice of the blades and felt fingers tugging lightly at her hair, it was hard not to shiver or wince; but she refused to give in to the fear the sensations provoked, challenging herself instead to recall all the atomic weights on the periodic table as a distraction.

 

OC stepped back after several minutes with a satisfied smile, “There you go boo.  You look amazing.”

 

Upon opening her eyes, Max found it hard to agree as the first thing she saw was the bruised and torn up mess that was her face, although at least the swelling had gone down.  Making herself focus strictly on her hair, she turned her head slowly from side to side, noticing that it did actually look better, the layers of short sleek curls draped artfully to enhance her features.  “Thanks.”

 

“It does look really good.”  Retha agreed as she finished pulling what she needed from her kit and addressed her biggest concern.  “Okay, so while I know it’ll be hard, there’s one rule I want you to swear by when showering.  For at least the next week.”

 

“What’s that?”  Max asked tremulously.

 

“No matter how you may feel or how much you might want to, you are NOT to scrub yourself.  Your skin is far too delicate right now and you’ll cause too much damage.  So just stand under the spray and let it rain down over you.  Promise?”

 

Max reluctantly nodded in agreement and then turned away from the mirror before starting to undo the buttons on her shirt.


	16. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: The negative self-image/self-blaming behaviors that Max/452 are exhibiting are a direct result of the abuse they have suffered. My narrative is not meant as an opinion on their true character, or of rape victims in general, only as a window on how they tend to view themselves after such a life-altering experience.
> 
> A special shout out to: Shelly14, Jaa's mom, aca, yansan, melpomene and Faithrss for all your kind words of encouragement and comments. I'm sorry this has taken so long to get out, but real life's been a real bear with a ton of family medical issues.
> 
> Mood Music: Honestly OK by Dido and Breathe Me by Sia

> _“Come here, my pet.” He called out imperiously as he leaned against a table to one side of the room. The black leather of his outfit gleaming in the spotlight shining directly down on him and his erection, which was jutting out obscenely from the rest of his body._
> 
> _From out of the darkness she emerged slowly, painfully, crawling submissively with her face almost skimming the concrete, her movements graceless and clearly requiring maximum effort. The oddly disjointed angles of her left forearm and shoulder, the raw flayed mess of her back and ass, and the fact that her entire body was plastered with an alarming array of bruises, abrasions, lacerations and welts more than enough reason for her struggle, even without taking into account her obvious fatigue._
> 
> _Her wet hair dripped and dangled messily from the tangled knot on top of her head, but it couldn't conceal the abject capitulation in her expression and bearing as she came to a stop between his feet. Pushing herself up into an awkwardly-splayed kneeling pose, she tilted her face up to gaze at him fawningly._
> 
> _“There’s my good girl.” He murmured condescending, reaching down and patting the side of her face as if she were a trained dog, silently daring her to rebel and incur his wrath. “Are you ready to prove yourself as my mate, to show 494 who you truly belong to?”_
> 
> _“Yes master. I live to serve you and am honored and privileged to have a man like you take me as your mate. You are far more worthy than 494.” There was no hesitation or stuttering in her voice or countenance as she spoke deferentially, “And I would love nothing better than to suck you off as proof of my devotion, if that would please you?”_
> 
> _Trev looked down on her, seemingly considering her request before granting, “You may,” and then leered at her with the utmost satisfaction; all too eager to send this final video to the cocky thorn in his side, certain the fact that ‘Maxie’ appeared to be doing this of her own free will, with no chains binding her, would absolutely destroy him. The added fact that he alone knew where the key was hidden to unlock and remove the unseen menace lurking deep inside her, only adding to his delight at what was to come, knowing he owned her now. That he’d finally broken the haughty bitch to his will._
> 
> _There was the briefest flicker of something in her eyes as her shoulders drooped infinitesimally; and if you didn’t know her intimately, hadn’t spent years learning the intricacies and nuances of her expressions, postures and mannerisms, it would be easy to miss the loathing, dread and despair veiled in the hard blink she gave at the same time. As caught up as he was in his impending victory and glory, Trev didn’t register it at all._
> 
> _Mentally steeling herself for what she had to do, knowing it would almost certainly cost them 494 and that it was going to hurt like hell with her mouth and tongue burned and blistered as they were, 452 carefully licked her lips, locked away her heart and soul, and prepared to give the performance of her life. For their baby’s life. Reaching up with her right hand, she cupped the bastard’s balls and erection in her stiff aching fingers and opened her mouth._
> 
>  

### 2025Jan13 - Monday - Approximately 4:45 am

Alec jerked awake with tears running down his face, his teeth grinding and fists clenching uncontrollably. Barely suppressing a snarl of rage and anguish, he buried his face in his pillow and tried to snuff out the images burned into his brain, unable to bear another replay.

_‘It doesn’t matter what she said or what it looked like,’_ he told himself determinedly, dredging up that tiny flicker in her eyes that had been his only savior to the horror that had followed. _‘You_ know _she wasn’t doing any of that voluntarily, not with that fucking pear shoved up inside her as leverage. She had no other choice if she wanted to keep our baby safe and get out of there in one piece! So just calm the fuck down! It’s not her fault!_

Unfortunately, another painful memory rose to take its place; this one of a back alley in TC. Of Max, with her eyes glazed over and mouth panting, her back crushed up against a brick wall while her pants slid down around her ankles. Trev growling and pressing insistently into her with his mouth rooting around at her neckline, his left hand fumbling to remove her panties while his right was up her shirt pawing roughly at her breasts. His pants in a similar state as hers.

_‘She wasn’t exactly unwilling then, was she.’_ A dark and sullen part of his brain suggested nastily, making him roll over onto his back in disgust.

_‘Fuck off! She didn’t want Trev. That_ never _would’ve happened if she hadn’t been in heat and so torn up over Logan’s death.’_ He forced himself to recall how she'd kept twisting her head around to keep the bastard from accessing her neck; her features marred by a look of resignation and revulsion that had swiftly given way to relief once he’d yanked Trev away from her.

_‘_ I’m _the one she went home with and called out for all night. She let_ me _claim her right away. And she chose_ me _as her mate!’_ He told himself firmly on a steadying breath, his hand coming up instinctively to stroke over her mark, using the physical reassurance to help calm the animal within that was just spoiling for a fight.

Refusing to allow himself to dwell on it further, he opened his eyes and then blinked, disoriented by the quiet and darkness surrounding him; the curtains and floor lamp on the far side of the bed now cold and dark. Glancing over at the doorway, he saw a thick quilt hanging across it from floor to ceiling, most likely put up by Retha in an attempt to keep from disturbing him. And after a moment, he realized he felt far more rested than he should after only a few hours nap.

_‘What the hell time is it anyway?’_ Quickly checking his watch, he was stunned to discover it was nearly 5 am, which meant he’d more than slept the clock around. _‘Shit!’_ Getting up in a panic to check on Max, he padded barefoot toward the living room, only to pause at the cloth barrier when he heard her mention his name. Not really meaning to eavesdrop, but hoping to get a better read on how she was coping before facing her again, he hung back and peeked out through a tiny gap along the side.

At first glance, she didn’t seem to be fairing too badly considering. She was walking gingerly along the windows, wearing a pair of fleece pajama pants and his t-shirt from earlier; her right hand fiddling with the neckline and bringing it up to her nose every so often for a rather telling sniff while her left rested protectively over her abdomen. And while her steps weren’t fluid or quick by any stretch of the imagination, she was at least moving slightly easier than before.

Her body language told another story however. Instead of oozing her usual confidence and take-charge attitude, she gave the impression of a caged or hunted animal with her hunched-in shoulders and body visibly poised for flight. She looked about ready to snap, with a fragility about her he’d never witnessed before: her eyes roving constantly and head twitching at the slightest of sounds or movements, her teeth worrying frantically at her raw lower lip as she carefully negotiated the narrow path behind the couch.

“Ya know you could go on in there an’ wake him boo. He did say to if you needed _anything_.” OC reminded her gently as she leaned against the side of the couch and surreptitiously stifled a yawn, trying her best not to hover too obtrusively despite her deepening concern for her best friend. The dark shadows and vivid bruising around Max's heavily bloodshot eyes only highlighting the tension and hands-off vibe she was radiating.

“I know, but I don’t want to disturb him unless it’s absolutely necessary. He really needs his sleep.” Max murmured fretfully, her fingers unconsciously toying again with the soft worn cotton of his t-shirt.

“He’s already been out over fifteen hours sugar, an’ that will’ve done him a world o’ good, even if it weren’t the soundest he’s ever had." They’d heard him mumble and cry out multiple times over the course of the night, but he’d somehow managed to avoid waking himself. "He should be fine if you get ‘im up now.” OC added in an attempt to reassure her.

Considering it for a moment, Max reluctantly shook her head. “No, I can manage this. I can,” she repeated in a slightly firmer tone, although her expression didn’t seem to be buying it. “I’ve got you and Retha here with me, we’ve got Alec’s gun, and there are four armed transgenics stationed outside on guard duty as well. And at this point, there’s no reason for those bastards to come back after me right? They’ve gotta believe they’ve won. So I should feel safe, shouldn’t I?” she asked falteringly.

“Maybe so,” OC grudgingly agreed, cradling the blanket she held closer to her chest as she wanted so badly to do with Max herself, “but you’ve just been through one hellishly creepy ordeal boo. Ain’t no shame in wanting or needing your man with you at a time like this.”

“Yeah, but what would I even say to him without looking like a basket case, huh?” Max muttered almost to herself and ran her right hand back over her hair, imagining it out loud, “‘Oh, hey, I know you’re exhausted and all, but would you mind coming out here and holding my hand for maybe oh – say _forever_ \- ‘cause I don’t feel secure without you beside me? Cause, oh yeah, remember that supposedly tough, savvy, independent woman you mated with? Well, sorry, but she doesn’t exist anymore. She’s been reduced to a feeble and pathetic shadow of herself.’” She finished derogatively.

Alec was about to step out and join her, fueled by the despondency and self-disgust in her tone and bearing, but hesitated when she shook her head, obviously clinging to the last vestiges of her pride as she declared, “ _No._ I _need_ to prove this to myself; to know that I can be here without him in relative safety, without having a bloody panic attack. I _have_ to be strong enough to do this, especially with what today has in store, or I may as well give up completely.”

Unable to rob her of that, knowing how desperately she needed a victory at this point no matter how minor, he reluctantly settled in to listen for a while so it wouldn’t seem like he was jumping in to her rescue.

OC nodded decisively, “A’ight. If that’s the way you want it boo; you know I’ve got your back on this, come hell or high water.”

Retha glanced curiously at the covered doorway beside her, fairly certain she'd detected a hint of movement, then up at the clock on the wall, the Glock she’d borrowed from Alec resting snugly at the small of her back. “Well I imagine he’ll be waking up fairly soon anyway. Instinct will have him wanting to check on you, and the soldier in him won’t let him stay down too much longer either, no matter how tired he might be.” As she spoke, she twirled the small blanket she held into a rope, then coiled it into a donut shape and walked over to place it back down on the couch, making a mental note to grab Max a proper inflatable pillow upon their return to TC.

Seeing that her improvised padded seat was ready for her again, Max frowned, her mounting agitation driving an urge to pace if only to keep herself occupied, but she knew she needed to conserve energy, her body just too beat-up and sore to keep going without another decent break. Giving up with a frustrated groan, she slowly made her way around to the front of the couch and began the agonizing process of sitting. Both women providing support as they helped lower her down and counterbalance her weight until she found a position that was semi-bearable.

“Thanks. Sorry for being such a pain. I’m just really nervous… and scared.” She admitted in a subdued tone, her hands curling up into balls in her lap. “I have no clue how the hell I’m gonna get through today, let alone the rest of all this.”

Retha sank into the armchair across the coffee table from her, several half-empty mugs, a wad of balled up tissues and the cards from their sixth attempt at a distraction lying abandoned on it. Her posture open and inviting, she suggested, “Sometimes it helps to talk things out and get a different perspective. Do you maybe want to tell us what you’re worried about?”

“Where do I even start? It’s just… _everything_ is messed up, and I’m so spun I don’t know which way is up anymore.” Max sighed and gave a tight smile of thanks as OC carefully draped the blanket back around her shoulders then resumed her seat beside her. “This was so much simpler to deal with last week, when I was still numb and this whole situation felt abstract and surreal. It was easier to convince myself I was just having really graphic nightmares because I had no physical proof of anything bad happening.”

“But now?” She shuddered and looked down at herself, self-consciously picking at the bandages protecting her damaged nail beds and fingertips. “There’s no way I can deny this. No matter how hard I’ve tried or how badly I want to. I’d hoped that by taking a break from sleeping maybe I could find a little peace - at least from the nightmares - but it isn’t helping. If anything it’s getting worse as it’s giving me too much time to think. I can't relax and my brain absolutely refuses to switch off; it just keeps running through scenarios and tossing out all these random thoughts and memories to torment me. Like a hamster on a wheel, spinning around furiously and getting friggin’ nowhere. And I have no idea how to make it stop. Or make sense of it all."

“Pretty sure that’s normal after something like this, boo. Did you really expect to be down with it?” OC asked quietly, her eyes drooping and burning with tiredness, having been up pretty much the last three days straight with the exception of a few power naps.

"No, but this is beyond that Cin, especially with all this crap with 452." Max looked over at Retha anxiously. “I didn’t even know she existed until last week. At least not like this, as some separate entity from me. But somehow she does, and she knows everything about me - at this point she knows more than I do! She even implied she'd done this for me before, though I don't remember anything near this horrendous ever happening. And how is that even possible with our memories? Is something seriously wrong with me?”

Her hands twisted in her lap, her face crinkling with distress as she muttered, “One of my siblings - a guy in my unit - he eventually became so messed up after our escape that he lost it and turned serial killer. So is that what I have to look forward to, am I gonna go nuts too? Is this like the first step toward schizophrenia or something worse?"

Alec grimaced at the reminder of his twin's break from sanity, knowing how much of a sore spot it still was for her. The fact that she was bringing it up to anyone other than him, a clear indication of how troubled she was by the possibility.

"No, Max.” Retha shook her head immediately. “You're not going crazy. I’m certainly no expert on psychology, at least not yet, but from what I’ve read and seen, I believe you're suffering from something called Dissociative Identity Disorder, which _is_ treatable and not all that unexpected given our upbringing. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that a few of us have it, just haven't had cause to present it as clearly or dramatically as you.”

“That's some form of multiple personalities, I take it?” she asked hesitantly.

“Yes. DID is thought to form most commonly through prolonged or repeated exposure to highly traumatic events, particularly as a young child – like the crap Manticore forced us all to go through for the sake of ‘training’." Retha frowned in disgust as she made the air quotes, feeling a renewed surge of anger at the pervasive damage their creators had so callously inflicted.

"With their powerful imaginations, kids tend to get very creative when it comes to problem-solving, and one of the ways they cope with extreme abuse is by convincing themselves that it’s happening to someone else. In order to mentally and/or emotionally withdraw from a bad situation, they put this other person in charge; and the more prolonged and severe the abuse, the stronger that internal conditioning toward an alternate personality can become. In your case, I would assume you drew upon 452, who you felt was more capable of dealing with whatever was happening to you.”

Max frowned as she thought about it. “I do sort of do that. Although it isn't exactly a conscious decision on my part; more like an instinctive fallback position whenever things get out of hand and I start feeling overwhelmed. It makes me feel stronger and more level-headed when I think of myself as a soldier again, but… usually I remember what’s going on when that happens, even if it’s not always crystal clear.” She shook her head in frustration, looking highly disturbed. “Last week was different though. My head actually felt like it was splitting in two it hurt so bad, and I have no conscious memory of what happened to my body between then and waking up here Friday night except for the flashes and nightmares I keep getting from 452. Well, that and the memory I entered in my head.” She shuddered and pulled the blanket up tighter around herself like a shield.

“Again, I’m no expert,” Retha smiled and held her hands up appeasingly, “but I would suggest that the events you _do_ remember involved more low-level stressors, where 452 was just giving you a boost rather than taking over completely. And one of the main indicators for a diagnosis of DID _is_ a degree of amnesia between the personalities. After all, it wouldn't be much of an escape mechanism if you recalled everything that happened."

"I guess not. But then why isn't 452 keeping all of this to herself this time, like I'm assuming she's done in the past?"

Retha sighed sadly, her smile fading. "Likely because at some point during this mess she reached the limit of what she could handle, and that excess is now spilling back over on to you. Which, as awful as that is for you, is actually good news in the long run. Otherwise we could be dealing with the creation of another personality."

Max paled and swallowed hard, despite how raw her mouth and throat felt. "God, I definitely don't need that. This situation is already bad enough as is. I mean, honestly, you wanna know how screwed up I am? I got jealous of myself the other night!”

When both women looked at her confused, her cheeks heated with shame as she confessed, “Even though 452 was the one in charge, I was here pretty much the whole time you were treating me Retha, from when Alec laid me down on that bed in there. And I watched him comforting her. He was being so sweet and loving and saying all these wonderful things - things I seriously needed to hear - but that didn't stop a fire from igniting in my gut. All I could think was that _I_ was the one who needed him and yet he was giving all of that freely to _her_ and he knew it. He _knew_ she wasn't me.”

Alec winced and braced a hand against the wall at her husky accusation, not having thought about how his actions toward 452 might’ve affected her; his instincts making no real distinction between them, only recognizing her as his mate and in dire need of comfort. Obviously though, this was something he’d need to discuss with her at some point; the hurt coloring her voice too real for him to dismiss out of hand.

“And I know - rationally anyway - that getting upset about that is stupid, and sick. She obviously needs him just as desperately as I do, and it's not as if he's cheating on me because she's part of me, or… maybe I’m part of her, but God! This is so messed up!" She shook her head crossly. "I don’t even know who I _am_ anymore; I feel so out of control and I hate it! My body doesn't even feel like my own.”

" _Everything_ hurts and feels so _wrong_. And not just physically either, 'cause the mental is far worse. I feel so..." Max bit her bottom lip hard, inadvertently causing some of the deeper cracks to start bleeding again and she absently dabbed at the seepage with the gauze wrapping her right wrist as her eyes wandered off to make another circuit of her surroundings, obviously thinking hard before settling on, "contaminated, I guess. Like I've been infected with this festering poison, and something foul and evil is creeping around inside me corrupting everything it touches. My skin won't stop crawling, my gut is churning non-stop, and I just want to scream I’m so on edge. If I didn’t hurt so goddamned bad I’d be pacing up a storm."

Her eyes burning with misery, she continued raggedly, "What’s worse is I find myself cringing and struggling to breathe now merely at the _thought_ of challenging Alec or demanding anything from him. Something that was completely natural to me before.” She lifted a trembling hand and awkwardly brushed at the tears starting to well up, her words spilling out of her just as fluidly, "And I keep getting angry and upset, at the stupidest of things, yet I'm scared spitless when I do. It all feels so dangerous, like if I give in to the temptation to yell or argue in any way I'm gonna get hurt. Badly. And that's stupid too. I _know_ that and I even know where it’s coming from. But that doesn't make it any less real or any easier to push through." Her voice cracked and she groaned in frustration at her own weakness.

"I _want_ to be able to scream and shout, and beat the crap out of something too while I'm at it. Yet I also feel like bawling almost constantly, just to round out the insanity." A half-sob/half-snort of disgust left her lips. "And the thing is, I'm too damned scared to actually _do_ any of it because I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to stop once I let myself go.”

Her gaze dropped as her hand settled down low over her abdomen, stroking protectively over it. “I can’t stop worrying either about what might happen if I get _too_ upset. I can’t risk losing this baby! I’ve already lost so much as is; I’m having a hard time believing I’m still pregnant." She sniffled hard, visibly struggling to rein in her wildly fluctuating emotions.

“I _can_ give you another ultrasound, if that would help put your mind at ease.” Retha offered instantly, even though she’d already scanned her a second time the previous night.

Max wavered, sorely tempted as she craved the incontrovertible proof that her baby was still alright, but also feeling extremely foolish and ashamed of how needy and insecure she was becoming. “Thanks, but I think twice should be enough. At least for this weekend anyway.”

She sighed and shook her head at herself, "Truth is, I have no idea how I'm supposed to act or what I'm supposed to do anymore. I'm not used to feeling like this - so friggin’ helpless and afraid! I always thought I was strong before, like I could take on anyone and do pretty much anything I set my mind to. Like some sort of goddamned superhero! But most of that must’ve come from 452, ‘cause all I wanna do right now is crawl under a rock and d—hide." She quickly covered, her stomach churning anew as her thoughts were drawn back to the situation she’d be facing all too soon.

Alec froze, his heart racing as he read between the lines to what she’d almost admitted. But he was distracted when he saw the scant color she’d gained drain from her cheeks, her eyes losing focus as she shivered uncontrollably and instinctively buried herself further in her blanket.

**_…MEMORY/FLASH…_ **

> _“The funny thing is, you actually believe that you're worthy of being our leader.” He shook his head disdainfully and sneered, “Everyone laughs at you behind your back, you know. Nobody wants you in charge. The only reason anybody even tolerates your presence is because of 494 and his misguided loyalty to you.”_

Seeing that she’d drifted off somewhere in her head again, Retha waited patiently for a minute before trying to get her attention back. “Max? You still with us?”

“Huh?” Clearly startled, she clenched her left hand awkwardly around a fistful of blanket, looking around nervously before mumbling distractedly, "Yeah. Sorry. Just… thinking.”

“’Bout what boo?” OC asked.

Max sighed morosely and lowered her head self-consciously, her voice strained and hoarse as she hesitantly directed her next words at her lap. “That somehow it’s gotten to be Monday already, and in a few hours I’m gonna have to walk into Command with my head held high and face everybody. People that I'm expected to lead. And they’re all gonna be staring at me.”

“No one is going to stare at you Max.” Retha denied instantly even as she eyed her worriedly, not having missed her earlier verbal slip.

“You say that now, but how can they not?” She gestured despairingly at herself and glanced back up at them. “I mean, look at me. I look and feel like absolute crap and everyone’s gonna know that I… that I was…” she barely bit back a sob and inhaled shakily before forcing out, “attacked. There's no way I can possibly hope to hide it. So how am I supposed to face them, huh? How am I supposed to lead them after this? I had to work so damn hard for far too long to get everyone to accept me and see me as anything other than a niner, and now that'll be gone. Nobody's gonna respect me; if they ever did!”

"Yes they will Max. You’re one of us now.” Retha insisted. “Most of our people have become your friends or colleagues, and they admire you greatly for everything you’ve struggled to help us create in TC. If anything, they're going to respect you _more_ , because you won't be running or hiding from this. You're going to fight this out on your own terms."

"Yeah, well that’s another thing entirely, isn't it, because I sure as hell feel like running. The more I think about coming face-to-face with these bastards again, the more freaked out I’m getting!” She shook her head, her eyes shimmering with barely contained apprehension. “Our whole plan to catch them is riding on me being able to act cool and unconcerned while I rile them up, and I don’t know if I can do that anymore. I keep hearing their _laughter_ in my head and I'm becoming more and more convinced I'm gonna collapse into a blubbering mess if either one of them so much as looks at me.” She scrubbed her right hand anxiously over her curls and then frowned as she tried to finger them through the bandages, still unsettled by the radical change in length.

“Alright, let’s say for a moment that you _do_ collapse. What’s the worst that could happen?” Retha asked, playing devil’s advocate.

“Other than me making an even bigger fool of myself in front of everyone?” Max asked rhetorically, the lines around her eyes and lips tightening even further.

Retha exhaled softly, consciously reining in her exasperation, “Do you seriously think that anybody - other than those two ass-wipes and maybe their most rabid supporters - would hold it against you if you did breakdown? You’ve just been through absolute hell Max and survived to tell the tale. Nobody’s gonna look down on you for that.”

Something occurred to her and she asked, “Did _you_ lose respect or admiration for the others when _they_ fell apart in the exam room with us afterward? Did you feel a sudden need to reject them or think any less of them?”

Shaking her head somewhat sheepishly, Max whispered, “No.”

“Damned right you didn’t. Because _they_ didn’t do anything wrong. _And neither did_ _you_.” Retha spoke slowly and clearly, gently emphasizing every word. “You have _nothing_ to be ashamed of Max. This whole mess rests squarely on Bran and Trev. _They’re_ the ones who committed a crime here. Not you.”

“Quite frankly, I think that you being mobile and showing up at HQ at _all_ right now – no matter what shape you’re in - is going to throw them and piss them off to no end. It might even be enough to make Trev tip their hand with how volatile he can get.” Retha tried to reassure her. “Because the others have basically retreated into seclusion. Kaley is only now starting to come out in public again, and very infrequently at that.”

Max gave a tiny half-hearted shrug, not appearing convinced as she looked to her best friend for her opinion.

OC reached out and carefully took her closest hand in hers, staring into her eyes as she proclaimed, “I know this ain’t gonna be easy sugar, but you _can_ do this. You are the _strongest_ an' _bravest_ woman I know. Certainly a lot tougher than a couple o’ whiny-assed pervs who think that abusin’ women like this’ll get ‘em their way. All you gotta do is let yourself get well an' truly mad an’ they won’t stand a chance.”

“But how do I do that Cin? I’m so freakin’ scared; I don’t feel brave one bit.”

“Being brave ain’t about not bein’ afraid. It’s about bein’ able to do somethin’ important anyway, _despite_ how tough it is or how afraid you are.” Cindy thought about it for a second. “Think what you need do is change your perspective while you’re dealin’ with ‘em.”

“I’ve been trying to put everything back on 452 since this happened and it isn’t working!” Max cried out, her blanket slipping down past her shoulders as she pulled back, fairly twitching with irritation.

“That ain’t what I mean boo. You need to externalize this for a bit, while still makin’ it personal.” Having a sudden brainstorm, OC insisted, “Take everythin' that happened an’ imagine they did that to Original Cindy instead. How would you feel then? You’d be so pissed at these assholes, you’d tear their nasty little heads clean off and rip ‘em to shreds.”

_‘Fuck.’_ Alec cursed silently, the idea hammering at his brain as he realized something vital that he’d missed in his earlier exhaustion. _‘I need to call Mark and arrange for some support for her as well. Because sure as shit, they will try to harm her. Cindy is about the only weakness left of Max’s, at least that they know about and can easily exploit.’_ Allowing half of his attention to stray to revising their protection plan, he watched with interest as a faint spark lit in his mate’s eyes.

“That might work,” Max muttered uncertainly, her fingers coming back down to fiddle with the ends of her blanket and pull it back up into place.

"Course it will. An’ you won't be alone neither. Alec's gonna be right there with you, sugar. He ain’t gonna leave your side for a second."

“I know,” Max nodded slowly, still looking concerned. “That’s about the only thing keeping me going. But it also makes me nervous ‘cause he’s already wound up tight, and if they provoke him into losing his shit - like I fear they might - there’s no way I’ll be able to rein him in long enough for even a semblance of a trial to occur. He’ll just slaughter them outright and that could ruin us _and_ everything we’ve been building in TC. We can't afford for this to go sideways. Bran is still far too popular and respected.”

Hearing the very real apprehension in her voice, Alec paused to consider the potential situation she was outlining. Unfortunately, it was all too easy to see her point. This would be the first real test of their command since they’d gained their independence, and if he failed to hold himself in check it could be disastrous; the faith and loyalty of their people crucial to their continued leadership and the survival of their budding society. Far too many of them still likely to go to ground in the event of a serious breakdown in command. Especially when it involved someone they all trusted.

“We need to be able to prove _beyond a doubt_ that they’re guilty. No matter how badly I want to see them suffer and die, as leader I still have to enforce due process. I can’t let Alec take justice into his own hands, but I don’t know what I could possibly do to stop him if he gets riled up and his instincts take over.”

“All you can do is try your best Max.” Retha offered. “No one is asking more of you than that.”

“I guess.” Sighing heavily, Max tilted her head back down and inhaled as deeply as she could without aggravating her ribs, taking in Alec’s scent again from his shirt even though it was getting fainter to her dismay.

Her thoughts drifting, she murmured despondently, "You know, the whole time I was trapped inside my head, all I could think about, the only thing I wanted was Alec. He’s my rock, and being in his arms is like being… _home_. That’s the only word I can think of to describe it. There’s nowhere else I’ve _ever_ felt safer, or more loved. And now I'm back, and I can be there if I want to, and _I do_. God! I'd give _anything_ for him to be able to hold me and make me feel better! To make this all go away for a while and help me find a little peace. That’s all I want right now.”

Alec couldn’t contain a soft smile, the sentiment heartening, but it was short-lived as her next words tore through him.

“But now that I’m being bombarded with all this crap,” her voice broke again on a quiet sob and she deflated even further, “it’s getting harder to let him do it, at least for any length of time. And I know that’s perverse, because I _need_ to have him close by - to be able to see him and smell him, and reach out and touch him - yet at the same time I really have to focus on him and almost psych myself up for his touch, ‘cause it doesn’t seem to take much of _anything_ to set me off. I’ve already freaked out on him a few times and I can see him blaming himself for it even though none of this is his fault.”

She shook her head dejectedly, brushing away a few fresh tears. “It’s not fair. The last thing I wanna do is hurt him like that and I certainly don’t want to see or think about any of that shit either, especially when I’m with him, but I can’t seem to help it. My nerves are completely shot, to the point it feels like I’m operating on a hair trigger.”

“One second I think I’m doin’ alright and the next I’m getting slammed from out of nowhere. And it’s not even from anything he’s necessarily said or done!” She threw her right hand up in frustration, her voice gaining unconscious strength in her agitation. “It’s just _there_ , and the panic is crushing, clawing at my guts and making me feel like my heart’s about to explode. I can't breathe, I can't speak. I can barely even move! It's just instantaneous and overwhelming terror, from 0 to 100 in the blink of an eye.”

“I mean, what the hell’s wrong with me?” she cried as more tears slipped down her cheeks. “I know better than to be scared of Alec. He’s my mate and he’d rather die than hurt me. I know that better than I know my own self at this point! But none of that seems to matter to my instincts. I keep on overreacting to all these stupid little things that I never would’ve thought twice about before, and I don’t know what to do about it, or how to stop it.”

“You’re being far too hard on yourself Max. You’ve just survived one of the most traumatic and life-altering experiences imaginable.” Retha said with a sympathetic smile. “Most people would find it difficult to cope with even one or two of the heinous things you’ve been confronted with over the past week. _No one_ could be expected to escape that unscathed, not even a genetically-enhanced super-soldier.”

“Yet despite all that, here you are, still standing, albeit maybe not as strongly as you’d like. But you have a wonderful best friend by your side, a beautiful little baby to look forward to in another seven months or so, and you also have an extremely devoted mate who clearly loves you more than life itself.”

She paused for a moment to emphasize her next points. “More importantly, you _and_ your baby made it out of that hellhole _alive._ Not only that, but you also managed to figure out who’s been doing this, and those are both things to be damn proud of. So cut yourself some slack. You are _allowed_ to freak out as much as you want or need to; you’ve more than earned that right. Nobody that really matters is gonna think any less of you for it if you do, and everyone else can go stuff it far as I’m concerned. And while I know this whole situation is terrifying and extremely upsetting, I think you and Alec are strong enough to make it through this.”

Max sat there silently for a minute, clearly contemplating her words as her fingers rubbed fretfully along the casting on her left wrist, the slowly-knitting bone inside aching. “I’d really like to believe that,” she finally confessed quietly, “but it doesn’t make me any less worried about the prospect of losing him at some point.”

“You’re not gonna lose Alec boo. Why would you think that?” OC asked, clearly puzzled.

“It’s just… our relationship has always been so physical, so full of fire and passion. Not that that’s all there is to it,” she clarified quickly, “but it _is_ a large part of our foundation. There’s always been this intense friction and… magnetism between us, a constant push and pull that’s kept us sparking off each other. Him with his suggestive comments and sidelong smirks, and me with my bitchy attitude and smacks upside the head.” A small smile lifted her lips at the thought. “We’ve bickered and bantered, and taken tons of potshots at each other, gradually negotiating our way through to becoming friends and partners and mates. And that behavior has become so ingrained, it’s like the backbone of who we are.”

“But how are we supposed to make that kind of physicality and teasing work now?” She asked helplessly, looking lost. “I feel so dirty and repulsive I’d like nothing better than to peel my skin right off and burn it. And even knowing as little as I do so far with all these fragmented scraps of memories, I’m having a hard time imagining ever wanting to have sex again; just seeing Alec strip down to his bare chest yesterday sent me into full-blown panic mode. So what am I supposed to do, huh? I can't ask him to become a monk for the rest of his life, no matter how badly I need him to stay with me. That wouldn’t be fair to him, and it’s definitely not what he signed up for. None of this is.”

She sighed wretchedly. “And you both saw what happened when he raised his voice while you were treating me the other night. He wasn’t even angry or saying anything remotely offensive, only trying to emphasize his point, and 452 and I both lost it. So that doesn’t bode well either.”

Retha sighed too, looking pained. "I'm not gonna lie to you Max. This _isn't_ going to be easy, not by a long shot. It's liable to be the toughest challenge you'll ever have to face. You're going to feel extremely raw and hurt for what’s going to seem like a very long time, and that's natural and to be expected after enduring something this nasty. So is a complete aversion to sex.” She acknowledged. “In quite a few cases that does lessen over time as a person regains a sense of trust and control over their environment, but unfortunately… sometimes it doesn’t ever go away. So your relationship may, and very likely will, evolve into something different from what you had before. That doesn’t necessarily mean worse though; you may actually find this brings you closer together.”

Deliberately making eye contact, she emphasized, “Make no mistake, it’s going to take a _lot_ of effort, dedication and patience to work through this as a couple and figure things out, but I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about where Alec's concerned. I've already had a talk with him explaining some of the key issues you're likely to be facing and he's fully on board, ready and willing to help in any way he can. He loves you Max."

“I know. But, I don’t… How can he…” Max ducked her head and cursed under her breath, frustrated by her inability to express herself. Gathering herself, she tried again. “Sorry, it’s just, he _saw_ some of what happened to me, he actually _watched_ -“ her voice caught on a sob and she brought her hand up to hide her flaming cheeks, rubbing at her leaking eyes with her bandaged fingertips for a moment before exclaiming to the ceiling, “Hell, he probably knows more about what happened to me than _I do_ at the moment, and that’s just _wrong_!”

After taking a deep breath to try to clear the tightness from her throat, she managed to force out, “The humiliation I'm feeling on a personal level is already near impossible to bear, but to know that _Alec_ has seen me like that – in the weakest and vilest light imaginable? – only makes it worse.” She shook her head, her expression shattered as a shudder ran through her. “And I know he was only doing it to try to save me, but I can’t stand the thought of it! So how can he? How can he _ever_ look at me the same way, or ever want to be with me again? Especially with this on me!” Mortified, she covered the bandage on her neck with her right hand and lowered her head to look back down at her lap, struggling desperately to curb her tears and calm down, not wanting to risk waking him.

Loathe to let that go unchallenged, Alec stepped out from behind the quilt, not even bothering to hide his own tears. “Oh sweetheart, none of that has any bearing on my feelings for you. I don’t want you thinking that, not even for a second, because it’s simply not true. We’re about so much more than that.”

Max jerked in her seat, unnerved by his sudden appearance; her eyes darting to his as a hiss of pain and surprise left her lips. Seeing how upset he was by her impetuous spiel and realizing he had to have been listening for a while, she dropped her gaze again almost immediately, chagrined, a very small and husky, “I’m sorry,” leaving her trembling lips.

Alec sighed softly, deeply regretting the insecurity and doubt his long sleep and absence had evidently cost her. “You don’t need to apologize for the way you feel babe. Certainly not to me. But I would like to share my perspective on this, if you’ll let me. Will you look at me and hear me out, _please_?”

Retha and OC quickly glanced over at each other, then stood almost as one and gathered up the mugs and garbage from the coffee table, retreating to the kitchen to clean up and make some fresh tea and coffee in an effort to give the couple some privacy.

Waiting patiently until she settled and hesitantly made eye contact, and knowing instinctively that what he said to her now could have a huge impact on their future, Alec began walking toward her, picking his words with care as he declared, “I’m not your mate just because of a bite mark on your neck Max. I’m your mate because _I love you_ and _know you intimately_ in every way there is. Because we _trust_ and _respect_ each other implicitly, and share a bond of _loyalty_ , _honor_ and _kinship_ that no one can possibly break.”

He stopped in front of her and knelt at her feet, offering her a tender smile once he was ensconced at her level. “You have captivated me from the moment I met you,” he told her, slowly raising a hand as he did so and brushing his fingers very lightly over hers on her neck, “and _this_ doesn’t change a single thing between us or lessen my respect for you one bit. Neither does anything I saw in those videos or photos. You are _still_ the same _incredible_ woman I fell in love with, and you will _always_ be my mate. No matter what anyone else tries to say or do to the contrary, I will love you and want to be with you until the day I die. Now and forever.” He vowed softly. “There will _never_ be anyone else for me.”

Seeing her start to shy away, her eyes growing heavier with fear and uncertainty as her thoughts undoubtedly drifted toward their sex-life again, he tipped a finger under her chin for a moment to help hold her focus then continued earnestly, “And I don’t want you worrying either about when or _if_ we’ll ever make love again, or whether you might lose me if we don’t. That shouldn’t even be on your radar; you’re worth so much more to me than that.”

He shook his head and shrugged nonchalantly, speaking as frankly as he could. “As far as I’m concerned, sex is completely off the table for us as of now. And it will be until the day _you_ decide that you’re ready for us to start exploring that possibility. _You_ are in control here sweetheart, so please relax. We’ll take this one day at a time and see where we end up.”

Sighing ruefully, he confessed, “I’m not gonna lie to you. I _am_ hopeful we’ll get there again someday. But if we don’t, then I’ll deal and be fine with it. I promise you that. I’ve got two hands and I am more than capable of taking care of myself from now on if that’s the way you need it to be. Even if that lasts forever.” He smiled deprecatingly. “Call me a stubborn ass if you want to – like you have several times in the past - but I am _not_ giving up on us and I’m not backing down. I refuse to. You are too damned precious to me and you have to know that I will fight for you with my last breath.”

Max sniffled and lifted a hand to brush away a few fresh tears, dazzled by the sincerity and sheer tenacity blazing at her from his intent green eyes, though his sudden willingness to embrace a life of celibacy confounded her. “But how can this not matter to you Alec?”

Trying to be as open and honest as he could without making things worse, he admitted, “It’s not that it doesn’t, not exactly. I am mainly human after all and I’d be lying if I said certain aspects of this situation didn’t hurt like hell. But I am far more concerned about _you_ and how badly _you’ve_ been hurt by all this." He offered her a small apologetic smile.

"Sex isn’t the be-all and end-all of our relationship Max, and I don’t love only that part of you. It’s the whole package that makes you who you are, the good _and_ the bad, your strengths _and_ weaknesses, flaws and all. And that includes 452 as well. To me, she’s just another facet of the amazing woman I fell in love with and mated, and therefore just as deserving of my care and attention. No matter who’s driving or where life takes us, I’m still gonna love you. _All_ of you.”

Waiting for a minute as she processed that, and hoping she took it the right way, Alec took a deep breath and continued, “Neither one of us is perfect sweetheart, no matter how hard Manticore tried to make us that way, and I am certainly not going to hold you to some impossibly higher standard than I would myself.” Aching inside as he saw how much she was struggling with this, he borrowed off of Retha and Cindy and suggested softly, “How about you try putting yourself in my shoes for a minute?”

When she looked at him nonplussed, he asked, “If our places were reversed and something this nasty had happened to me, if _I’d_ just had the absolute snot kicked out of me and been abused just as foully this past week, and _you’d_ had to stand by helplessly and watch some of it happen… How would you feel?” He deliberately held eye contact with her, needing to ascertain her reaction. “Would you judge me or view me any differently? Would you stop loving me, or maybe want to abandon me, simply because there was a possibility our relationship could change or we'd never be intimate again? Would I suddenly become unworthy in your eyes?”

He could see it almost physically strike her, the realization that he wouldn't, that she’d never even dream of doing any of those things. And it soothed her, at least momentarily, her voice soft and husky as she acknowledged with another particularly wet sniffle, "No. I'd love you anyway, no matter what."

"Exactly. And _I do_. It's that simple."

She nodded shyly and bit her lower lip, trying to take his assurances at face value and compose herself, but her hyperactive shit-storm of a brain refused to leave her be, tossing out a few more nasty suggestions to eat away at her peace of mind.

“Hey.” Alec ducked his head a bit to recapture her attention when he saw another wave of doubt wash over her, speaking very carefully and gently emphasizing his words as he tried to get through to her, “What happened was _not your fault_ baby. You didn’t choose or ask to have any of this happen. And you certainly didn’t break our bond or betray my trust. You were _kidnapped_ , _held against your will_ and _forced_ to endure unspeakable acts. _Nothing_ about this was voluntary. So why would I blame you or judge you?”

"But I didn't fight them!" She confessed huskily, her eyes flooding with a deluge of tears as she couldn’t quite hold his gaze, her intense shame clear.

"No, you didn't,” he agreed softly, wishing for the umpteenth time that he could just take her in his arms and hold her, “but you had a _damn good reason_ not to Max. They could have killed you so easily, and you certainly would’ve wound up hurt far worse than you already are, likely losing our baby in the process.” He shivered at the thought and reached up to cup her face for a moment with a decidedly shaky hand. “I couldn’t live with any of those alternatives, and I will _never_ blame you for protecting yourself and our child. For doing whatever it took to survive and come home to me."

“But-”

“No, no buts baby.” He shook his head firmly. “They had _no right_ to treat you so foully. There is _no reason nor any excuse_ that could _ever_ be good enough to justify that kind of vicious and cowardly behavior, and I _will_ make them pay for hurting you like this.”

Seeing the worry surge back into her eyes and recalling her earlier words, he eased a hand up and gently reassured her, “I swear I’ll do it properly. No matter what they say or do to bait me, I’ll wait until we have the necessary evidence before I take them out. But _they will die_ Max. I will _never_ let them harm you, or any other woman, ever again. _You will be safe_.” He promised hoarsely.

Desolate, his soul in tatters and his voice raw with anguish, he murmured, “I wish to God I could make this better for you. If there were any way I could have taken your place and saved you from this, I would’ve done it in a heartbeat. Seeing you in this much pain is killing me sweetheart."

"And I am _so sorry_ I watched those clips. I knew you wouldn't want me seeing any of that shit but I couldn’t see any other option if I wanted to find you.” He apologized huskily, swiping away fresh tears of his own. “For what it's worth, I tried my damnedest not to actually look at you, to focus strictly on them and your surroundings, so I could track them down and rescue you. Not that it did me any damn good. I failed you. I wasn’t there when you needed me the most and I will never forgive myself for that."

“Alec, no.” Max sobbed, devastated by his palpable pain and remorse as he broke down in front of her. Reaching out to him, she lifted his chin back up to look at her and pressed her bandaged palm against his bristly cheek, stroking his tears away with her thumb. “I know you tried as hard as you could to find me. That you would’ve done anything to save me. None of this was your fault.” She cried. Needing to comfort him as much as she needed it herself, she leaned in and rested her forehead against his, slowly sliding her good arm around his neck and shoulders and running her fingers through his hair as she breathed him in, praying with everything she had that she’d be able to hold it together and not lose it on him.

“I am so so sorry sweetie,” he moaned raggedly, feeling like shit for letting things devolve like this. “I didn’t mean to upset you. You’ve already got more than enough to be dealing with as is.” Bracing his hands on either side of the couch around her, he forced himself not to touch her as he tried to pull himself together.

She shushed him gently though and pressed a very light and tentative kiss against the stubble on his damp cheek, even as more tears fell down her own. “It’s okay Alec. It’ll be okay. I love you so much, and I am so glad you’re mine.”

“Me too baby. Me too.” He answered huskily, closing his eyes and letting himself relax under her soothing touch and embrace, needing it too badly at this point to even try to resist.

~~~

Cindy sniffled quietly and brushed at the tears on her own cheeks, overcome with emotion as she watched the couple huddling together in their shared pain and grief. Feeling a light hand on her shoulder, she turned and found Retha in a similar state.

Smiling sadly in commiseration, Retha pulled her in for a one-armed hug and murmured just loud enough for her to hear, “I am so glad they have each other. Their love and devotion may be the only saving grace of this mess.”

“Amen to that, sister.”


End file.
